Real interresting question.
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Topic: Real interresting question.
Posted By: SMoody
Subject: Real interresting question.
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 8:48pm
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Okay so had a discussion today with a guy (hubbys friend that is staying with us) about money and kids. Background information: They dont want to have kids at all.
Anyway question came up say one of you guys get a job but have to leave the family for 6 months coming back for a month and then back for 6 months again for 3 or 4 years but after that you can literally retire. The other partner will stay here and either look after kids or in case of no kids just stay here. Will you do it? My answer: No freaking way in hell. Hubby will miss too much out of his childs life. Never mind what it will do to our relationship. Was said maybe I am not as strong as I think I am in my relationship blah blah blah. I feel it isnt that. You do grow older and change your view with things and you do change. If you are not with a person most of the time you will start to tend to grow apart. No amount of money will give you the time back you missed out on your family. Think my answer is clear. 
So how about you guys? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 8:52pm
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It depends where the job is and what the lines of communication are like. If it was a nice place and good lines of commuication then yeah maybe if we didn't have kids. Now we have kids I wouldn't be all that keen on it. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 8:54pm
I'd do it if I could take the kids with me and leave Willie behind. Or if it was him going and me staying with the kids. I couldn't leave my kids for that length of time, no way no how for no $$$ in the world, but a break from Willie? Hell - I'd pay THEM to take him away! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 9:00pm
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had wondered about that with jobs in places like Dubai etc...
and DH kept being offered a job in Queensland but i would need to retrain to go over and so would actually be a step backwards for us for years..... so similar... Depends...if money is awesome and would mean a small shortterm sacrifice for long term happiness or financial freedom then maybe....I mean the troops do it all the time - esp the american ones...and without the financial extras to come home to! IF DH had to go to his head office overseas then he would probably go....would it be worth it??? that all depends on the situation....he would miss me and ella, but then it might be worth his while in other ways short and long term I guess.... BTW i cannot fathom any job as you outline giving one the opportunity to retire for life...Ive known men working in Dubai and KL etc on 100,000s of $$$ and still not retiring..why = because the work ethic that took them there was already in them...they didnt go JUST for the money....it may get you a step up...but unlikely to get you to be able to retire! Having said that - I have also seen the marriage breakups and cheattng in relationships that have come about due to a forced separation.... |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 9:05pm
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My dad is the classic example. Had more than enough money to retire, is in his late 50's and has just invested a huge amount of money in a new venture just because he can't help himself, he is the eternal entrepeneur, I doubt he'll ever retire. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: lil_miss
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 9:21pm
| too many dependent factors I guess... I dont think I could do it though |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 9:42pm
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Simple answer for us. No. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 9:49pm
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Hehe, well my Dh is missing out on the birth of our first child and won't see it for up to 5 months due to army commitments. We do it because its his job and he's dedicated to it, but wouldn't it be lovely if he could retire afterwards!
I think we have to sacrifice enough and would like more pay! Maybe 100k would do I mean, we nearly had to cancel our wedding because DH got rushed off to Timor and we had no idea if he was coming back for the wedding!
In a perfect world, I would say no. But knowing I can cope and that children can too, I would consider it. Mind you, who wants to retire early? What the heck do you do with the rest of your life? |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 9:59pm
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Emz is on the button. Anyone could do it if the circumstances were right but if you retired at 30 years of age (or even 40), then what would you do? Nah! ------------- |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 10:19pm
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I just asked DF this question as well. He said, no hesitation, yes, because it means we'd be set for life and 3-4 years isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things, there's another 30 years to watch your kids grow up etc. In saying that, he would be quite happy not working, and going hunting as and when the desire arose, and supporting us that way financially.
For me, it's not quite so clear cut. If I was the one to go awaw, I think I'd feel too guilty missing all the firsts - yes there may be another 30 years, but you'll never get another first tooth, or step, or smile, or day at school. So I don't think I could leave my kids. If it was DF on the other hand...if we didn't have kids, then yes I'd say he could do it, because I could work to my heart's content (I love my career) and read as many books as I want etc. If there were kids, I'm not sure...I think I would need DF's support with most things, although as Becks suggested, it depends on the communication available. Nowadays there's video messaging, cellphones, the internet, webcams etc. What a hard, thought provoking question. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 10:21pm
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I think though that I couldn't handle retirement at 30 or 40 though...I need to use my brain, be intellectually challenged, or I lose the plot. DF would love it though, he could go hunting whenever he wanted without having to worry about the bills that need to be paid next week.
What a ramble! Sorry!! |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 10:36pm
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no. Lewis was away from the kids in the early parts of their lives - jake was a month, and Taine was three months. He missed them terribly and Jake was noticeably upset while his dad was gone (the second time, not the first). Also their bonding was slightly effected.
a girlfriends dad did something similar to this, can't remeber why. anyway, when he was made redundant, about three months of being "retired", he and his wife broke up, It seems fifteen years of five months on, two weeks off - they coulnd't cope with all that "together time". |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 24 June 2007 at 10:44pm
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No, we couldn't do it. We struggle having 4 nights apart when Dh is on school camp! We just aren't happy when we aren't together and being apart for that long would make both of us miserable. -------------  
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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 25 June 2007 at 8:37am
| Not with kids - everyone would miss out on too much. Even if it is just for 3-4 years. If you did it before you had kids I wonder how the relationship would survive. |
Posted By: hailstones
Date Posted: 25 June 2007 at 9:12am
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IMO - money isn't everything! Yes it can help alot having a comfortable lifestyle, and you are able to do the things you want, live stress (money stress) free etc but what at the cost of missing out on such important things - like your kids growing up (all those 1st things they do - walk/talk etc), and maybe at the cost of your relationship?
I don't think we could do it, we don't spend to much time together as it is, due to DH working nights and other things during day, and feel our time together is precious. A close friend of mines DH worked away from her and they saw each other for 4-5 days twice a month and their relationship suffered at the time because of it. Like lizzle said - she just got used to being on her own and couldn't cope with him around when he got home. I have to say though - I have alot of respect for those that are able to do it! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 25 June 2007 at 9:59am
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No way. DH would probably say yes though! The punk.
In saying that- we have taken our kids away from their extended family for 3-4 years basically for money  ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 25 June 2007 at 10:01am
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We're currently trying to decide whether or not to spend 5 weeks apart, and its tough! There is a chance Nat will have to work here for the first few weeks of term before he can take up his new job in Wellington, and we are thinking about me and the children moving there first so Kiya can get established in her new school at the start of the term.
5 weeks sounds hard enough for us, there's no way we could do it for months! ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 25 June 2007 at 10:13am
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Hubby and me actually discussed it and he said never again. I went up for a month to stay with my dad while he was finishing his contract before we came over. Mind you bubs was only 9 months old. He said his child grew up so much and he missed out on a lot that he wont do it again.
Yip was talking about Dubai. We got offers when I got pregnant. IT field and we could have been set for life in about 3 years. But he had to miss out on birth and I could only join him after birth. So we did do the no thing already. He wouldnt really retire but have the financial security to start his own business. If kids are small wont do it at all. They need both parents in my opinion. (I know this is not always possible) And when they are teenagers they need the influence of the opposite sex parent even more (although they might not think so) Nope money is not that important to us I suppose. I guess it would be if we were starving or something or lacked in basic needs. KWIM? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 25 June 2007 at 11:10am
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Sounds like a standard armed forces relationship to me. Most Army or Navy wifes have to go through this regularly and they don't get to retire at the end of it.
There are a lot of other jobs, where partners are away a lot, its not something I would choose to do, but if its my partners way of life/career to start with I wouldn't expect him to change. I would be more concerned with the impact on me than the children. Children get used to their environment what ever that is. Being apart from Dad 6 months of the year, is what a lot of children of divorced parents live with everyday. |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 25 June 2007 at 1:06pm
Nope I couldn't do it!! I miss DH when he is at work during the day hehehehehe  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: megrac
Date Posted: 25 June 2007 at 4:33pm
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when we had our first baby DH was a fisherman and this ment that he could be gone for a week (min) to a the longest i think i didnt see him was a month. we were in phone contact most nights as long as he was in phone range and when he was home it was for a night or if i was lucky a couple of days. it really sucked missed him so much and he missed heaps of our first baby he did this for three years then we decided that we wanted to get married and have more kids but i wasnt going to if he was still fishing. so we found him a land job and it has been so much better having him home every night. and i would never do it again. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 25 June 2007 at 9:15pm
Yay fleury! You understand me! I don't see it as as much of a biggie as others do, but maybe that's because, like you, I'm used to DH being away. Although it is hard 
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