To the Dads.....h.e.l.p....

Ok so fairly obviously I'm not a Dad, but a lot of your stress stay at home Mums can relate to as well

(Is it kosher to offer you a hug at this point? Don't know if you Dads are as virtually touchy feely as the rest of us Oh well, here's one anyway )

I was going to say your wife could help out with a lot of the smaller jobs - us mums expect the dads to do their share when they come home from work - but then I read the pregnant bit. Still, you could ask her to come up with the meal ideas on specific days? That's the part I hate too, staring into the freezer going "what are we going to have tonight?"

On the food front - it might take a little time at the beginning, but I highly recommend menu planning (for dinners anyway). Set aside some time on a Sunday evening to go through it all together. There are a few threads in the Food/Recipe section about easy dinner ideas. Make friends with your crockpot.

On the time front - quit being the Playcentre Treasurer! I know it's hard to get out of it once they've sucked you in but you have too much on your plate and sometimes you just have to say "enough!"

Child care stuff - it must be difficult finding activities for them all to do, my sympathies. Art stuff can be adaptable to different ages - finger painting for the 2 year old, stick figures for the 3.5 year old, houses and suns for the 5 year old It just creates more mess, that's all Do you have a room you could set up as a play room? So you can have all the toys etc in there and just shut the door on the mess? (even if it means two of the kids share a bedroom, if they don't already?) I'm sure you've seen it already, but I found this site a great source of inspiration for activities. Messy play is always a hit no matter what their age

Is the 5yr old at school yet? Do you make use of your 20 free hours for the 3.5 yr old? Can you get the 2 yr old and 3.5 yr old to nap at the same time? Do you have any family nearby that can babysit for a few hours to give you a break? I don't suppose you and your wife ever manage a date night? (Valentine's Day this weekend! Even if you have a candlelit dessert once the kids are all in bed!)

It's frustrating I know but someone once told me that every "why?" is a learning opportunity (even if that's a behavioural thing - one of my nieces says "why?" when she knows the answer, she's just trying to get attention/engage you in conversation). When possible turn it around and try to get them to come up with the answer themselves.

Sorry I asked more questions than I offered advice but hope it helps to know we all struggle with a lot of the same stuff. And this bl00dy weather doesn't help on the stress or motivation front either!

To mothers (I know you're watching!)

How much does pregnancy actually affect you? I dont understand it. Is it true that you get so tired? I try not to but i can't help but think DW is being lazy sometimes. (Sorry hun.)

IS it as big a deal as most pregnant women seem to make out? Why is there an expectation for guys standing up to offer their chair? OR other stuff that just seems to me... to be.. an opportunity for them women to boss men us around. I love how she looks, but dont like all the other things of pregnancy. I feel like shes leaning on my, more than i can bare. I need to lean on her, because of the kids, but shes not there.

I want to understand. Is there actually substance behind "I'm so tired." I've never been one to give up because I'm too tired. I'm very strong willed so force myself to do things, I push and push, I take a break when things are good enough but I dont leave it there. Because It's not finished. I'll leave it when it's (the job) is finished. I hike, I bike, I go further and further each time.

DW just seems to ... get tired. and give up. and not push herself. I dont get it. What am I missing?

(Sorry Hun, I know Im revealing quite personal things, or things you might be sensitive about, or might get upset at what I'm saying but I need to know this. We can talk about it if you want to, or you can keep reading to find out what I'm really thinking, but have been unable to ask/say to you without sounding mean.)

Weegee I'll answer your questions later.

Edited by Chovynz

[QUOTE=Chovynz].)

I feel like shes leaning on my, more than i can bare. I need to lean on her, because of the kids, but shes not there.
QUOTE]

Awwww.....

I worked tull time Throughout my second pregnancy, right up until the last week. I also came home and cooked tea, did the housework, homework, washing, dishes. DH worked shift work and now that I think about it, he was a real A*s. He would call me and asked what I had done, if tea was cooked, if the house was tidy for him once i got home.
I had an AGONISING pregnancy with Jackson, but I am like you, I pushed myself because I just didnt have a choice, DH was not home, I couldnt afford to quit my job.
So to answer your question, we get very tired and very uncomfortable, especially in the very early weeks, and in the last few. I dont think pregnancy is a disease however.

quote from one of the above mentioned books
" in pregnancy , the placenta acts as a huge hormone factory, with the object of bending all your wife's body functions to the interest of pregnancy "

Yeah pregnancy definitely brings on a different kind of tiredness than just your usual "staying up late and working hard" tiredness. Every inch of your body is being sapped of energy to grow the little life inside you, and you have absolutely no control over it. You can't just drink a V to feel more energetic unfortunately! The pains that come along with it can also take its toll. So no, I don't think she's being lazy. Don't forget, it's not the kind of tiredness you should "push through" with, because it can harm the baby if you overdo it.

Ultimately it's something men will never have the chance to experience so you'll have to take our word for it, and just be as understanding as you can be for the duration. I'm sure you are doing your best though, and no-one can take away from the fact you have been working your ass off too. It's just a tough situation you're in and soon enough you'll be in a better place with your family.

If your feeling resentment for the lack of hobby time, that's totally understandable. You definitely need some "me" time when you have all these demands placed on you and kids at your heels all day. Is there any other family around who can help for a small part of the day/week?

Well Chovynz I'm desperately reading everyones responses because I feel the same as you! Heres my advice but I'm not saying it's right. Definately plan your meals for the week, I sit down sunday night every week and spend 15 mins writing what dinners we will have each night. I make DH pick at least 1 usually 2. Keep it simple and quick night times are manic anyway. Home made pizzas, spag bol, pasta bakes....when I feel overwhelmed I do EASY meals.

With the kids remember you don't need to entertain them every minute of the day. Ask them to find something to do sometimes it's good for them to do this in the afternoons while it's hot sunblock em and turn the sprinkler on.

If you can have hobbies and 3 kids then your doing well-sorry it's just life. Just try to take some time out when you put them to bed. I was meant to get my Harley this year ahahahaha yeh like thats happening

Yes being preg is hard work. I've never been so exhausted in my life I've always forced myself to do things no matter how tired I am but at the moment I wake up in the morning feeling like I haven't been to bed yet. It's like every last bit of energy and driv u have has been sucked out of you..and that side of it sux! It takes me alot longer to get things done now that I'm preg

Def what was said above make the most of kindy etc..u need time out. And you'll be able to get more done when they're at kindy and spend time with them the rest of the time.

And make the most of us on here thats what we're all here for and we'll help you get through the tough times!

joshierocks wrote: Is your 5 year old at school??? It doesn't seem from your post that she is? Are you homeschooling? And, at the risk of sounding a bit off here..... is homeschooling really the best option when you are not coping with the rest of it too well just at the moment??? Get your 3.5 year old into preschool and make the most of the 20 free hours. Will be good for her, and you.

I agree with this. Homeschooling is a great concept, but if the reality of it isn't working for you, and it kinda sounds like it isn't, wouldn't it be better for all of you to send her to school? It could be just for a year or two, until you feel up to having them all at home again?

I don't know what else I can suggest, but I hope things improve soon.

*grumnble*

I'll add more to this post later.
Thanks all for the replies. Guess I'll just ave to suck it up and be a climbing trestle for my "rose".

Edited by Chovynz

I almost am tempted to write a *bitching* post about whats *wrong*. But that's not going to accomplish much is it....?

And I know othe rpeople have worse/more/better/larger/faster lifestyles to cope with.

I found theres a huge difference of work involved between 2 kids and 3.

Edited by Chovynz

Chovynz wrote: But that's not going to accomplish much is it....?

Well actually, it would get it off your chest, and there's a lot to be said for that. Just as long as it isn't going to upset DW too much or be stuff you guys need to talk about privately