What a weekend! (LONG RANT SORRY)
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=9186
Printed Date: 19 October 2025 at 11:30am Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: What a weekend! (LONG RANT SORRY)
Posted By: mamanee
Subject: What a weekend! (LONG RANT SORRY)
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 1:06am
Some of you may know that I have the MIL from hell.. And some of you also have the MIL from hell so you'll know where I'm coming from.
Ok, so this weekend we went over to stay with the inlaws. We packed up the car and the three of us went on Friday afternoon. We get there about 6 and Sam is tired. I say he needs to go to bed. So we put him to bed and have dinner. After dinner I go and lie down. Half an hour later I am woken up to hear Sam screaming his head off, so I go into the bedroom she put him in, in the portacot she has bought him and find that he isn't in there.
He's in the lounge, face down on the floor because she decided to get him up to play and thought that he would like some tummy time. He is still tired and now hungry. So I get his bottle ready. I sit down to feed him and
she says: 'Oh, I didn't want to assume anything, but I thought that maybe I would be allowed to feed him'.
So I say: 'Oh, that's fine, you can feed him if you want to (thinking I was being nice).
Then I get: 'No, you need to feed him, as you should be doing all you can to bond with him since you aren't breastfeeding him'. WTF?!?!WTF?!?! I ignored this.
Then I put him to bed at 8:30 as he is soooooooo overtired and crying his eyes out.
I say: 'He is very tired, it has been a long day and he has been up for a while and that's why he is grizzling.'
She says: 'I don't agree, I think that travelling must be uncomfortable for him and the carseat is at a funny angle and he doesn't like sitting in it for such a long time, that is why he is unsettled.' (He slept the whole way there in the car)
Fast forward to next morning after he had slept for 8.5 hours. YAY
I get up and she asks to feed him.
I say: 'Ok, you can feed him but he needs to be changed as soon as you're finished, or even beforehand as he's quite wet, if you don't want to do it, come and get me afterwards and I will do it'.
TWO HOURS LATER: She comes into the bedroom where I am sleeping, puts Sam on the bed ontop of me and says 'He is all wet and has peed on me, I am going to have a shower'. Of course he is wet, he has been sitting in a wet nappy for friggen ages and it is full you silly bitch.
Later on that day: She says 'I want to take Sam to see Sally (her boss)'. She kept saying it and kept asking and I said 'Well I would like to have a shower first'.
So I go and have a shower and get ready to go and she is looking after Sam. After a while of sitting there waiting for her to let me know when we were going, I say 'What time would you like to go and see Sally'. She says, 'I don't think we should go as Sam isn't settled enough to take visiting'. He was grizzling in the portacot in the bedroom so I go in there to find out why he is upset. He has a very very dirty nappy, it has leaked out the sides and he has been sitting in it since before I had a shower (she wanted to look after him and I thought I was being nice by leaving her to it and letting her bond with him).
Ok, so I'll stop ranting and raving now, but will add that all weekend she was non-stop with comments like:
The bathwater is too deep
The bathwater is too hot, you will mark his skin
You aren't bonding with him because you are not breastfeeding
Those clothes are too short and will stunt his growth
He doesn't want anymore of that bottle, take it out of his mouth
He is hungry
He is too cold
He is too warm
He needs mittens
He needs a cardigan on him
I would change his nappy more often (I change him everytime I feed him plus as soon as I know he is dirty)
Disposable nappies don't agree with babies skin
You should be using washable wipes, those ones don't agree with babies skin
He doesn't talk/smile/lift himself up/move/turn his head/look at her as much as her other grandchildren did at that age.
You aren't stimulating him enough
You should be reciting nursery rhymes to him
You shouldn't let him sleep in so late in the morning
He needs to be going to sleep between 8pm and about 6am
He needs to be wrapped
He should have woolen blankets on him
He is spitting up, he must have a tummy ache, maybe he doesn't like the fomula you have him on
While talking to Sam she says to him "Your mummy and daddy don't even know you're alive" WTF?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
Before this weekend I would say things like 'Oh, I do like her, she is just a wee bit forceful'
After this weekend I HATE HER GUTS and I never want to see her again. She is a f**king bitch and I can't do anything right and neither can her son. We are made to feel like we are terrible parents who are leaving him dirty, dumb, understimulated, undernourished and unloved.
Why the hell should I spend the whole weekend crying in the bedroom because of her.
She doesn't even know that she is doing it.
Sorry guys. I know this is longwinded and just another MIL rant and I should stand up to her, but she is a psycho and would only make it worse for us if we did.
|
Replies:
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 2:07am
No advice chicky but huge and lots of for managing not to kill her!
ETA - She's a nutjob btw, there is obviously no truth to her comments since Sam is such a gorgeous, happy, thriving little bubba!
------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
|
Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 6:49am
OMG, she would give the devil a run for his money. I can't give you any advice apart from ignore her and I guess try and give her a very wide berth.
Sounds like she doesn't deserve any of you, what a cow. Is there any chance of getting DH to stand up and say shape up?
------------- Abigail 06/01/2005
Jayden 21/11/2001
Micheal 03/04/1997
|
Posted By: SuziE
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 7:51am
neeandsam wrote:
Those clothes are too short and will stunt his growth |
Im sorry but LOL what a spinner!!!!
Id pop that list of crappy things she said in an envelope with a note explaining that you dont need such negativity in your life and post it too her ... I wouldnt go back for a visit ...who wants that crap around their children ...
She really needs an attitude adjustment ...
------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 7:57am
I wouldn't go back either. I wouldn't want my child to be around someone who clearly has zero respect for me or my DP. Renee. Remember you are a great mum and you are doing a great job. I know its easier said than done but try not top let her get you down. I like SuziE's idea of posting her comments to her.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 8:09am
unforturly she knows what shes doing and i wouldnt go and see her either what a little cow
------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a>
|
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 8:29am
If my MIL said things like that I wouldn't be able to keep quiet. I'd tell her to shut the hell up. If that didn't work she would not be near my child until she knows how to be "nice". And I'd make sure my DH had some blimmin stern words to his mother.
|
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 8:35am
altho in a different context some of that advice might be well founded - and i have received a lot like it and taken a lot from it.......it does sound like she is being a pain in the a*** and DH needs to tell her that after the weekend she needs to pull her head in or she wont see her grandson!!!
I too say post her a letter saying - i was looking forward to the weekend but came away disappointed that you could not allow me to enjoy the weekend (us if u speak for DH too) and the reasons were your continued coments such as: - list! etc etc...
|
Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 9:01am
Its stories like this that make me happy i dont have to deal with a MIL lol.
Id hate to think what my ex's mother would be like seeing as she never liked me from the beginning hehe.
Sorry Renee that must suck.
It must be so terrible. If it were me i would have yelled and left by the first day hehe. You must have more patience than i do!
------------- Melanie.
Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs
|
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 9:12am
aaaargh big hugs from me, I know EXACTLY what you mean!!
------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 9:13am
OMG you poor thing what a bitch well if it was me I would never go see her again.
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
Was danni-chick
Mum to James
My Angel 28/07/08
|
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 9:36am
OMG you are a saint to put up with this woman. I couldn't stay quiet either. Either tell her how you feel and tell her to stop interfereing, or just don't bother with her and let her come to you.
She obviously has some inferiority issues, not your problem.
I'm surprised you didn't hit her.
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
[/url]
Angel June 2012
|
Posted By: JD
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 9:42am
I had a mil sort of like that (not quite a bad i don't think)...anyway, I was just a new young mother doing the best I could and she would comment on everything I did plus she had the most annoying voice in all the world (TMI to follow and sorry might gross you out)......so I spat in her coffee! Amazingly I felt immediately better ....then I got the courage to tell her to back off or we wouldn't be visiting her any more.
good luck! Sounds like your doing a good job. Oh and congratulations on not killing her!
------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 9:50am
that sucks! I would make DH have a word to her because that is NOT on. and add that if she is going to treat your family like that you will no longer visit. get him to be the bad one.
|
Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 10:05am
Big Renee. MIL's are a bitch, i know first hand!!
You are a fantastic Mum, you do a great job & you know your baby best!!! Ignore the B**CH, write her a letter or confront her with how you feel.
I told my MIL last week to feck off(Damn her living in the same town!!) She is also very opinionated. I said "This is my baby, I am his MUM, these are my boobs & I will do it how I feel comfortable. If you arent going to be supportive & encourage us then I dont want your negativity here" She just looked at me lol. Then left not long after. HAHAHA
She had all these great ideas about breastfeeding & thought that I held him wrong & let him feed for to long & that is why my nipples bleed & got all cracked. (ID seen a lactation consultant & that was our plan of attack)
I felt like telling her if se knows so much about it why doesnt she become a lactation consultant!!!
------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007
|
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 10:11am
ohhh what a bitch. . Well done on making it through the weekend without killing her. You are a better woman than I.
-------------
Jayde 25/12/04
Alyssa 08/04/03
http://Alyayde.bebo.com
|
Posted By: Leelee
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 10:23am
Oh no poor you, she has some issues that she needs to sort out before she does any more damage with her mouth. I agree with writing her a letter, she needs to know how you feel.
|
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 10:29am
Def write then down and send them to her with attached if this continues we won't be bringing him to see you as he doesn't need to hear negative things all the time.
------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
|
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 1:46pm
Well I'd be spending a whole shower time practising saying what Glow said. It gets to the point without just being revengeful and not helping the situation. If you ever have to stay with her again, I'd take care of ALL feeds and ALL nappy changes and if she can have a hold of him or whatever, I'd be coming over say 10 minutes later and asking for him back! And I'd be going for a walk, by myself (well actually with baby and probably DH too), every day - for some space!
Trouble with in-laws is that they are always related, I don't like my FIL very much but I'm trying really hard to let things work out so my DH and kids can still enjoy him being in their lives, even if it is hard work.
-------------
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 2:03pm
you poor girl! what a b*tch!
you dont need that, i suppose your dh has to still see her cos its her mum , but you dont need that crap, being a first time mum is hard enough without constantly being criticised.
And btw -from what you were saying for eg that she can feed him after hes been changed it was obvious you were the one with more of a clue than her, and very clear that you are responsible and doing a great job
|
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 2:26pm
Oh my gosh, she sounds horrible!!
To be honest, (and very easy from my position) you've got nothing to lose by telling her how upset her comments have made you. Either she'll react badly and you'll be justified in never staying with her again, or she might take some time to reflect on what she's been saying.
Sometimes they have a hard time working out that YOU are the parent and not them. It does get better as the kids get older and they realise that you aren't doing such a bad job afterall.
Anyway, you are doing a fab job Renee - don't doubt yourself at all
|
Posted By: verity
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 2:38pm
OMG!!!!! i know it's hard, but you have to say something!!!!
I mean no you really want a negative cow like that around your lil one!!!! infecting them with sh*t!!!!
she has serious problems, clearly a dumb cow, and thinks she knows it all..... i bet she was a horrible controlling mother.... your hubby needs to put his mother in her place, and if she is going to continue to undermind you as a mother then she isn't going to get be around his family...she needs to respect you and you have to demand it....write her a letter or phone her, but you have to stand up for you rights as a mother and woman.....
my MIL used to say some things, nothing like, more my mother!!!! and i just had enough and said, it's my life mind your buisness if i want your opinion i will ask!!
At the end of the day babe, you know in your heart that you two are doing a great job raising sam! and who cares what she thinks! leave her to her sad little life......
You are a mum now, and you must protect your child and family from those negative comments out there!! it's your child, your right, only you know what is right for them...you pushed it out!!!! the pain, the carrying it for 9months!!!
stay strong and just ignore the insecure cow!!!!! but stand together and tell her!!!! to Piss off!!!!!!
good luck babe....... sam looks lovely...... happy......well done...enjoy
|
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 3:55pm
Mate that's just not on - it sounds to me like she's jealous, and her way of dealing with it, is to be a b*tch to all of those around her. I also feel that she doesn't like not being in control. From what you said, you were very clear with her, on what Sam needed and when, and she deliberatly ignored you, hence the dirty nappies etc.
One thing I was wondering while reading your post, where was your partner when all of this was happening? Does he stand up to his mum? Defending his family, from her malicious comments, because that's what they were.
I think she needs to be sent to time out - meaning that you don't see her for awhile... a very long while! Stay away, and get back to being the happy thriving family that you have been.
Or the other option is to have it out with her with the full support of your partner, if you don't have his support don't go there.
Take a look at your little boy and see how wonderful he is; that's testimony that you are doing the right thing by him. That's what's important.
------------- Mr Mellow (16)
Miss Attitude (8)
Destructa Kid (3)
|
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 3:59pm
AlyAyde wrote:
ohhh what a bitch. . Well done on making it through the weekend without killing her. You are a better woman than I. |
What she said!
As if your GP wasn't bad enough making you feel like you are overfeeding Sam, like you need MIL putting her two cents (or two dollars by the sounds of it!) in and making you feel like a failure.
Head up girl, I'm sure you are a brilliant mother, and I can't wait to see wee Sam again soon! And if you bring your MIL to the meet up I'll box her chops for you
-------------
Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
 The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: AnnieB
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 4:21pm
OMG! your a great mother dont let that sill old cow tell you other wise! you know Sam better then she does
at her
to you and well done for getting through the weekend without killing her
------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 4:24pm
I am sometimes quite happy not to have any family in NZ
Keep your chin up Renee, don't let her get to you
------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
|
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 4:54pm
 Big hugs chicka and dont let that old bat make you feel like a bad mum. Your doing a great job with your wee man She is definitely doing an AWFUL job is a Nana!
------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs
|
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 5:46pm
That is awful. I think my Dh will go give her a bash for you, I just read your post to him and he was also horrfied.
She sounds a little like my mother - who I don't see anymore. I hope your DH is supporting you with this - did he notice what was going on? Sometimes they don't.
I guess at least if you have to travel to see them they aren't round the corner to see every day.
-------------

|
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 6:53pm
Thank you every one for your encouraging words of advice and sympathy! It means a lot to me to be able to come on here and let it all out!
As to the questions about whether my DP knows or supports me, yes he does, definitely. She always picks a time to comment when he is out of the room because she knows if he hears her, he will go nuts at her. He has said to me that if I can even stand up to her just a little bit, he will back me up all the way and if she starts to get upset or angry with me for saying something, he will take over from me and let her have it.
We are just sort of working on a game plan as to what to do now/next time.
Thanks again everyone. I have calmed down now.
|
Posted By: SuziE
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 7:08pm
Thats so good that your DP is behind you. One of my girlfriends MIL is exactly the same as yours .. would make horrid remarks when the DP was out of the room ... and her DP didnt believe her ... caused no end of trouble ...
------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: bumblefoot
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 7:32pm
Crush, Kill, Destroy....ad infinitum....OMG what a sad old bean! You are TRULY a better woman thatn I, I would have stuck it to her in no uncertain terms, and told her that if she couldnt behave like an adult, then she would be treated like a child. She would be ignored until her behaviour improved, and a sound apology was recieved. Then strict visitation and all comments logged so she could see what damager her words were having. Or, I would have turned her comments around, and picked to bits every little thing she did, 'oh, I would never have stacked the dishes like that, its so unhygienic...etc. Which is of course the less high browed approach, but no less satisfying.
Well done on keeping your chin up, and if I can be as good a Mum as you are, then I will be a happy woman! Take care chicka, I will be watching with baited breath.
|
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 7:49pm
neeandsam wrote:
We are just sort of working on a game plan as to what to do now/next time. |
-------------
|
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 8:42pm
I am sorry to hear you didn't have a nice weekend. It is nice to hear that your DP is in there with you.
|
Posted By: MILF
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 9:03pm
i am so amazed at your dp's reaction - where do i find the manual that programs that function into men? big big ups to him for being so willing to stand up to her like that for you.
what a hard weekend you had, i can sympathise with how you must have felt. and i so know what you mean with the crying in the bedroom. but you have done it and survived it, and hopefully will have a great plan in place (with several great comebacks up your sleeve just for fun) for the future.
you hold all the aces, your mil just hasnt realised it yet - you have the grandchild!!!!
------------- Lyla - mum to
Xanthe - my big 4 year old
and
Jordis - 1 year old
|
Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 9:27pm
MILF wrote:
i am so amazed at your dp's reaction - where do i find the manual that programs that function into men? big big ups to him for being so willing to stand up to her like that for you. |
Not easily programmed. Usually takes an eyeopener or two for guys to click onto it like that. I know it can be especially hard at the beginning to pick between two people you love (mum vs wife.) You've known your mum for so long and you barely know this new person. But if the guy is switched on he'll eventually realise that standing up beside his wife and supporting her is the best thing for his family (and himself).
IL's aren't the parents. And although they do (and i think should) have some influence in the family, they aren't the ones who get called on (usually) when little Sammies in trouble with the police.
Anyway enough with that OT. I hope you're feeling better and can come up with a good plan of attack for this issue. It's not nice when that kind of nastiness happens.
------------- Defending the male species since 1980
|
Posted By: MyMinis
Date Posted: 17 July 2007 at 9:21am
sounds like my 3wks with my MIL staying here renee.
after nearly 3yrs of her telling me how to be a good partner to df and how to be a bette rmum i snapped, lol dont think she'll be back up here in a hurry
glad to hear your man backs you.
i think they all plan the best time to attack the DIL lol.
heres hoping she backs off next tiem and lets you parent in your own way, jsut rememebr your a great mum, and oyu ahve a happy healthy boy.
------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
http://tweetytweety85.bebo.com - bebo
|
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 17 July 2007 at 2:07pm
Renee, ia m so pleased to hear that DP is being so supportive - it can't be easy when it is their mum, if you know what I mean. Fingers crossed the next time is easier for you.
-------------

|
Posted By: Rackhell
Date Posted: 17 July 2007 at 5:43pm
Not to rain on the parade, but it's not likely that your MIL will change her attitude to you or your parenting style... She's a drama queen and I hope that the next meeting (if you want there to be one) goes much better.
|
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 17 July 2007 at 6:09pm
Rackhell wrote:
Not to rain on the parade, but it's not likely that your MIL will change her attitude to you or your parenting style... She's a drama queen and I hope that the next meeting (if you want there to be one) goes much better. |
I totally 100% agree with you. Knowing this woman for nearly two years I can safely say that she will never change and will never accept that she is in the wrong and that forcing her opinions onto me is offensive. The only thing I can do is to change the way I react to her and toughen up a bit.
I honestly and truly think that she has a screw loose, and sometimes feel sorry for her that she battles so hard with her insecurites and issues.
I am confident with my parenting skills and feel that I am doing a good job, but when it comes down to it, the biggest insult to me is an insult to my abilities as a mother.
|
Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 17 July 2007 at 8:33pm
neeandsam wrote:
Rackhell wrote:
Not to rain on the parade, but it's not likely that your MIL will change her attitude to you or your parenting style... She's a drama queen and I hope that the next meeting (if you want there to be one) goes much better. |
I totally 100% agree with you. Knowing this woman for nearly two years I can safely say that she will never change and will never accept that she is in the wrong and that forcing her opinions onto me is offensive. The only thing I can do is to change the way I react to her and toughen up a bit. |
Good for you Renee, that is such a great approach. I read through all of this thinking the same as Rackhell, no matter what you say to her your MIL doesn't sound like she'll change, and ultimately that could just end up being more frustrating for you and cause more dramas, which would ultimately play right into her hands.
She sounds like a negative, frustrating, hurtful person, and unfortunately she's always going to be your MIL. My two cents worth - the best thing you can do is rise above it, take control over the things you can (your reactions, how much time Sam spends with her unsupervised etc.) and remember that it's not what she thinks that is important, but what you and your DH hink. Your DH sounds lovely!
I really respect how hard you tried on the weekend, letting her feed Sam and have time alone to bond with him, you are a really thoughtful, lovely person, it is unfortunate she can't see it.
It's all so hard, I know. I get mouth ulcers from biting the inside of my mouth so much to stop retorting when my MIL is around. Take the (rightly deserved) compliments on this website and keep them in mind each time she insults you about being a mother.
|
|