I screwed up...
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=862
Printed Date: 10 October 2025 at 6:50am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: I screwed up...
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Subject: I screwed up...
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 10:54am
Ok, this is weird but I need to talk about it with someone and I don't have anyone here that I can tell.
My lawyer just rang me with the results of the paternity test and it has come back that Chris is not the father. I feel so horrible. Guilty for putting him and his family through the whole ordeal, terrible for being so promiscuous and not knowing who the father of my child is, and shocked because I was so positive it was Chris. Everything fit with him. The dates, the completely unprotected sex, it was two weeks after my period, everything! Now that has all been turned upside down. I don't want to tell my parents or anyone I know. They'll all think that I'm such a sl*t. (Although them not knowing doesn't make me any less of a slapper... it's just not so out in the open! damnit!) 
I feel bad for Hannah too. Although she doesn't know the difference. I still feel like I betrayed her. 
... I'm sitting in the uni library crying. Everyone must think I'm a complete fruit loop. I feel like crap. |
Replies:
Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:04am
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Please don't beat yourself up nikki, your not the only person this has happenend to and I doubt you'll be the last! And you are so NOT a slapper.
We have all no doubt, had periods in our life that we aren't proud of me included, that doesn't make you a bad person it makes you normal. Just look at it this way at least you have now ruled chris out, and as hard as it was for him and his family at least they know now, that's much better than finding out in five or six years. You haven't betrayed hannah at all you were trying to do right by her, don't ever forget that. Just remember we all make mistakes, please don't be to hard on yourself. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:05am
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Oh Nikki, how awful for you! Don't be so hard on yourself! There are a few months that if I had gotten pregnant God only knows who the father would have been! That doesn't make you a slapper, it just means that you made some *interesting* decisions. And who hasn't?
You haven't betrayed Hannah either! You are a great Mum to her, regardless of who her father is, and that is what is important right now. And I'm sure your parents will be supportive when you feel ready to tell them, you are their daughter and Hannah is their granddaughter and that is important to them. Sending you heaps and heaps and heaps of hugs sweetie! Is there any chance the test was wrong? I remember when Willie asked for a DNA test being semi-paranoid that it would come back negative when there was no possible way anyone else could be her Dad. That kind of bad luck stuff always happens to me. Thinking of you! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:07am
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ditto for everything that vicky said.... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:07am
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Oh Nikki.......
Dont feel bad....Every one makes mistakes (no one is perfect) and none of us on here think of you as a ......All we know is that you are a great mum to Hannah. Well atleast you know that Chris is not the Dad! Does it really matter if you dont know? Would Hannah be loved any less? Dont beat your self up about it.....(Even tho I can just imagine what you are going thru) Lots of  coming your way!------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:09am
PS Nikki, wasn't it you that said that Chris would be a useless Dad? Maybe Hannah got lucky after all  ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:11am
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Oh Nikki!!!!
Are you sure the test didn't screw up or something??? I understand you feeling bad now about telling family etc. and I really can't believe this!! We will have a talk about it this afternoon huh? Will make you feel better!!
Now don't want you to think I am naughty but I swear to god if I had got pregnant at Uni I wouldn't have had a clue who the father was and that isn't a lie.... Hehehe, I went by the "finding a man is like finding the right shoes" principle - have to try lots out before you find the perfect fit....  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:12am
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Ooo I just managed to stop crying and now I've started again... but this time they are better tears. Nice to know that you guys support me
My first thought was that the test was wrong... or that somehow he'd faked it... but I think I'm kidding myself. They don't usually get the tests wrong. Unfortunately it does make a lot more sense now. Hannah looks a lot like the guy who I now suspect is the father. (Don't want to assume here... was bad enough getting it wrong in the first place). The worst thing is that at least with Chris there were some feelings involved and it wasn't a once off. This guy, Nick, was a huuuuge drunken mistake. I kept seeing him at uni and couldn't bring myself to make eye contact because I was so repulsed by the fact that I'd gone home with him. He's an arrogant piece of work. Yuck. Oh well... atleast there was no emotional attachment to her father. I think I'm getting past the shock. Stopped crying again finally! And we can combat this news with the fact that I finally got myself sorted and one of my friends, Zeke, and I finally admitted we like each other. Atleast I'll have a shoulder to cry on when he gets back. (Any excuse to get close)
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:14am
Woooooohoooo, go Zeke!! 
Is he the guy you were telling me about last time I saw you?? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:17am
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It's always good to have a nice (manly) shoulder to cry on ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:18am
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hahahahahahahahahahaha
damnit. No! Really not painting a great picture of myself here. Harley turned out to be better as a friend. I'm glad nothing really happened there. Thought I liked him, but I think it was just a crush to keep myself occupied. I've been trying to get rid of Zeke for months. but he's a persistent bugger. Actually, he's just decided that he'd give up on me when I decided to get over myself! Unfortunately it wasn't great timing as he got really drunk and managed to go home with his ex-girlfriend. (K... painting an even worse picture) but anyway... when he discovered what had happened he felt terrible. (Drunken memory loss) and I told him that he has a couple of months worth of grovelling to do before I'll take him seriously. I think he'll pull through for me. |
Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:19am
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I like that newmum, I think that's how I would prefer to remember my umm, lets say youthful days. Nikki it sounds like hannah has the perfect mum and doesn't need to worry if she never sees her "sperm donor", he sounds like he doesn't deserve the title of father. Good to hear you've found someone nice, it sounds like it is well overdue. Goodluck! ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:42am
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Hey Nikki.
Okay first, you sound like you a great mum to Hannah!! So don't worery about that...secondly...we...well some of us....have made some as Emma put it...interesting choices...during university...and high school, and had anythng "happened", DNA tests (plural) would be involved......that's all i"ll say on the matter 
It sounds like you've got a great family who will love and support you no matter what so good luck telling them!! Looking forward to meeting you and Hannah when we come back...hopefully they've BOTH grown out of the biting stage by then |
Posted By: Donna.I
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 12:54pm
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As i say life happens. We make mistakes. So what if the sperm donor is not part of her life, probably for the better anyway. It is up to you to forage a happy future for you and Hannah whether single, or with someone. Often paternity and the name on the certificate only brings more restrictions than otherwise. Happiness is just a moment away, make it happen. Go live life. |
Posted By: mumstheword
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 4:43pm
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Trust me you are not the only one like that, my friend (white) had a son 7weeks ago and hasnt told the babys dad as she told him he wasnt the dad... even though she tells her friends he is, he was abusive and didnt want a kids... she wasnt with this guy but he was an ex from a year ago, he is very very dak skinned. they got drunk and slept togeter, the night before we were out and she cant remember the guys name or anything but took him down the ally beside the pub and mad out... Im the only person that knows that he could probably be dad... as her son isnt dark at all, very fair hair and skin.. but she is so ashamed to tell any body, but When her son is older and wants to find out who his dad is everybody thinks its this other guy...
So dont feel bad it dosnt make you a slapper or a bad person at all, it happens more often than people let out... You sound like a great mum so hold your head high and be proud of that.. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 9:18pm
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Thanks ladies!
Feeling much better now. Glad to know that I'm not the only one who was "free" at university. Don't feel half as bad! I'll talk to my lawyer tomorrow about whether I even go for paternity. I might try and track down Nick and see what he has to say first. I'm not sure he even remembers me  Poor guy is going to freak when he gets that phone call!!!
I'll work on Zeke in the mean time. He's got a promising legal career... so if I can rope him in then I won't need to worry about Nick at all! hehehe
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Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 16 August 2005 at 9:18pm
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Hey Nikki, Hugs your way from us as well, was nice to see you today and hope your feeling bit better with it all now. Good luck with telling your parents and if you need someone to talk to remember any one of us is here if you ever need us k!
Your one great mum to Hannah (who's absolutely adorable might I add) and whats happened is nothing to be ashamed of, you can only move on from here! As everyone on here has stated we all (or most people) have had moments like that, I think its just part of growing up these days, I dont know anyone my age that hasnt dont it! Good luck and take care k Hugs, Amy and Summer |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 17 August 2005 at 9:25am
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OMG Nikki what a shock for you! Nothing changes the fact that you are a fantastic mum to Hannah. Hope your feeling better today! If you decide not to have the paternity test done at least keep Nick's name written down so that if Hannah wants when she is older she can track him down). Big hugs. Dont be too hard on yourself! ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 17 August 2005 at 1:25pm
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omigoodness nikki, I cannot imagine how bad you must feel but all i can do is agree with what everyone else has said. you are a great mum, you obviously don't let anything stop you from achieveing what you want in life and no matter what i'm sure you'll get by fine without hannah's dad in her life. from personal experience, all i say is I think would rather have no dad, than a dad who didn't give me the time of day. Hannah should never have to know what it's like to have a parent who doesn't care for her... instead all she will know is she has a mummy who loves her very much.
Chin up and i hope you feel better soon. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: Wizzle
Date Posted: 20 August 2005 at 10:28am
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love makes a parent....not body fluids!
so relax and enjoy motherhood!
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 20 August 2005 at 4:10pm
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Haha Told my Dad today! I was dreading what his reaction would be. I put it in such a strange way (due to nerves) that he thought I was trying to tell him I was pregnant again, so he was sooo relieved when he figured out what I was actually trying to say!!!
Worked out very well
Zeke is grovelling in a big way. Bought me roses when he got home last night and is apparently going to take me out for dinner when he gets back from his holiday. I'm very open to being bought off
Maybe there is hope for me and males. I've been a sceptic up until now! hehe Definitely enjoying Hannah. She's such a happy kid. Crazy how the biggest mistake of my life (Grr Nick) can turn into the best thing that has ever happened to me! |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 20 August 2005 at 4:46pm
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Thats great that your dad took the news well. So the guy that you originally thought was the dad, had Hannah bonded with his family or they with her at all? And if they did will they still keep in contact? Hey you can tell me to butt out!
Great news about Zeke, keep us informed of any developments .......... Okay i lead a sad existence been with the same man for 11 years. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 21 August 2005 at 12:04am
| ooh, yeah I was abouyt to ask...why is he grovelling? What had he done? And are you officially dating yet....weird, do people actually "date" or is that a Beverly Hills 90210 thing...although I like the idea of a free dinner. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 21 August 2005 at 2:03pm
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LOL Lizzle, after 6 years Willie and I do occasionally go on 'dates'. No free meals tho - I usually end up paying! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 21 August 2005 at 6:53pm
| i think i had one date..at the celtic in palmy, and the guy got really drunk and threw up in the toilets and the barman took me home...literally took me home...not like....well you know, he's about 90 |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 21 August 2005 at 8:09pm
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lol oh yay.
I think i had about 3 dates with mike... a couple of mates parties and going to the movies. I think i was pretty sceptical about him cos he was all the girl's best friend... for so long even after we were going out, every time we walked into bars etc there would be at least 3 or 4 girls in a groups that would all be like "mikey!!!!!" and come running and screaming and hug him. it was a worry. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 22 August 2005 at 10:13pm
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Maria... They never met Hannah (fortunately for them, I would feel extra terrible if they had bonded) but it was hard enough for Zoe to come around to the fact that she had a grandchild and then she was quite excited but she stayed out of it for Chris's sake. Now she doesn't have a grandchild I feel worst for her. Atleast Chris was still in denial. That way he was just relieved!
Zeke is grovelling because he slept with his exgirlfriend the night that I decided to reveal that I liked him. (After months of me fending off his drunken advances! Although I wasn't the only one recieving them ) His Dad is a psychotherapist and gave me some counselling the other night (hahah it was very funny talking to him about all the stuff that was going on) but he explained that Zeke and Kat had some unfinished business and now that she isn't 'the one that got away' he can move on from her. Yeah, he isn't sounding like a very good catch at the moment, but I've laid down the law and it's clear that I won't tolerate any of that stuff going down if we are together.
I'm going out on an official outing with him next weekend. Exgirlfriend will be there. I think it's partly so that he can confirm that he won't be going back there with her. It'll be interesting to see how she reacts to me, or me with her, I can't imagine I'll be too hostile
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 22 August 2005 at 10:31pm
| oooh, you can say things like "oh that's a lovely outfit, i wish I could wear something like that but it never comes in a small enough size, but I ghuess you don't have that problem.".....oh, I was such a lovely girl in high school, can't you tell? |
Posted By: AnnaD
Date Posted: 23 August 2005 at 11:01am
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Hiya nikki...
Sorry for the late reply, sounds like you've had a rough time!! Do not stress about Hannah, she is so very lucky to have a mum like you, you are doing a bl**dy hard job by yourself and from the sounds of it you are doing it perfectly!! I too have a drop kick dad, haven't seen him for yonks and while i did gothru a phase when i thought that having a dad would make life better, it only took me about a week and a half to realise i was SO MUCH better off!! It was just mum and me and we travelled the world when i was younger, you have so much to look forward to and no permission to seek! Enjoy it! And good luck with this new man, don't know the story but enjoy it all!! The last time i went on a date was so long ago i can barely remember what we did, I know there was ice creama t mission bay but it was too cold and my dork of a DP forgot a jumper so we sta in the car!! How romantic!! ------------- Anna and Quinn 10 July 2004 www.quinnariki.blogspot.com and one more on the way.... http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 23 August 2005 at 3:16pm
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haha lizzle i can't actually imagine you saying that!
thanks Anna i can't wait to take Han travelling! It'll be so much fun!
I think maybe you guys should all request a romantic night out with your partners/husbands. Sounds like the have some making up to do! Dates kinda scare me tho. I can only imagine it'd be less scary when the date is with someone you have been with for ages. |
Posted By: AnnaD
Date Posted: 23 August 2005 at 5:15pm
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The best thing about dating someone new is that they have to make an effort to impress... Andy used to do all sorts, now i think he figures I have been snagged there is no need to worry anymore! Lucky me? ------------- Anna and Quinn 10 July 2004 www.quinnariki.blogspot.com and one more on the way.... http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 23 August 2005 at 5:30pm
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hehehe, sounding good on the Zeke front!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 23 August 2005 at 9:32pm
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Oh how exciting Nikki, good luck!! Maybe you can give me some tips for future reference, only dates I've ever been on since summers shes gone along as well (apart from one night with my ex when his mum watched summer but we'd already been together ages).
Hope it all goes well 
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Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 24 August 2005 at 6:39am
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Nikki glad to hear things are looking up for you. Mentioned the romantic date to hubby and his reply was, "why do we need to do that your already bagged, tagged and sealed" Charming aye I feel like a lettuce. Never mind you have fun on your date and enjoy. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 24 August 2005 at 7:54am
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LMAO Vick, oooohhh geee guys are so romantic ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 24 August 2005 at 9:02am
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I cant remember the last time we did some thing romantic???? I think it was just after I got pregnant???
Oh my...better plan some thing! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 24 August 2005 at 10:54am
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Peter has been very lovey-dovey since Josef arrived! He is on cloud nine. So sweet! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 24 August 2005 at 11:14am
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Aww...arent you lucky!!
I hope my hubby is the same after bub is born......
So were you expecting a boy Ana? or was it a big surprise? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 24 August 2005 at 5:38pm
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It was a huge surprise. I really wanted a boy but I let myself be talked into the fact that I was having a girl. everyone was soooo sure! So I was surprised when he was a he!! Yay! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 25 August 2005 at 12:46am
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lol Vick. You need to remind him that now you've had his kids, doesn't mean he can get away with not taking you out!
Ana, you and Peter (Peter right? Don't wanna get it too wrong) sound like you are so very in love! It's really cute! Can't remember actually meeting too many married couples like that, sad to say. I'm impressed! Roksana, now you've got rid of MIL is the perfect time
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 25 August 2005 at 8:58am
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I know Nikki...but it seems like all we do now is.....I get home and cook dinner, while he is at gym/soccer and then we eat and watch tv and bed......ohhhhh how romantic is that?
Aahhhh I miss the good old days!  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 25 August 2005 at 3:06pm
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I know Nikki - I really can't believe it either. I never thought it was possible to still be in love with someone, even love them more after 5 and a half years!!! It is so nice.
Josef was born on our 5 1/2 year anniversary, lol. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 25 August 2005 at 7:55pm
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Hi guys! Sorry for the incredibley delayed reply- been in Nelson so haven't had a chance to go online. Good to hear about your silver lining Nikki :) And congratulations Ana- I know you'll be rapt with a little boy.
Might see you both on Tuesday :) ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 26 August 2005 at 5:02pm
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Hmm... cant think of anything romantic we've done lately - maybe getting married in January!! Pretty much dinner, tv, bed for us too! ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 26 August 2005 at 11:06pm
| the most romantic lewis does is look after Jake on Sunday mornings so I can sleep in. written down it doesn't seem as impressive, but it is!!!! |
Posted By: Xander&Harmony
Date Posted: 27 August 2005 at 10:02am
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i no liz.nath bdoes the same most mornings.he tends to Xander ie breakfast and chage into new clothges. ------------- BECS http://www.sparklee.com"> 
Angel Baby 10/07/09 (10wks4days) |