I remember when I got pregnant with Josh and I felt so guilty that I wouldn't have anytime for Andrew and he would be left out because of this new baby in the house. Once Josh was here Andrew actually got more time with me as Josh was sleeping more and I didn't have this huge bump in front of me.

The older child I think gets over the fact that there is someone else there that needs mummy. I know I did some horrible things to my younger sister when she came (pulling her around by the ears at 3 weeks old ) but its a learnig curve for them. Andrew did the same he pulled Josh up from his play mat to the chair while I was in the shower. I know I didn't want Andrew to be an only child as he is such a social person so maybe thing about how Caitlin would feel if she is an only child?

I also thing it is best just to forget about TTC sometimes and as you say your not looking at doing it till Kan next year so for the next 6 months maybe just temp every other day or maybe even give that up for a few months to give you a break fromdoing it.

Aww Toni, only you will know what is right for your family.
I would keep up the temps as you have the next 6 months to decided what is best.

I had last week with Tyrell as his carer was sick, then in the weekend he turned to crap. His carer was happy to have him today, he grizzled all morning as he had not had enough sleep, then when I dropped him off for the 1st time ever he cried. So all the way to work I balled like a pathtic kid! I am only now just recovering now! I so hate leaving him at the mo! (I did text his carer and he was sound asleep...so he is fine)

Toni, I can really relate to what you're saying, as I have many of the same feelings myself. Emma Rose was unplanned, so when I got over the shock of being pregnant, and then the shock of her birth, and then the shock of those first few months of sleep deprivation and "life as I knew it ending", I had pretty much decided that one was enough for me -- mainly because I couldn't see myself going through all of that again. Learning to be a parent has been very hard for me, and I know that I am not ready to learn to parent two children. I do feel clucky when I hold other people's babies, but I don't yet feel a strong pull toward having another one. My gut reaction is, "No, not yet, maybe not ever." Until that gut reaction changes, I'm going to stay on the birth control.

At the same time, my mother always said that loving another child was like lighting another candle -- you have twice the light. I don't necessarily think you have to be "certain" or "ready" to have a baby (or another baby), because if we all thought about it, who was REALLY in the "ideal" situation when they had their first child? I know I certainly wasn't. But even if I had been pregnant with my first child now, I still wouldn't be in the "ideal" situation. We're human, and we grow and adapt because we have to and because life demands it. Things never happen the way we plan for them to happen.

I think what the other ladies are saying is really valid -- you have to give yourself a break. Take the pressure off yourself. I don't know if giving yourself a deadline to decide whether to conceive is even the best thing to do, because you might feel the same ambivalence in January that you do now, and then you'd feel even MORE pressure to make a decision.

It also sounds like your husband's work situation is a big factor in your thought process, feeling like you never see him and feeling somewhat caught by his attitude toward the number of children he wants. Are you able to sit down with him and explore the possibilities? Find out WHY he's so set on having two kids? Is it a "white picket fence" dream where he feels like if he has two kids, he's fulfilling some sort of societal measurement of success? Why would be opposed to only having one child? Maybe if you can flesh these things out, without getting too emotional about it (because it is an emotional topic, but if you can keep it on the neutral side while you talk, you might learn more), that would give you some insights into his dreams and goals and ideals.

Big giant hugs, Toni, and by the way, this is all my opinion, so please don't be offended -- take what you want and leave the rest.

With the business does it HAVE to stay in the family?? A friend of my parents had a joinery business and he sold it but stayed on and worked as the manager therefore not having the stress of running the business and being able to work a normal 9-5 and knowing there is going to be money coming in each week. Now they are really happy. Don't worry about the in laws I went back to work when Andrew was 2 months old (I was a casual as soon as the PPL finished) and worked 3 4 hour shifts in the evening and then went fulltime when he was 5 months old.

With having Josh we are so far better off financially due the family assistance rate (goes up heaps with 2 children) so even thou you can only get $5 now after the 2nd it might be $50 and $50 a week is better than a kick in the butt!!!

I am pleased that you and DH are on the same page.

I will also lend a spade should the need arise!