To the Dads.....h.e.l.p....
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=24492
Printed Date: 20 December 2025 at 1:19am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: To the Dads.....h.e.l.p....
Posted By: Chovynz
Subject: To the Dads.....h.e.l.p....
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 8:39am
|
HELP!
I'm going insane. I need suggestions on how to cope with this situation. 1. 3 girls. 3 different development levels. I dont feel i can stretch my oldest because those activities arent suitable for the youngest. (5, 3.5, 2) 2. Two storey house 3. Lots of housework 4. Systems (that I developed) getting ignored (they arent but I feel like they are.) 5. Stress and frustration..constantly. 6. One income (my wifes) and then in 3 weeks none for 6 months. 7. Cant do "my" hobbies. 8. Getting stressed out at trying to coach the girls on skills I want them to learn...cleaning up after themselves, getting dressed, 9. Hot weather 10. Very low motivation. have no inspiration for lunches or dinners. I hated it last night and i made it. 11. Trying to escape the pressure by doing "my" own things...but that doesnt help and actually adds to the stress. 12. Seeing all the jobs around that i need to do. Buy & install lawnmower muffler, Mow lawns, mop floors, do something about wasp nest, balcony that needs fixing, tiny little house repair costs that are small but together add up, treasurer for playcentre, tidy office...everything actually. fold and put away the huge mound of clean washing downstairs. 13. Pregnant wife with number four. 14. constant "whys" 15. constant "challenges" (as in they are testing my/our/their boundaries), I ask tell them to do something and they look at me and carry on, or say why? why? why? etc. 16. My bike is broken and im borrowing someone elses 17. need to fix my computers so tha twife can use them. 18. Angry most of the time now. List goes on. I feel like a foreman in a production line with conveyor belts coming off, the roof caving in, 2 of my 2 employees have just been arrested for gambling, my co-director is off snoozing, and no ones paying the bills, lawyers are wanting my time, and my lever is broken. What to do? How to cope with stress? ------------- Defending the male species since 1980 
|
Replies:
Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 9:10am
Ok so fairly obviously I'm not a Dad, but a lot of your stress stay at home Mums can relate to as well 
(Is it kosher to offer you a hug at this point? Don't know if you Dads are as virtually touchy feely as the rest of us  Oh well, here's one anyway  )
I was going to say your wife could help out with a lot of the smaller jobs - us mums expect the dads to do their share when they come home from work - but then I read the pregnant bit. Still, you could ask her to come up with the meal ideas on specific days? That's the part I hate too, staring into the freezer going "what are we going to have tonight?" On the food front - it might take a little time at the beginning, but I highly recommend menu planning (for dinners anyway). Set aside some time on a Sunday evening to go through it all together. There are a few threads in the Food/Recipe section about easy dinner ideas. Make friends with your crockpot. On the time front - quit being the Playcentre Treasurer! I know it's hard to get out of it once they've sucked you in but you have too much on your plate and sometimes you just have to say "enough!" Child care stuff - it must be difficult finding activities for them all to do, my sympathies. Art stuff can be adaptable to different ages - finger painting for the 2 year old, stick figures for the 3.5 year old, houses and suns for the 5 year old It just creates more mess, that's all  Do you have a room you could set up as a play room? So you can have all the toys etc in there and just shut the door on the mess? (even if it means two of the kids share a bedroom, if they don't already?) I'm sure you've seen it already, but I found http://www.littlies.co.nz/page.asp?id=383&level=1 - this site a great source of inspiration for activities. Messy play is always a hit no matter what their age 
Is the 5yr old at school yet? Do you make use of your 20 free hours for the 3.5 yr old? Can you get the 2 yr old and 3.5 yr old to nap at the same time? Do you have any family nearby that can babysit for a few hours to give you a break? I don't suppose you and your wife ever manage a date night? (Valentine's Day this weekend! Even if you have a candlelit dessert once the kids are all in bed!) It's frustrating I know but someone once told me that every "why?" is a learning opportunity (even if that's a behavioural thing - one of my nieces says "why?" when she knows the answer, she's just trying to get attention/engage you in conversation). When possible turn it around and try to get them to come up with the answer themselves. Sorry I asked more questions than I offered advice but hope it helps to know we all struggle with a lot of the same stuff. And this bl00dy weather doesn't help on the stress or motivation front either! ------------- 
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Posted By: McPloppy
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 9:19am
|
Well done weegee, I could not have put it better myself.
Also there is the park with a playground should suit all children. Unfortunately all of my hobbies have gone on the backburner till I have things finely tuned here. When it comes to getting them to take responsibility for thir routines...start with one at a time and when they have got the hang of one thing (cleaning up after themselves) then you can move on to getting themselves dressed and so on. Good luck ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 9:57am
|
To mothers (I know you're watching!)
How much does pregnancy actually affect you? I dont understand it. Is it true that you get so tired? I try not to but i can't help but think DW is being lazy sometimes. (Sorry hun.) IS it as big a deal as most pregnant women seem to make out? Why is there an expectation for guys standing up to offer their chair? OR other stuff that just seems to me... to be.. an opportunity for them women to boss men us around. I love how she looks, but dont like all the other things of pregnancy. I feel like shes leaning on my, more than i can bare. I need to lean on her, because of the kids, but shes not there. I want to understand. Is there actually substance behind "I'm so tired." I've never been one to give up because I'm too tired. I'm very strong willed so force myself to do things, I push and push, I take a break when things are good enough but I dont leave it there. Because It's not finished. I'll leave it when it's (the job) is finished. I hike, I bike, I go further and further each time. DW just seems to ... get tired. and give up. and not push herself. I dont get it. What am I missing? (Sorry Hun, I know Im revealing quite personal things, or things you might be sensitive about, or might get upset at what I'm saying but I need to know this. We can talk about it if you want to, or you can keep reading to find out what I'm really thinking, but have been unable to ask/say to you without sounding mean.) Weegee I'll answer your questions later. ------------- Defending the male species since 1980
|
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 10:10am
|
Pregnancy is absolutely knackering (well, it was for me - might be different for others). By the end of the day, my feet were swollen, my brain was fried and the actual act of standing and walking anywhere was just too much to think about. For me, I didn't have the mental energy to do things, even though I *could* have made myself (had I had your way of thinking about things - constantly pushing yourself) - it was just way too hard. I was working full time till 36 weeks and I could hold it together to function at work (I had things I HAD to get done) and at home, I had nothing to give. All my energy went to work. I don't know how I would manage it if I had 3 kids at home as well.
I had to smile at your original post - many of the points could have been written by my husband (are you sure you weren't following him with a dictaphone ). I think there is quite a difference in mindset between some men and some women (I'm trying not to generalise) - my DH is exactly like you - he'd just make himself do it, no matter what the cost. Men and women do really seem to think and act differently.
------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 10:13am
|
[QUOTE=Chovynz].)
I feel like shes leaning on my, more than i can bare. I need to lean on her, because of the kids, but shes not there. QUOTE]  Awwww.....
I worked tull time Throughout my second pregnancy, right up until the last week. I also came home and cooked tea, did the housework, homework, washing, dishes. DH worked shift work and now that I think about it, he was a real A*s. He would call me and asked what I had done, if tea was cooked, if the house was tidy for him once i got home. I had an AGONISING pregnancy with Jackson, but I am like you, I pushed myself because I just didnt have a choice, DH was not home, I couldnt afford to quit my job. So to answer your question, we get very tired and very uncomfortable, especially in the very early weeks, and in the last few. I dont think pregnancy is a disease however. ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 10:15am
|
different for everyone , I get super tired when Im pregnant , my friend was a sickening bunch of energy that I wanted to hit over the head ( she was also annoying cheerful and spoke in a singsong voice all the time )
also different babies different pregnancies equal different symptoms, Im a lot MORE tired with this one , than I was with Caitlyn (mind you I was younger then too) tho I was still very tired with her . Since I know who your wife is , I know that shes in the last trimester, yes, you are more likely to be tired in this trimester, its tiring having extra weight, but not only that ,hormones too come into it a lot . My DF got some books , Childbirth for Men ,and the Pregnant father , which are quite good at explaining things like tiredness , and moodiness etc ------------- 
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 10:18am
|
quote from one of the above mentioned books
" in pregnancy , the placenta acts as a huge hormone factory, with the object of bending all your wife's body functions to the interest of pregnancy " -------------
|
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 10:56am
|
Goodness me Chovy, you're really finding it all pretty overwhelming right now, aren't you
First of all, knowing who your DW is, I would say that she is NOT being lazy. She is pregnant with baby number 4, she works full time in a pretty demanding job, and in this heat I can imagine its pretty tough going for her right now. So try not to feel resentful towards her..... And just think, in three weeks you will both be at home, sharing the load together. Although a new baby will be hard work, and from what I read in another thread it seems baby might be breach, which would mean a c-section, which would mean 6 weeks of being unable to do much at all..... but I digress..... The two of you will be there together 
Is your 5 year old at school??? It doesn't seem from your post that she is? Are you homeschooling? And, at the risk of sounding a bit off here..... is homeschooling really the best option when you are not coping with the rest of it too well just at the moment??? Get your 3.5 year old into preschool and make the most of the 20 free hours. Will be good for her, and you. Awwww, chovy, really hope things get better. |
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 11:02am
|
Yeah pregnancy definitely brings on a different kind of tiredness than just your usual "staying up late and working hard" tiredness. Every inch of your body is being sapped of energy to grow the little life inside you, and you have absolutely no control over it. You can't just drink a V to feel more energetic unfortunately! The pains that come along with it can also take its toll. So no, I don't think she's being lazy. Don't forget, it's not the kind of tiredness you should "push through" with, because it can harm the baby if you overdo it.
Ultimately it's something men will never have the chance to experience so you'll have to take our word for it, and just be as understanding as you can be for the duration. I'm sure you are doing your best though, and no-one can take away from the fact you have been working your ass off too. It's just a tough situation you're in and soon enough you'll be in a better place with your family. If your feeling resentment for the lack of hobby time, that's totally understandable. You definitely need some "me" time when you have all these demands placed on you and kids at your heels all day. Is there any other family around who can help for a small part of the day/week? |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 11:18am
|
Gosh Chovy, you sound very overwhelmed at the moment, and I can see why!! You have a big workload, with your family and housework commitments, I share your pain! I completely agree with weegee and think you should ditch the Treasurer job, you have too much on your plate at the moment to be doing something like that.
As for the wife being pg with #4 and in her last trimester - that is a HUGE job, and with myself having being through 3 pregnancies, i know how tiring it is, and for the fact she is working full-time, therefore doesn't get to rest during the day, that would be tougher than tough (for me anyway, I don't have good pregnancies). Therefore, these last few weeks of her being pg aren't going to be easy on either of you, sorry to say! But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it WILL get better! I've found taking each day as they come to help stop me from getting anxious and overwhelmed by my workload.
I pat you on the back for doing what you do, and for speaking up when things are getting tough. It's definitely not easy being a SAHD, (or mum), but even harder I'm sure for speaking up about it. You're doing a GREAT job!!!
eta: just had an extra thought, a suggestion. As for the mountain load of washing that needs to be folded, that can be a sit-down job, so maybe DW can do that in the evening, or weekend? I know it's something I hate doing, but it's not so bad once I get going, and you can do it in front of the t.v. so that will take your mind off it somewhat. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
|
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 11:25am
|
Well Chovynz I'm desperately reading everyones responses because I feel the same as you! Heres my advice but I'm not saying it's right. Definately plan your meals for the week, I sit down sunday night every week and spend 15 mins writing what dinners we will have each night. I make DH pick at least 1 usually 2. Keep it simple and quick night times are manic anyway. Home made pizzas, spag bol, pasta bakes....when I feel overwhelmed I do EASY meals. With the kids remember you don't need to entertain them every minute of the day. Ask them to find something to do sometimes it's good for them to do this in the afternoons while it's hot sunblock em and turn the sprinkler on. If you can have hobbies and 3 kids then your doing well-sorry it's just life. Just try to take some time out when you put them to bed. I was meant to get my Harley this year ahahahaha yeh like thats happening Yes being preg is hard work. I've never been so exhausted in my life I've always forced myself to do things no matter how tired I am but at the moment I wake up in the morning feeling like I haven't been to bed yet. It's like every last bit of energy and driv u have has been sucked out of you..and that side of it sux! It takes me alot longer to get things done now that I'm preg Def what was said above make the most of kindy etc..u need time out. And you'll be able to get more done when they're at kindy and spend time with them the rest of the time. And make the most of us on here thats what we're all here for and we'll help you get through the tough times! |
Posted By: McPloppy
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 11:31am
|
LOL about the washing...I am looking at my pile right now but am saving it for when I sit down to watch TV in the evening!!!! Although i do wish DH would do it...Ah the eternal optimist ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 11:34am
I agree with this. Homeschooling is a great concept, but if the reality of it isn't working for you, and it kinda sounds like it isn't, wouldn't it be better for all of you to send her to school? It could be just for a year or two, until you feel up to having them all at home again? I don't know what else I can suggest, but I hope things improve soon. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
joshierocks wrote:Posted By: noisybaby
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 12:19pm
|
Big hugs and respect. Your a machine dealing with all of that. I can't give you a simple solution except good on you for venting. If you keep stuff like this inside it only makes it worse. Release the tension, stress and worries regularly. Ask for help whether it be from family or friends. Also talk to your wife about how your feeling.
I hope it gets better for you. |
Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 12:22pm
|
*grumnble*
I'll add more to this post later. Thanks all for the replies. Guess I'll just ave to suck it up and be a climbing trestle for my "rose". ------------- Defending the male species since 1980
|
Posted By: Nic01
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 12:35pm
|
My housework used to get on top of me, so I decided to listen to advice people were giving me that it's more important to spend time with your kids than have a clean & tidy house. I've gone with that & tend to do the housework in stages now - bathroom one day, vacuum another etc. It means the house stays looking relatively clean without having to find a huge chunk of time to do it in one hit.
Washing - can you guys both sit down in the evening & fold it together? Hobbies - can you do something on the weekend when your wife is home? Even if it's just for an hour or so because you definitely need some time to yourself to stay sane!! Make a list of all the things that need doing around the house & maybe do 1 thing each weekend. It's quite satisfying to be able to cross things off a list & know you're making progress however slow it is. Meal plans are good & websites like ecook & taste are good for getting inspiration from. Tiredness in pregnancy is different to other tiredness. I worked fulltime & would come home & still have to get the toddler fed & into the bath & then cook our dinner. Most days I could cope with it, but there were days when I was just absolutely exhausted & just flaked on the couch & left DH to do everything. Giving up your chair for a pregnant woman is because they have this huge weight in the front of them which affects their posture & balance, their back aches, their feet are probably swollen & they're just generally tired - it's not because the woman wants to boss the man around! Going down to no income will be hard - but on the bright side you'll have DW there to help you out for 6 months. And you're not alone in the constant challenges & "why's" driving you insane either!!! Do you have much other family support there? Can you palm the kids off to their grandparents for a few hours to have a bit of a break?? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 12:49pm
|
I almost am tempted to write a *bitching* post about whats *wrong*. But that's not going to accomplish much is it....?
And I know othe rpeople have worse/more/better/larger/faster lifestyles to cope with. I found theres a huge difference of work involved between 2 kids and 3. ------------- Defending the male species since 1980
|
Posted By: first
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 1:14pm
|
Sounds like you are really going through a tough time. But it also sounds like you are putting your every single effort into your family and I take my hat off to you for that.
Sometimes I find it just help to get out of the house if things are getting a bit much. Even if that means taking the kids to a park somewhere. Its still work but it just gets you out. Sorry not that much help but I really just wanted to say I respect you for the effort you are putting in. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"> 
|
Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 2:25pm
Well actually, it would get it off your chest, and there's a lot to be said for that. Just as long as it isn't going to upset DW too much or be stuff you guys need to talk about privately -------------
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 2:32pm
I think there may be some "talking" going on when DW gets home ... I know I would be doing some "talking" if SD posted about me and my foibles
Actually he could probably sympathise with you! (Although he has just been on holiday .. so he might be more forgiving of me when he comes back "fresh") lol ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
|
Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 2:44pm
|
Writing it all down might actually help.
Maybe if you read back over it, you'll see what the real problems are, and which bits you are just grumpy about because you are grumpy, if you get what I mean? This may not be the place for it, because you have to think of DW too. But doing so privately, for you to read yourself might help? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 3:26pm
I think you're right
|
Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 3:27pm
|
Thats no good you are feeling stressed atm
Yes being preggy is hard out, its like an alien living inside you sucking everything you have! Def have chat to T about it all. Do only what you need to & try not to do too much Get some good sleep & drink plenty of water, maybe multi vitamins & exercise. Oh & atleast 5 serves of carbs 
You'll soon see a glimmer over the horizon ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 3:55pm
|
Pregnancy drains you. Well this one does it with me. I have spurts of energy and then none at all. I am a person that pushes myself quite hard and after an emergency visit this week was told to take life a bit easier. And I dont even work.
I see you attend Playcentre. I will talk to some of the parents there and set up some playdates for you to drop the other two kiddies off some time each week so you can spent one on one time with teh 5 year old to do schoolwork (That is if you really are against putting her in a formal school) Then talk to them and ask them that for right now you are finding everything overwhelming and if someone can take the job of treasurer over so you can rather be part of a team like Property or library for instance. I am sure they will be understanding when they know everything is just too much for you. Then on regards of housecleaning. My 3 year old is responsible for most of her own room. She has to pack toys away and keep it clean (at a 3 year old standard however so the bed is not perfect but who cares). Get the kids involved and if need be make it a game. Lets see who can pick the most toys up ect. If it really gets bad how about asking another mom to take the kids to a session or two extra at Playcentre. Then hobby side. I must say my hubby that works hardly gets time for his hobbies sometimes. That is part of being a parents but we make an effort on that side as he needs time off as well. And he keeps on harping that I need time off for mine (which at this stage I dont know what it is). How about talking to your wife about this and seeing what you guys can work out. Mealtimes. Well start with week one. Make a menu plan and from that you can make the shopping plan already. Add to that until you have 3, 4 or 5 weeks different plans. If you need help shout. There is loads of people on here that can help you. And then cook according to that. Salads for summer is quick and easy and slowcooker meals can go off well. Sometimes cook more so you can freeze and defrost when you are really busy. Obviously I dont know how your family works and sorry if this is going to sound critical but I suggest tonight you sit down with your wife and talk to her about this because if this was me and I found my hubby talking about me like this in an forum we were both on I would have been seriously peeved and some of the important issues would have gone through the window. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 4:05pm
|
oh , I saw an ad for a fathers forum the other day , but I can't think what it was called...nz dads or something maybe ?? that might be worth a look at -------------
|
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 4:54pm
|
Chovynz I can't comment on coping with 3 kids of different ages because basically I haven't been there but although I did try to just leave this thread alone I had to post on this.
Are you being serious? You need to pull your head in and start off by apologising to your wife for ever doubting her and for posting about it on a public forum. Your wife is pregnant with child number 4, although you can't actually see it her body is working really hard to grow and nurture your child. Her heart is working harder pumping something like 150% more blood than usual, her lungs are working harder, her bones and joints are under more pressure, all of her internal organs are squished by her swollen uterus, any nutrients the baby needs are taken from your wifes own stores and since the baby gets first pick your wife is getting less vitamins and minerals than she would normally function on. eta: add to this she has only recently (in the past 6 months or so) been diagnosed with gluten intolerance which can cause malnutrition. Including this new baby you have 4 children who are 5yo and under. You can't even begin to imagine the amount of stress that your wifes body has been through in the past 6 years. She has had very small gaps inbetween each child so her body hasn't had much of a chance to recover inbetween each pregnancy (and trust me, this does make a difference because even the fittest of us who remain active during pregnancy find our fitness level aren't where they were before pregnancy not to mention the stress that our muscles, bones, ligaments and joints have been through). Your wife also works fulltime and for the past 3 weeks she's been in pain with SPD (it hurts her just to walk for goodness sake), add to that this ridiculously hot and humid weather and you can bet that uncomfortable is a huge understatement. If you actually sat back and considered how hard her body is working to bring your child into this world, and how hard your wife works to bring an income into your home, lazy would be the last word you'd use to describe you wife. I can suggest a few better words: how about amazing, hardworking, wonderful, phenomonal. -------------  
|
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 5:16pm
|
I wholeheartedly agree with everything Mojo has just said.
Personally, I'd be sooooo humiliated if my husband came on to a public forum and proclaimed to people who I communicated with on a daily basis that he thought I was lazy and using pregnancy as an excuse to sit on my butt. From what I know of T from here, and the sound and valid advice she gives she is a fantastic mother to your (almost) 4 kids, who has popped those babies out at a rapid rate of knots and never complains. She goes out and works fulltime to support you all, and has not once on this site ever complained about it. I know how hard it is to be the one who stays at home, so I totally feel for you. And like Jo said, I don't have three kids so I can't even begin to imagine how much harder that must be. But if you are not coping, then maybe you guys need to work something else out. It can't be good for any of you - children included. Sorry to be harsh mate, but I think you've done a massive dis-service to your wife. |
Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 5:27pm
|
Heehee! Go Jo! I'd forgotten about the SPD.
Chovynz, we understand how you're feeling mate, but Jo's right -------------
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 5:38pm
|
Also .. I know its stressful being the one at home (as Ive been there) .. but on the other side of things its SOOO stressful going out to work to earn money to support a family (as thats what I do now)
I think DH forgets and thinks I go off to work for a rest! However .. Im the one that has the responsibility to ensure my family is fed and provided for, on top of that I too am growing another human and I am still "Mum" when I get in from my day job. So I think there are downsides to both .. working and staying at home. My DH also posts on this forum, but I couldnt imagine him telling "my" friends what a lazy ass I am (he probably just thinks it)  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
|
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 5:39pm
|
Yes but to be fair I think because guys haven't been through it they do wonder and I think it's ok to ask. He did say he didn't understand. He also didn't name her and I don't actually know who his DW is anyway.
Chovynz it sounds like you have a hell of a lot on your plate at the moment and I think it is going to be necessary for you and your DW to sit down and sort through some systems, allocate chores (either 'sitting down' ones to her) or just identify necessary from optional ones - when we were kids our washing just went into a big cupboard and we pulled what we needed fromt there - my parents never had time to fold it. It also sounds like you legitimately need some time out without feeling guilty. Is there someone who could childmind for a few hours while you took a break? If you could get that person on a regular basis then you would be able to tackle some of those tasks that make you feel so guilty. Or maybe you could see if there's someone who could come and knock some of those on the head for you. It sounds like you do need to address these issues before they get any worse. If there's a new baby on the way soon and you don't resolve this to some degree it's only going to get more messy and you'll feel more resentful later on when you're both sleep deprived and even busier. I would urge you to sit down with DW over the course of a few nights - work out what's causing the most stress (for god's sake DON'T identify her as one of the causes ) and really work out what you can change to make things better. Maybe it's just lowering you own expectations of what needs to be done. Raising 3 children is more than a full time job - a messy house is not really a big issue in the grand scheme of things
-------------  
 
|
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 5:52pm
Good point Bobbie. I hadn't thought of that..... |
Posted By: Twinboys2b
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 6:14pm
|
Good afternoon all,
Slightly nervous about this...I'm DH (wow - my first forum slang!) of Twinboys2b. Just thought I'ld write a couple of my thoughts on this thread. I think I know what Chovynz is trying to express. Having not been pregnant myself (or really wanting to go there even if it was possible having been front and centre for the arrival of our twins!!) I've got no idea how it actually makes you feel or impacts on what used to be the simple things in life. I was just happy to have a little part of the bed to sleep on when DW was approaching D-day! However, there's clearly a lot of things changing physically and emotionally during pregnancy. I also found that I'ld get a bit wound up about doing lots of things that DW just didn't have the energy for. However, when I rationalised it and thought about it a bit, I found most of my frustration was about not being 'included' or considered a major player in the pregnancy (other than the obvious of course!). Now I'm not saying it's all about me, me, me all the time but I feel greater recognition of the partner is definitely needed - esp. from medical professionals and often family and close friends. My number one priority and worry was for DW to be healthy, happy and comfortable so that our boys had the best chance they had. But when I ask relevant questions and get ignored by the midwife only for DW to ask the same question and get an answer, I'm entitled to get peeved off. And when I respond to a question that someone asks but am ignored, I'm also entitled to be annoyed. Yes, DW was physically preggers but I was 'emotionally' pregnant! While I'm no metrosexual (DW is working on me though), I'm happy to do extra work around the house, more cooking etc. etc. but the lack of appreciation / empathy / acknowledgement that I'm in this too also got me down. The combined effects of this just served to stoke the fires so that any small issue could be blown out of proportion. To conclude my first forum ramble: Venting is fine. Life is tough. You're with your partner for a reason. The most important thing is for everyone to be healthy - happy is also beneficial but impossible to be all the time. I feel a little more understanding of what a DH goes through when their partner is preggers - let alone with 3 children already - would go a long way. Help is there if you need it - just ask. Don't bottle anything up - let it all out in an un-manly way. You'll get through it and have a shiny new baby at the end of it all. Happy times begin again. The end. Right, off to the pub for a big night out with the lads, DW needs to wash the dishes, fold the washing, cook the dinner and feed the twins, and iron my shirt for tomorrow...just jokes, I'm off to cook dinner now. Out =). ------------- 3yr old gorgeous ID twin boys. |
Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 6:16pm
|
Howdy. This is Weegee's DH here...
Put family first. The play centre will survive without you. Parents are there to make their childrens life better, we live to educate our children, we give them shelter, we watch them grow, and when all is said and done, we leave them something in our passing. Our lives revolve around our children. Deal with it. Your family is always there, 24/7. When times are tough or when you're feeling down, your family should be there to back you up, give you support, unconditional. I therefore suggest you talk to your No. 1. Start off with "Honey, I feel...." The schooling thing is a personal choice, but your kids will get socialised. At 5, my nieces wanted to help out around the home. Harness that. Maybe get her to be in charge of your 2yr old (supervised), but let her help. Kids LOVE responsibility. Getting angry is a decision - you can choose to get angry, or you can chose to brush it off/get over it. Take 2 seconds to think about it. Make a decision. If you choose to get angry, you're now angry for a good period of time, - and you have consequences to deal with - typically others getting upset or angry with you. If you choose to get over it, it's delt with and you will be a lot more relaxed. What are your kids reactions to you getting angry?? Does it make you even more uptight?? It's your decision. What my wifey said about the meal planning works wonders... You can get meat out of the freezer in the morning, let it defrost etc, and you have ALL day to let your subconscious think about cooking it. It also makes shopping easier and quicker. Make your plan flexible - buy meat that is on special etc, make it broad or specific - we have chicken Tuesday night - it can be pieces or whole roast, but it's flexible. Maybe it's time to see the Vas-Man
The saying "Life begins at 40" is true. Wonder why?? When our great-grandparents were 20, they were having kids. Now when their kids (our grandparents) were 20, they were having kids. So, at 40, the kids were out of home. Get it?? These days, life begins at 50 (give or take) - 2 x 25years. So, in summary, make your decision NOT to get angry, speak to your wife, and let your kids help. -------------
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 6:35pm
 GTFO!
DW saw this thread, wasnt offended ("everyone needs the opportunity to vent sometimes"-DW), but we are going to have a talk to see if we can ...um strategic plan thingy. Thanks all for your replies. Keep em coming. The more ideas I can plagarise the better. Even if you got pissed off at my posts, reply. Dont be shy. I dont mind a BBQ. I'll get into allowed specifics later, or let you guys know solutions (even for my own records on what to do.) It helped just writing that first list...I went away and had a shower (by myself) and brushed my teeth. That helped. ------------- Defending the male species since 1980
|
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 6:51pm
Look how awesome T is! Most other women in their 3rd trimester would have ripped you a new asshole for speaking so publicly hehe THIS is one of the many reasons why you chose her to be the mother of your 4 children
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 6:51pm
|
You know what I think will also help?
for you and T to look at the list together and work on each issue one by one, if you try to deal with them all at once you will get over whelmed . Im also glad you brushed your teeth, I hope you used a soft brush , because if you use a hard brush eventually you will get abrasion on your teeth . You've all been warned .
-------------
|
Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 6:58pm
Exactly. Right. now...for that "talk". ------------- Defending the male species since 1980
|
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 9:17pm
|
I think it's very brave of you to write down (publicly or privately) your feelings and concerns about life. And I'm glad you guys are having a rational talk and that T has taken this thread rather well it seems!
You wrote you don't understand about pregnancy, so I thought I would put another angle on it. When you are a mum, no matter what else you do, you are always mum. As lilfatty said, she goes out and earns the main income for her family just like T does, but when she comes home she's still mum. I think men don't often understand that no matter what, children are naturally drawn to their mothers for nurturing. Fathers, when out working, often have the ability it seems (more often than not, the wife has given them the privilege) to take time to themselves when they get home. No such luck as a mother. So when you are heavily pregnant, worked a full day and then come home to 3 kids who all want your undivided attention (generalising here but I assume they would do that being kids and all) that would be incredibly taxing. Not to mention the endurance race that her body is running. It's not the sort of thing you can push through. If I had to, I could keep going and going until I burnt out, but you know there's always a good rest at the end. With pregnancy, you have to keep going and going knowing that there's the big hurdle at the end followed by another endurance event for the first 3 months (or more) of the baby's life. So basically 12 months of hard slog can do a lot to tire you out physically and mentally. Cut her some slack as she needs to build her energy up. If she ends up b/fing after the birth she will need a lot of energy for those middle of the night feeds as that's something that you just can't help with. Another thing that I will suggest, is do you guys have alternate sleepin mornings? We only have 1 child obviously, but have always had one morning each, where we can sleep in for as long as we want (or get up and go out or whatever) until about 11am. I often don't sleep in as DH is too noisy with Jack, but it gives me a chance to catch up on some reading or have a peaceful shower. |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 10:00pm
|
something that works really well for us for jake is a checklist in the morning to get him ready. he LOVES it. we made him sentences (with pictures - he's four) with things he needed to do - get dressed, get breakfast, etc. He carries his clipboard and checks things off with his whiteboard marker. I drop them off on my way to work and the time frame is tight. Jake getting himself ready (still with a tad of assistance), takes a lot of stress off me. Maybe your 5 year old (won't say the name - still maintaining some anoyminity) - would do something similiar. she could also help the wee one get organised. taine likes to have his whiteboard, although the "checking" is more drawing all over. but they get dressed.
housework is so tough. I HATE it but feel the need to have everything clean. we have a family meeting at the beginning of the week - go over what needs to be done and then work out who can do it. For example. my DH works late on friday - gets home at 9pm. I do dishes and most housework that day, cause he is knackered when he gets home. For me, Tuesdays are stressful as I have a full day of classes, so his the majority of work. We find talking about things earlier and making commitments - (and explaining what we have on), keeps the house...clean not tidy at all though, and things moving along. And also acknowledges hard days. |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 10:11pm
|
N, my suggestions are that you give up play centre it is too much for you and the family. I know you both are set on HS but it isn't working at the moment with them all not being at school age. Talk to H and see if she wants to go to school, if she does then let her. My cousins were HS'ed for a while and 1 asked to school to school with other children they let her and the rest followed over a period of time and a huge weight was lifted from her shoulers. I *think* I remember H went to kindy so see if B wants to go as well. T will be buggered pregnancy is different for everyone and I was buggered with both of mine. I also know that T's family is going through some personally stuff but maybe see if (and if T agrees) your parents and her parents can help out. Even if it is taking the girls for a few hours once a week so you can sort the house out. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 12 February 2009 at 10:44pm
|
i am only in my first pregnancy and my partner and i argue over who has done the most housework he is wonderful though and understands that i am tired majority of the time and hot, and as i keep telling him that i am not sleeping properly he makes me go to bed, or knows that majority of the time when i go to bed just to watch tv or read that i end up falling asleep with out saying anything to him. most importantly he understands though. We are both still working full-time and with out the (i don't want this to sound like it is but cant think of another word) "burden" of another child generally speaking have quite an even work load.
For ages it worked out that I would do the cooking and he wold do the dishes he was happy with it that way. Now this has changed as I am not really sure on what I want to eat and as I cant eat red meat he has to fend for himself most of the time. I however always make sure that there is food in the cupboard, and in the freezer and point out to him what this is when I get the "I'm hungry" comments when I've already been up for a few hours had breakfast and he is only just getting up. We work things evenly, i do the food shopping (made the mistake of letting him loose in the supermarket one day and ended up with a cupboard of junk food). I will put the washing in and he will hang it up... Balance is a great thing in life, its important to remember that you need to allow for a few things while your DW is pregnant as it is extremely hot and muggy at the moment, and just doing the simplest things are hard. He will do the hard stuff as much as I may try, and i know that he will do it with a bit of a grumble sometimes but at the end of the day who cares we are together and happy and having a baby. I think alot of it comes of being very self aware, I know just as much as he does that I get into stages of I have to have this tidy and organise things and we both know that i am going to get angry at him for not helping but I will also get angry at him for not doing it "right" (the way I want it done) but then thats being self aware and we will both suggest things that he can do that will keep him out of my way and keep me happy. I always make sure I say thnk yo when he does something let him know i appreciate him, and what he does. I dunno maybe thats just what works with us. We have worked for a long time to get to where we are, and i am lucky i have someone understanding that i can joke with (even if sometimes he feels like the bain of my existence, he knows i still love him) |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 9:16am
|
oh dear Nat seem's yo uahve had a bit of a grilling on here and I must agree pull your bloody head in man. T does an amazing job in your family ahwn I am sure she would much rather be at home with the kid's and OMG T seriouslly amazing woman not to be really pissed at this post.. I would have ropped into my hubby for this. As for h/s thing I know you guy's really want to do this, but like other's have said reality is its not working and poor H is missing out on so much and i agree take advantage of the 20 free for B it will make a huge differnce to your life I was all for keeping my kids at home etc infact after seeing how your and T's family were growing up I was totally keen to H/S but the reality is I could not cope at all with the stress We all have and ideal life style but the reality is so differnt.
Anyway that is me sorry I could not resist posting. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 9:29am
|
I'm stunned and don't know what to say so i don't think my comments will be helpful...just that you are very lucky to have such a brilliant wife. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 10:26am
|
I dont have anything useful to add but I wanted to just show sympathy... both you and DW have so much on your plates at the moment!
I showed my DH the post - he's SAHD to 1 - and the most helpful thing he said was "run Forest, run!" so I didnt think I'd let him actually respond. Sometimes you just need to be able to vent! |
Posted By: RunningT
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 10:39am
|
I just wanted to say that some of us ladies spend all day venting about our DH's so it kinda seems fair that DH's if they post get a chance to vent about us.
My venting about my DH isn't always rational or fair and it's probably just as well he doesn't have a log on for Oh Baby. I can't imagine him looking after four children however at the moment I am having problems imagining me looking after one. I ain't gonna judge ANYONE who puts their hand up and says "I'm having a rough ride today" Hang in there mate...... Sounds like you are concerned that you aren't going to win the internation award for being the greatest dad in the world however remember your kids probably still think you are a pretty great dad.... oh and TOTALLY ditch any extra jobs like the treasurer job. Your kids will remember you chasing them around the back yard and playing dress ups.... however are unlikely to mention in your obituary that you were a great treasurer.... :-) ------------- 
|
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 10:56am
tottaly agree ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 11:01am
|
I think the difference is that pretty much all (or most) of us figured out straight away who his wife is; and she posts on here all the time.
She is clearly an amazing woman though, my DH wouldn't be able to come back on to update as each of his fingers would have been broken one at a time
|
Posted By: RunningT
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 11:13am
|
I must need to post more because I have no idea who she is.
But I think that anyone who has 3 children, pregnant again and still working is pretty amazing. Being pregnant is hard however having other children to run around after would make it a million times harder..... -------------
|
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 11:34am
I agree 100% wih you Jo !!!!!!!!!! Lazy!!!! I dont think so!!!! I find it hard being pregnant and looking after one child!!! And yeah if my DF came on a forum and "moaned" about me Id be highly hacked off! ------------- |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 11:50am
|
I have been thinking about this since I first read it, and didnt want to post straight away in case I was "reactive".... I agree - a lot of us come on here and vent about our DHs / DPs, but I dont know how many of us would do it if we KNEW that they were going to see it, and if they were known to most people on here as well. I think its a bit like airy your dirty laundry in public - however I dont want to judge anyone that is having a hard time and feels that they need to vent, but I wonder if there could have been a more appropriate phrasing of some of the statements. To accuse your wife, the mother of your children of being lazy in such a public way is pretty harsh! I think that you made your choices and if you are struggling with them, then perhaps you need to re-asses those choices. Whether it be the homeschooling, your additional responsibilities with playcentre, or even you staying at home. I also think that you guys have chosen to have 4 children - you cant have expected it to be "Easy". I understand your frustration about not getting any "me" time, but ask any of the mummies on here how much "me" time or hobby time they get, and I think you will find that not many of us get it at all. It comes with the package of being a stay at home parent, and being repsonsible for running the house. I suspect we all get a little frustrated when we feel our partners arent doing their share around the house, but we all just deal with it like grown ups and get on with it....the working partners are making it possible for us to spend time with our children, and I think we should recognise how lucky we are. Not everyone has that privildge. Sorry if this sounds harsh - but I think you need to get over yourself a bit.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 12:42pm
|
I'm not going to get into the debate over whether it was or wasn't appropriate/a good idea to vent about your DW, but I thought I'd add my TCW on the practicalities of stuff.
Personally, I couldn't cope if Maya didn't go to school every day. I love holidays and weekends and spending time with her, but I also love that for 6 hours a day her energy is being channelled somewhere else coz it's exhausting! I have nothing against homeschooling, but like others have said it sounds like it's not the best thing for your situation right now. Which is not to say that in a few months or a year or two you can't revisit it, but if sending DD1 to school takes some of the pressure off now, then why not give it ago? Same goes with DD2 and kindy. Don't sweat the housework, no one is judging you on that right now. When you're in crisis mode you need all of your energy to just get thru the day - and that's OK! The kids don't care if you only get to vacuum once a week, and if the clean washing mountain never makes it into the drawers it's not the end of the world. Things that work for me - I make a point of doing the dinner dishes immediately after dinner each night while the kids play coz if I leave it till they go to bed then I can't be bothered. And I fold the washing while I watch TV in the evenings. And most of all, remind yourselves that the hard part doesn't last forever. Your kids are all really demanding atm because they are small, but as they get older it will get easier. For me, the difference between having a newborn and twin 20-mth olds and having a 7 mth old and twin 27 mthers is huge - their comprehension is much better, Chiara is less demanding with feeding etc. and the whole household runs much more smoothly. Yet if you'd asked me how I was coping a few months ago I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Oh and as my mother keeps reminding me, I chose this - as did you. OK so I didn't plan on having baby #4 so soon, but I put myself in a situation where that became a reality, as did you guys, so to a certain degree, we do just need to suck it up! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 2:14pm
|
There are no awards for the tidiest house, or being treasurer of playgroup , ditch those , you don't need to do them , tidying the house , eg vaccuuming etc, you can leave til the weekend.
Have H and possibly B responsible for making their beds (don't expect them to be perfect tho, 5 year olds make beds in quite interesting ways ...) Heres another perspective of the strain a woman's body is under when pregnant, my friends body was under so much strain in pregnancy , all those organs working extra hard as they do when you are housing another human being inside, that she developed a blood clot and died , age 23 just 3 weeks after her daughter was born , so it definetly can take a toll. I hope you and T managed to have a good talk last night, because the main concern I had with your post was that you , without wanting to , would end up resenting her, and after seeing the stuff that you usually write about her, which is mostly very beautiful and loving , that would be very sad . You two obviously make a good team, you clearly feel comfortable enough in your relationship to vent , she feels comfortable enough to know that your'e venting and isn't wasting time getting angry , I think you will both be able to find a few solutions for each issue if you work together , I hope so , so you can have a happy household again , goodluck ! -------------
|
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 13 February 2009 at 11:25pm
I love this i often have to remind myself of this fact. ------------- Deborah Mum to:
|
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 14 February 2009 at 11:38am
|
I don't think we need to suck it up as much, I think its good to let out how we all rally feel about parenting because it is hard. It helps me to read about other people struggling like me because otherwise it seems like I'm this terrible mother who can't cope and everyone can. When your kids are young its hard for the SAH parent, its hard for the working parent its just hard. Its good to let it all out every now and again and T seems like a pretty straight up women anyway and if she has no problem with Chovynz posting on here then neither do I.
I hope you guys work it out it will all be worth it in the long run, having a big family is going to be so fun. |
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 14 February 2009 at 12:11pm
Ok ... I shouldn't, but this actually makes me laugh. Not the question itself, but it made me think of a moment quite some time ago when DH was playing with the dogs and one of them smacked him in the boy bits with a paw. The CARRY ON!! Honestly!! I asked him in a fit of annoyance if it was really necessary, and it couldn't hurt THAT much. (Ahem - apparently it does. I think it was the first time I saw a true evil death stare from him!) And yes, I have a point ... it's that there are certain things that may be hard to comprehend if you've never experienced them and even I used to wonder pre-Cuinn if the whole pregnancy/exhaustion thing was really as bad as people suggested ... and to be REALLY honest, before I experienced it, I honestly thought that baby brain was just something women played up so they could talk about their pregnancies  .
I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say that and I hope your talk went ok
Actually - one thing ... Communication and feeling able to talk about things is really, really important - and remember, your kids are your kids for a while ... they'll grow up and get their own lives etc, but your husband/wife is the person you will be sharing life with for as long as you live, so that relationship is super, super important. ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 14 February 2009 at 8:26pm
|
Honsestly, i think some of you are being a bit hard on Nat here.
Alot of us come on here and whinge about our DH's, me included. Nat is mearly voicing what alot of men probably already talk about amongst themselves. Like Ginger said its fairly hard to "get" the sheer exhaustion that pregnancy is until you actually experience it, and, clearly if it was something he wan't planning on bringing these points up with T himself, do you REALLY think he would post those thoughts on here for her to see? No, I don't think so. Also, alot of his other points and complaints are things SAH mums complain about as well. My 2 cents worth? Ditch the HS thing for a couple of years, until you are way over the baby stage. In my opinion, you are only holding your rldest back or expecting too much of your littlest ones, and it will be even harder on you all with a baby. If you aren't that keen on your kids doing the whole "mainstream" ECE or school thing, there are a lot of church schools and preschools around. Jake goes to a catholic pre school, and as well as getting 20 free hours (which we don't use all of, only 8 of them) he isn't in the "mainstream" system yet. He will also go to a church school probably the catholic one, but not for definate. The playcentre thing is neither here nor there. Actually, in all honesty it is probably nice to feel needed for something other than meals/cuddles/discipline etc, even tho it is still a child centred thing, so I wouldn't flick that. House work. Weekends are great for all (kids included) gettign together on a sat mornign to have a good dung out. we do this. I do the bare minimum during the week, then we all pitch in at the weekend. I have given up on mount foldmore until sun night when I fold and watch bones. Thats my thing. If anyone wnats anything out of there before then, well, thats up to them. I get sick of meals as well. No suggestions here, other than I get all my meat at the butchers and often buy their sauced meatballs or beef olives etc for a quick "ready made" meal. also mince and pasta bakes and a rast. there is 3 meals, easy. Also, can I just say, in my experience it is natural to feel a little "resentful" when you are the one "stuck" at home, even if it is by choice. I often really hate it, to be honest. Thank goodness for ECE. Thats when I get my "me time" or my "hobby" time. Good luck to you both. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 14 February 2009 at 9:33pm
| Just to add to Annie - the church based schools around here are quite good. Check their eros, or even go in a suss them out if you are at all worried. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 14 February 2009 at 11:17pm
|
Would it be possible to hs once the girls are at high school age, or does it really only work if they are HS'd from primary ? (I don't know much about how HSing works ) -------------
|
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 15 February 2009 at 12:50pm
| Nah they don't have to be HS'ed from primary. My cousin went to normal primary school and then started high school and left in 4th form to be home schooled and it worked really well for her. |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 15 February 2009 at 1:16pm
|
I hate having to think up meals to have for the week. Since DH dared to complain about one particular gourmet(NOT) dish I was making once to often, we now sit down (well I force him usually) and plan out meals for the week before shopping day. We use the NZ Healthy food guide magazines and the foodinaminute website for meal ideas and have one new meal a week. Works for us!
I agree with the others and would ditch th playcentre committee role. Its obvious that u cannot continue doing EVERYTHING you currently do- somethings gotta give. Sit down with T and look at what it the most important things and work out what can get left or not done to the current standard. Like the others have said, could the girls go to school/preschool?,...if you choose not to do this, then this is a priority, and something else will have to go to make room- such as the committee role etc. Routines works really well. When I was returnoing to work and sat down and wrote down what chorers I was gonna do on what days to make it easiet for us, and so when Im not at work I dont feel like I do housework all day. Im am now actually gettoing more hosuework done and working 2 days a week. Having a plan definalty helps! I love lists! Lol! |