And I used to be...
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=7753
Printed Date: 11 October 2025 at 7:18pm
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Topic: And I used to be...
Posted By: busymum
Subject: And I used to be...
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 8:01am
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When you are in a social setting, do you ever feel like you have to justify your IQ level? "Hi, I'm a SAHM but I USED to be a legal exec..." -------------  |
Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 8:30am
| No, never...i dont think that the job you held has anything to do with your IQ. I have met some very dumb "clever" people. |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 8:35am
Nope I don't feel the need to .... if people ask then I tell them but if they don't give credit where credit is due to SAHM's then i figure the issue is with them. I'm proud of what I do and I know it's a lot harder than it looks!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 9:16am
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Depending on the type of people im with i will slip in "oh yea, i used to do this...."
But dont feel i need to do it IYKWIM - just gives us something to talk about  ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 9:47am
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yep sure do ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 10:04am
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Yup, when I'm talking to non-baby people I often feel like saying I'm an at home mum makes me seem completely uninteresting and not very smart.
------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 11:18am
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I'm not too worried about it, I feel the same as you Paws - if they are bored by it then that's their problem !
Although if I am asked, I usually say that right now I am a Home Executive (just for a bit of a laugh eh...)
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 11:30am
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What you guys are doing is the most important job there is - raising little people into good big people. Your children are our future, and it's such a hard job. I remember a geek friend of mine doing a 'cost exercise' on what it would cost him for his wife to be a SAHM mum ...the danger pay, the 24hr/7 day salary, the wide skill-range required (from home stuff to often budgeting and planning stuff to chef), the stress pay, the ACC levies (falling over kids and kid associated things) ...all sorts. When he put it all together it was HUGE!
Hehe gandt ...I know a few of those people  ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: Bumble
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 11:36am
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My "Title" is..
Home Based Early Childhood Educator...... I even put this on the census.... anything that requires a "job" Which is what we are!!!!! Gets 'em thinkin!!!! ------------- formerly known as "Bee" Ethan ~ March 2003 Big 6 year old school boy! Micah ~ Aug 2008 ~ Smiley pants who loves telephones! |
Posted By: catcase
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 11:48am
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I love that Bee - will have to rememeber for use later on. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 12:44pm
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Yes I've often thought about putting myself down as "Kindergarten Teacher"
I know I'm doing a good, and important, job, just sometimes I get into situations... yea I guess it's gaps in the conversation like Glow said. ------------- |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 1:23pm
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What I hate is conversations that go:
"So, are you a full-time mum?" duh! 6yo, 2yo and 6mth old in tow! "Yes." "What did you do before kids?" OR "When are you going back to work?" OR "What do you think you'll do when you go back to work?" Its like my life stopped when I left the workforce! I've been a SAHM since Kiya was born, and I've never been happier. I truely believe being a mum was what I was born to be, and I have no intention of going back to work in the next 5 years - and a husband who supports me there! ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: Gwen_
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 1:31pm
I total agree with you! I don't plan on going back to work untill the girls are 5 or if we have another when they are 5 ! -and a husband who supports me ------------- We're in America for 3 months with Mummy and Daddy! http://lilypie.com">  
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daikini wrote:Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 1:39pm
I am now working full time, I love reading this thread and the admiration I have for you mothere that stay at home. I feel like I am missing out on so much. We live in AKL and I didn't nab a man that earnt a good wage...bugger.
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 1:42pm
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I must admit I say I'm the office manager at MHJ, I'm on maternity leave atm. Depends on who I'm talking to, though. I hate the uncomfortable silences you get when you are introduced to someone and you say I'm a mum, and they go oh, ok... I guess the what did you used to do is because they are trying to make conversation... Or maybe they think your brain cells get killed off during childbirth... (I think some of mine did, though, lol) ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 1:55pm
I totally agree too! I don't want to go back to work until until we are done having children and they are in school and even then I'd only want to go back part time. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 2:12pm
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I'm the same I'm only ever going to go to work part-time. I know my parents worked hard for us kids and totally respect them for doing so, but I know sometimes when I was growing up I wished my mum was around more than what she was. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 2:23pm
I just want to say (without being rude or pushy) that my DH got his first full-time job (since we got married) last week. We budgetted really hard but one of those years we lived off Student Allowance and me earning $50/week, and DH did some cash jobs on Saturdays when he could. A lot of people don't realise that it is possible to cut expenses if you are willing to shape down the lifestyle on account of choices. But... please hear me right. I'm not out to make a SAHM vs working mums fight at all. You gotta do what you gotta do, and I know working mums love their kids just as much as SAHMs! ------------- |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 2:32pm
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I am such a cruisy person, I don't take it you being rude. I know we all have our own opinions, I respect you for yours. We have so many debts to pay off this year, we have a wedding in just over a month, we have so many factors in our choice for me to return to work. I was also very sick after I had Tyrell, both physically and mentally. It was the right decision at the time for me to return. (still is for now) Maybe I was being a bit blunt in my message, sometimes I am not sure wether to jump in and be a part of discussions or just leave it. |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 3:39pm
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Ah, jump in, Amy! Yeah it's an interesting one - I'm a firm believer that we make choices to either be SAHM's or working mums, and women in both camps need just as much support and admiration. But I don't like hearing people say that they "had" to go back to work - no, you chose to, to provide for your family (or whatever reason). You don't have to justify that choice to anyone. Just as a SAHM mum shouldn't have to justify that either. And yep, Busymum, I've heard myself saying "...I used to be a social worker" like that added more interest to the conversation or something. It's ironic really, because most people would probably prefer talk about how mashed carrot stains everything and what to use on nappy rash, over a talk about that job!! He he. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 3:40pm
That's all that matters!
Jump on in! All points of view are always appreciated. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 3:41pm
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Snap Andie! ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 3:50pm
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Ok so that is something I find quite often is having to justify why I am not a SAHM. Thanks ladies, that is why I love this website. I value opinions but it is nice to have people want to listen to your own as well. (makes for a nice change |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 4:45pm
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Amy I didn't find you blunt at all! I echo what Andie says really (had to say that cause ya'll couldn't see me nodding ) ------------- |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 5:10pm
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Amy you shouldn't have to justify why you are a working mum just as I don't have to justify why I'm a SAHM (well a WAHM really but same thing in the end).
It really does bug me how both sides are expected to justify themselves....working mums are knocked down for going back to work and "leaving" thier kids and SAHM's are knocked down for "not working". You can't win can you?? 
The important thing is doing what is right for your family and being happy and secure in what you are doing which is why I don't feel the need to justify myself. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 5:35pm
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yep sometimes when i see peoples faces when i say im a mum. I then jump in and say Photographer and avon rep lol, and i used to be a dental assistat. Funny thing is i earn $200 an hour taking photos its just that jobs are far and few between cause i dont want to work , haha its just for fun and i do stuff when people ask me to.
You may find more mums work part time with the free 20 hours or job share as with the free or cut price childcare it will make it easier for mums to stay home if they choose. Also for those that want to work part time but cant justify the childcare costs. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 5:52pm
oh gosh yes!!!!!!!! and i often think "why do i even have to tell you what i did before hand!!??" it sounds good on paper so to speak but its nothing compared to being a SAHM!!. 99% of people that ask me have a very blank stare and long pause before they say "oh ok so when are you going back?" GGGRRRR apart from the fact that im not going back to that anyway cos im bored with it so im changing profession! ...i still feel i need to tell them what i did so they dont look down on me as has happened so far
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Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 6:16pm
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Lol I was just remembering a conversation I had with a SAHM a couple of years ago. A friend of a friend at a party, and had never met before. And to tell the truth, after I asked her old her kids were, their names etc, I didn't know what else to talk about! So I asked her what she used to do before she was a SAHM - purely trying to make conversation.. it's what you do when you meet new people!
So just wanted to say - often people aren't necessarily looking down on you being a SAHM (I definately didn't, and I've always planned on staying home with my kids), but they're just used to the same old conversations! They probably don't know what else to say and may find it difficult to find anything in common on that subject (motherhood) so try to find something else in common to talk about. Just playing the devils advocate here ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 6:29pm
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Ah, yes.. now that Ella is going to creche three mornings a week (she would be going to kindy next month but I might just keep her at creche for a while.. mornings are much better for her than afternoons). She loves going there and I like her to have the interaction with other kids her own age.
So when people ask how often she's in creche, and I tell them.. they immediately ask "so are you working now" or "what do you when she's there?" (usually with a smirk on their face). I am looking out for part time work, and I also sew a lot.. with the intention of selling some of my things when I've built up a supply. It takes most of the time she's there to clean the house, do all the chores I need to, get shopping done (grocery shopping) and then a bit of sewing if there's time!! But why do I continue to jusify myself?? It's usually to people without kids.. but even ppl with kids ask! I'm getting really sick of it.. I also continously get asked when I'm having another child, and that I must have it easy just having the one
No matter what you do/don't do, people are always going to fault you for something.. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 24 May 2007 at 6:30pm
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I must admit, I'm often pleasantly suprised to find out what people do pre-children.
Not because I think being a SAHM requires little-to-no intelligence (quite the opposite coupled with patience!) but it does change my perception away from the "motherly type" (read: kind, caring, self-sacrificing, tolerant, patient etc) in to something a bit more competitive or business-like (depending on the profession of course!) My neighbour has just gone back to work as an accountant now that her youngest is 2 and she seems so different to the mum I used to see hanging out the washing. So yeah, I guess it's just adding another element to someone's personality. I like people knowing that I am a student... makes a better story than DPB dependent. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 25 May 2007 at 9:18am
I'm with you. I HATE having to justify why I CHOOSE to work. To be totally honest, I have got no intention of being a SAHM when my maternity leave finishes (although DH has other ideas..) I absolutely love my kids, there is no 2 ways about that, BUT I really relish being someone who does things other than child based things as well. It is for my sanity more than anything. I think a big hats off and pat on the back to those who choose to be SAHM, as it is something I am almost embarrassed to say I don't think I would ever be able to do (and remain sane).. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: littlejo
Date Posted: 25 May 2007 at 4:04pm
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Well, so far it hasn't happened much (early days though), but I'm hesitant to tell people I "was" an accountant - how much does that really add to the conversation? Are we going to talk about tax returns & financial reporting standards???
I have had lots of people already ask me when I plan to go back to work. DS is not even 5 wks old yet! ------------- Jo Jo http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 25 May 2007 at 11:42pm
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I never did anything before baby I went school polytech baby and sometimes I feel like people think i must be really dumb or something but I stayed at school to 7th form and got a b bursary so i can't be too stupid.
I have plans and want to go back to polytech but not until I decide. I have never been happier than I am now and sometimes I just want to tell the world how great my life is  But i know all my old friends think my life must be so boring and they invite me out sometimes as a pity invitation and i know most of them are pretty unhappy with their lives.
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