Second time round - help after birth
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=34562
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Topic: Second time round - help after birth
Posted By: fire_engine
Subject: Second time round - help after birth
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 11:21am
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We don't have family in Auckland (insert "woe is me" music). MIL has offered to come up after bubs is born which we'll definitely take her up on.
I'm trying to decide whether it's better to have her come up after we get home from hospital, or if we should wait till DH is going back to work and I"m juggling 2 kids solo. Pros of option 1 are the help with Dan, someone who can be dedicated to him, someone to hold bubs while DH and I sleep, someone to cook Cons are that I want my space, esp when I'm still bleeding ++ and constipated and incredibly sore and flashing my nipples around ... I also like the idea of us having that time as a family, without others Any advice/thoughts/etc ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Replies:
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 12:16pm
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Might be good straight away so you and dh can bond with your new baby and MIL can tend to your other baby.
I found it really great having my MIL around straight away. I had my mum too but often she had advice my mum didn't. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 12:38pm
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We live far from family too. Sucks eh! We decided on having my Mum come a couple of weeks after my due date for Callum as I wanted my space in the beginning and knew it'd be tough when DH returned to work.
This time MIL is coming a month after my EDD and my sister will be here a week after my EDD for 10 days. It was harder this time as I initially thought it would be good to have someone here for C around the time of the birth etc, but TBH I think I'd still rather it was "family time" and we have a really good network of friends now with kids C's age so they will be able to help out with playdates and things too. ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 1:20pm
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I would go for when your DH goes back to work. You aren't as "out of it" when you have your second.
If you are breastfeeding then you are the one getting etc so while DH's is home he can look after you three, plus do the cooking/washing etc that you don't feel up to doing, plus he won't be feeling as exhausted as you are. Then MIL is helping out in that role when he goes back to work. Also if you have a Caesar second time around then having someone around for a longer period of time will be far more helpful. My Dh took the time off I was in hospital & it was his responsiblity to look after Alia, make sure she was happy & make sure life kept happening outside the hospital & you know...I didn't care, I was getting a rest & bonding time with Cooper. He brought her in to see me daily & that was really cool too. My Mum came around pretty much daily when I was home but TBH I was back to normal life in 2 weeks just simply cause life carries on, kindy drop offs started when Cooper was 2 weeks old, He just had to fit into that routine. So i had help probably up to 2 weeks after he was born. Your DH needs to be aware that he will need to help at the start by folding that pile of washing & finishing off tea that you started organising. This will help the most as by the time he got home I was pretty dang tired & couldn't complete jobs. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 1:38pm
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Yep I'm voting for giving yourself a couple of week's space too. If you were closer to your MIL it might be different but she might just drive you completely batty and you're delicate enough in those first couple of postpartum weeks without potentially melting down at the MIL too iygwim.
Plus it's not like you have *no* support network here for those first couple of weeks - you have enough friends who love you dearly and will be over to bring you meals, hold baby while you sleep and take Dan for a bit etc  ------------- 
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 1:42pm
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Yeah I'd go for after your DH goes back to work too. Next time that is how we will do it, I want that first week or so to just be about us as a family and in that first week I was still running on adrenaline, it wasn't unti the second week that the tiredness and baby blues really kicked in, plus it eases you into your new role as a mother of 2 -------------  
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 1:43pm
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i vote the space too.. if it were me i would do option two..just cause I'm like you and want time to myself with all the after birth type stuff... also i found it by far the hardest when everyone went back to work!!:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 2:58pm
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I'd say option two as well.
I found I missed DD like crazy while I was in the hospital and couldn't wait to get home and all be a family. I found the visitors we had intrusive, not because they were being painful but because I just wanted a week or so just to ourselves, to bond and to recover and adjust. It was definitely much harder for me when DH went back to work and I would have loved some help. By then the laundry was piling up, the sleep deprivation had well and truly set in and DD was bouncing off the walls ready to get back to normal. (although she did love all the extra Blue's Clues she got to watch in those first 2 weeks!) ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 8:59pm
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Im in the same boat as you Flissty and we have a family friend from Oamaru staying with us - its already a god send being so big and uncomfy with this babe - once she goes home DH will take time off - just an extra week to hang out with Milla while I sort the feeding and get my energy back - should work out that I have at least 2 weeks of help - so hopefully I get my VBAC or recover quickly! ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 9:12pm
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I would vote option 2 too... I live with family around but no-one came to help me, lol!!! They all assumed because DH was at home for 2 weeks we would be fine.
When DH went back to work I found it quite tough.. the tiredness had well and truly kicked in and all the novelty had worn off by then. ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 08 July 2010 at 12:28pm
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option 2 definitely, i think that will be more useful.
wow Dan's almost 2! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 08 July 2010 at 1:05pm
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I know! I'm in denial.
It all seems unanimous, so option 2 it is. DH has two weeks off (hopefully he won't spend one week waiting for the induction to work like last time  ), and we'll keep Dan in DC for a couple of days a week. I think I really want my space in the first few days of recovery and want to be able to establish how we work and how our new wee family works (including things like not CIO).
Thanks all  ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 08 July 2010 at 1:19pm
Not helpful.. but your brave having your MIL in your home for that period of time. My MIL is lovely but I just couldn't do it  lol
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 08 July 2010 at 2:09pm
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Ah, she'll only be there for a week, if that. Four days is my limit for nearly all visitors - I have only a few people who can stay longer than that! ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: monikah
Date Posted: 08 July 2010 at 9:30pm
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yea space is real good. especially like you said with bleeding, feeling like your body is yuck, getting through the 3 days blues if you get them. you may ot feel like you need help either so it gives you a chance to see how you are feeling. i came home the same day i gave birth to both my kids and never had anyone to help except DH and it was even easier 2nd time around ------------- 
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