Sex Drive
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=8538
Printed Date: 01 October 2025 at 4:33pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Sex Drive
Posted By: EthansMummy
Subject: Sex Drive
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 10:01am
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Im having some issues with my sex drive its non existant and is starting to cause issues between me and DF.
Has this happened to anyone else?? I was fine until a month or two ago. Have tried "spice it up" things but it just doesn't help. Any ideas? ------------- ** MUM TO ** Ethan 29/08/2006 Brooke 22/09/2008 |
Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 10:12am
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Same here. Are you still BF as I think that has a lot to do with it for me. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 10:32am
i haven't had a sex drive since i had jack poor DH it does cause abit of trouble between us but i really don't know what to do about it ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 10:43am
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None here either. I'm wondering if breastfeeding could have something to do with it. I also wonder if it might return a bit when AF arrives. I haven't had it back yet (Elle is 10mths) but the dreaded hormonal bloat is paying me a visit so I think it's on its way.
No tips sorry! ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 10:51am
Yup i lost my sex drive altogether when my first son was 4 months old but it was due to getting hypothyroidism apparently . Even when my HT went away i still had no sex drive and was told that the more you do it the more your libedo will return so thats what we did (helped that we were TTC at the time! lol) and all is back to normal now!!....and hopefully the same thing wont happen again after this bubs!
Iv spoken to sooooo many people who have gone through the same thing and like me their stints were lasting for years!! but im sure your DH understands, i know that my DH was getting so frustrated! and it made for alot of fights! but when i spoke to him about him he really did understand but couldnt help but show frustration sometimes. It does get better.... |
Posted By: baalamb
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 11:46am
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I'm going to put a different slant on things. I find my DH much more 'appealing' when he helps me out around the house instead of me feeling like I have to do it all the time. At the end of a long day taking care of Ashlee and then working in the evenings, I don't feel like 'rewarding' him with anything if there's been nothing done around the house.
I also know that I need to work on myself in regards to self esteem and self confidence in order to get my sex drive back up to speed. |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 11:55am
I wonder if it will ever come back for me but I figure people have more than 1 child so it must  I have been having little thoughts lately about it but now I wonder when can it start to bring on labour as I am not ready for bubs just yet
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Posted By: kellverona
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 12:38pm
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heya Linelle, Ive been like that too. I think mainly cos Im still breastfeeding and have my own issues about my body image. When I dont feel sexy I dont feel like sex. Its silly cos DH still finds me sexy and that is really all that matters. I feel like if I never have sex again I dont care but DH is understanding and when we do it its nice and quick, hehe. The way i like it these days. As much as I enjoy it ,,, i just dont have the energy like i used to. I hope my normal sex drive does return some time soon. I reckon there is alot of us Mums out there that feel the same... ------------- http://pregnancyplanet.net/tickers/"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 12:54pm
Yup I think it's pretty common. Are you still bf or waking in the nights? They have a huge part to play in your exhaustion which in turn affects your "feeling like it". It's good to be honest about it but I feel sorry for DH when I'm in that place so I try hard to get in the mood for him. Gosh this is a TMI subject LOL! One thing that really helps me is that after the baby has gone to bed for the night we might do a little bit of kissing and then I'll excuse myself to have a little bit of "me" time in the shower, that helps me have a bit of space and recharge and then I put on something which helps me feel sexy lol (not flanelette! ) and usually enjoy it after then! 
The other thing I find is that once my AF returns I get back into the hormonal swing of things and the mood rises and falls help somehow. And doing it at least 1-2 times a week helps to not get "stale". Dunno how that works but the more we have it, the better it gets LOL -------------  |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 1:03pm
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i misplaced mine after my second child, and i'm still looking for it ... sometimes some of it comes back but never for very long... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 1:09pm
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Mine was removed during the birth of Jacob, and replaced with supersonic hearing... DH is planning on putting up a missing/reward poster... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 1:34pm
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I'm randier than god knows what at the moment so I can't help you out there.
Even at 3AM when I've had no sleep, I feel like crap and my caesar scar hurts, I still want to do it!
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Posted By: AndysMummy
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 1:35pm
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So nice to read this as I've been feeling very stink. I've got no mojo AT ALL! Last night DH kindly pointed out that we've only done IT twice (thanks to 2 days of weeeeird preggie hormones!)in our new house! We've been here for about 15 MONTHS!!!
In the latest Treasures mag I saw a calender that has rewards or something for when you've .... Might be worth a go ... ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 1:37pm
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hahahahaha, I'd be up for that calender, but didn't see it! *hunts out treasures* am always up for a "reward" ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 1:55pm
it was obviously back for long enough ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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gandt wrote:Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 2:06pm
LOL That's what I thought!  ------------- |
Posted By: EthansMummy
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 4:20pm
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Good to know I am not the only one. I can understand about the self confidence thing - I don't feel sexy at the moment. ------------- ** MUM TO ** Ethan 29/08/2006 Brooke 22/09/2008 |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 5:36pm
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Yeap - i'd agree on the confidence thing. I have my own set of body issues and I'm sure that plays a big part. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 7:09pm
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I'm just too tired all the time. I know that sounds like a lame excuse, but I am so physically tired after looking after the kids etc. but my brain doesn't shut down so easily so I find myself wide awake with no energy to even initiate anything with Willie but still not able to sleep.
Good to know he's not the only man being starved tho - I'll have to let him know! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 8:25pm
| I'm so glad I can now tell my hubby that NO he is NOt the only man in NZ not doing it every night!!! My sex drive is non-existant. I will claim Taine to be a miracle baby. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 8:30pm
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Charlotte is too, I had 2 periods, had sex twice (unwillingly..), and BAM. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 9:40pm
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I just tell Willie that he more than got his quota in the 13 months it took all up to conceive the gremlins, that should keep him happy for a while! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 9:44pm
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Josh is one miracle baby, mine is more of the wrong time to the month to even conceive. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: JD
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 10:07pm
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I am struggling with this a little bit at the mo with being tired and having a touch of m/s. I do 'put out' on a regular basis tho. I kind of think, DH comes home from a suck day at work and cooks dinner...I can be a starfish (hehehe not really). We try and talk about it so neither of us gets tichy about the subject. Its important for both sides to comprimise/sacrifice to keep the relationship healthy I think. He is helping me while I am feeling like crap so its the least I can do for him.
I find it helps setting the alarm 15mins earlier and doing it in the morning
The more you do it the more you want to.....apparantly! Works for me
Those not pg or breast feeding...have you tried a couple of glasses of wine to help with the self conciousness? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 10:12pm
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Ahhhh go the wine!
JD I don't even get m/s but still find things a bit queasy in the first trimester - a bit like motion sickness. I found it got heaps better in the 2nd trimester, hopefully it's the same for you. ------------- |
Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 10:35pm
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Hehe..motion sickness...
"Don't rock the boat!!!" Sorry that just occurred to me. From this thread I can tell: 1) some of you women dont understand your guys and 2) some your guys dont understand you either... 3) some of you women dont know yourselves 1) You can't make a guy 'treat you right'. It just doesn't happen from guys. 'Treating you right' has got to come from them, and they'll only learn that stuff if they want to. Usually that kinda info has to come from a guy for them to hear it, otherwise it's a 'conspiracy of the womenfolk' kinda thing. 2) Often the guy can help the woman feel appreciated by helping them out at home, or taking the kids, or SOMETHING to help their DP/DW. But....bad news....see 1) 3) how the hell can you feel pity for me then get in the mood?? (Sorry, that was from a conversation DW and I just had.) ------------- Defending the male species since 1980 
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Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 10:35pm
I almost fell off my chair when I read that.....13 MONTHS??!??!? ------------- Defending the male species since 1980
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 26 June 2007 at 10:35pm
This is why chovy (AKA my DH) has his own login. I don't claim responsibility for his actions! ------------- |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 27 June 2007 at 1:50am
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I blame the lack of interest on sleep depravation and being more tired in general. I too find it a bit of an uphill battle to get in the mood but it gets easier once things start getting heated up. Maybe start with something you enjoy eg ask DH to look after bub so you can take a bath and then ask for a nice relaxing back rub? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 27 June 2007 at 8:55am
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I've got no self conciousness, in fact I know I look better than I have done in years, so no worries there, its just that I am so blinking tired, and just not into it... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 27 June 2007 at 10:06am
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I have a partner who is not the father of my child and doesn't quite understand how much tiredness affects you! He's still up for the every night business!!! ARGH!!!
Anyway, mostly I comply. Sometimes I am too exhausted or distracted but then he feels crap because I don't want to do things so I end up spending just as much energy talking to him to try and make him feel better so I may as well just will myself to enjoy it! (Which I do when I try) So yeah... we'll see how long this lasts! P.S. He is sick at the moment and grumpy/tired etc yet still would do anything to get some - is this not wrong!?!? (Edited to fix amibiguous sentence )
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 27 June 2007 at 12:26pm
Hehe DH and I were talking about this very thing last night. The slightest headache puts women off, but guys would do it with their dying breath!!! Men are from Mars, I tell ya! ------------- |
Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 27 June 2007 at 12:37pm
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Sex Drive! What's that it's been so long since I had one I have forgotten.
This is a bone of contention with Hubby and has been since No2. As I tell him I have three screaming, fighting, argumentative very tiring reasons as to why we never do it very often .
I swear if we could hire out our bundles of work (god bless them) to teenagers as contraceptives teen pregnancies would plummet. At least now I can tell him there are plenty of other men who suffer the same fate as him. Hubby had a really bad dose of the flu a few weeks ago and upon being turned down due to his flu and me not wanting to catch it his response was "It's ok I promise i won't breathe on you"! Talk about desperate ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: JD
Date Posted: 27 June 2007 at 2:00pm
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hehe nuttymama! What a funny thing for your Hubby to say. hehe Anything for a bit of whoopie ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 27 June 2007 at 3:18pm
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My sex drive has driven off and has pretty much been gone since oh gosh 7 months ago!!! Hubbie keeps hasseling me and I just tell him I'm not interested, he jokes about the amount of cobwebs there is down there! How rude! ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 27 June 2007 at 3:44pm
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Its wierd...I still really enjoy it, but it seems to take me a bit longer to 'warm up to the idea' of it now. Generally its not a problem in our house (which my DH constantly thanks me for and is very appreciative - its so sweet that he knows how lucky he is!!) but will see what happens after the baby arrives?!?! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AndysMummy
Date Posted: 27 June 2007 at 5:10pm
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My problem is that I"m worried that all the stitched bits down under might POP open! Which is so silly I know. I"m now kind of wishing the MW checked me out before she discharged me.
I can't even stand kissing. So sad. Partly because when I do happen to really kiss DH he tries to jump me . Just can't be bothered dealing with that! Sigh, guess I'll never have another baby. I wonder if my DH was Brad Pitt, would I have the same lack of mojo??? hehehe ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kelpa
Date Posted: 27 June 2007 at 8:06pm
Well I totally understand this as when I had Paige I thought I would never have sex again....However the "drive" did return and was one night after a couple of glasses of bubbly!! If there is anything thats going to bring it back a few glasses will so do the trick i reckon! This time in our household..Ive been a keen participant for a wee while now....but Poor Old Mark is gone at 4:30 in the morn, gets home at 6 then works every Saturdays..so he just has no energy at all! Oh well....its not a biggie! -------------  
 
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