Not sure how much longer I can take this
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
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Topic: Not sure how much longer I can take this
Posted By: Anna
Subject: Not sure how much longer I can take this
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 11:17am
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I am getting pretty close to hiffing both my kids out the window and taking up drinking.
Since new years Kaia has managed to pull off one six hours sleeping stint. Every single night she wakes up at least 3 times, usually 5. Every single night there is at least one wide-awake period, usually lasting for up to three hours. This is generally between 2 and 4. Then she wakes at half five in the morning. This means that every night I am up for up to three hours in the night and awake at half five. Sometimes she wakes up happy-ish, mostly she wakes up screaming inconsolably. There is truly nothing I can do to calm her, she arches her backs and flings herself round, usually I just have to wait for her to calm down herself. I am averaging about five hours broken sleep a night and have done for almost seven months now and I am not coping. It breaks me that she cries and i can't do anything. We have seen many medical professionals, the usual response that we get is "some babies just don't sleep well" and (my personal favourite) "babies cry". You cannot tell me that it is normal that a baby can scream for up to four and a half hours and that is normal. I swear they think I am just exagerating, what's a little crying right? I am truly cr@p as a mother right now as I just don't have the energy. My house is a shambles, my kids are unhappy, I am miserable. All is sh!t. (and if Andy tells me one more time to calm down I will not take responsibilty for what happens) (scuse the long post) So what do I do? ------------- Anna http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 11:24am
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Very random suggestion - is it worth trying an osteopath for babies to see if perhaps there is a physical reason for the screaming, such as something put out during birth in the baby which would cause her to be in pain when she wakes?
I know it's probably a silly suggestion, but my DH's sister took her baby that she was having problems to an osteo, and it turned out that there was something out in his neck.  ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 11:35am
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Oh Anna! I sooo want to come up to Auckland, give Andy a boot up the bum, and take Quinn and Kaia to the playground for a while!!! Wish I wasn't so far away!
You are NEVER crap as a mother.. if you have shelter for your kids, food to throw at them, and they have clothes (of sorts) on, then you are doing better than a whole lotta other mothers out there!!! Screw the housework. If you have a spare few dollars I know of a girl from TNN who is always looking for a way to make money and I can track her down if you need some help to get the house under control. (Or atleast put all throwable objects out of your reach  )
And I second the idea of an osteopath... and keep on your search until someone takes you seriously. Trust your judgement, YOU are the one that knows Kaia best.
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Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 11:40am
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just following on from what ginger said, when mikey was younger he was reeeeally unsettled, to the point where he would not go to sleep until i had walked around the house with him in the slinguntil about 3am every single night, he would also wake up screaming unconsolably as well and would only settle with feeding and LOTS of rocking.
when he was 5 months old we took him to see a cranial osteopath and the difference was amazing!! after 3 sessions, he was so much happier and relaxed, he slept better and went from going to bed at 3am to going to bed at 8pm. he was still by no means a good sleeper, he had gotten into a bit of a habit by then but still it was a remarkable change. the osteopath said that because of his hard birth, his neck and spine were a bit out of place and that was probably giving him pain and headaches which was why he was so unsettled. it is definitely worth a try, even if they aren't able to do anything, at this point i'm sure you'll want to leave no stone unturned. good luck! i know how hard it is with so little sleep and i really feel for you! ------------- |
Posted By: Anna
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 11:43am
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Thanks ginger, not a silly suggestion at all! I took her to an osteo when she was two months old for her reflux and "colic". He was amazing. Before that she was even worse than she is now and he calmed her right down. He said he could feel a lot of I have taken her back since and he says he can't feel anything wrong.
My gut tells me (rightly or wrongly) that it is not a pain cry. I don't know why I think this and I don't know what else it could be. Apparently it is something she will "grow out of" but I am not sure how much longer we can continue like this. The paed says that there is nothing wrong with her that can be fixed and it'll "get better"... (Why is it that when get grumpy and close to losing the plot I keep throwing these "" into my sentences?) Edited to add: Thanks so much Ella and Nikki, I wasn't ignoring you in my post, it just took me such a long time to post that you guys beat me to it! I really appreciate the help! ------------- Anna http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Anna
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 11:44am
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Awwww, you guys are lovely! Now I am blubbing... ------------- Anna http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: hailstones
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 11:56am
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Big Hugs Anna!!!! I hope things sort themselves out for you soon!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 11:56am
You are a cutie Anna 
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 12:22pm
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Anna, In my almost 10 months of experience with being told "she'll grow out of it" with her pooping probs, my best advice would be to shop around until you get SOMEONE ANYONE to give you some answers!
If you know she's not in pain and that she's just a bit grumpy at nights try changing her bedtime routine (did you get in on that J&J Sleep trial thing?), or go to see people who provide alternative treatments. I know I keep raving on about my Homeopath but she really is fantastic (has had LOTS of babies herself) and even if she can't help Kaia straight away she will talk to you and give you some "coping skills" and a decent dose of rescue remedy or just an un-judging ear. PM me if you want her details. Hope things get better for you and Kaia soon ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 12:25pm
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I was also going to suggest homeopath... if anything atleast they'd be more inclined to take you seriously (to sell you stuff! hehe)
Toni's one sounds fab 
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Posted By: fabians mum
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 12:53pm
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Hi Anna - My name is Paula, I know exactly what you are going through - my little man normally wakes once or twice in the night and same result as you. He is a real mummys boy at the mo - so only mum will do, and it takes me either walking him up and down the hall or just sitting down with him cuddling me till he goes to sleep - or watching Elmo at 1am !
He suffers from what they call Night terrors, which sounds like what your little one has, have a look at this website: http://www.nightterrors.org, it may help - I work full time 4 days a week and having little more than 4 hours sleep per night I know how you feel, some children grow out of it, some don't, I just keep praying it's teeth or some other explanation, but this is what it seems to com back to, night terrors... look at the web site, may give you some insight - hope it helps. ------------- http://www.baby-gaga.com/"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 1:42pm
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Paula and Anna, I am in your boat as well, so I can really sympathise with you. My 2 in 3 weeks time boy wakes about 3 or 4 times a night, and over the last month has been waking at about 10 to 10.30pm and staying up till 2am, sometimes longer. He has never slept through the night for longer than about a week, so I am coming up 2 years sleepless! I average about 6 hours a night in 2 hour shifts, as I also have a new baby (who sleeps very well, thank God), so I can totally get the grumpy mum who lives in a bobmsite and dosen't really enjoy her kids much atm. We were at plunket yesterday, and plunket made me ring the DR then and there to make an appt to see DR, as we are going down the sedation road. Even aunty phenergan dosen't really work, so its the big guns now...
Advice? Well, I do find he sleeps better if he has had a decent day sleep, and as a baby plunket always said the more sleep they get, the more they want, which I found to ring true. The osteo and natropath sound like good ideas, I wish I had thought of that sooner, but I fear it is too late for us for that now. I hope you get some answers. Feel free to PM me if you have nay questions or you just want a rant, I feel the frustration, especiailly at DP! Mine reckons I can't be tired cos I do nothing all day...gggrrr ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Anna
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 2:51pm
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Annie, never too late for an osteo! And I would definitely say it is worth a shot! The one I went to was great, he said he would work with kids of any age but with your big boy you'd need to try to explain to him what is going to happen!? Does that make sense? If I were to take Quinn I would have to warn him first about what is going to happen, it doesn't hurt but they will have a stranger putting hands on them? Ours cost $70 a shot for three goes, we got $20 of that back on health insurance.
I cannot recommend the osteo enough! ------------- Anna http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 3:19pm
I say throw them out the window and go drinking. Much less angsty! 
Seriously tho, if there's anything I can do, you know where to find me. Happy to come and swap you grouchy gremlins for grouchy Kaia and Quinn, or even take the whole lot of them off your hands for a couple of hours (altho be warned I have been known to lose small boys in shopping centres so I can't promise they'll all come back ). -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 3:24pm
Pure genius. |
Maya wrote:Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 3:34pm
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Holy cow, that's some serious sleep deprivation. All I can say is I think you're a LEGEND for still getting up and doing it all over again the next day. Man, I hope that sleep improves, and soon - you poor chook! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: emmaohara
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 3:38pm
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Hang in there, when Ben was 6 months old he was the same, bed at 6ish but up at 9, 11 , 1, 3 and 5-6 up for the day, it nearly killed me and he did it for about 3 months, the only way he would go to sleep was endless rocking or if they failed feeding.
However he did out grow it as heaps of babies do and at 10 mths was sleeping 11 hrs straight, soooo have hope I think its just a developmental thing with some babies but a glass or 2 of wine helped me calm down back then!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 5:08pm
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First off all I dont think you are a crap mommy at all.
My suggestions: You are really tired now. Time for Dad to step up or another person like your mom perhaps. Tell them you need one night of uninterrupted sleep. They are in charge and you go to sleep. If you bf express milk. If you dont have enough give formula. But right now you just need sleep. Take a sleeping tablet if need be and go log yourself in the room and let them deal with it for one night. Secondly has she had this waking period since she has been born? If yes she might have learned that this is "normal" and you will have to unteach her. From the beginning I never use to really talk to McKayla at night. I fed her and burped her and then changed her nappy if need be and then rocked her to sleep without talking to her. You might have to go straight back to that. Then after a while dont pick her up when she cries. If you know it isnt due to hunger feeds just stay near the cot and say ssssh but dont pick up unless she totally goes beserk. Then start increasing the times between you picking her up. Next stage start moving towards the door on the next couple of night and just say shhhh but dont pick her up ect. hopefully she will follow the plan. She is quite young still. My girl still woke up about 3 times still at night. I think what is getting you down is those long periods that she is awake. My third suggestion might sound weird but it really helped McKayla to sleep straight through the night. She started waking up 12 times a night shortly after we moved here and it started getting me down. I took her to a distant family member that is a nearopath (sp?). Anyway I had my doubts. But sure as nuts she found certain stuff wrong with her, gave her a session and McKayla started sleepign through after a week. Without me doing anything to help that along except to first rock her before feeding her. If you want to go see her, just pm me. There is no medications ect with this and it might just sort out a lot of stuff that might be going on with her. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 7:23pm
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my boy toby did this - he was a bit older i think but not much. he used to sleep thru then one day he wouldnt...i think 2 hours was the most at one time he would be up. i saw a lady from the sleep store who said that maybe it was because he was waking up perhaps from cold then standing up and not able to get back to sleep. so i brought a babyok and the first night i had it on he slept the whole night thru...i thought it was a miracle.
oh and toby never wakes up happy. i can count on one hand the amount of times he has woken happy. i didnt read the other replies just wanted to let you know that toby did the same and even now at nearly two he is a bad sleeper and an early waker. i stopped feeding him at night at about 11 months - but still at 14 mths he was waking screaming and freaking out. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 7:51pm
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oh and taking up drinking not a bad idea either. a glass or two of red wine always helped me.
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 8:04pm
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Hi Anna, I've been meaning to get onto posting some thoughts on here for a while but knew it would be long... so sorry it's been a while.
Have you been able to rule out reflux? and silent reflux? (Silent reflux means the baby is not necessarily pukey but still has a sore tummy like with reflux). You say she flings her body around but doesn't seem to be crying with pain. She's not settling when you just hold her though. So what does your gut instinct tell you she's wanting? Is she hungry? Do you feed her during the night? From my experience a 6mo will want 0-2 feeds during the night especially if there is a growth spurt going on. Is she on solids at all? What are her daytime sleeps like? I'm not a huge CIO (cry it out) fan, but when all seems to be well and a baby is still not settling, I view it as my only option. Have you tried going in to her, speaking soothingly, offering her bottle/breast (sorry I don't know what she's on), and when she seems to be full (whether she has any or not), lay her down and say goodnight. She will probably cry - she's used to you holding her until she falls asleep - but if you listen carefully, it will first elevate and then by 10 mins it should be pausing or starting to lessen. If she hasn't fallen asleep (or nearly) in about 20 minutes then something else is wrong. But if the crying is coming and going with longer pauses in between, she's ok. Briona had silent reflux until 3mos but we spent the next 3mos teaching her to fall asleep  First I went to Plunket and watched their sleep video. That helped me to see her tired signs during the day because it's generally easier to get into good sleep habits during the day, I don't know why but the evening is hardest  Then when she was tired, because I really hated CIO, I held her and rocked her and sang to her until she was almost asleep, then lay her in her cot, patting/stroking her and keeping on singing, softer and softer until she did fall asleep. It took ages. I think I did it for almost a month and the "sessions" were about 1/2 hour at a time  But it was enough to convince me that she *could* go to sleep by herself and she was okay, and I was able to go onto CIO after then.
Hope something in all that helps you. No wonder you are feeling like a wreck! Let us know how you get on. ------------- |
Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 15 May 2007 at 8:54pm
| Have you tried a dummy? |
Posted By: Anna
Date Posted: 16 May 2007 at 7:50am
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Thanks to all of you lovely ladies for replying!!
I think part of our problem is that we are living in a teeny house, Kaia sleeps in our room and Quinn wakes up when she hollers so that stresses me out too! We are looking for somewhere else to live at the moment so I am hoping things get easier when she is in her own room. She is a reflux baby, the doc has been playing around with her meds to find something that works. I feel that she doesn't wake up in pain tho, it is not a pain cry. It is more like an angry yell. Apparently the natropath up the road from us is great so we will take a trip up there. I tried not feeding her at night but that really didn't work for us. She still has a bottle at night and maybe we'll look at weaning her off that one when we move. It does frustrate me when I wake up, feed her and she still won't settle. She doesn't ever have a really sleepy period, she doesn't nap for longer than half an hour during the day so it is not even like she is getting too much sleep during the day. I think one of the things that really gets to me in all of this is the beating that my ego is taking. I feel like I should be able to help her but can't and that frustrates me. The other thing that I find really hard in this is that (disclaimer: I love my mum) my two main support people are useless. Andy has even less of a clue what to do that me and my mother says helpful things like "i would help you if i had the time but i don't so just hang in there". My in laws are amazing but they live a couple of hours away. My MIL is ordering us a gogobag today (yay for her! Did you know they are $180 each! OMG!) so at least she won't be able to kick off the blankets. Oh cr@p, what a loooong post. Well done for any of you that made it this far! Keep you fingers crossed for my sanity! Oh, and I had two glasses of wine last night! That REALLY helped! The headache this morning, not quite so great! Honestly, who gets a hangover from two glasses of wine?! ------------- Anna http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 16 May 2007 at 1:05pm
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Be careful to not overfull her tummy at night (that's a big reflux thing). She may be waking with noises in the room - you know, rolling over and stuff may be disturbing her. It sounds like she might have a bit of an I-know-exactly-what-I-want personality and I think persevering with CIO may be the only way. Did you try a dummy? I found a dummy worked great with Briona, it seems to settle the reflux a bit. CIO will be pretty tough if you're room-sharing.
I guess as a last resort you could try swapping the children's rooms? But then you might not have the space in your room for a toddler ------------- |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 16 May 2007 at 1:27pm
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I think that it stinks that your support people aren't being supportive! No insult to them intended, as they may not realise how much you need some help with all this (as would anyone in your shoes) or what they can do to help. I wonder if your DH could go in with you to a plunket family centre, to discuss the sleep problems? If he's there, and hears the plunket worker's concern for you and for Kaia, he might 'get it' a bit more, and if the worker suggests ways he can help (like taking over all baby-settling duties 2 nights a week or something) he might be more likely to take it up. Why is it that when we suggest it ourselves it's a stupid idea, but someone else does and it makes a bit of sense?!? Try and go easy on yourself - I think that sounds like a lot of stress to put up with, and I think you're doing an amazing job. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 16 May 2007 at 3:21pm
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Hey Anna just tried to reply to your PM but your inbox is full Was just a mushy thank you ------------- |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 17 May 2007 at 7:42pm
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As an ex karitane, they should never have closed the old Karitane Hospitals where we used to sort out babies who were bad sleepers a
May be they should have a mothercraft unit in Auckland like in Hamilton The family centres are only open during the day and you Mums have problems with your cute bubbas at night time |
Posted By: S Brochocka
Date Posted: 19 May 2007 at 5:15pm
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I second Andie, you are a LEGEND for continuing on, god it makes me feel ridiculous when i get think 'poor me' over my boys sleeping habits.
Only suggestion i had was to video her having an episode so as to show some of these 'wise professionals' (I'm an excessive user of "" also) just how bad the attacks are. Good luck! |