Frustration (and TMI)
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=7340
Printed Date: 10 July 2025 at 3:45pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Frustration (and TMI)
Posted By: Beanz
Subject: Frustration (and TMI)
Date Posted: 07 May 2007 at 10:07pm
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Right I don't know where to start with this (can't remember the last time I posted on here!) so I will go from the beginning...
Since Arna was born (nearly 3 years ago) I have had extremely bad pains during "baby making times" to the point where I was crying, crawling up the bed and pulling every excuse possible to get "out of it" - After a mate of mine was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer a year ago and us having extremely similar symptoms I decided to go to the Dr about it... he referred me to the specialist after he had no clue what to do (did a smear and that was it) and off I went on the worst adventure of my life... Went to a female specialist here in NP, after 2 ultrasounds (internal and external) she decided that I had endo so off I went for a laparoscopy to "fix" it... After my op (in and out of theatre and awake in 40 mins) and knowing that it was too quick and they either didn't find anything or something was so wrong I needed more drastic care (they found nothing ) - that left me in limbo as I knew something wasn't right but didn't know what it was, 3 months later(after recovering etc) I decided to swallow my pride and see a male gyno - he obviously eliminated Endo and said I either had "inverted PCOS" (something where there is no scarring of the ovaries but the eggs are damaged from PCOS or something like that) or Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Put me on meds for PID and told me to come back in 6 weeks when my pills had finished. Had the pills for 6 weeks and still the pain was there and was even worse then ever... Now onto the real frustration... 2 weeks ago I had some bad cramping and bleeding and because my periods are so irregular I just assumed it was that... went to work the next morning (day after Anzac day) and changed my tampon at 11am, was regular - heavy bleeding which is odd for a start cause I am usually really really light... had lunch at 12:30 and went toilet, sat down and blood was everywhere, in the toilet, in my undies, down my legs and on my pants... (it went GUSH) tampon obviously couldn’t handle it (surprise surprise) - knew then I had m/c (didn’t even know I was pregnant) so made an appt to see the Dr that afternoon. My normal doctor was away so went to the one down the hall - she was also away but had a Locum (has been in NZ for 6 months – from Africa) covering. Now this is a good and bad story ... in short... Good - he said I had an infection so that is why I m/c and prescribed me some pills (8 pills for $40!!!!) Have since had pain free sex!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOO Bad - just said "you have m/c - take these pills and you will be ok"... no thorough check -up (2 second internal), no offer of support or help, no referral to anyone etc etc. So in short it took and op, 2 specialists, a m/c and a locum to diagnose what is wrong with me (PID with infection)... sucks that I have paid in excess of $5000 to specialists / hospitals to end up spending $80 on a LOCUM from Africa to diagnose me... 2 weeks on and 3 sleeps away from going to Oz for our delayed honeymoon I am in two minds..... Should I just pretend this never happened and be thankful that I now know what is wrong and be able to treat it properly and have an awesome holiday or should I follow my heart and grieve for something I never knew I had until it was gone... Having one of those days.... |
Replies:
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 07 May 2007 at 10:12pm
Hugs Lena - I'm sorry to see you join us here 
IMHO - follow your heart. If you don't it will catch up with you in the end and be much, much harder. I tried to push my first m/c under the doormat coz it was very much an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. It inevitably lead to a downwards spiral that kept on going and going and going. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 07 May 2007 at 10:30pm
| beanz in my experience if you need to grieve you wont be able to stop it. you can be thankful, have a honeymoon and grieve all at once, but pretending it didnt happen would be very hard. |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 07 May 2007 at 11:30pm
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I had a miscarriage 3 years ago, when I didn't know I was pregnant until it happened. I didn't grieve until I was pregnant with Xavier, partly because I didn't truely acknowledge what had happened until then and partly because I thought I had no right to grieve a miscarriage when I hadn't known I was pregnant.
Follow your instincts - if you feel the need to grieve, then do so! Ignoring something that has the potential to emotionally impact us very strongly is not a decision to be taken lightly. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 08 May 2007 at 7:32am
 Lena im so sorry to hear that! Do what your heart tells you.
And thats great that you can now have pain free rumply, I bet your Dh wont know whats hit him. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 08 May 2007 at 8:20am
Lena what a tough ride! (Not to mention the $$  ) I'm glad you have finally come to a conclusion, but it's really sad about the m/c. I had a m/c last year and I also didn't know I was pg until I bled and bled and clotted. It was a week later when I finally figured out what had happened. Even though it wasn't a planned pg, I still found it quite sad that I had lost a baby and wondered why and what could have been and all of that.
Go ahead and grieve for your little one, it's a sad time and you can also feel extra-low after such a loss (blood, I mean). It's okay. And it's okay to feel sad in 9 months' time, and in a year, and just have random moments when you pause and wonder. As for your honeymoon. There's now a touch of sadness to add to that, which is not what anyone would have asked for, but it really means that you and your DH can go ahead and have your honeymoon and really enjoy having time out to pamper each other. In some ways you could say that it's come at a lovely time (the honeymoon has) and a great opportunity to just go easy on life etc. Big hugs!! ------------- |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 08 May 2007 at 9:50am
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Aw Lena that is terrible that you have had to go through so so very much. I agree totally with what lal the other ladies here have said, grieve, cry, it does honestly make you feel so much better. i am getting less and less times where i cry randomly, but sometimes will hit me out of the blue and even though i didn't feel sad, once i have had a good cry, it feels like all that was bottled up just goes.
I hope that your honeymoon gives you both some time and peace to heal and be together. sounds like jsut what you need really. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 08 May 2007 at 11:57am
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Oh chick that really sux. Pm me sometime and we will catch up if you want. I have moved twice scince I last saw you. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: emmaohara
Date Posted: 08 May 2007 at 1:23pm
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Sorry I can't be any more use but hope you are doing ok.
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 08 May 2007 at 2:00pm
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Aw Beanz... I'm no use either, but do agree with what everyone else has said.
and big hugs. Lots of them. xoxoxo Edited: Just had to fix bad grammar. |