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nikkitheknitter 
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 Topic: I screwed up...
Posted: 16 August 2005 at 10:54am |
Ok, this is weird but I need to talk about it with someone and I don't have anyone here that I can tell.
My lawyer just rang me with the results of the paternity test and it has come back that Chris is not the father. I feel so horrible. Guilty for putting him and his family through the whole ordeal, terrible for being so promiscuous and not knowing who the father of my child is, and shocked because I was so positive it was Chris.
Everything fit with him. The dates, the completely unprotected sex, it was two weeks after my period, everything! Now that has all been turned upside down.
I don't want to tell my parents or anyone I know. They'll all think that I'm such a sl*t. (Although them not knowing doesn't make me any less of a slapper... it's just not so out in the open! damnit!) 
I feel bad for Hannah too. Although she doesn't know the difference. I still feel like I betrayed her. 
... I'm sitting in the uni library crying. Everyone must think I'm a complete fruit loop. I feel like crap.
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nuttymama
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:04am |
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Please don't beat yourself up nikki, your not the only person this has happenend to and I doubt you'll be the last! And you are so NOT a slapper.
We have all no doubt, had periods in our life that we aren't proud of me included, that doesn't make you a bad person it makes you normal. Just look at it this way at least you have now ruled chris out, and as hard as it was for him and his family at least they know now, that's much better than finding out in five or six years. You haven't betrayed hannah at all you were trying to do right by her, don't ever forget that.
Just remember we all make mistakes, please don't be to hard on yourself.
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Abigail 06/01/2005
Jayden 21/11/2001
Micheal 03/04/1997
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Maya
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:05am |
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Oh Nikki, how awful for you! Don't be so hard on yourself! There are a few months that if I had gotten pregnant God only knows who the father would have been! That doesn't make you a slapper, it just means that you made some *interesting* decisions. And who hasn't?
You haven't betrayed Hannah either! You are a great Mum to her, regardless of who her father is, and that is what is important right now. And I'm sure your parents will be supportive when you feel ready to tell them, you are their daughter and Hannah is their granddaughter and that is important to them.
Sending you heaps and heaps and heaps of hugs sweetie! Is there any chance the test was wrong? I remember when Willie asked for a DNA test being semi-paranoid that it would come back negative when there was no possible way anyone else could be her Dad. That kind of bad luck stuff always happens to me.
Thinking of you!
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 Maya Grace (28/02/03)
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The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
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Bizzy
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:07am |
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ditto for everything that vicky said....
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Roksana
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:07am |
Oh Nikki.......
Dont feel bad....Every one makes mistakes (no one is perfect) and none of us on here think of you as a ......All we know is that you are a great mum to Hannah.
Well atleast you know that Chris is not the Dad! Does it really matter if you dont know? Would Hannah be loved any less? Dont beat your self up about it.....(Even tho I can just imagine what you are going thru)
Lots of  coming your way!
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Maya
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:09am |
PS Nikki, wasn't it you that said that Chris would be a useless Dad? Maybe Hannah got lucky after all 
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Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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newmum
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:11am |
Oh Nikki!!!!
Are you sure the test didn't screw up or something???
I understand you feeling bad now about telling family etc. and I really can't believe this!! We will have a talk about it this afternoon huh? Will make you feel better!!
Now don't want you to think I am naughty but I swear to god if I had got pregnant at Uni I wouldn't have had a clue who the father was and that isn't a lie.... Hehehe, I went by the "finding a man is like finding the right shoes" principle - have to try lots out before you find the perfect fit.... 
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:12am |
Ooo I just managed to stop crying and now I've started again... but this time they are better tears. Nice to know that you guys support me
My first thought was that the test was wrong... or that somehow he'd faked it... but I think I'm kidding myself. They don't usually get the tests wrong.
Unfortunately it does make a lot more sense now. Hannah looks a lot like the guy who I now suspect is the father. (Don't want to assume here... was bad enough getting it wrong in the first place).
The worst thing is that at least with Chris there were some feelings involved and it wasn't a once off. This guy, Nick, was a huuuuge drunken mistake. I kept seeing him at uni and couldn't bring myself to make eye contact because I was so repulsed by the fact that I'd gone home with him. He's an arrogant piece of work. Yuck.
Oh well... atleast there was no emotional attachment to her father.
I think I'm getting past the shock. Stopped crying again finally!
And we can combat this news with the fact that I finally got myself sorted and one of my friends, Zeke, and I finally admitted we like each other. Atleast I'll have a shoulder to cry on when he gets back. (Any excuse to get close)
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newmum
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:14am |
Woooooohoooo, go Zeke!! 
Is he the guy you were telling me about last time I saw you??
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Maya
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:17am |
It's always good to have a nice (manly) shoulder to cry on
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Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:18am |
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hahahahahahahahahahaha
damnit. No!
Really not painting a great picture of myself here.
Harley turned out to be better as a friend. I'm glad nothing really happened there. Thought I liked him, but I think it was just a crush to keep myself occupied.
I've been trying to get rid of Zeke for months. but he's a persistent bugger. Actually, he's just decided that he'd give up on me when I decided to get over myself! Unfortunately it wasn't great timing as he got really drunk and managed to go home with his ex-girlfriend. (K... painting an even worse picture) but anyway... when he discovered what had happened he felt terrible. (Drunken memory loss) and I told him that he has a couple of months worth of grovelling to do before I'll take him seriously. I think he'll pull through for me.
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nuttymama
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:19am |
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I like that newmum, I think that's how I would prefer to remember my umm, lets say youthful days. Nikki it sounds like hannah has the perfect mum and doesn't need to worry if she never sees her "sperm donor", he sounds like he doesn't deserve the title of father. Good to hear you've found someone nice, it sounds like it is well overdue. Goodluck!
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Abigail 06/01/2005
Jayden 21/11/2001
Micheal 03/04/1997
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lizzle
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 11:42am |
Hey Nikki.
Okay first, you sound like you a great mum to Hannah!! So don't worery about that...secondly...we...well some of us....have made some as Emma put it...interesting choices...during university...and high school, and had anythng "happened", DNA tests (plural) would be involved......that's all i"ll say on the matter 
It sounds like you've got a great family who will love and support you no matter what so good luck telling them!! Looking forward to meeting you and Hannah when we come back...hopefully they've BOTH grown out of the biting stage by then
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Donna.I
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 12:54pm |
As i say life happens. We make mistakes. So what if the sperm donor is not part of her life, probably for the better anyway.
It is up to you to forage a happy future for you and Hannah whether single, or with someone.
Often paternity and the name on the certificate only brings more restrictions than otherwise.
Happiness is just a moment away, make it happen. Go live life.
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mumstheword
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 4:43pm |
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Trust me you are not the only one like that, my friend (white) had a son 7weeks ago and hasnt told the babys dad as she told him he wasnt the dad... even though she tells her friends he is, he was abusive and didnt want a kids... she wasnt with this guy but he was an ex from a year ago, he is very very dak skinned. they got drunk and slept togeter, the night before we were out and she cant remember the guys name or anything but took him down the ally beside the pub and mad out... Im the only person that knows that he could probably be dad... as her son isnt dark at all, very fair hair and skin.. but she is so ashamed to tell any body, but When her son is older and wants to find out who his dad is everybody thinks its this other guy...
So dont feel bad it dosnt make you a slapper or a bad person at all, it happens more often than people let out...
You sound like a great mum so hold your head high and be proud of that..
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 9:18pm |
Thanks ladies!
Feeling much better now.
Glad to know that I'm not the only one who was "free" at university. Don't feel half as bad!
I'll talk to my lawyer tomorrow about whether I even go for paternity. I might try and track down Nick and see what he has to say first. I'm not sure he even remembers me  Poor guy is going to freak when he gets that phone call!!!
I'll work on Zeke in the mean time. He's got a promising legal career... so if I can rope him in then I won't need to worry about Nick at all! hehehe
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skirts
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Posted: 16 August 2005 at 9:18pm |
Hey Nikki, Hugs your way from us as well, was nice to see you today and hope your feeling bit better with it all now. Good luck with telling your parents and if you need someone to talk to remember any one of us is here if you ever need us k!
Your one great mum to Hannah (who's absolutely adorable might I add) and whats happened is nothing to be ashamed of, you can only move on from here!
As everyone on here has stated we all (or most people) have had moments like that, I think its just part of growing up these days, I dont know anyone my age that hasnt dont it!
Good luck and take care k
Hugs, Amy and Summer
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AlyAyde
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Posted: 17 August 2005 at 9:25am |
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OMG Nikki what a shock for you! Nothing changes the fact that you are a fantastic mum to Hannah. Hope your feeling better today! If you decide not to have the paternity test done at least keep Nick's name written down so that if Hannah wants when she is older she can track him down). Big hugs. Dont be too hard on yourself!
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Jayde 25/12/04
Alyssa 08/04/03
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mum2paris
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Posted: 17 August 2005 at 1:25pm |
omigoodness nikki, I cannot imagine how bad you must feel but all i can do is agree with what everyone else has said. you are a great mum, you obviously don't let anything stop you from achieveing what you want in life and no matter what i'm sure you'll get by fine without hannah's dad in her life. from personal experience, all i say is I think would rather have no dad, than a dad who didn't give me the time of day. Hannah should never have to know what it's like to have a parent who doesn't care for her... instead all she will know is she has a mummy who loves her very much.
Chin up and i hope you feel better soon.
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Wizzle
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Posted: 20 August 2005 at 10:28am |
love makes a parent....not body fluids!
so relax and enjoy motherhood!
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I screwed up...
