I need some advice..
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=7744
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Topic: I need some advice..
Posted By: MissCandice
Subject: I need some advice..
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 6:05pm
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Hi girls..
I kinda need some advice.. How can i make my DF understand he needs to help me out some more? Or at least start? I do so much and its killing me! I cant even get him to do his own washing! Today i asked if he could walk out the back door and hang out 2 sheets.. (the first thing iv asked him to do in a long time) And they are still sitting in the washing basket. I get up in the morning the same time as him and come home one hour earlier.. yeah his job is physical and mines not but is that really an excuse? I feel so frustrated i just want to cry all the time, i just want him to help a little, my mum comes over once a week or fortnight and she does more than he does. I clean everything everyday, i cook, do the washing, do the dishes even before i sit to eat. I clean the bathrooms when they need cleaning and i put out the rubbish and recycling, what does he do? He comes home, gets stoned and plays playstation all night!! He has barely made an imput in babies stuff.. Hes always got something more inportant to put his money towards.. Hes bought a peice of clothing here and there but thats all.. Maybe im just being pregnant and having a winge but i feel like im doing this alone. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Replies:
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 6:28pm
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hey babytyme, its not just because you are pregnant. I actually had to stop posting last night after our discussion becasue he was making ME mad!! Remember he is going to be your baby's father and needs to step it up and act like that. I think you need to sit him down and tell him straight. You need to be able to stand up for yourself in a relationship or you will run into problems down the line. If you are like me, its really hard to speak out for yourself but this is a situation where you need to.
As for getting stoned.....that is not something you want around your baby. Maybe you could move home for a few weeks (for a break) and give him a bit of a shock. He probably thinks he can get away with it....because he kinda can. I so hope you can sort it out, you will be much happier as a result and you deserve to be happy. You are pregnant and that is a far more "physical" job than anyone else does (except those carrying twins etc) good luck 
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 6:29pm
| I think we had a discussion earlier on in the August thread about men!!!! and a few of the women with "noncooperative" men wrote how they were feeling down and left it for him to read. might be an idea |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 6:42pm
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Iv tried writing him a letter but he reads it, it works for the day and it all turns to custard.. or he will say 'oh so you dont think i do anything, what about the weeks when you were sick and i had to clean blah blah' as if to say now its your turn... deal with it.
I just dont know how much more i can take, and if i tell him im going to mums for a week he will start the other usual routine.. 'Is tha where your really going? Who else is gunna be there? as if to say im gunna go out and cheat on him 7 months pregnant yeah right' Grr.. Haha he pulled out the vaccuum cleaner 2 hours ago and its still sitting in the middle of the lounge and now hes stoned infront of the tv! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 6:44pm
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I think this is so unfair!! and you're not just feeling this way beacuse you're pregnant, he really should be doing more to help you.
my ex was like this when i was pregnant, granted he worked a very physical job and i didn't work but once mikey was born, nothing changed. i think i should have sat him down and had a talk with him about sharing the load because, not only did i do everything when mikey was born but he also missed out on bonding time because he didn't want to bath or change nappies or anything. i agree with nzpiper, maybe you should write down how you're feeling and then go and stay with someone else for a week, just to make him sit up and take notice. ETA: just read your other post. it really sounds like you two have some stuff you need to talk through, especially the jealousy and the getting stoned. maybe you could get someone impartial to mediate and make sure things don't get out of hand. ------------- |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 7:08pm
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Dont get me wrong hes excited abou baby and her birth and stuff.. but i just want some help.. I mean hes already told me that hes going to be working and making the money so im the one to deal with her during the night, and thats fine cos i intend to breastfeed but he expects so much more now and when shes here, like dinner on the table when hes home and his washing done.. but then he will throw in 'oh but make sure you sleep when she sleeps' oh yup when do i have time for that? ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 7:15pm
| What century does he come from. As I said this is HIS baby so he has to deal with all the sh*t that comes with it. He cant pick and choose the bits he likes....he's gotta take the good with the bad and he needs to support you. Please dont fall into the trap of thinking because he is working and you are not (getting paid for it) that he has the upper hand. If you guys are going to make this work it has to be a partnership. There is a really interesting article in Cosmo pregnancy about how to baby proof your relationship and it talks about "whos money is it anyway" and basically it didnt matter who earnt it, it was property of both of you! |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 7:18pm
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haha he wouldnt give me a cent even if i begged for it.. his money is his money!
Now im starting to get scared.. i ought to buy that mag ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: BellaBoo
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 7:19pm
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I hear ya!!
I am feeling sick 24/7 and so so tired and cant get round to doing much housework. Partner is very busy with work and rugby but I wish his "cleanliness" standards were a little better. He is happy to leave dishes piling up and things lying around because he is not here all day to sit in it and put up with it. He figures that because I am here studying all day that I should do all the housework...um hello- I have to study, not clean all day. I just dont think they understand that it is hard making a baby in our belly!! You are not alone in this as I am sure many of us can relate. Take a break for a few days(stay with friends) and I am sure he will appreciate what you do a little more. As for the getting stoned, I would not stand for that. You really need to have a serious talk about that and let him know that it is affecting you(stress etc) and this in turn affects the baby. We are all here for you if you need a chat! Just re-read what I said and I really have to give my partner some credit as I make him out to be useless. He is wonderful apart from the not being a very clean and tidy man (and I do have high expectations!) ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 7:25pm
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The stress is starting to mount up, sometimes i just feel like letting rip but they would probably cart to off to the mental hospital..
I hear ya when you say they think making a baby in ya belly is easy, like its just there, not like it drains all your energy and you always feel tired! I was born with a back problem and now that effects my daily routine too. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 7:25pm
Its not a big one, you could probably read it in the shop 
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BabyTyme wrote:Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 7:40pm
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Hmm i wish i could talk to him i just dont know where to start.. or how to make it so im not attacking him, like if i could point out what he needs to change without being so upfront about it, then it could work out better.
I just dont want to say.. Your not doing this, and your not doing that! On the bright side at least he has stopped complaining about not setting sex everyday  ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 7:46pm
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Another thought, just because you love him and he is your babys father doesnt mean you have to be with him right now. It could be better for you and bubs to have a break from him until he realises that he needs to take some responsibility.
If you arent sure whatto say to him, write it down and read it out loud to him...just as you have written. By writing it down you can change the bits that seem like personal attacks. Make sure you tell him what you NEED him to do for you, that way you arent saying "you dont do this and you dont do that" Tell him you need him to help you more round the house and you need him to stop getting stoned (thats a biggie,.....not negotiable one). Tell him you feel like your losing the plot over this. If he loves you he has to realise things need to change. |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 7:50pm
| I'm not normally this outspoken and opinionated...tell me to pull my head in if I have gone too far. |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 8:02pm
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Na you havent.. You are great, i needed advice and you gave great advice.. thanks heaps!
Iv just never spoken about my feelings.. to be completely honest iv probably been a doormat most my relationships.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 8:10pm
Its time to change that.....for your babys sake if not your own. Good luck, we are all here for ya! What support do you have from friends and family? |
Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 8:24pm
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If things don't change then what example are you setting for your baby....is it ok to get stoned in front the the TV and not help out?
I've always liked this saying:- If you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got Guess it means that if things dont change then your child in 20 years time will think that its ok to act like his dad. |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 8:31pm
I hate seeing relationships break up when there is a baby involved but I think nzpiper is on the money. I'm sorry to say hun that he needs a wake up. It is NOT ok to get stoned and sit in front of the TV (I can only hope he wasn't smoking that cr*p around you and risking your baby and your health!!!). You are in caught between a rock and hard place that's true but I think you do need to take the bull by the horns and sort him out now, before things get worse. Do you have family around you? I'd sit down, have a good talk to them, talk to close friends, make sure you have plenty of back up then tackle your partner and lay it all out for him. I'm sure this will be tough but you can do it for your sake and your baby. Good luck and know that everyone here is behind you as well. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 8:33pm
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ps Hope I haven't offended with my post! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 9:10pm
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That is exactly what I was thinking Paws. Babytyme...when I said you might need a break from him I didnt mean "end it forever" but sometimes men take a while to work it all out and you need to do whats best for bubs and that might be going it alone for a while till he comes round. i think I have read that someone else on this forum had to do that too for a while and it all worked out good in the end.
be strong!! |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 9:28pm
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Thanks its ok guys you can speak your mind and its not offending.. as for friends.. im not really allowed to have them, my best mate was a guy, the only real friend i could trust but DF made it so so hard to see him and talk to him that we just dont talk.. as for my mum, she watched me fall apart when i was real young and she had a real bad childhood and from what i understand felt like she couldnt talk to me and help me.. we are not very close, more like flatmates than family.. so shes not someone iv eva really talked to, i even find it hard talking about baby to her..
------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 9:43pm
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I really think you do need to get a support network around you...he has no right to control who your friends are.
I really am worried you! I honestly think it is a situation you need to take control of before your baby gets here. It is hard to break habits of a lifetime but you can be strong and do it! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 10:18pm
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When I got married and then pg, I moved to a different town and had nearly no friends, and a difficult relationship with my parents. I had to make new friendships and support networks around me before I could really cope with anything at all. I really was in a situation where I was quite depressed but I didn't really know it until I was out of that place. You need friends! Everyone needs a friend they can count on!
When things started getting tough for me, working full-time and being pregnant and trying to be a good housewife as well (my DH was studying full-time), I had to sit down with DH and say look, I can't do everything. I'm exhausted. I'm in bed by 8pm most nights. I need your help. I think I gave him the option of packing (because we were about to move house) or taking charge of the laundry. He chose the latter and it really helped. But the biggest thing it said to me was that he was here to support me through my pregnancy. It IS hard for guys to understand baby things. They don't really *get* how sitting around (AKA growing a baby) can be exhausting. And they definitely don't get the clucky, let's go buy items for the baby, thing. So I wouldn't expect him to suddenly get up and decide to buy the baby outfits or stuff. I guess that's why we (women) were made to get clucky
I'm concerned about your comment about money. What's going to happen after you finish work and baby is born and you need to buy nappies? Will you be responsible for grocery shopping? With what money? Have you guys really talked all this through? Big hugs hunny, you're doing great, especially to get as far as the third trimester without already flying off the handle! Family is all about team-work, I don't know if moving out for a week or two is the way to go, but you guys definitely need to have a serious talk. I feel that this is really serious but I hope I've been some encouragement to you. -------------  |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 10:29pm
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First of all to you chick!
I'm worried about you for a few reasons. Firstly, he's not willing to share the money he earns with the mother of his child. When the baby's born, it will be assumed that it's joint money and your family support will be determined by it, so it is YOUR money as a couple, not his. He accepted that as soon as he got you pregnant! Secondly, he doesn't let you have friends. He sounds more like a prison officer than a partner. I think, like the others said, you need to give him choices. Either he quits getting stoned (that is a complete dealbreaker for a guy about to have a baby), and secondly, he respects you as an equal partner with equal rights. OR you tell him you want a break to assess if you can actually be with a man who can't agree to those fair conditions. You know, something along those lines. Something serious so he gets his a into g. I know it must suck right now to be going through this when pregnant, but if you don't work on it now and put your foot down, it's only going to get 10 times worse when you have a baby to look after and ultimately put first. Sorry if it's a bit harsh (not meaning to be harsh on you, more your DF). I really feel for you hun. Good luck. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 23 May 2007 at 10:29pm
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man, you poor girl babytyme, its not like carrying a baby inside your body isnt hard enough without having to put up with the father acting like a child too.
I agree with what the other ladies on here are saying , if hes not gonna buck up his ideas, you need to give him a wake up call, if hes man enough to get you pregnant, then he can be man enough to step up and help you out once in a while. I know the thought of leaving is scary, and part of you may even be worried that if you leave he wont come for you, but i tell you, when you look at your daughter and know that she relies on you and you'd move mountains for her, you'll feel like superwoman and you'll be able to do anything, even leaving DF and giving him a wake up call. good luck hun 
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 8:07am
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I was thinking about you all night and talking to my DF about it. Would talking to your MW help as I'm sure they must know of support groups that are around for mums to be that dont have a strong network (I'm thinking along the lines of a solo mum, who had just moved to the area etc....she'd need friends and so do you!). When I looked through my maternity notes (the pink book) there was a section in one of the lists that said community and support groups. I'm sure a MW must know of these things. Your health and your baby's safety come first and even if you arent in a violent relationship it doesnt sound like your in a great "headspace" right now and you need support.
Hope you are feeling better today. As busymum said, you've done great getting to this stage without flying off the handle....I would have! Hell, I lost it the other day just trying on clothes and ended up a blubbering mess! |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 8:41am
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Thanks girls heaps..
I stayed awake last night for a couple of hours watching DF sleep.. I guess i knew things were bad i just didn't want to face up to it, i guess my thought on being engaged and pregnant was totally different to how I'm living it now and it sucks, i thought id be with this really great, caring, loving guy that would do anything for me (within reason) but you know the saying young and dumb aye... He is lovely, well sometimes. I guess i just hoped it would change by itself. Im gunna start writing down what i need to say to him that was i can make it so it doesnt look like im attacking him. As for the getting stoned part.. he doesnt do it around me he does it in the garage, and iv asked him to stop but he doesnt want to, and i cant make him because at the end of the day he will just do it behind my back. As for the friends.. i used to have some really great friends, but the cr*p i would have to deal with when i got back from seeing them just made it all too hard, i tried to stand my ground but then i just fold. Your all right though, i need to sort this before the baby comes not after. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 8:59am
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Babytyme, these girls have given great advice and wel done you for trying to work things through.
i just wanted to add - if things don't change and he keeps on the way he is, think about how life as a single mother would be in comparison - you wouldn't have the negative influence of your partner on the baby, you would be able to build up that supprt network of friends, you would at least get some money through the government, you wouldn have to clean everything every day. i know we all want the fairytale of happy ever after, but in this case your happy ever after might be you and bubs. And there is nothing wrong with that. Look after your self first as you are the most importnat person - without a happy and healthy (and I am thinking mental health here) mum, bubs is not going to thrive to its potential. -------------  
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 9:06am
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I fully understand that and i feel bad thinking about all the stress iv been dealing with and the effect it will have on my baby..
I mean i wouldnt intentionally do anything to hurt her, thats why i thought it was about time i asked for advice instead of bottling everything up hoping it will magically go away.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: MyMinis
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 9:22am
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Good on you for asking for advice BabyThyme and noticing there are some things that you need to work out. Your right bottling things up isnt healthy. I used to do that, but now if somethings on my mind I let DF know (could also be the preggy hormones to lol)
Happy mum = Happy baby, and thats the most important thing. Hope you find a solution, if you and your man cant work things out then being a single mum isnt bad means you will have more time for you & your bubs .
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://tweetytweety85.bebo.com - bebo |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 9:28am
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Good on ya for asking for advice, BabyTyme. Girl, my heart really goes out to you - that is a LOT of stress you're putting up with. Being pregnant is hard enough without all the added crap you're putting up with. I'm worried about you not being allowed to have friends (we all need them, chick, and it's cruel not to let you see them, and it's hard to keep them when you never see them); I'm worried about him getting stoned (what happens if he's stoned when you need a ride to the hospital 'cause you're in labour? Sorry - don't want to panic you, but it's something that needs to be pointed out to him); and the attitude to money issue is no good. We have a similar but not as severe money-attitude issue here in our house, so I'm not about to preach to you about it, because truth is it isn't quite sorted yet, so that'd be really two-faced of me. But hun, the whole situation isn't fair on you. It's just asking too much of any one person. And having a newborn is much harder than being pregnant - now's the time to act, even though it might be a really daunting thought. Talk to your midwife, because I'll bet you're not the only woman she's met in the same sort of situation, so she should have some advice or help. And think about what Miss said, too, is being a single mum such a bad option? Sure, it's harder work than being partnered up for the job, BUT it's not if the partner is so unhelpful and difficult to live with. You'd have yourself and your baby to pick up after, you'd know exactly how much money you have coming in each week, you could choose where to live, and you'd have no-one getting angry at you for seeing a friend. Your baby will look at you and see a strong woman willing to do what it takes to do right by herself and her child. Also....... how would you feel about mentioning on here which town you live in? Because if you're in Palmy I'm taking you out for a coffee asap! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 9:32am
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I can't add anything different to the advice that has already been given here, except to say that even if you don't have friends or family you can turn to in real life, there is plenty of support here, whichever path you decide to take.
I know how scary and hard relationship stuff can be when you're thinking about the little baby that's going to become the most important part of your lives together. Having it stewing away inside your head can drive you nuts with worry about it, so keep talking hun, you're not alone! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 9:33am
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And I guess (at the risk of going on and on... sorry 'bout that!) that as far as men are concerned, some are willing to change some things, and some aren't. Your partner may want to change and may do the work to get there, and if he does, that's GREAT! But if he doesn't, how long do you want to put up with it, waiting? Oh for a crystal ball, eh! A certain TV shrink has the saying "the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour", and I think that's very true. If he hasn't changed yet, will he? Could be worth a try putting the wind up him like Piper was suggesting - let him know you're serious about things needing to change. I guess what I'm saying is you've got options - do something (that's not harmful at all to you) to let him know he's on thin ice, or stay as-is, or forge a new life elsewhere. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: justme
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 10:42am
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babytyme, I only just read your post, I'm really sorry that things aren't any better. I hope you are doing better today. No matter what happens never forget that you deserve to be loved & cherished for who you are & appreciated for all that you do for him. You are not a door mat. As many of the others have said baby needs to grow up in a healthy nurturing environment which won't happen if things continue the way they have been. He may well be nice but way I see it - He's having the ride of his life - at your expense. You deserve so much more hun. It really saddens me to think that you are such a sweet person & he is totally taking advantage of you - makes me incredibly mad thinking that this guy comes home, has a doobey, gets out the playstation & that's him - burp! where's my dinner??? Mate! How old is he?? he's acting like a 15yr old.(actually worse!) Isn't that what they do all weekend? where's the growth spurt that happened from then to now? He can't just move out of home from living with mummy & then move in with you & treat you the same.. what's up with that?? He's going to be a father but his heads still in the sand Oops! Got quite mad thinking about what you are going through - please don't take offense.. I hope you can work things out but like the others have said - It's time he stepped up to the mark - A)to be a father B)to be a man C)to be your husband Always know that you are not alone, you can always reach out if you need to & we will be happy to be there, all the best hun ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Gwen_
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 11:05am
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Aww Hon!
I agree with everyone else but well done to you for trying to sort this out before bubs comes. ------------- We're in America for 3 months with Mummy and Daddy! http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: YvetteandElla
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 11:29am
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Baby tyme I just want to come over there and give you a big hug,
What you are going through cant be easy, but now it is not just about you, you have a beautiful baby to think about (when she comes) but the stress cant be too good. I would first of all talk to him and tell him how you are feeling really get it out and say that you may be thinking about leaving - give him a chance to say how he feels- he may be willing to change. If not then you will need to make a decision, there is alot of support out there and alot of women do it alone. You sound like you have your head screwed on ad you are one onto it chick I know you will be able to do this. YOu will be the best mum as you are already thinking about what is best for bubs. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 12:05pm
Thats pretty much how it is. He will ring me up during the day, ask whats for dinner and i'l reply i dont know.. he will mention some offe to help.. but when it comes time to dinner.. well no i do it. He sits there stoned. Him being stoned when im in labour really scares me, because when hes stoned its like he doesnt care. But i dont have any other suppor person to take and the thought of going through labour alone freaks the crap outta me! As for leaving him, wouldnt that be even worse on baby by taking away her right to know her dad, when he is wanting to know her? He has always said to me that if i ever leave him then dont expect him back because he wont be.. now that im writing this your right he does act like a child! Hes actually 24 this year.. i just turned 21. I asked him before he went to work if we could have a talk when he gets home from work.. but if he gets stoned first then there is no point because he just doesnt listen. He asked what about and i just replied "Some general issues, like when baby gets here, the support i have, money, whose job is whose, what his expectations are and of course my own.." lol i was actually quite scared Well im off to go for a swim to clear my head, and then work on this talk tonight. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 12:22pm
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Well done, you have started the conversation off brilliantly. And it is scary - even though I am fortuntte to have excellent communication with my DH I get scared when i need to talk about something serious.
i hope that it goes well and you can see some changes. As for taking away the father - I understand the worry round that. But a child needs a POSITIVE male role model. At the moment, unless he is prepared to change then, no, what your daughter is going to learn is that it is ok for guys to act like he does, and for the woman to do everything - this is how families get into negative cycles. By removing your child from the cycle you give her (and you ) the chance to get that positive cycle going (I know you mentioned that your mum wasn't great, chances are you learnt how to choose a destructive guy from her). You said you had a great male friend before your partner put a stop to it. He can become a positive male role model in your daughters life if you can get that friendship back. And your DP doesn't have to never see his daughter, he will still ahve rights. You are doing so well even thinking about these things. This is not the easy option, so many women don't bother trying to sort things - whatever the outcome, we all think you are amazing for tackling this. -------------
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Posted By: Gwen_
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 12:23pm
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[/QUOTE]As for leaving him, wouldnt that be even worse on baby by taking away her right to know her dad, when he is wanting to know her?[/QUOTE]
Your not taking away her right or his you just have to let him no " you can be apart of her life only on the Conditions that you stop getting stoned or something" ------------- We're in America for 3 months with Mummy and Daddy! http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 12:41pm
So is he really committed to you guys and your upcoming marriage? Or is he just wanting a life-long sex (& dinner) partner? If he is stoned when you go into labour, you need someone else available. You could get an ambulance, so getting to the hospital is okay, and mw's are pretty great at coaching and encouraging, but my preferance would be to have someone else there too. Do you have anyone at all? Maybe instead of going out for coffee with them, they could come along to your mw appointments at least.
Absolutely! ------------- |
Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 1:00pm
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First up
Secondly, my oldest son's Father sounds like he could be a clone to your man. I put up with a lot from him and then became pregnant. After finding out I was pregnant I felt my only option was to give him an ultimatum, shape up and quit the dope or ship out!! Well he did neither so I left, it was the hardest and the scariest decision I have ever had to make but it was by far the smartest not only for me but for my son! I know it's hard but just think this man and his personality traits are what your daughter is going to grow up with. Right now you are the most important person in your life. He has no right to control you the way he is doing and I really, really feel for you. And in all honesty I think it would probably be easier to leave while pregnant then after you have had the baby. You sound like a really lovely person and you deserve so much better!!. I really hope you get this sorted out with him so you can move on and enjoy your pregnancy and the arrival of your little girl. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 1:13pm
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Babytyme, we are all here for you! You've been given some great advice so far, all I want to add is that none of us are in your exact situation which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Its good, because it means that we are not emotionally involved so the advice is objective from outside observers. Its bad because we can only guess at how you feel... but we are all here anyway!
I really agree with the comments that you need some real-life support right now, and your midwife would be a good place to start. Otherwise, maybe try Victim Support (when I had really bad postnatal depression last year, my husband rung VS to get some help for me) ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 1:52pm
At the risk of being too blunt....how can you take away something that is not there? Right now he does not sound like he is there for you and the baby and I do believe that is a worse situation that you being a single mum. I hope your talk does go well tonight...good luck and remember you can be strong. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: justme
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 2:10pm
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[/QUOTE] babe, I can understannd you feeling scared about approaching your DF - because you're such a sweetpea! But sweetpeas get sick of being walked on & you are now too! You are being so strong - although you have said you don't feel you can stand up to him - it's not about that -(I think you know this too) it's about what's fair.. good on you for bringing it up this morning with him If you start it off calmly & just say to him - you'd like him to be on the same level as you so would appreciate it that he doesn't have a smoke first(this could help) then mention that you really feel it is important & about time you both had this chat, try take him into the lounge or sit at your kitchen table If it helps - sit down before he gets home & write down a few main things you want to mention - because I know that this helps to run over before you start the discussion - you don't have to have the piece of paper with you when he gets home but for me if I want to broach something & need to cover a few things - I find this really helps - then you feel more prepared if you find things going a bit of track Hope I am being helpful - This is all just advice - at the end of the day - it's up to you hun.. good luck with the chat. Will be thinking of you. love & hugs ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 2:45pm
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Thanks guys,
i thought of a few things while i was swimming, and even though things have gotten alot better in the last few months i feel like its only because im pregnant thats hes not doing what he used too. Dont get me wrong he doesnt hit me or anything and i dont think he ever would after the first and only time, he had too much to drink and we got in an argument - but he hasnt had any alcohol since and i give him alot of credit for that, but he did use to be alot worse than he is now, with the not trusting me and accusing me of cheating on him while i was pregnant, getting me so worked up and stressed out that id almost pass out from crying so much that i couldnt breathe. Some of you are right, hes not the role model i want my daughter growing up around, the last thing i want is for my daughter to think that its ok for guys to use you as a doormat and show you no real love. Iv lived with it for a few years now and to be honest i think iv had enough. I think i just needed a kick in the righ direction and a little bit of support.. i think if i can work on it me and my mum would be great, she just doesnt know how to be a mum mum if ya know what i mean. She doesnt know how to talk to her kids and maybe i can work on that too and have my mum there as my support person. As for the male friend i used to have.. he tried and tried to make me see before i got pregnant just what type of person DF is but i was too naive to see, because i wanted him to be this perfect person that i somehow thought he was. Dont get me wrong i love him to bits, but things have to change and im gunna tell him that too. I'd love for this to work out for the best and i have a positive attitude towards it, but he can jus get so angry so easy that talking to him is'nt very easy. hmmm ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Gwen_
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 2:57pm
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Good luck hon! I'm sure everyone will agree with me that your are doing the right thing! I'm really proud of you. ------------- We're in America for 3 months with Mummy and Daddy! http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: justme
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 2:58pm
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DF getting angry though is not the way to deal with anything - having a smoke & wishing it would all go away - also doesn't fix everything - he will find out soon enough.. unfortunately alot of people smoke or drink to block things out - because they just don't know how to deal with things or have issues expressing themselves. Obviously this is not the case for everyone. I'm sure there is alot about this guy that you love - I'm sure there is alot about you that he loves too - but like you said - things do need to change because at the moment it doesn't sound as if you are not sharing with each other what it was that you had. Good luck hun. Really hoping for a positive outcome for you ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 3:02pm
| good on you babytyme. I think deep down you not what you need to do, however hard it might be, We are all here for ya and you will easily make new friends. |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 3:14pm
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Hmmm still trying to write stuff down.. i just dont want to feel intimidated by him when we get to the stage of talking, normally he just sits down and goes "well, what? what you wanna talk about? come on!"
Hes not all bad though, he talks to my belly at night.. and if we walking around the mall he will norm give my belly a rub and smile, i just wish the smiles are as common as they used to be.. I used to be just like him.. i had a life, lots of friends, i didnt drink never have, but, like him i used to smoke pot, up untill a few months before BFP. i used to go out every weekend driving my as police would put it "boy racer car" its not really its just my pride and joy, and up untill this lil one came along my car was my baby.. i built it all myself, engine from scratch and all.. after awhile i decided to turn my life around, i moved into my own place, payd my own rent, bills, and buy my own food. in a way im proud of myself for what i have accomplished, i left school at a young age, im now trying to figure out what i want to do with my life, im attempting to do a HR course from home and get into business.. I would love for DF to be apart of that life too.. I just wish he would grow up and realize the new life he has helped create and the impact and change on his life. I feel as though everyone around me was dissapointed in finding out i am pregnant and quite a few people still dont know.. eek. i just want to prove to them i can make this work, but of course i want to do it with the support of DF.. Well im off to cook dinner and clean up.. Il let you know how my chat went tonight. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 3:56pm
| tell him what you just told us! that sounds good. |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 4:07pm
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Scary.. Hes home and hasnt said a word to me.. He is doing the dishes and he put the rubbish out ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 4:08pm
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... you built your car engine from scratch?!? That's SO COOL! And I'm not even a petrol-head but I'm still so impressed. All the best for your talk tonight - hope you get to say what you want to say. And remember that as much as we'd all sometimes like to, we can't change anything about our partners - they have to do that themselves. So if he wants to do some growing up, HORRAY! If he doesn't see the need to, you can only change your circumstances, not him Big up's to you. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: justme
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 4:13pm
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that is pretty impressive about you building your car from scratch babytyme.. hmmm even more talented than she lets on.. he he... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 4:38pm
You're definitely going a big step in the right direction. Way to go! Sounds like he might be the right sort to really want to make things work out for ya's. I wonder if baby coming is making him stressed, hence the pot lately? But that's still an important issue to bring up with him. You go, girl  ------------- |
Posted By: aleisha
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 4:48pm
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Hmmm, .I got the same problems as you.Been battling with the smokin thing with my man for 7 years now!Hes a good dad,but a crap husband at times.Dosnt do a thing to help out round the house etc.He does have a very physical job and works generally 6 or 7 days a week.So im kind of torn with what i believe i sould be asking of him and whats just womans work?(As he puts it)
As for having the chats though,your probably thinking much like i do.It will probably go fine and hell be nice as pie until his friendly medication wears off aye!And hell probably forget the whole conversation tomorrow!I call it fake niceness and it really F**** me off!My DH is 33 years old (im 26)and not a young boy anymore .hes into his motorbikes and his mates and thinks nothing of riding around the countryside and leaving me at home with nearly 5 kids(im due in 2 weeks) He was even planning to go out this saturday till it was cancelled. Now i just kind of think,oh well what can i do?I know he loves me and when we met i was attracted to the motorcycle riding drug taking/drinking type of man.So i am partly to blame.I just wish he would stop the smoking now so i could really see the person that he is.He is president of a motorcycle club so i cant see that things are going to change in a hurry.I used to think he was cool! Now i just think hes a dick!!!LOL But i could never take his children away from him.It would brake his heart.And with your situation i see a few people telling you that its easier to leave while pregnant?Whos to say that when your man finally meets this beautiful baby hes not going to love you and respect you a hell of a lot more than he does now?He might even wake up and smell the roses.Its not the same for men when its just a bubble in your tummy.But you wait till you see the tears in his eyes when babys coming out of your body.Its a look of love that i will never forget.(I guess thats why ive gone on to have more kids with him)I know he loves me ,he does non of his carry on around or in front of the kids and he never will.And as he tells me if i wanted a buisness man in a suit and tie,i should have thought of that in the beggining.I chose to have his babys.And he could be doing a lot worse than smokin pot! I left the father of my first two kids,He was an alcholic and 22 years older than me!LOL Whole nother story.
If i was you i would see what happens after you have baby.You may find a love for eachother that dosnt include who does the housework and all that stuff.You will know already if hes your soulmate,Men and woman are very different and it will always be a bit of a struggle.Pregnacy dosnt help make things clear try not to make to many decisions while pregnant i recon.I just about disowned my mother this time and now im looking back thinking how mean to her i was!LOL Have your chat,see how it goes and just remember your not alone. It can still work out.I cant imagine being without my husband now ,i love him to death and the main thing is deep down i know he loves me when it really matters. Best of luck to you.
Sorry about my long message. http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 5:11pm
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I do know that sometimes couples separate for a short time to reconsider etc, and if you do feel to do that BabyTyme, there's nothing stopping you getting back together after the baby comes if he does prove to be more dedicated at that time. It's ok to have a breather without stopping everything forever, IYGWIM. IMO men find relationships much harder once children come along (which usually sets up the withdrawing kind of reaction all over again).
Aleisha when I got pg with #3 I also had my DH working 6 days, physical work, but I said to him look I can't do all the housework, it's too much for me. And I picked out some, got a couple of quotes for how much it would cost and asked DH if he would prefer to take them on or pay for them to be done? Of course I was nice about it, but he agreed for us to have some paid housekeeping done and has since commented that I seem to be a lot less frazzled lol. I can't imagined what it would be like with 5  ------------- |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 5:13pm
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He hasnt even be home an hour and im already crying! It all blew up in my face!
So much for this nice calm collected discussion i had imagined! As for the smoking thing i asked him not to get stoned while we had a talk and what happened he got stoned while we talked instead. Then turned around and said that he doesnt think we even have a relationship! He thinks i come on here and talk (excuse my language) sh*t about him! I tried to keep talking inbetween the tears and got told that i make 90% of the mess and that hes sick of cleaning. His solution is "if you dont like it, if your not happy then leave me" I dont know what else to say. He just walked out, and said have fun bad mouthing me. How can he be so bloody imature! Why cant he act his age. He thinks everything hes doing is ok. We also live with my 16yo cousin whos dad abandoned him, and ya know what, he said if i want stuff done then to talk to him. He said he had a bad day and now im making it worse how the hell does he think i feel. Grrr! Now hes saying how hes gunna just go out in the weekend and get drunk and drown it all. I just dont know how to put in words how im feeling right now.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: aleisha
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 5:26pm
Mate,I kind of feel like editing my last post now! My DH would never say those things to me.How old is you man? If you dont mind me asking.Sounds like hes got a lot of growing up to do aye? I met mine when he was 25 and its taken him until a couple of years ago to grow up a bit and stop being actually mean during arguments.But the one thing about smokin pot is that they take everything as an attack.And dont actually listen or care about the disscussion at the time.Makes men agro and stupid.
And as long as hes smoking it,hes gonna think its ok.Yeah i read your post to my DH last night and he said well you better not write anything about me!!!So i get the same crap.Like hes jealous of my computer. Try not to get too upset,baby wont like that! Big Hug from me ok! http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: aleisha
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 5:29pm
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Oh and when i was preg with his first.He tried that one on me too."Go on then leave if your not happy with me."When i told him i was going to( I wasnt really) He cried his little eyes out like a baby and said me and the baby was all he had!So mayby thats worth a try?
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 5:45pm
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Ok BT first of all, whatever he chooses to do with what you've said is totally his choice. Don't let him run you over or manipulate you, or make you feel responsible in some way when he threatenes to drink (and drown) all weekend. That is totally his choice and responsibility and he's just using manipulation to control you.
Here's what I would do: 1. Try talking with him again tomorrow night. Ok, he's had a bad day and there's usually room for a second chance. 2. After that (or if you decide to skip it) I think you need to move out for 2 weeks. Have a look around and find yourself a place ASAP. Let him know (and leave a note in case he forgets or is stoned, or if you're really worried only leave a note) that you are having a breather and you'll be back in a week or two. Or that you'll contact him in a week or two would probably be better. 3. I know you'll miss him when you're away, and you may even miss having a "dependant" in a way! But use the time away to really have a good pro-active think about what you want to do. I really don't think he's making any real moves (only manipulative ones) to help you out or make your relationship work. Sounds like he's not all that happy with the relationship either. 4. Don't stay with the other guy, you may end up liking him too much just because he's helpful IYGWIM. 5. When you come back to him it will probably be easier for you to telephone or take someone with you. If you are really seriously worried that he'll make good his weekend threats, then you need to let someone know. Perhaps his mum or a mate or the neighbour or maybe even the Police? I dunno whether they would keep an eye on something like that. But it's important that you're not the only one who knows what's going on because you'll fall into the "rescuer" (doormat) role again. Big hugs chick! I really wish I could do something more to help. I know this is really tough, and I've never ever advised someone to leave before, but I think you are in a really bad place right now. Try to get some good sleep tonight too. ------------- |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 6:34pm
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Well we just had another talk and this one wasnt so bad.. It was less blaming and more compromising. He is still stuck on the smoking thing but he had made some compromises which is better than nothing for now. We have talked through the cleaning thing and he has agreed to help. He is also happy to help with dinner.
Down to the money thing. I have agreed to help him save for a car (We dont have a reliable or safe car for baby), and we get a joint bank account that way its our money not "this is yours and this is mine" Iv told him if we can keep it this way it will all work out for the best. Iv also told him if we agree on this way in doing things he cant sink back or i am gone, and baby is coming too. Then he can realize what its like to be able. After a few, ok ALOT of tears i think iv come out on the positive side.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 6:39pm
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Oh babytyme, that really sucks! I agree with busymum it would be good to talk to someone. I know you said he isnt violent but if there is eventhe slightest chance he could get that way stoned or drunk you need to make sure you and bubs are safe. How bout ringing womens refuge or somewhere like that and asking who you could talk to for advice. We are all well meaning but you need someone who really knows how to handle these situations. I read in a Treasures mag about abusive relationships (and these were the violent types) and they said that when a woman decides to leave that is when she is most a danger. dont mean to scare you hun but just want you to cover all bases.
Maybe leave it for a few days....talk to your mum. dont worry if you dont have the standard mohter daughter relationship. As you said you think you could work on that. Tell her whats going on and why you are upset and scared. ask her for help! keep going as you are for a while until you work out how to get out if thats what you want to do ( i know thats what I would be thinking) You deserve so much better and there are some really nice menout there. why shouldnt you have one that thinks you are the best thiing since sliced bread. But as busymum said its not uncommon for a couple to split up, even for a few years, and then sort stuff out and make it work. You arent depriving him of his daughter you are just making a better life for you and her. If he wants to be a part of it, he knows what he has to do. and as the others said, making your engine from scratch.....I take my hat off to you....best I could do is check my oil! Your achievemnets sound great and just think what you can do when you put your mind to it. you are going to be the best mother to this little girl. Big hugs |
Posted By: BellaBoo
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 6:40pm
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I am happy that you are feeling better and worked some things out. Keep on him(nicely) so he dosnt revert back to old ways. How do you feel about the smoking thing? How old is he? Do you think it is something he will grow out of especially when the baby arrives? It always feels good to have a good cry! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 6:45pm
| I gotta learn to type faster!!! so much happens while I'm typing a post so maybe you can ignore most of what I said. I'm glad taht maybe its starting to sink in. But if he reverts back, dont hesitate to get out! |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 6:51pm
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Hes 24. Hes not going to grow out of it when baby comes but he promises to keep it out in the garage. And not do it around her. He will keep it to the night. I think this is a great acheivment considering where i was earlier.
Yeah i built the car and the engine and its my pride and joy. I worked my ass off to get that car.. theres a story with that.. i was with my bf of 4 years.. my now ex. And he used to ditch me and go out in the weekends saying he didnt want his gf around and go out in thir nice cars, i love cars and it used to piss me off so i saved and i built, something he would never get and it really put him in his place then i left him 
But yeah i do feel better after a cry we are now going to sit down sort out our finances and our bills and work out what goes where and hes cooking me dinner  Nachos and he makes REALLY good nachos ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 6:52pm
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You guys have all been fantastic I'm glad i found this site ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: justme
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 6:59pm
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babytyme, this sounds like a much more positive outcome - yay chickie! stay strong like you are right now - keep up with your current mindset - not wanting to take any crap thinking of you & baby first.. keep talking to him.. and things will start looking up good communication really is such an awesome thing in a relationship good luck :)
------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: justme
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 7:01pm
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he he.. babytyme, I loved your story about your ex & how your car came about! you have alot of guts girl & deserve everything good that comes your way x! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: BellaBoo
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 7:05pm
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Look at it this way- that is a really good start. Expecting to many changes too soon could be bad for the relationship. At least things are getting on the right track and you can start asking for more changes later on. Goodluck! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 7:27pm
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I think you two have done really well. Keep him accountable, and watch the pot. Sometimes it can make ppl flip for no apparent reason.
I know you're engaged, but keep all this in mind and watch what happens. Getting married won't necessarily make him nicer, neither will having the baby. So if time is what you need, set back the wedding date and make sure you are really sure before you tie the knot. Mightn't be a bad thing to look into counselling as well. It might help you sort through the thing you mentioned before about always seeming to get into "doormat" relationships. That's gotta bring about improvement for everyone. ------------- |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 8:18pm
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Well done you BT! You are doing really, really well! Remember, you and your baby are worth the best. Speaking for myself, I'm really proud of you for taking the steps you are.
I second busymum's suggestion of councelling. Victim Support organised for my homehelp to restart when my PND got bad, and they were going to organise councelling if I wanted (I was already seeing a councellor). Alternatively, your midwife should be able to suggest something appropriate. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 8:27pm
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Yeah i think things are going to be better.. well im hoping they are..
justme- yeah i like the story of how my car came around too.. i showed him up lol, now i have people begging me to sell them my car.. but she sits in the garage and i take her out every sunday.. god that sound very bloke-ish. Thanks everyone for all your help. I really appreciate it. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: justme
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 9:23pm
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lol! does sound a bit bloke-ish babytyme - but it's not just guys who like nice cars is it? we girls love them too! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 9:43pm
| Glad its all working out BT, remember we are hear for ya! |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 10:29pm
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Well done chick, sounds like you've made progress!
One thing I would recommend when bubs comes: don't leave your daughter alone with DF if there's a chance he'll get stoned. Maybe it's something you can work on at the time, but imagine if he was completely off his nut and something happened. But little steps conquer the greatest mountain. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 10:42pm
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sounds hopeful, i just hope he continues to make you smile and doesnt revert to his worse habits (sorry, im just being realistic)
and btw, being a single mum isnt so bad, my daughters father and i didnt love each other anymore and didnt want to be together, bringing the baby up around a bad atmosphere so we split up before she was born and its worked out fine, she knows and loves her daddy and has regular contact with him, its not like your taking the baby away from them permanently. Anyway, i really hope things start looking up for you, and i also think its important you have some friends, so what area do you live in ? cos were a pretty wide spread bunch and im sure there will be some lovely lady from this site who would love to meet up with you , if your in auckland i would
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 25 May 2007 at 10:32am
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Good on ya, BabyTyme - well done! Tough to talk some things through but it sounds like you just gritted your teeth and plunged in twice even! Now that things are looking up, how would you feel about making a time with him to re-evaluate these changes, like in 2 weeks or something? 'Cause it's great to say you'll change things but another thing to follow through on that, and knowing that you're going to sit down together and look at how it's gone in the near future can sometimes help keep people motivated to keep up the good work. And it could give you a chance to talk about whether or not these changes are working for you, and whether or not they're enough for you in the meantime. I agree with Emz's comment about him being in charge of baby alone... I know there's a lot of people who can be happy, mellow stoners who wouldn't hurt a fly, but I also know that in that relaxed state even the kindest people aren't onto-it enough to keep mind of a baby, and that pot does make for some unpredictable and scary reactions to things. Counselling is a GREAT idea - it's not for the pussy's of this world, it's something that people who are fighters choose to do. I think that couple-counselling is a wonderful invention!! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 25 May 2007 at 12:54pm
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Well done BT - good that you had that second go. Sounds like he went away and thought about what you had said and reflected on it to come back and be more reasonable. That's awesome. i hope that things continue positively for you - and remember that we are always here if you need us! -------------
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 25 May 2007 at 4:29pm
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Thanks
Im hoping it all works out.. Things have been good today :) We are talking more too.. Yay.. Dont worry untill he lays off the green he wont be alone with her ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 25 May 2007 at 10:19pm
Hey I just wanted to say I'm really glad everything has worked out for you. I was 19 and dp was 23 when Jack was born and he sounds quite a lot like what your df does. My dps problem was he had a lot of issues with his dad and had depression whcih turned into PND. We managed to work through everything and now he is he most amazing dad and probably does more housework than me now
My dp made the decision to stop drinking so much and going out all the time on his own and loves all the spare money we have and how great he feels now. It is a really big change for anyone to go thru becoming a parent so I'm glad you guys have worked it out. P.S where abouts are you from? You could start going to a parents group now if your not working. I got to a younger mums one and we have one girl there who is pregnant with her first. |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 27 May 2007 at 10:24am
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Yeah, parent's groups are essential, in my books! Plunket is a great place to start - they can hook you up with a new group once bubs is here, and everyone is just as nervous about meeting a room full of new mums, so it's really not so awkward (especially when you've all got your babies there as conversation-starters!). I'd encourage every new mum to give it a try. And if you don't click with that group, just ask to join the next one they run - sometimes it's just luck of the draw. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 27 May 2007 at 2:46pm
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wow babytime sounds like your having a really rough time, hope everything works out for you.
and as you can see were all here if you need to chat. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 27 May 2007 at 4:52pm
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Hi there
Well things have been great. Rachandjack - im in christchurch where is that group it sounds like something i would be interested in. Yeah my DF has alot of issues with his mum and also his dad because he is dying of cancer and couldnt face up to it.. he didnt even tell me he had a dad for the first year we were together as he didnt know how to start talking about it. He has been really good the last few days, helping me with everything, we went out last night and he had a few bourbons but woke up this morn and decided that he wants to stick to the not drinking because he doesnt like it anymore
Thanks for all your support guys ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 27 May 2007 at 5:48pm
| Sounds great!!! |
Posted By: justme
Date Posted: 27 May 2007 at 8:45pm
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nice babytyme things are looking up! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 27 May 2007 at 10:38pm
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Yay! That is awesome. I hope you have told him we think he is great for taking on his responsibilities Lol - just after he thought you were dissing him on here, it might be nice for him to know that we aren't all men hating harpies! -------------
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