My biggest worry...
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=26659
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Topic: My biggest worry...
Posted By: RinTinTin
Subject: My biggest worry...
Date Posted: 21 May 2009 at 4:31pm
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My biggest worry about being a mum, has nothing to do with baby or my ability to be a mum.
What I am so so so worried about is the fact that I will be dependant on my partner to support me and baby? Aside from the measly $130 a week I think I can get from working for families, I will have no income and I am scared that DP will start to resent supporting me and expect me to get back into the work force and "earn my keep". How have you all dealt with this worry? Did it ever become a problem for you? It is seriously the ONLY thing that i'm worried about with this baby. Nothing else phases me at the moment. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 21 May 2009 at 4:39pm
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It certainly is another of the pressures of parenthood, so I think we can all relate.
TBH - $130 is GOOD for WFF. Ours fluctuates between $89 and $128, depending on how much DH has earnt each assessment period (the joys of hourly wage vs. salary). Perhaps spending the next 30 weeks working towards living off one income. It's a shock going from two to one income, so anything you can do to help ease the transition is good. Pretend you're living off one income - put one into savings (or spend it on things for bubs). Work up to it slowly, if you don't want to do it right away. Start to look at your grocery bills - find ways to cut back there. My travel expenses to and from work each day ($6 a day, 6 days a week) were all of a sudden non-existent (plus buying lunch, coffees, newspapers to read on the commute) However, I'm home all day, so power consumption has gone up. So it balances out 
I'm sure everyone can give you some really good tips. It's not as hard as you anticipate - you'll learn to live inside your means in no time
*edited to make more sense. ------------- 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 21 May 2009 at 4:43pm
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Yeah 130 a week is pretty good for wff. we get $18 now
Living off his income now and saving the rest is a good way to get used to it. I wish we had done that as we would have built up alot of savings and we find living on one income now alright. Things get tight with unexpected bills but I've managed to find ways to cut back like on groceries and petrol and now I wonder where all of my income went. We still put a little away each fortnight into our savings so can't be too bad. I've got no intention of going back to work anytime soon and DH is fine with that. We just make sure we both get sanity money each payday to do with what we please. I think the main thing with out mind set is that I'm still working full time it's just that I'm not getting paid for it. What DH earns is our money not his. |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 21 May 2009 at 5:06pm
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Carin that is completely understandable!! I was the main money earner in our relationship prior to baby and for the last year we have been dependant on DP to earn all the money... I can't say Ive found it easy actually as I always feel the need to justify what I do even though he doesn't expect me too... We have talked about it and at this stage we don't feel our wee one is ready for preschool and DP truly couldn't handle being full time daddy! Actually the best thing to remind him how much I do is bugger off and leave him too it for a bit every now and then he loves me sooooo much when I get home... I also have found that I need to show him how much I appreciate how hard he works for us as well and not just assume he knows!! ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: KitKat
Date Posted: 21 May 2009 at 5:22pm
Ill be stoked when DP actually has an income!! lol 
Ive been the sole provider for a fair few months now.... so he owes me! Sux for him not being able to find work though. Stupid R word has freaked employers out. Sorry- roundabout situation. 
I understand how you feel- I am a very independant person, and the idea of being dependant is less than ideal. I hate the idea of being forced back to work when Im not ready.... I want the time to be a mum. ------------- 
http://www.littlegreenfruit.blogspot.com - Little Green Fruit |
Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 21 May 2009 at 8:48pm
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Glad to hear I'm not the only one who has felt this way.
Freckle I like the idea of leaving DP with baby for an hour or two, just so they can get the gist of what it's all about. My DP is the type that won't understand how hard it is until he's done it himself. I think I do really need to talk to DP as he is very touchy about money. He wants to keep things spearate because his ex embezzled thousands of dollars from his accounts when she left, so he's a bit scared to let anyone else in. Which is understandable. So my wage pays for my own bills and the groceries. DP's income pays for the mortgage, phone, power and everything else. We do need to work something out though. It's a touchy subject though. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 21 May 2009 at 9:01pm
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Yip I am thoroughly freaked out at the moment but have managed to make $500 last about three weeks and that includes me being a pig and just wanting things like chocolate! My gas and major food shopping bills. I'm hoping my maternity pay gets granted and that will help for the 14 weeks we get it then I will get wff as dp is on salary and it never fluctuates up only down, then we will apply for accommodation supplement hmmm which when baby comes will hoepefully be about $60 on dps salary alone now we qualify for $42 which anything is good iykwim ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 21 May 2009 at 10:11pm
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urgh money is money and if you are gonna have a future together then really you don't have much choice but to share what you have together.
At then end of the day if he expects you to look after his child then he should expect to support you -plain and simple. ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 21 May 2009 at 10:23pm
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I think you need to talk to him and draw up a budget of where everything goes. Figure out how much spending money you get and he could always give you an automatic payment or something if he doesn't want to share bank accounts.
We had my kids dad paying everything except food and I paid for food (with WFF) , what we each had left over was our spending money. Also you will probably get accomodation supplement from WINZ so thats something to look into. |
Posted By: sunnymummy
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 6:10am
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Amstaff, i can totally relate to what you're saying. At the moment im a full time teacher and in august i intend to stop working and start maternity leave. This will make me like 33 weeks, so there is still a lot of time to go, but i want and need to rest. My partner is a builder and will be totally the only income, he's ok with it, but i wonder if resentment will kick in too. Please say if im wrong, but i think on maternity leave we get half our pay for 14 weeks, money on birth of bubs and support from government - or is that dependent on partners income?
Here's one of my worries that i'm too emotional and hormonal, clingy and get upset and stay upset over the silliest of things (this has only been around for about 2 weeks) but feels like it's forever. i'm worried my partner will want o trade me in for a sane model! eg getting upset cause he forgot to turn my shower on (we have 2 showers in the bathroom) and crying about! Not good i tell you for the romance or relationship :-( and the worst thing is the harder i try to stop it, the more i can't! Go figure. what about others? any ideas to help me? |
Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 9:10am
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It surprises me how people can be in relationships and want to have children together but still think my money is mine and yours is yours..........if you willing to have children together then your money should be evenly split regardless of how much you both earn
Me and my DH in the beginning used to put the same amount into the rent bills etc cos i didnt see why i should pay more cos i earnt more, but as time went on and the relationship became more serious and we started thinking about having children, all our money was pooled together and we both got the exact same spending money each week after the bills were paid...........and this is yours to spend on what ever you like Carin i can understand your DP wanting to be cautious about money cos of his ex, but if he doesnt trust you in that respect then I wouldnt think your relationship is ready to bring a child into it..........but since your at that point now, then things ARE going to have to change and instead of looking at money as yours and His, it should now be combined..........!!! Its a serious commitment to have children and as mothers who stay at home to look after our children and not have that income, we do feel under appreciated and the fathers can get resentful that THEIR(his) money is supporting you both.............you really need to sort this now before you have the baby because it is a tough rollercoaster and one that breaks couples up ALOT!!! I personally think that instead of you trying to talk about it, you should both go and see a financial adviser or budget adviser so that it can be done fairly and he will see its someone else saying it and not you and dismissing your suggestions.............we had our accountant help us out and my DH finally got off my case cos i was able to say "hello you agreed with the accountant" Me and DH only get $40 a week each to spend on what we want and we get no say in each others money.........i know its not much but honestly all the bills are paid, food and rent theres not a huge amount left. My DH chooses to spend his on Beer and Rollies, and i generally spend mine on clothes. but if times are tough i am the first to sacrifice my money for food etc which does peeve me off from time to time but since i do all the finances and food shopping etc then i put it as my responsiblity to make sure my family has every thing it needs, esp a DH who is a bear with a sore head with no beer or ciggies..........as much as that drives me nuts........... Tall and short Carin, you guys are having a baby TOGETHER, not just you, so now its a two way street and you need to sort out a budget NOW |
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 9:22am
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Me and DH were actully talking about money last night - he was giving sh*t about his mate being on a budget and being stingy with money and stuff but i pointed out to him that in a few months we are going to lose my income. He seemed to think it wouldnt make too much of a difference until i told him that i earn more than him by about $100 a week. Now he is starting to think about a budget which is good.
And yip i worry about not having independence - like what if i need a new top or new shoes or something? i already hate having to ask DH for money for the groceries when i dont have enough so its going to be hard for me. With us its actully me that wants to go back to work 2 days a week after 6month-a year and its DH saying that he wants me home with the baby. I jsut don't want to lose all that i have worked towards and have to start again in 5 years time. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 12:13pm
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I can understand where you are coming from - before I had DD I earnt slightly more than DH and was a little worried about what I percieved as my loss of independence.
Once DD was here, I realised that looking after a baby fulltime is ten times harder than going out to work, so I felt absolutely no guilt in spending money. I did go back to work part time after 6 months due to choice rather than financial reasons, and I'm glad I did.
We don't qualify for WFF but the 14 week government payment is just over $400 before tax a week from memory - I think you get the full amount if what you earnt before going on leave was at least this much. ------------- Two little girls under 2! 
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Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 12:21pm
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I know what you mean, I have been supporting my partner as he was in debt (from supporting his ex partner!) we do share what we have though, but he tends to 'spend it if its there" therefore I end up paying for the rest of the slack (petrol, even though I never have the car!) and small stuff he doesn't think to leave cash for
So am worried bout relying on him and need to somehow without being too controlling, say I want to manage his pay. My biggest worry is that we have a few big purchases on HP (we got before we were preggers) I can understand your partner wanting to know where his cash is going to, not nice to be ripped off by someone close, but he needs to support you without making you feel you will need to 'ask permission' when you need cash. Its a hard one! hope it does work out for you ------------- 
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Posted By: KitKat
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 12:37pm
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Wow I imagine it must be a bit sensitive given your DH/DP past experience too. Makes things a little less straight forward Id imagine. Not that these things are ever straight forward.
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http://www.littlegreenfruit.blogspot.com - Little Green Fruit |
Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 12:38pm
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When the girls were born Jess would joke a lot that I had it easy hanging out at home. While admit I do get free time during naps it doesn't mean my job is easy. So early on I flew over to Oz for a weekend and left him in sole charge of the girls so he could see what I went through in a day. I think it really helped. He has a much better understanding of my role and he never complains about his 12 hour days because he knows my days are longer than that lol! Being a Mum is a 24/7 job that you can't quit or take a break from. You should never feel like your not contributing because your role is so huge!
Maybe try giving your DH a weekend alone with bubs. Or you could try what my sister did. I think I read somewhere this will be your one and only bubs. So why don't you spend the first 6 months at home then go back to work and let DH spend 6 months at home. That way you both get to contribute equally on both sides. My sister did it with her DH and it worked really well for them. Her DH was really grateful to be able to enjoy the boys (they had twins) while they were so little as well. And while that might not be for all guys maybe just the suggestion would make him feel like he has the option there and feel more secure that he gets a decent say in the run of things. Don't stress too much. They say money and sex are two of the leading reasons people break up. So just relax and don't let the stress ruin you enjoying your pregnancy and newborn baby because they grow up so fast -------------  
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 12:48pm
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Money is definately my biggest stress so far too Carin.
Not that I feel that DF will worry about supporting me, because it is not his and my, its our money. I know we will manage, DF was without a job for 4 months after finishing uni and it was really hard on us, but we survived and we will again.
At the end of the day it is just money. Sure, its nice to have lovely things around you. But as long as you are warm, fed and happy that is all that matters - of course, much easier said than done. -------------  
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 1:10pm
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Suppose I should have thrown in my last post. DP is a full tijme property investor. He's a busy guy and always has work going but things fluxuate.
I like some of the ideas you've all given and opinions. I like your idea Louise of having an Accountant do up a budget, an impartial party I guess you could say.
I will have to leave talking about it for a week or so as DP is currently doing up and office building which entails him working nights, we don't have a lot of time togther at the moment and I don't want to spend the little time we have together squabbling over finances or misguided opinions. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 3:15pm
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I'm sure it will work out fine. DP already has the I'm the financial provider hat on. I'm used to having my own money so am used to doing what I want when I want although I'm normally the person that says but we can't afford it and trying to scrounge on the money as he will just go and spend and spend and spend. We've lived for a month without a second income at all already and its been hard but we've managed. I only had money as my annual leave was paid out. We have our credit cards that if we really need something then can use that but try as much as possible not to. I suggest you do big buys now, and save and borrow things for bubs and look at your groceries etc so that your aware of what you "waste" money on the non neccessities ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 6:33pm
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Well I talked to DP. He was uite matter-of-fact about it.
He said "well we got no option, you won't be working, I have to support you. I'm under no illusions that raising a baby is an easy job" He said as long as I show initiative and try to find some kind of "work from home" income then he won't resent me at all, as long as I'm TRYING to do something for myself and not just bludging off him. He's already thought about getting his accountant to sort his paperwork out to show his income and stuff for us to get WFF. He has also found out we can get accomodation supplement. And has suggested I start saving up any money that I can so I have something to fall back on if he can't provide me with money. He surprises me sometimes. Well a lot actually. Feeling rather releaved right now. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 6:44pm
| That's great that you guys had a good convo. I thought I'd just mention that if you do get some kind of at home income make sure you get a really good estimate in advance of how much it could potentially make for you as that will affect your wff and you don't want to underestimate your combined income and be overpaid wff and have to pay some back at the end of the financial year as that really sucks! |
Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 8:06pm
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Thats a good point. I hadn't thought about that.
Will have to make sure that my income will be more than what WFF can offer otherwise it wouldn't be worth it. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 8:39pm
Just as long as he realises that for the first few months, at least, you won't have time to shower, let alone hold down another job on top of taking care of bubs. One thing I also want to add - you're not bludging off him. Don't let him make you feel like that. As lots of ladies have said, you're a team. You're having a baby together. You've commited to a life together so mi casa es su casa!
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AmStaff wrote:Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 8:46pm
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yup I agree with MamaPickle.
I found when my girl was new born I would try and sleep when she does trust me getting those 1-3 hours cat naps can make a world of difference. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 22 May 2009 at 9:24pm
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Oh DP said he understands all that.
He actually raised his nephew from newborn until 18 months old because his mum didn't want him. Then oneday she had a change of heart. But DP knows whats involved with having a baby. Well to an extent anyway. Feeling a lot better about everything. I know where I stand now and thats what I needed. Now just got to get through the next 6 and a half months. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 May 2009 at 3:07pm
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I presume he's expecting that you will have up to 12mos off work once baby is born.
Otherwise I was going to suggest that each of you put half (or some other %) of your take-home pay into a joint account and start learning to pay the bills and groceries together. That way it's not all his/hers or even all joint money, and you can both learn to trust each other in that area. You said you don't want to start discussions about money stuff because it is a sensitive topic, frankly avoiding sensitive topics is not always the best thing to do either - but of course it takes the right words and right timing. All the best -------------  |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 24 May 2009 at 3:31pm
I know this isn't any of my business, but im confused, so by that does he mean if you don't find some kind of work for home income he WILL resent you ? You guys are having a baby together, you should be a team, I don't think him suggesting he might resent you is very fair , just my opinion . Glad for you that you talked about it tho and are feeling clearer about things ------------- 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 24 May 2009 at 3:32pm
I know this isn't any of my business, but im confused, so by that does he mean if you don't find some kind of work for home income he WILL resent you ? You guys are having a baby together, you should be a team, I don't think him suggesting he might resent you is very fair , just my opinion . Glad for you that you talked about it tho and are feeling clearer about things -------------
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Posted By: LadyLizard
Date Posted: 24 May 2009 at 4:31pm
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I agree with MamaPickle.
You won't have TIME to work from home! That would really concern me if DH said that- we are a team, and its not ike I am taking time off to be a lady who lunches- we as mothers don't have a choice about taking time off work! if anything, there could be some resentment on my part, because my job is a much harder kind of job to take a break from, and it pays more. (I don't care about that at all, just saying resentment can go both ways if you are that way inclined, which I'm not) DH dragged me kicking and screaming to do a budget when we first moved in together, and it was the best thing we ever did- we have an allowance each each month after all the bills are paid, and we are sticking to it so that when the baby comes things will be tight, but not too bad. We will both have to give up or cut back our personal spending allowances so we can buy stuff for the baby, but neither of us mind- having a baby is always going to involve some sacrifice and it should be joint. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 24 May 2009 at 5:57pm
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Hehe, Lady Lizard, I can't picture your face (obviously ) but im picturing you being dragged kicking and screaming ..... -------------
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 25 May 2009 at 4:56pm
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No no, not like that at all.
He just wants me, once I am able, to perhaps do something to earn myself a bit of spending money. Whether that be selling stuff on trade me or perhaps doing in-home child care, just something so that I'm not doing nothing. I know that baby will keep m well and truly occupied and tired for a very long time, but I suppose, if you consider, some mothers go back to work, others stay home, I'm hoping to just combine the two. He said, it could be something easy like data input or something. e thought that maybe, when bub goes down to sleep and once I've had a sleep, or when bub is feeding, I could have my laptop with me and plug at a few keys to get bits and pieces done. He isn't expecting me to a super hero. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 25 May 2009 at 6:08pm
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I know you cant always get the full story on a forum but I would be highly peeved if my husband told me what your DH told you, to be quite honest.
(might also just be my pregnancy hormones). But to say that you must at least try something otherwise he might resent ect, ect, to me is not on. I think perhaps you guys need to sit down and have another chat about all of this and how you think this is going to work. Plan for if you want to take 4 months off, 6 months or a year or even longer. Work out what your expenses is according to the way you guys do things now. Show what you can cut out if need be. Let him do his budget of things he is paying now. Then work out what you guys need combined to make it work. Work the plan for the 4 months, 6 months or a year plan. See if his salary will cover it and what you guys are entitled to. Work out a "pocket money" system for both you guys, Money that you can spent guilt free. Also work out a sort of plan for money to go in an account for all those expenses that will hit but you cant plan for it. Trust me there is always some of it with a baby around. Then if he really is hard on this. Work out the creche fees to put the kid in sooner, work clothes that will have to be bought, take aways as you will be too tired looking after a baby and working ect. For us we discussed these things before we even thought about a permanenet relationship and both of us wanted me to stay at home. The money is not his or mine ect. But ours and for our family. He can still keep his finances to himself if he is really worried. Just come to a compromise of some sort of combined one. Even if you guys have to get an joint account and a certain amount gets transferred into it each month. (I apologize if I sound judgemental) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 25 May 2009 at 6:49pm
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Carin, the difference is that the mothers that go back to work have baby looked after by someone else during the day (i assume anyway any working mums, hope you don't leave home alone lol).
If you work from home, you have to look after baby, presumably do housework etc and then on top of that do work, which to be honest I dunno...any mums out there who work from home? Is it really as easy as all that? What happens when something HAS to be done for work but baby is wakeful? -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 25 May 2009 at 6:55pm
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[QUOTE=AmStaff] He said, it could be something easy like data input or something. e thought that maybe, when bub goes down to sleep and once I've had a sleep, or when bub is feeding, I could have my laptop with me and plug at a few keys to get bits and pieces done.
QUOTE] Oh and I have to comment on this bit....as a person who has employed data entry people, I would expect them to give it their full attention and not to be doing in between feeding! Maybe I am particularly fussy since I am a DBA but nothing annoys me more than slap happy data entry! -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 26 May 2009 at 11:37am
I work from home for an additional 8 hours a week when I'm not in the office and it is very difficult - the only time I can get any work done is when DD is asleep or when MIL takes her out for the morning. She's 16 months now and luckily sleeps through most nights so I'm not too tired and can get some work done when she's asleep (other than first trimester tiredness, but that's another story!). I make sure the work I do from home is stuff which isn't urgent e.g. reviewing reports, organising upcoming meetings, answering emails so that helps. I'm in a senior role so I get to manage my own workload which is why I can work from home. I have flexihours too, so can make up time if I don't get my hours done on my home days, otherwise being completely honest it wouldn't work. ------------- Two little girls under 2!
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 26 May 2009 at 12:11pm
| I've worked and studied from home while looking after Daniel full time and it is hard. The only time I could really get anything done was when he was asleep so I was working during his naps and after DH came home. It left no time for myself until the weekend. The housework never really got done and it made me more tired. I've stopped both for now because I had had enough. I need a break too. DH gets a lunch break to get away from work but I got nothing looking after Daniel and working |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 26 May 2009 at 12:57pm
| I'm just thread-jacking....but Nat what is a DBA?? |
Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 26 May 2009 at 1:03pm
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Yep, there is no way I'd want my data entry people doing other things while they input my data. I'm not even sure I'd trust tired data enterers!
We are budgetting and planning on me earning nothing whilst on maternity leave. If I do feel like I have the time and the inclination to do something I will, but certainly its not a necessity. I'll go back to work at some stage though so it is only temporary. I think its the sort of thing that should be sussed out before you TTC though, personally. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Imogen
Date Posted: 26 May 2009 at 1:29pm
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I do in home child care. I have DD and another little 1 year old girl. It is seriously hard work when you try to combine looking after the kids, the house and finally yourself. There is very little spare time. I try to do a lot of my cleaning when the kids are sleeping thats not always possible so I usually spend most of my weekends cleaning my house. So really I feel like I am working 24/7. Its great to have the extra income but I have recently cut back my hours. I used to look after 3 kids but it was just too much to cope with while being pregnant. I am not sure that I will be able to continue working thru this pregnancy but I am taking one day at a time. DP is great and has no issues whatsoever being the main breadwinner, in fact I often feel that he resents the fact that I feel that I should be working.
Anyway what I was trying to say is that is that working from home is very difficult at times and I often think of how nice it would be to be able to go out and work. If you are worried I would sort it out now, there is nothing worse than leaving things when they can be sorted!! ------------- Proud mummy to two beautiful little girls and a precious little boy <3 |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 26 May 2009 at 1:46pm
Database Administrator :-) -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 26 May 2009 at 7:47pm
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hmmmmmm. I think I would be peeved if DH said something like that to me and I dont think I could be held accountable for my actions. We are definitely a team and to be honest I thought it I would feel crap about not earning money but I dont...not one bit! Its just how things work. I cant work because I am looking after OUR kids. He has to work to support OUR family..end of.
However I am thinking of going back part time purely for money...no other reason. and not to pull my weight. We just need my income to get a mortgage...sucky really. |
Posted By: RuthyH
Date Posted: 30 May 2009 at 5:28pm
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Such a good question to post - something I have struggled with and never thought about as a common experience for mums-to-be. Interestingly my hubby has no issues with the money situation at all but I HATE it. For example I had a small but expensive car accident the other day and was devastated because whereas normally i pay for my own mistakes suddenly I'm not in a position to do so and i feel like he's paying for my mistake.
My way of dealing with it (as best I can) has been to take charge of the finances and be as responsible with budgeting as possible, something he doesn't have time to do working full time. We each have our spending money each month and even though it comes from his salary i worked out a way to cut back my personal spending so that the money for the accident comes out of my side of things, and he doesn't have to change his spending habits. Still i find it's a horrid feeling not earning my own money and i think it will push me in to trying to earn from home in some way after bubs is born, i just need to feel like I'm contributing, and independent in some way! Unfortunately the job I used to do is not one that can be managed part-time so I'm gonna have to be creative and come up with something else. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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