MIL Rant
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=7726
Printed Date: 07 April 2026 at 12:43am
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Topic: MIL Rant
Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Subject: MIL Rant
Date Posted: 22 May 2007 at 6:36pm
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Ok so DF parents insisted on helping us move. I was fine with that and had even thought we would get them a nice big koha. BUT she makes DF give her his eftpos card so she can pay for everything she has organized (no warning to us about hiring a trailer). Checked the balance of the joint account this morning and she withdrew it all!! And because she went to an ATM first I know she withdrew all she could see that was in the account!!
I thought helping was about giving not taking?! I have an HP going out tonight that I had to get my own mother to cover just so I wont get bad debt. You think she would realise we are having a baby and need all the money we can get! Is it wrong to want to strangle her??! *Here endth my rant* ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Replies:
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 22 May 2007 at 6:38pm
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OMG!! That is sooooo rude. I wouldn't put up with that at all. No it's not wrong to want to strangle her at all. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 22 May 2007 at 6:39pm
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Omg! I would be fuming!!
Yay for them offering to help, but taking out all the money in your account without consulting you is stupid! What if that was all the money you had to live off? Bloody MILs ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 22 May 2007 at 6:49pm
grrrrr alright how bloody rude and insensitive...i would confrotnher and ask her why she found it necessary to take all the money...
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Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 22 May 2007 at 7:00pm
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Argh! That is awful!!! Why did she need ALL the money anyway?!?!?! I agree with gandt...ask her why she took it all -------------  My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 22 May 2007 at 8:05pm
There seems to be a rather odd relationship between your DF and his mum if he gives away his Eftpos card and PIN to her  What does he think about it all?------------- |
Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 22 May 2007 at 8:05pm
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I did and she said "Oh was that not meant for me" I wanted to scream! No that was meant to last until the next paid day you *#$@&. But my mum was there and she said "Thats alright we can help you until payday" AND then Mrs I don't do anything wrong says "Yes we have to do what we can for them don't we!
I'm so annoyed she never accepts blame but loves to make little comments to her son about how horrible I am just because I don't let her get her way! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 22 May 2007 at 8:27pm
Sounds like you and DF need to have a talk, and him to change his PIN 
I'd be phoning her (sometimes it's easier when you don't have to look at them) and asking her for details of what it was spent on, and whatever was not related to moving costs ask for that back. (Like, pay for the trailer but if there's anything else that's a bit off, ask for the money back.) Tell her you still haven't bought groceries this week and about the HP payment that's supposed to go out... or something. Does your MIL generally not have much to live on? I'm really confused how someone could act/be like that! ------------- |
Posted By: emeldee
Date Posted: 22 May 2007 at 8:28pm
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I'd also be getting hubby to change the PIN and NEVER EVER EVER giving her the opportunity to do anything like this again. Imagine if it were after bubs was born and you were left cashless... ------------- |
Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 22 May 2007 at 9:14pm
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That is a great idea! She doesn't work but FIL does, he doesn't get much though. She expects her other son to pay board when he visits them so I had a feeling of what she would do which is why I told DF not to give her his card. We are definatley going to be changing the number. I don't get why she took it all!! I will be expecting the $20 you get back when you return the trailer! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: tashzmum
Date Posted: 22 May 2007 at 9:35pm
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ohhh i would be fuming!!!!
why does she know the pin number??when i get a eftpos card u sign a agreement saying that u will not disclose the number to any one! lucky that your mum was there though. i will swap u your mil for mine1!??!??! lol and i will thru in my fil too. ------------- Natasha Jayde, 1-01-05(7lb3oz) Caroline Elisabeth, 9-04-08 (4lb15oz) Izabella Kate, 9-04-08(6lb7oz) Lexi Brenna, 23-01--2011(6lb6oz) |
Posted By: MyMinis
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 6:53am
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my MIL would do that to, thats why no way in hell will she ever see our bank balance cuase if she sees more than $100 in there she'll harp on about how she needs money.
That is extremly inconsiderate of your MIL to do that, your DF needs to change his pin and not give it to his mother. Esp not if shes going to take the whole lot of your money out of your account. I would ask for it all back, and ask why they hell she needed to take the whole lot out. Just lucky your mum was able to help, my mum wouldve prob strangled my MIL if she did that to us lol save me the job 
Hope it all sorts out for you and you get your money back. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://tweetytweety85.bebo.com - bebo |
Posted By: Faraway
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 9:57am
| How awful! What does your man say about this? Could you get him to talk to her/his dad to try and get the money back? Or at least the $20 and whatever wasn't spent on the trailer. He could make a point of saying "NO the money wasn't all for you as we didn't know you'd be needing any when you made the offer to help us move and next time could you please tell us what expenses there will be beforehand as we aren't in a position......" |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 10:05am
I just can't believe she would do that, and that your DF hasn't had her up about it. Not good. I agree with the others - get an itemised account of what she spent and DEMAND back the money that was not spent on moving costs. And of course the trailer bond. You poor things, I feel really bad for you. I hope you get this worked out 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 10:11am
| If DH gave out his card to his mum and she went and spent the money from our account I would be absolutely fuming at my DH to go and get whatever is left back. It would be his mum therefore he should deal with her especially when he gave out his card in the first place! |
Posted By: emeldee
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 10:37am
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I'd actually say that it would be better if you dealt with her than DH. Having you rock on up with a bank statement showing what she has taken out (hard evidence) and asking for details of what it was spent on and asking for change should be enough to point out that this really isn't on. DH would be in a tough spot because being his mum, she's likely to ignore anything he says. This way, you're setting yourself up in a dominant position so that she knows who is boss for the next few decades you will have her around. Then DH he either never, ever does it again or you control the card and give him an allowance... ------------- |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 10:56am
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Oh my gosh, if my MIL did this I would ban her from our life. I just can't comprend (sp?) how someone can do that? DH needs to change his details and keep them to himself. He needs to know that he is there to support you and your baby. |
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 11:04am
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If she organised the trailer without telling you, she should be paying for it! She needs to give back all the money she took out, what a cow! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 12:44pm
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oh gez!!! what a B****!!!! yup i soooooo be goin to her to ask for ALL the money back because you never consented to the trailor in the first place!!!!
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 2:09pm
yep i agree there ...make him accountable too |
kebakat wrote:Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 3:24pm
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I reckon he should do it too. Otherwise if he's on her side and you're "the bad one" you're really setting yourself up for troubles later on. If he doesn't have the guts, do it together. But there's no point you doing it on your own if he's not in agreement with you - he'll just give his card and PIN to her again! ------------- |
Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 4:23pm
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I told him I want him to get reciepts because he is the one who gave her his card. I also told him that he is a big boy now and cannot jump when his mother says to, but rather to jump when I say to hehehehe.
She said she would come over and help with the cleaning and picking up of animals etc. I told her that it would be appreciated if she did but we were not giving her any money and she would have to come over of her own free will. I also pointed out she took enough money the first time to cover it. She looked quite shocked at that! HAHAHAHAHA I'm not as naive and controllable as she thought! She will go and complain that I'm the one that spends all the money, well sorry for paying for bills out of MY own account. Maybe I will send her a letter with the meaning of HELP on it :D ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 6:21pm
Who cares if she complains? Not I, and you certainly shouldn't. I think your man needs to get some backbone too. I'm annoyed for you, but I don't really know what to say to help, Cuz 1) I'm not sure you actually need help - sounds like you got things happening, 2) I don't really like getting into "him vs her" or "you vs him" stuff, 3) I got my own IL/family issues - they hit too close to home. All I can say is I think what MIL did is not on, in any circumstance, but you don't want to make enemies of her either. So I'll point out what I see my opinions and you can decide what to do... 1) She/they? offered to help (usually help is voluntary, unpaid) 2) She can't "make" your DF do anything without his consent 3) DF needs to stand up to his mommy, and side with you 4) you cant make your DF do anything either 5) effectivly she stole your guys money. It wasn't ONLY your DF's, it was in a joint account, which means you both own it. I think she needs to put it right (not even taking into consideration the baby and HP issues.) 6) I think it's not wrong to want to strangle, but if that action is carried out, well then...
7) I dunno. W/e. I hope you can take what I've said like I mean it as support for you. ------------- Defending the male species since 1980 
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Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 31 May 2007 at 9:40pm
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Just a wee update:
Moved into the new house today with the help of my parents. Worked all day and then went straight into move mode. On the second load (Which was the last because other family were helping to) DF decided to finally help with his mum - he had already wasted the afternoon chasing down a chouch we didn't need and that wasn't there (this on instruction by his mother). So after everything was moved in and my family was gone I just wanted to sit and enjoy with DF but he was walking round kicking aand picking up boxes whilst his mother was unwrapping items and putting them down. Not away! I said to leave it because I hasd the weekend anyway things continued and I was getting more and more tired and pi**ed off so ended up yelling at DF then MIL started yelling at me so we were all yelling so I drove off in the car. Didn't get very far before I rung my parents to pick me up because I couldn't drive. Well at least I hadn't started planning the wedding yet ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 31 May 2007 at 9:42pm
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Sheesh - what a mission!! Hugs Hope that things settle down and that the MIL pi$$es off ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 21 September 2007 at 1:29pm
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BUMP!! for you buzimumto3boys
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Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 21 September 2007 at 7:46pm
 Sorry to hear its still not working out. Yay that your in your new home though?------------- Defending the male species since 1980
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Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 21 September 2007 at 11:29pm
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Ohh so glad that is over!! DF and I sorted things out but his mother does not improve with age! She doesn't even know when bubs is/was due just wants everyone to know its her grandchild. . She is more concerned with the recognition she recieves rather then the actual little human life coming into this world.
End Rant LOL ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 22 September 2007 at 7:10am
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Thats typical... you will then get the "Oh I dont want to look after (child) but I want some pictures to show my friends... or can you bring (child) around so that so and so can see him/her!"
My MIL loves to show my kids off when she gets the chance... but doesnt want to have an actie nana role like she has with her other grandchild. Unfortunatly you never win!! It is good that you sorted things out though with your DF... with us it is often a sticking point when she does something and I want to rant... but we dont let it affect our relationship. Good luck with the bubs who looks to be due any minute!! |