How to get hubby to clean??? Help Please
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Topic: How to get hubby to clean??? Help Please
Posted By: mummy_becks
Subject: How to get hubby to clean??? Help Please
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 1:25pm
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OK this isn't my hubby, but someone elses (she is on here and her hubby knows about this site so didn't want to do the post). They both work fulltime and she is pregnant. Hubby won't start doing the housework unless she starts doing it first. At the stage she is at things like the smell of the dishwasher after the dishes are cleaned makes her sick and she will throw up after she has emptied the dishwasher as her hubby won't do it. Any ideas on what to say to him so that he can start doing stuff around the home first without her having to start the housework first? ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Replies:
Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 1:38pm
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oh wow, if they're both working full time the housework should be shared between them, preferably with him doing the better part seeing as she's pregnant and having to go through morning sickness.
has she actually sat him down and explained things to him? it would be incredibly selfish of him to still make her do things when he knows they make her sick. ------------- |
Posted By: baalamb
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 1:39pm
| Tell hubby to start (and finish) it! Communication is key. Extremely unfortunate for us, husbands aren't mind readers so you've just got to talk to him. |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 2:14pm
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Just a suggestion on the dishwasher smells. She can get a dishwasher 'fragrance' - not sure what it's called, but it's a round thing that hangs in your dishwasher and makes it smell nice. I couldn't stand the smell either until I got one - I think it comes in both lemon and orange and makes the dishwasher smell soo nice and fresh.
With my hubby, we always split the job in two - one pulls the clean dishes/glasses out and hands them to the other to put in the cupboard. She should just talk to her hubby and find a good solution that works for them. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 2:24pm
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She's hasn't spoken to hubby yet, shes not sure n how to approach the topic thats one thing she needs a bit of help on. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: EllenMumof2
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 2:31pm
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I just tell mine when i need some help and he normaly does it as he hates it when i won't talk to him http://lilypie.com">
  http://lilypie.com">   -------------  
 
Kalem 6! |
lol but hes always said just ask him if i need help maybe im one of the lucky onesPosted By: Paws
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 3:00pm
I agree...she just needs to talk to him. Sometimes these boys need explicit instructions!! It's not necessarily that they are doing it on purpose they just honestly don't think about it. Things bother us a lot sooner than it bothers them!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 3:42pm
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With my first, while I was still working full-time, I explained to DH that I just couldn't do the vacuuming and could he please do it. I don't think he understood that vacuuming can be hard work for a preggy mum but he did it anyway.
I guess with my DH he doesn't mind one-off jobs too much but getting him to do long-term things  ...and I think its more to do with forgetfulness than anything.-------------  |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 3:46pm
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Tell him if he won't help he'll have to pay for a cleaner. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: luna
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 4:55pm
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Ahem! Surely she shouldn't need to say anything to him - he must have eyes in his head???? To see she is being sick after she does certain things. Selfish bugger!
Sorry .. not sure why these 'grr' posts are peeving me off so much - maybe it's sympathy?! Anyway, tell her to sit him down and explain to him that she feels sick A LOT, and then tell him the jobs that he needs to take over doing. I'm sure there are some small things that she can still do (quite happily too I may add) ------------- Selina http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: rug_nz
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 5:14pm
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Yeah talk to him or another good way is get his mum to have a word to him. If you make a big deal out of it we men seen to shut down more.
With the dishwasher, tell him nicely ya can't do it and leave it with him, if its full only take out what ya need as you need it, if the dishers pile up on the bench, you can't cook tea till it is clear, sit down and wait. He will soon catch on when he gets hungry. ------------- Look out! It's a man. SAHD 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 5:22pm
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yes golden rule....do not nag!! Makes men shut down and grouchy! Am I right rug_nz? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 6:16pm
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my DH knows I cannot empty the bottom drawer of the dish washer...I start gagging and get sick! go figure!!!
HE helps - but when he wants to...and when he does he does what he thinks needs done...i hate nagging and the arguments but sometimes i go there as i am so sickof it all....i cant help cause mine is useless 90% of the time...and 10 % helpful when he wants to be...oh and he does a load of washing but normally has a LOT more of HIS washing in than mine...probably cause he is by then running outta undies!!! MEN!!! I blame the MIL - who used to do all his washing etc and come tidy up his flat when he was flatting on his own...silly cow look a t what she left me with!!! |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 9:01pm
um i go through this all the time!!! lol and iv gotten to a point of bribery really like for instance "no lovey lovey until you start helping out as im so not in the mood to give you anything when im so tired and angry!!!" lol and crying works good too!! lol....sounds really bad ay! lol but it works for me when nothing else did! lol
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 9:44pm
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Men are blind and don't see anything. Today was a good example. I was doing the dishes, lounge was filled with blocks (kids had just gone for a nap), washing in the basket - hubby yawns and said, well, if you don't need me to do anything I might just go and have a nap myself. I said "are you kidding", he said "well, what do you need me to do?" he honestly didn't notice...or if he did, he didn't consider that it needed cleaning! grr.
Pick a time when you are both NOT stressed or tired. You need to say that there are a few jobs around the house that you are finding tough - now cause you a pregnant, but you don't want to lumber him with all the work (as if,I know) so maybe you can work out whose responsible for what for a while. If you are both too tired, sersioulsy suggest getting a housekeeper. If you are on friendly terms with the MIL, get her to make a few sugfgestiongs like "oh, you need to do more around this house- you;ll get (wife) too tired!!" |
Posted By: rug_nz
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 11:03pm
Oh heck yeah. nagging is the worst. DW was on my back every few days about moppin the floor. I would have done it day one but got busy. she got hm "ya haven't done the floor yet" that was it, left it for 2 weeks, it was a mess but she just keeped naggin, she finaly gave up and I mopped it.  ------------- Look out! It's a man. SAHD
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Paws wrote:Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 7:03am
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Unfortunately it's just a man thing. You have to point things out to them otherwise they just don't see it and I don't think they are being lazy or inconsiderate - they just don't think like us. It's been a hard road getting used to asking my hubby to do things around the house and then leaving him to it. He honestly doesn't mind and gets $hitty with me when I don't ask him for help. He just can't see the things like I do ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 7:44am
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ooo rug, hit him where it hurts! food! ------------- |
Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 8:27am
I am quite lucky as we share the household chores, and luckily for me there was only 1 of mine that I could no longer do - the shower, on hands and knees in a small cubical still makes me gag especially with the cleaner smells. I told dh that he would have to do it, and he was happy too, however it took about a week for that to happen, and then he did a great job on the floor and walls, but left the glass... go figure. Not wanting to nag I left it till the next week, his response, oh, I didn't even think of that MEN! 
The best idea is to talk to him, when you aren't stressed or tired. If he has had to fend for himself before I would say it will be easier, but either way, as the pregnancy gets further along you will need help, and if he can't or wont, I say hire a cleaning lady! ------------- "> 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 8:45am
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Good old fashioned face-to-face communication! Can't go past it. She might need to really explain how it feels being pregnant, and what it's like trying to keep up with work and the housework, especially the jobs that make her feel sick. There really shouldn't be any such thing as housewifely duties when both partners in the marriage are working full-time! And if they reach an agreement like- the dishwasher becomes his responsibility, it helps to bear in mind that when you hand a job over to the other person, it's not really fair to still have a say in how it's done... meaning the dishes could sit and wait for longer than she'd leave them, but hand the job over and let it go! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 3:46pm
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I am really lucky as DH does everything! (really - everything!)
But I would say i agree with the tell him bit. Don't say Can you... Say I can't do this, it makes me sick and I need you to take over this job till the ms passes. And if he complains or says no, get the above posters and myself to beat him into it with big sticks. -------------  
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 7:10pm
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  ------------- |