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happymumma 
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Joined: 06 June 2007
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 Topic: Meeting new people
Posted: 02 November 2010 at 4:01pm |
I'm wondering how single parents meet new people - particularly men - given the time commitments of children etc. I'm not on the lookout for a partner though if I met someone I liked then I'm not opposed to it either. Most of my friends are women so it would be nice to broaden things out a bit. I'm not interested in internet dating - not really interested in the pressure of 'dating' at all. I would just like to know how you guys meet new people because I can't even begin to see how people do it.
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happymum21
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Joined: 11 October 2010
Location: Waikato
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Posted: 02 November 2010 at 4:39pm |
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This is really really difficult. Ummmm, really just getting out there and trying new things, new hobbies, joining groups. e.g. joining a running/walking group,
doing night classes, going to the playground with your kids particularly in the weekends (spot the dads haha), working part time.
Just think of anything you do as networking (even if it is meeting new women), go out as much as you can, don't become a hermit at home. I had to really force myself to get out and do stuff as it was scary and I hated having to ask someone to babysit. So I tried to do the going thing as much as I could when DD was with her dad.
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Rachael21
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
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Posted: 02 November 2010 at 6:58pm |
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I tried a bit of internet dating and honestly it's horrible, the guys all seem to be after one thing. If you want an actual decent guy I think you have to use the paying sites, well that's what I have heard lol. I met my boyfriend through my sister and new him relatively well before we got together. It worked out really well because he knew my situation well before things got too serious. A few guys I have dated have said they are okay with kids but when it comes down to it they actually can't handle never coming first and having to plan everything. I have also met a few in town/at the pub and again it was quite hard because of not knowing them well. Probably also the fact that I seem to attract the biggest losers, I have a talent at only picking up guys with no jobs lol
Sooo yeah I think it's a good idea to just focus on making friends with similar interests etc and go along to social occasions even if you don't think you will no anyone.
ETA My ex has the children one night a week and when I was single I made sure I always did something that night. My parents were also okay looking after my kids after I had put them to bed for dates etc.
Edited by RachandJack
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happymumma
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Posted: 02 November 2010 at 8:00pm |
I don't like the idea of the whole internet thing. Partly because I like my life to mostly be 'real' rather than lived through the net but also just because I figured the guys on those sorts of sites are more likely to be after some form of relationship (whether serious or not) and that is not what I'm actively looking for.
I do like the idea of just meeting a few new people with no pressure for it to be anything more though. Maybe I need to make more of an effort. Part of it is about not having huge amounts of time. In my time out from the kids I teach, go to the gym, and catch up on other projects that I can't do with them around. None of it is really very conducive to meeting anyone except my students and the other people at the gym! I guess I need to think of some other things I can do that lend themselves to more social type situations.
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Shelt
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Location: Tauranga
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Posted: 02 November 2010 at 9:17pm |
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Hmm, well I have met someone through one of the internet dating sites but to be honest I had to wade through a lot of awful idiots to get to him! Turns out we have mutual friends and interests and might have crossed paths at some stage but I don't remember.
Dating with a young child is hard. My mum and dad are pretty good at looking after G if she is in bed asleep and I have attempted to do stuff round her going to her Dads once a week but its hard. My new BF is pretty good about doing stuff round G but sometimes I forget that he doesn't know what its like to have a kid and what that entails. Its also hard coz I can't remember what its like to be dating because I was with my ex for 9.5 years so I feel rusty too.
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happymumma
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Posted: 03 November 2010 at 8:22am |
I'm not sure that I see myself being with anyone else. I can't imagine what someone would want with a pretty busy mum of two. Plus I'm not great at the whole 'dating' thing anyway. I get too self conscious about it all. But on the other hand I still think it would be really nice not to be on my own for ever!!
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Rachael21
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Posted: 03 November 2010 at 11:42am |
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I always thought that, what kind of man would want to be with a single mum of two. But actually there are a lot of guys who don't even think of it as a bad thing just another part of you. Your baby is still quite young too so when she gets older you might find you have more time and can imagine dating again. I didn't really do a lot the usual 'dates' with my current bf as we were already in the same netball team and saw each other quite often we just kinda slotted into each others lives.
Theres no hurry if you aren't ready yet, I think the problem with a lot of relationships is that people rely on the other one to make them happy. I think you seem like you are happy within yourself so I'm sure one day someone will come along and it will be right for you.
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mizpix
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Posted: 07 November 2010 at 7:51pm |
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Well I dont have a lot of ideas, other than internet dating. I would certainly use the pay sites certain free ones are meat markets. Having said that I met A's Dad thru an internet dating site, and after first impressions he seemed quite a neat guy, in actual fact he is just as damaged and has major issues like so many on those sites, so go figure.
I dont know how i am going to manage to date as I have A 24/7 and no parents etc to help out. But I know that I will not be content until I have a partner, so will have to keep trying. I am not going back to the dating sites until I have shifted about 10kg of baby weight though! I also want more kids and at 36 dont have too many years left up my sleeve.
I have considered using a introductions service and keep hoping that I might meet someone in the course of everyday life. At least I have ajob where I am out and about and working with men on a daily basis.
On a different note, I have made a very good female friend from one of the dating/friendship sites, so as long as you dont mind ignoring all the loser men wanting hook ups, the internet can be a good way of making new friends
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nathansmummy
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Posted: 10 November 2010 at 9:05pm |
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I'm not adding ideas, but just sharing how I feel about it. It's way too soon for me to consider dating. I just feel so hurt and brokenhearted still and although it seems like it's over, I guess my heart is still tied to him. Even though he's a dork lol.
Then the whole aspect of having a child. It is something that you have to be really ready for, and I think it's interesting that some of you have said that you don't want anything serious. I think that's the difference between being single and being "single again" or a single mother. When you have been significantly hurt by someone you just don't want to rush into it again. You want to make friends with men, whereas the kinds of men on the internet are either after s*x or marriage. Not friendship and "seeing how things go". So it does make it really hard.
Actually - I do have an idea that appeals to me at least. Ceroc Dancing.
I don't know what it's like here in NZ but when I lived in Britain I used to go to Ceroc and dance with various guys and then afterwards they'd have "freestyle" where people asked you to dance. And afterwards the bunch of Ceroc people would go to a local pub for a drink. Not sure if they do that last part but I guess you could always ask a group of people to go out for a drink afterwards?
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julz85
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Location: Christchurch
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Posted: 16 November 2010 at 9:30pm |
hmmm im not too sure what advice to offer on where to meet a guy , Its a hard one . Maybe try and put yourself out there a bit more , say yes to all those summer bbq's with friends you get invited to and they might just have some spunky male coming along too  . bars and internet is not ideal , you really dont know what kind of guys hang out in those places . i think through friends is your best bet .
I met my partner when my DD was just 4months old and now a year later hes very much her "dad" , hes the only "dad" shes ever known and he treats her amazing , He has a daughter who is 5 and iv found it alot more difficult to come to terms with having another child around then what he has .
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Meeting new people
