DV next door... do you ring the police?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10834
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Topic: DV next door... do you ring the police?
Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Subject: DV next door... do you ring the police?
Date Posted: 18 September 2007 at 9:25pm
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My friend was woken last night by screaming and she went to find out where it was coming from... when she was outside she ran into 2 other neighbours who were also trying to see where it was coming from... it was a guy smacking his GF and she was screaming for help... my friend could hear every blow etc... so anyways the other 2 guys decided that there was nothing they could do and didnt want to get involved (both big lads)
My friend went straight inside and called the police who arrived within 5 mins... they never spoke to my friend for her own safety I guess... So why do some people not do anything?? With all the publicity lately you would think more people would ring the cops... what would you have done?? 
I understand to some it would be scarey but the police will never say where the complaint came from... there are at least 6 houses very close together...? Sorry but just needed to know what other people would have done... its been bugging me all day!! |
Replies:
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 18 September 2007 at 9:32pm
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I definately would phone, how could you live with yourself if you didn't? ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 18 September 2007 at 9:35pm
| Yep - I would've called them too. It's a horrible feeling thinking that no one is going to help you. Your friend did the right thing as that situation could have got a lot worse. Ignoring is almost as bad encouraging it IMO. That poor woman. I hope she's okay. |
Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 18 September 2007 at 9:38pm
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Yeah my friend said she hasnt heard or seen anything in the house today... dont know what the outcome was...
She said the woman was crying for help and screaming etc. She said it was awful hearing the blows...I could never ignore it!!! Wonder if the guys shrugged it off because men dont think that much of it?? Otherwise I cant explain it!! 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 18 September 2007 at 9:40pm
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We used to live in an alright neighbourhood with a tinny (sp?) house almost opposite, and whenever we heard roudiness from parties etc we were never quite sure if it was just people fooling around or actually getting overly angry with each other - it was always guests and always just yelling that we heard. We only called the cops once I think (in a year or two), but it was always so hard to make that judgement call. -------------  |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 18 September 2007 at 9:41pm
Oh and, of course I would have called if I heard blows!!  ------------- |
Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 18 September 2007 at 9:51pm
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Yeah it is hard... we heard a domestic between a pregnant lady once and a man... she was screaming about being pregnant but we had no idea where the screaming etc was coming from... called the cops but they couldnt find them either
I hope my friend gets some sleep tonight she was so worried about it happening again!! |
Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 18 September 2007 at 9:56pm
| It's even worse when they're pregnant. There was a domestic outside my mum's place once between a pregnant couple. The guy punched his girlfriend right in front of the guys that were fixing mums roof so they grabbed him and then rang the cops. What the hell is wrong with these people??!! |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 18 September 2007 at 10:00pm
I'm glad to hear those guys did the right thing. -------------
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Aprilfools wrote:Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 18 September 2007 at 10:08pm
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At our last place there was a couple having a domestic on their back verandah one night at about 2am, and I was debating whether or not to call the cops until I poked my head up to the window and saw him swinging a bottle around - I was on the phone to 111 when I heard glass breaking, so glad I made the call (police and ambulance showed up within 5 mins) I would definitely have called the police in the situation your friend was in.
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 18 September 2007 at 10:43pm
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maybe if more people called the police in situations like these there would be less statistics of death caused by domestic violence, maybe if the people who saw nia glassie on the roof had called the police the outcome for that girl could have been slightly different (tho i think mentally the damage would have been done) .
If we dont speak up for people,how can we ever expect anyone to speak up for us? i can understand if you didnt have anonymity,but we do,noone has to know who called. |
Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 7:27am
Good to hear they did something about it!! My friend said the house was very quiet over night. I agree... If we dont all do something about the violence in the community it will keep happening because these people will think they can get away with it! I have thankfully never been subjected to Domestic Violence but I can only imagine how it must be and to think if my friend hadnt called the police and the girls screams went unreported - she would have felt worse knowing the neighbours heard and didnt do anything to stop it.
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 7:43am
| not sure if any palmy people remember this, a woman was beaten up or killed in the middle of a group of house on Vic. Ave. basically everyone was home, it was early evening and everyone would've been able to hear it. the police charged them all with obstruction or accessory or something because NO ONE called the cops. I think the charges were dropped eventually. |
Posted By: hailstones
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 8:00am
I completly agree!!! And Lizzle I was going to say something similar to you as well - How would those guys have felt if in the morning the cops were there and no longer for DV but for a death!! I think in these kind of situations you have to put yourself in the victims shoes and ask yourself - what would I want to be done about this? I know I would certainly want the cops called. I think if it was happening nextdoor to me and DH was home I would have a job at trying to stop him from going over and sorting the pr*ck out (although we live right in front of local cop so it would take less than 2 minutes for him to be there). I don't know how anyone could walk away!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 9:06am
when we were in our upstairs flat a few years ago a young couple moved in downstairs, Actually thinking back i think it was a chick and her "girlfriend" she had a little boy who went to the same daycare as our girls in the same area as paris at that time. Her partner (or ex, or whatever the heck he was) would come to pick up the child, his missus would park the car out in the flat-complex car park and yell abuse out the window, (which was a long way, because our flats were at the end of the section furthest from there) he would also turn up drunk on thursday, friday saturday nights and hang out there and it always ended up in abuse and yelling, we were really grumpy our peaceful little block of flats had these people living there!
Once when my sister was staying, we were all woken about 2am on saturday morning to hear things being thrown (the walls were concrete so it echoed loud) they were screaming, the little boy was there, we were about to get up and ring the police when SMASH we hear their ranchslider door shatter. and we heard him leave. one of our other neighbours had called the police anyway. we looked over the balcony the next day to see the ranchslider door out on the grass in the middle of the yard.. and various other pieces of furniture in states of broken-smashedness. I worried most for the little boy, i would always feel better when i went to daycare in the mornings and saw that yes, he was there that day. Not too long after that.. things had calmed down after the 1st incident... we again woke to hear the guy one night (well, about 4 am in the morning,) again with the throwing stuff and breaking stuff, and then we hear the hitting, and both ladies and the little boy and that was it, i was up and rung the police in a flash. We heard them arrive and i finally felt i could go back to sleep. We didn't see any of them for days, when we did the poor mum had a very bruised face, Not too long after that the boy stopped attending daycare and they moved somewhere else. It always worried me that they had moved on, to somewhere else, where maybe the next time the neighbours wouldn't step in and ring.  ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 9:11am
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I'd definelty phone...heck knowing my track record I'd probably even jump in and help if I had too. I've been in the middle of stopping an armed hold up before and I don't tend to think twice about that sort of stuff. If someone is in trouble you do something, even if it is just calling the police. I don't understand people who hesitate or worse do nothing. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 9:19am
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I dont think that guys shrug this off - we had an incident like this next door to us, and although we called the cops, DH wasnt going to go over / get involved either. We talked about it afterwards, and he said that his logical brain told him that if someone was willing to smack his wife / gf around then they wouldnt think twice about beating the crap out of him or coming over and laying into me. I think that most men would be horrified / disgusted at this behaviour. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Anna
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 9:29am
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I personally feel it would be best to call the cops, even if you are not sure. I think it would be better to haul the cops over even if not needed than to not call the cops and find out later that you should've. ------------- Anna http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 9:59am
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My DH is a large guy... 6'4" and used to play rugby so he has a big frame as well... but he shys away from conflict but he said he would step in if he had to - also he would cus he knows if he didnt I would!!
Thats so sad mum2paris... Imagine if they moved somewhere rural where there were no neighbours to ring!! I shudder to think sometimes. My friend was very disapointed the 2 guys didnt want to do anything... she said one almost laughed it off and said leave them to it ?!?!?! I dont know many women that could ignore it but wondered if it was a male thing... more likely a personality thing. |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 10:07am
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I totally agree with Anna. So much domestic violence goes unreported - it's about time people started getting involved. We used to have particularly violent and unstable guy living next door. We'd called the police on him a couple of times already - he was a nasty piece of work. I've been known to march on up to the house and get the kids out while DH called the Police, and it turned out that that time he'd been threatening their mum with a huge knife. My heart breaks for those kids. ...stick your beak in, peoples and ring the police! - if you can hear the fighting from your house, it's 10x worse for the people in the house. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 10:47am
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i would definately call 111......imagine how you'd feel if you didn't and the person was killed ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 10:58am
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Those guys who didn't want to get involved should be ashamed & disgusted in themselves! Women don't have much chance against men, men generally are a lot stronger & scarier!! I know when my DH & I playfight he normally wins & has me pinned to the floor in seconds. I wouldn't want to know what would happen if it ever got into a real violent fight, i'd have no chance....
Therefore anyone that hears of any violence going on SHOULD ring the cops! If it was 2 guys in the street fighting you'd call them wouldn't you? In our old place we lived last year on a busy main road, the house about 3 doors down with young people living in it often had parties & one night it got out of control & a fight broke out & ended up out on the main road, even at night-time the traffic was busy. My brother & his wife lived right next door so called the cops straight away. YOU SHOULDN'T HESISTATE AT ALL. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 3:14pm
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I think that my previous post may have been mis-understood. DH and I would have NO hestitation at all calling the cops, but in our circumstances and situation (when it was our neighbours) their house was full of very large PI men, and my DH is not a big guy, so it just wasnt an option for him to go barrelling over there and get involved. (They had previously made threats to me over the fence..) You never know if people are going to be armed and how they would react to a third party. I know its cowardly - but surely the best thing to do is call the cops and let them handle it. If it was going on out on the street and there were other neighbours around to help then I think its a different story. I think the guys talked about in the original post sound like they were "shrugging it off"...and thats not acceptable. Most guys I knwo (DH included) would be on the phone to the cops straight away if they thought that DV was going on anywhere in their neighbourhood. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 4:13pm
I agree, sometimes it's best not to get involved at all - & calling the cops straight away is best option. I haven't read your original post simsam, so my post wasn't based on what you'd said, if that makes any sense .------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 5:25pm
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Yeah I would of rung the cops especially since she was calling for help.
I agree with you simsam i don't think i would want me or dp to get involved as imagine if there were more men and they came over and did something to us or even worse, our kids. If people ar low enoguh to beat up people smaller than them, then they could possible be low enought to have weapons. I remember a story where a guy got involved to help a girl out and ended up getting charged with assault because the girl backed her bf up. There was a fight across the rd a while back where we heard them fighting and then heard her yelling out how he hit her and would he hit her again. I wanted ben to go over there but he wouldn't and then the guy left and the girls mum turned up so we left it. Haven't heard anything since. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 5:25pm
| I just thought I'd add tho if it was kids getting beaten up dp would probably try and do something. |
Posted By: Anna
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 7:24pm
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I second (third?) not getting personally involved! If there is a situation I would not hesitate to call the cops but if I felt uneasy nothing would make me get involved. It is one thing to help another person but ultimately it is important not to put yourself in a dangerous situation. ------------- Anna http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 7:39pm
Totally agree. Esp once you have children to protect and be there for at home. Its just not worth the risk! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 7:42pm
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Personal safety would always come first for us as well.
I have had very serious threats made on my kids by a gang member in the past - police were involved etc so I know how scarey a threat from practical strangers can be!! So I certainly wouldnt confront them if you didnt have to!
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Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 8:54pm
I'd call the cops. Simsam's DH said it well. ------------- Defending the male species since 1980 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 19 September 2007 at 11:46pm
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i think you should call the cops, because, well thats their job int it? and i dont think you should ever go in no matter what you can hear happening, your not doing the victim a favour if you end up getting beaten to and incapable to call.
I think basic rule is speak up but use iniative,always keep your own personal safety at the forefront of your mind |
Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 20 September 2007 at 8:15pm
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I read a book once. It said don't get involved in other peoples arguments, that's like grabbing a dog by the ears and shaking it. It'll come after you and bite you in the A$$.
DV isn't really that much different, i guess. But, that same book said defend the helpless, so... iono. guess i gotto go find my baseball bat or something. But then if the DV-perp is smart, I'd be had up for assault. And go to jail and not see my family. So... Get involved? go to jail? Call the cops? get told to calm them down? Do nothing and have nightmares about the screams and cries for the next year or two? Crazy world we live in. ------------- Defending the male species since 1980
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