What new mums want new dads to know...
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=9486
Printed Date: 30 September 2025 at 7:48am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: What new mums want new dads to know...
Posted By: Maya
Subject: What new mums want new dads to know...
Date Posted: 27 July 2007 at 9:19pm
|
I'm working on a new article on what new mums want new dads to know and I'd love to hear your thoughts.
What did you partner do/say that was helpful and what did your partner do/say that wasn't helpful? And what do you WISH he had done or said? -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Replies:
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 27 July 2007 at 9:41pm
|
I wish it were possible for guys to understand how exhausting all the "invisible" work is: pregnancy itself (especially first trimester when you can't see anything), and then the bf as well.
I also would like all new dads out there to know how important positive words are: from "you look beautiful" to "push honey, you're doing great" and even "you're a great mum". It makes a huge difference to life, especially as a SAHM (whether that be for 2 months, a year, or forever!) (Thanks Babe, cause you've said all of them more than a few times!  )------------- |
Posted By: tashzmum
Date Posted: 27 July 2007 at 10:17pm
|
you CANNOT i repeat CANNOT put garlic bread in the microwave still wrapped in tinfoil and then start the microwave.
and i second the positive words. and alsothat they need to wait awhile after the actual birth before having sex again. one thing my df did was before i got home from the maternity unit was fully spring clean the whole house, put new sheets on our bed and new pillow cases, and there was a freezer full of food. and he made choc self saucing pudding for like 2 weeks every night. he also pretty much did all the house work for a few weeks too. and he was the one who got up in the middle of the night and bought tash to me for a feed(that was probably cos i never heard her). i feel so spoilt lol. i got such a great df. ------------- Natasha Jayde, 1-01-05(7lb3oz) Caroline Elisabeth, 9-04-08 (4lb15oz) Izabella Kate, 9-04-08(6lb7oz) Lexi Brenna, 23-01--2011(6lb6oz) |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 27 July 2007 at 10:22pm
He WHAT?!?! Does he and his cooking skills live anywhere near my place?? Yum!!!  ------------- |
tashzmum wrote:Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 27 July 2007 at 10:29pm
|
The thing I seem to say the most often is:
"I'm pregnant, not disabled!"* Just because a woman is pregnant, it doesn't mean she's unable to walk up a flight of stairs (true story), carry a tray of food (true story) or do any activity that takes longer than 15 minutes (true story). Its the overprotectiveness that gets to me. Yes I know I'm too stubborn and independant for my own good, and I'm sure I'm not the only woman like that, but pregnancy does not actually equal inability to accomplish things! * No, I'm not announcing anything, it's what I have said in the past! ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 27 July 2007 at 10:40pm
|
Ok, I have lots to add as my DP has done so many things to annoy me and also so many things that are very helpful, so here it goes.
Morning sickness is not like that time last year when you felt a bit sick so you went outside for a walk in the fresh air and it magically disappeared forever. Morning sickness is there no matter what you do or do not do and no amount of 'brisk walking' in the heat of summer is going to make it go away and if you don't stop pestering me about getting some 'fresh air' I will purposely not make it to the bathroom the next time I have to puke, I will aim for your pile of washing that you have left in the middle of the bedroom because you're too damn lazy to help around the house you bastard. Does that help? I have more.. |
Posted By: tashzmum
Date Posted: 27 July 2007 at 10:45pm
|
lol busymum. he still makes it now at least once a week.i am soo spoilt.
my grandma did treat me as though i was gonna break.i think one day, after i threw up all thru my hair, she insisted that she would wash my hair so i didnt have to bend akwardly over the bath  ------------- Natasha Jayde, 1-01-05(7lb3oz) Caroline Elisabeth, 9-04-08 (4lb15oz) Izabella Kate, 9-04-08(6lb7oz) Lexi Brenna, 23-01--2011(6lb6oz) |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 27 July 2007 at 10:46pm
|
OMG you SOOOOOO dont want to get me started here Emma.....
|
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 27 July 2007 at 10:48pm
|
LMAO Renee that is so fuuny hahaha!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 28 July 2007 at 9:47am
|
Well I can only comment about early pregnancy...
I so appreciate it when DH does the things I'm too darn tired or sick to do - like cooking dinner, doing the dishes, doing the shopping etc. And being understanding that my body is exhausted!! Sometimes he washed my hair in the bath when I was too tired to do it but I felt gross and dirty  And not making me feel bad about asking for stuff I need. He also brings me breakfast before I get out of bed every morning so I don't feel as sick - that helps heaps.
I'm pretty lucky really, DH is awesome. ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
|
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 28 July 2007 at 11:41am
|
oh god you don't want me to get started either.
Top of the list would be QUIT PESTERING ME FOR SEX!!! NO MEANS NO NOT IN ANOTHER 10 MINS IF YOU ASK AGAIN. Please don't tell me how tired YOU are, when I have been up all night trying to settle a brand new baby. Please don't make me feel that becasue YOU go out to work, that I am at home filing my nails, and that's why I have been too busy to vaccuum/shower/do washing/ironing/get tea ready Please keep reminding me that I am doing a good job, even if you don't think this is entirely true. Rmember, I am learing too. (and I know you are as well) ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 28 July 2007 at 12:24pm
|
Eating is really important while bfing so watching the kids while mum gets breakfast can make a difference to the whole day.
Complaining about a sore wrist while your dp is in labour can make someone very 
|
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 28 July 2007 at 1:46pm
|
lol RAch!!
My biggest help in the early days would have been if DH had of taken a bit of initiative rather than waiting for me to ask for something to be done - housework, dinner stuff. Or just as good, would be asking if there is anything they can do to help. Oh and having the house nice and tidy when you get home from hospital would be great, not 3 loads of washing to put through, dishes to do and beds to make. Not a happy new mummy that day... ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 28 July 2007 at 3:13pm
|
I totally agree, I was out mowing the lawns at 37 weeks pregnant and my elderly (but lovely) neighbour told me that I should be doing that in my state. I stopped and asked what state i'm not sick. He said but dear you are pregnant, you can't be doing things like that. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 28 July 2007 at 9:13pm
|
lol I think I'm the opposite I'm quite happy for people to do things for me cos things sure change when the baby arrives.
Oh yeah another one have the car seat all ready BEFORE picking everyone up from the hospital so your not waiting outside while they fiddle around with the straps. Ben actually brung the wrong carseat to the hospital to pick up Caprece |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 28 July 2007 at 9:16pm
|
Oh my gosh where shall I start without taking over. My pregnancy was pretty good, but I hated the leave it I will do it....you shouldn't do it in your state. After I had bubs, I was bed ridden for 2 weeks so DH had to do everything but that didn't mean if he spent 30 mins cleaning that he could then spend 1 hour playing Xbox....1 hour cleaning 2 hours Xbox ARGH I did appreciate the company, I suffered from PND and no one knew what to say or do, but I had a good freind just show up to sit and talk, or to just sit. That was huge for me! My outlaws showed up with a roast 1 day, heaps of meat and vege...fantastic Sorry I have so much more.....1st time mum you know |
(no lies)Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 29 July 2007 at 2:53pm
|
Hmmmmm where to begin where to begin!!
Well firstly when someone says no to sex do not keep pestering them. The last thing on a new mothers mind is having sex...especially if they've been up all night, and have sore cracked nipples!!. Not many ladies would feel sexy after having a baby, so give us some time. Help out...with anything. Tidy up around the house, run errands for the lady. Even ask her if she'd like a little treat (thats not sex!) perhaps a box of chocolates or her favourite magazine or something. Even just taking baby off her hands so she can have 30 minutes to herself. If you've finished eating and you can see your baby mama trying to entertain baby aswell as feed herself, take the initiative and take baby....honestly she will be grateful for it. Learn to change nappies!....and don't get all squemish once bubz hits solids and the nappies really start to stink. Dry wreeching is not appealing. If yous are heading out, help out by opening the car door and having the carseat ready. I know that last thing I wanna see when I have a 10kg baby in one arm, a huge baby bag in the other, is my DP sitting ready in the drivers seat and I'm needing help unfortunately that happens all too often.
Respect us if we want a little time to ourselves, as mothers all we are doing is giving, giving, giving, and sometimes we just want a minute or two to just unwind and relax, with just ourselves as company. Dont be offended if we ask for that. Oh and NEVER...I mean NEVER compare your job to that of a SAHM!!. Maybe when you've dealt with dirty nappies, spill ups, sore tummies, winding, crying for no apparent reason, endless nights with little sleep, having to remember you have a constant little companion that you have to organise before heading out anywhere, immunisations, ......then maybe you'll have some understanding of what we go through. Just help out whenever you can, being a mum is a 24/7 job and any little bit of help we can get is greatly appreciated. ------------- 
|
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 29 July 2007 at 6:15pm
|
I cant comment on what it will be like when the baby arrives but during pregnancy... Dont expect us to be happy & chirpy all the time, even if we are happy to be pregnant! Recognise that its not as easy as people think, hormones are raging, you are exhausted, you have indegestion, constipation and a sore back.....so dont expect us to be the all singing, all dancing - show of happiness all the time! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 29 July 2007 at 7:35pm
Oh I am sooo cracking up!!! 
Renee you reminded me of something about being fit (you were talking about being un-sick)... I think I might start a new thread though. ------------- |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 29 July 2007 at 7:49pm
|
Heres one, just because I'm resting when baby does dosen't mean I want to have sex. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 30 July 2007 at 1:36pm
|
haha some of these are really funny , ah men eh?
um i didnt have caitlyns father around much when i was pregnant or afterwards so im looking forward to having my next babies dad around...at my beck and call, for me to boss around, get hormonal at and deny sex to... |
Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 30 July 2007 at 7:22pm
|
Here here on the food thing, especially while breast feeding. The best thing my DH did was to bring me lots of food for breakfast while I was giving DD her morning feed and STARVING after feeding her all night, especially bits of food that you can eat easily with one hand, like cut up kiwi fruit and bananas, toast etc.
Right after DD was born I would say stick around at the hospital. DH rushed off to get everything done and felt very stressed that he needed to clean the house, change the sheets, etc. etc. before I got home. To be honest, I would much rather have come home to a slightly untidy house and have him by my side for longer at the hospital. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 30 July 2007 at 10:24pm
|
just because i give you a cuddle DOES NOT mean I want to have sex.
See a theme here??? ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 31 July 2007 at 10:36am
|
You're cracking me up, Annie!! I wish my DH had stayed with me at the hospital all day (until they kick the men out of the ward at 8pm) both days I was in there. Trying to get up out of bed to tend to baby took about 20 mins each time and was excruciating, and I needed him there to help. He did have the house tidy for when I came home... might have something to do with me leaving a book open on the page explaining how truely evil it is for men to let us bring our new babies home to a pigsty of their own man-home-alone making! That really helped. And never, boys, never complain about how tired you are in those early days. We don't care! You are nowhere near as bone-weary as we are, your body hasn't just been through hell and back, and we haven't got the emotional reserves left over to give a toss about your long day at work. And this helped - in the first couple of weeks, people texted DH to see if it was a good time to visit me and baby. He was actually back at work (oh yeah... TAKE LEAVE even if you are self-employed, take a week or 2 off because the financial cost is nothing compared to the cost to your partner of being home alone with a brand new baby!!! This is partly why I'm planning on 2 kids, no more!), but he would just check with me and basically be the visiting-police at first. That really helped. And he cooked dinner for those first 6 or so weeks - BIG help. We wouldn't have eaten, otherwise!! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 31 July 2007 at 11:18am
|
Yeah thats another one, spend heaps of time at the hospital with your DP/DW and your new arrival. My partner would come every day, usually around 10 am and stay til 1:30pm go pick up his mum, drop her off at work (which conveniently happened to be the hospital lol) and then stay til she finished at 11pm!. And I was in there for 5 days I think. Was really good to have him there. -------------
|
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 31 July 2007 at 8:25pm
|
Give heaps of praise when she manages to do a little job like the washing or cleaning it makes such a difference and actually makes you want to try and do more.
Lol Annie your DH sounds like mine |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 31 July 2007 at 8:30pm
|
Thanks so much ladies! Some of you sound like you have awesome partners - or at least have them well trained! Your tips are now up in our Dad section http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/article.aspx?ContentID=1581 - here , I'm sure they'll find them eye-opening! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 31 July 2007 at 9:17pm
|
Well I found it a laugh but I'm not sure if the men will be laughing ------------- |
Posted By: Bel
Date Posted: 31 July 2007 at 9:49pm
|
I love these hints, am going to print this list and give to DH - am sure he will be pleased!! ------------- Mum to two beautiful kids
Luke (09.11.2007) Amy (01.04.2009) |