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toniellis View Drop Down
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    Posted: 09 April 2005 at 10:13am
Hi everyone. This is going to sound so silly to you I'm sure.
I have a five moth old boy and was quite looking forward to trying for number two soon. I would have liked about 18 months - 2 years between them.
Now I think I might be pregnant (accidentally) and after reading some stuff in "Advise on Age Gap" I am really terrified that it is way too soon.
I havn't said anything to my partner yet. We weren't going to start trying until the end of this year so I don't know what to say.
Any advice would be great
Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6)

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kas View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kas Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 April 2005 at 4:30pm

Hi there Toniellis

Wow that would be scary but just talk to your partner i'm sure he will be fine remember he played apart in conceiving the baby as well (if you are pregnant).  Me and my husband found out we were having twins 3 weeks ago and i was s**t scared but my mum kept saying to me god doesn't give you anything you can't handle.  Good Luck and keep us informed as to when you do a pregnancy test. 

Everything will be fine.

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Maya View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Maya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 April 2005 at 9:00pm
Take the test! It's the only sure way to know if you're worrying yourself over nothing. And if you are pregnant, I'm sure you wil be fine. These things happen for a reason. Maya was a very big whoopsie, but I don't regret it for a second. And talking to your partner might help you get the support you need at a tricky time.
Good luck, and I will keep my fingers crossed that you aren't since that's what you want.
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mum2paris View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mum2paris Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 April 2005 at 9:24pm
definately take the test already!! Both of my children were conceived, well, unexpectedly - we weren't outwardly trying, but we weren't doing much to stop it either. and yep when i was first preggers this time i was scared as heck too.. in fact up till about half way through i was petrified about how i would cope, but recieved lots of helpful advice and reassurance from these lovely ladies. I still have moments every now and then but I can rationalize my way out of them now... lol.. sometimes even if you are thinking about it.. it's alot different to being faced with the situation.. and when it happens and it's out of your "control" then you can get a bit jolted by it. I'll see if i can find my initial post i wrote when i thought i was preggers this time and have a look.. i'm pretty sure i was just as scared and unsure as you are...


here you go, i copied it and pasted from my post i started about 5 days before i found out:

"Sept, 27, i couldn't wait any longer, i took a test this morning.. there is a free pregnancy service across from paris' daycare.. so off i went.. and it was positive. so my feeling was spot on. i'm still a bit numb and shaky, we are both sorta thinking.. omigod.."

that's pretty mild. but i think if you have a look on most of the posts that us second-timers have started or contributed to, we have all been just as worried. it's natural to worry about how you will fit another child into your life. take the test, then either way ou can start figuring it all out. hope this helps.

Edited by mum2paris
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toniellis View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote toniellis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 April 2005 at 5:30pm
How soon can you take a test? I had two periods regular as clockwork after I had Alex and then a very light one then nothing so I'm not really sure when to test.
I kind of want to just forget about it and if it happens it happens. I honestly thought it would be too early for me to be able to get pregnant as Alex is only five months old & I'm still breastfeeding him and I was told the chances are only like 2% for it happening?
I am worried what everyone is going to say if I am pregnant AGAIN. I have only just turned 21 and I had planned to get my uni studies out of the way first as I hav got two more years of part time study & we are moving out of Auckland as well and about 2 hours away from any family & friends hence why I am terrified.
I don't want to end up a stressed out parent who screams at her children for nothing :-(
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mum2paris View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mum2paris Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 April 2005 at 9:37pm
no, not too early - there's huge criteria for breastfeeding being a successful contraceptive.. has to be a certain amount per day etc, overall it's not really very effective at all... and it will usually delay your period - if you have had your period then you are just as fertile as ever i'm guessing.

beleive me i know exactly how you feel with the study thing.. i was 20 when i began my nursing, got preg at end of first year, delivered half way through 2nd year. and took some time off then they split my papers and i have had to do part time up till now. i begin my 3rd yr 6 wks after baby is born.. that's 2 yrs of part time study to finish 6 months worth of papers..argh!

and don't stress about everyone else.. i had the same thing.. my family were like "oh, now you'll never finish your nursing what a waste, blah blah" now they have seen that i am carrying on no matter what they have shut their mouths.

good luck. you never know it could just be stress.. but take a test and see.
Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja

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kas View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kas Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 11:14am

I think you should just take the test so you can have peace of mind.  Everything will work its self out.  Don't worry about what other people think, i know thats easy to say but it will just stress you out otherwise and no body likes stress.

So take the test and let us know the results, just keep in mind you could be worring about nothing.

GOOD LUCK

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toniellis View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote toniellis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 12:10pm
Well I went & bought a test this morning and so I did it and it has one bold line and one really really faint one. You can hardly even see it.
Is this a positive??
I read the instructions and it said one of them can be fainter than the other but you can hardly even see the second line on my test.
Is there any quicker way of finding out if it was a positive? Or do I just have to wait for a couple of weeks and try again?
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lizzle View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lizzle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 12:14pm
thats a positive Toniellis. when i found out i was pregantn, I did about six of those tests....all positive. Why don't you go to the doctor. he can give you a blood test which wil confirm or dispel your test.
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mum2paris View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mum2paris Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 1:03pm
yep that's positive.. both of mine were like that, VERY faint. if you really want to be sure, try a test in another 2 days or so..but otherwise, just go to the doc like lizzle said.. after all - it should be considered a maternity visit, and therefore free (for the first 12 wks of pregnancy).
Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja

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toniellis View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote toniellis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 1:14pm
Well I will give it a few days & do another test. If it comes up positive then I will go see the doctor.
Tried to talk to my partner about having a second baby and he keeps avoiding the subject. Then this morning he said that he doesn't even want to think about having another one until the end of the year like we had planned. He pretty much listed the reasons why it would be a bad idea and he is so right so what am I going to do?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bub Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 1:33pm
hey


your should tell your partner that you think you might be pregnant so you have his support even if he doesnt want another baby just yet im sure he will support you. You can go to the doctor so you could find out for sure. i think your test was a positive like mine.let us no how you get on.

Rachel & Brianna
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mum2paris View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mum2paris Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 1:47pm
yep tell him - if he doesn't know outright then he probably will say and do things that make you think he will never accept it..

when i told mike, he went all white and shaky and nearly flaked in the middle of his office. but then after that all he wanted to do was tell people. before then, every time i had brought up the idea he had been the same as your partner. with guys, subtle hints don't work, obvious hints don't work.. just tell him.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kerryberry Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 2:14pm
Yeah it kind of sounds to me like maybe your partner thinks you are wanting to try for another one. Be up front with him that this is not what you had planned either, tell him its not a case of wanting to "try" for another, but that you think you are already pregnant. I am quite sure he will support you 100%, as I said its not like it was something you had planned for right now anymore than he is.

Good Luck
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AlyAyde Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 2:29pm
I cant beleive you have been going through all this worry by yourself. Let him know, so you can support each other, and talk things over.


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kas View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kas Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 3:21pm

Talk to him he needs to know whats going on so that he can support you, he may be shocked but so were you and he will get over it, (of course being a male it may take him abit longer lol )

Good Luck

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lizzle View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lizzle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 4:41pm
ooh, and let us know what happens!! A lot of people say athat having a small age gap bewtween kids is good for their relationship and you WILL cope with another baby!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote daikini Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 5:32pm
Kerryberry is right... be upfront and tell him! If he knows its not planned, but still happening at least he's prepared!

You've got us to vent to if he doesn't take it well...
Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys
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toniellis View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote toniellis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2005 at 10:23pm
Oh k girls. I told him! And he is in denial I think. He was like "are you sure? if its only faint it might really be negative. lets just wait & see what happens before we think about it". I feel sorry for him! I know he loves me but he has got so much going on at the moment that I don't blame him for not wanting to talk about it, but where does that leave me?
At least I have got you ladies to talk to.
I also told my mum and I think that was a very bad idea. She is not happy with me. I think the term was baby making machine
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lizzle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 April 2005 at 2:36am
Toni - to tell the truth when I found out I was pregnant - was not the happiest time of my life. My husband and I disagreed about what to do...however, two months later when we saw bub at the scan, all was forgotten. And it will happen that way for you too I think. Now, it's a bit of a shock, but after it's worn off, I hope you'll both be excited. As for your mum, you are a grown adult. If you want to have another baby, thats up to you (and your partner i guess!!). It's not like you have twenty of them or anything!!
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