TTC for 12 months +

I'm sorry mamap. I totally get where you're at. I feel the same about our last cycle. I tried everything and am as healthy as can be. I tried everything possible, even all the old wives tales. It

😪😪😪 no embryos to biopsy on day 5😪 I really thought this cycle would be different. There are still 2 morulas growing, but I've done this enough to know that's not good news. I'm so gutted. I called hubby to tell him the bad news and interrupted his conversation with his mum saying his dad needs urgent bipass surgery. And a friend of ours committed suicide last night. I thought the worst was over when I lost Bub #2 the day my mum passed away but obviously not! I really think I must have done something horrible in another life to deserve this. How do you all keep going?? 5 losses and 3 completely failed ivf treatments! Sorry for the negativity but it's all a bit much. I'm usually quite positive and optimistic 🙁

Sorry a.girl we cross posted... That is mega sucky news, I am so, so sorry to hear 😢
All of that is totally not fair. Biggest hugs xo

Thanks lovely ladies. It's a bit more like one hour at a time for me at the moment!

Gah Storm dumb!!!!

Who's watching the new series on IVF tonight? I'll be at netball but have it recorded. Think it'll be interesting and it's a great way for people to see what people with fertility issues go through.

Oh Agirl, what an awful, awful time you are going through. I'm so sorry for the bad news heaped on bad news and that you don't really get to do any one of those major things justice in your head.

MamaP, so sorry for your latest results too. Hubbys are good at trying to fix unfixable things! Have you done any counselling? Don't know if it's your thing but it can be really helpful so that you both get a chance to express how you are feeling and figure out how to support one another. My DH HATES the idea but I managed to sneakily get him to go once and actually, it really helped. Sorry, that sounds like me trying to fix things! It's not going to do a jot to help you have a baby and you are allowed to feel sad and hopeless about that, I also completely understand that what helps one person dos not necessarily help another but thought I would suggest it.

BC - don't know if I'll watch it. Might make me angry if it's done badly/too simple/the phase of the moon is wrong and I'm feeling like that.

Storm! Oh FFS. I imagine you were gearing yourself up and now it's put back a week. Hoping they can sort something?

Storm, me too for AF then into IVF so we could be cycle buds

Big hugs a.girl. Gutted to hear about the embies and worried as heck to hear that life around you is again uber tough. Again you are being strong for everyone else instead of getting to spend some time coming to terms with fertitlity treatment results. Sweetie, I think you should access some counselling sooner than later, I have no doubt you are strong, capable, and positive, but with so much going on, this could really help you stay sane in the coming weeks.  Thinking of you, huge hugs xxx.  

Thanks everyone. You're support means so much to me. It's always good to hear that it's ok to feel like crap about life and TTC without judgement. Luckily I didn't have to work today (well, I did heaps of marking and reports but not at school), so I haven't had to deal with anyone but myself. As for counselling... I have been seeing a counselor for yonks. She's a lovely lady who married DH and I a few years ago. Unfortunately talking doesn't really solve all the problems life's thrown at us. I'm lucky to have some great friends helping me with this suck journey (some helpful and some not so much, but at least they care). But maybe seeing a psychologist or something will help. I feel sorry for the embryologist at the clinic - she has the job of sharing all the bad news with me. Poor lady. One day I really hope I can look back on this time and be grateful of all the positive things that have happened since then.   I think our trip to Aussie on Saturday will help us heal :-)

DH mentioned fostering yesterday and I almost puked. Seriously. Talk about emotional overload!!! My parents adopted my older sister (she's already a Grandmother!!!!) and she was a proper psychopath (clinically diagnosed when she was quite young). My poor parents went through hell with her and she traumatized the family until they kicked her out at 17 (she ended up in jail for most of her adult life). So, ya, the thought of adoption makes me want to run!!! Sorry for the diversion...

Sweetpea, good news about the scan. It's common to have 1 larger follicle like that and great that the other 8 are about the same size. It all sounds good to me! Good luck for Thursday.

Storm, stink about the apt getting pushed back but I guess it's for a fair-enough reason.

BC, we were actually going to be ON that show. We had talked with the directors a few times quite extensively, but I pulled the pin super early on. I actually decided against it, not because of the invasion of privacy (I'm a pretty open person) but because of the people I was speaking to. I found them so heartless and cold. I was pouring my heartache out to them in numerous phone calls and not a single one offered any words of sympathy or condolences. I was going through my 4th loss at the time and I never heard any thing like "I'm sorry for your loss". DH and I decided we couldn't work with a crew that was staging things just for a story and we didn't want to put our doctors through it either. I'm soooo glad we opted out of it!!!

Wow - sorry for the novel. Virtual hugs to you all. XXX

Agirl, that's really interesting about the show. I generally don't like reality TV that much because it often feels like they are taking advantage of the participants and I find it uncomfortable to watch. I really hope it's not the case for this show.

Did you find out anything more about embryo adoption, agirl? My DH has ruled out sperm donation if it came to that, he says he would rather adopt so that the child was equally not-ours, if that make sense. But like you I'm not super keen. Embryo adoption would be a perfect compromise but I imagine it's not that common in NZ. I seem to remember our consent saying something about storing, destroying or donating embryos?

Hi Everyone. Thanks for your lovely comments. I am feeling a lot better today. I had some time out by myself, did a bit of retail therapy and ate my feelings.
Hubs came home with some flowers tonight and we actually talked about where we are going to go from here. I will hopefully see a Specialist next week at some stage, I think I produce too much Estrogen so want to look into that a bit more.

Auntie, we have had one appointment with the counsellor and I will be making an appointment for next week. Definitely is something that I think is helpful.

A Girl, I am sorry to hear about your bad run. Take care of yourself and have an amazing holiday. We are off to Rarotonga in 7 weeks and after the last 5 months we have had we need it to reconnect, relax and have some awesome family time.