Not bonding with child

Oh just a thought re the weight gain.. check out lilfattys website www.femininefitness.co.nz and read the blog. she is a lovely person on here who has lost 40kg in less than a year since having her son. It might be cool for your wife to have a look cause shes done an amazing job loosing baby fat after 2 kids in a very short space of time and she looks fantastic.

Glad to hear things have been going pretty well for you and your DW. I have known plenty of women who really do not like pregnancy but really enjoy being a Mum, I am sure that things will work out once you both hold baby in your arms

spoke a little too soon it seems.

We were counting on her mum to come over an d spend the days with her when she finished up at work (about a week away). She'd previously said she'd come and stay with us for a month to help out.

When I spoke to her the other day though, this seems to have changed to "I'll come over a couple of times a week for a couple of hours", apparently it's just a bit hard to do what she'd said intially.

I had to tell her the change of plans last night and she barely slept. She feels let down and abandoned by her mum which makes her hurt and angry....the exact opposite of what we need right now.

So, she had another really bad night last night - all the negative feelings that I'd hoped were behind us came bubbling up.

We really didn't need this, and the thing is that even if her mum decided to change her mind the damage is done now.

I'm hoping things come right again but i'm not sure my wife will ever get past this, it's done some permanent damage to their relationship (already rocky) I think.

Hi firsttimedad,

I was tossing up whether to post in here as my situation is quite different. We planned our pregnancy as well. In fact we tried for 3 years and did 2 rounds of ivf before falling pregnant.
At about 8 weeks I developed hyperemesis (sevre morning sickness). I was bed bound and even needed help showering as standing for more than 2 minutes was impossible. I quickly fell into a bad place and suffered from prenatal depression for the next 4 months. This is hard for me to say because of what I had done to fall pregnant and I thought that women would look down on me.
It got to one point where I was begging my husband to let me terminate. I don't even agree with it, but my head was in a really bad place and I was not myself. I'm so glad I didn't go through with it and probably wouldn't have anyway, but I was not in sound mind to make a decision like that.
After a couple of months I went to see a new Dr and she quickly pointed out my MS medication. I was on Maxlon which is a comon MS drug, but only 1% of people using it suffer major side affects. I had to be that one percent. I suffered sevre panick attacks, anxiety, depression. I would get the shakes and I was incapable of thinking anything positive. Every thought that entered my mind was negative.

I realise this is different as what was happening to me was mainly due to this drug, but now I know what it is like to have those feelings and have a new appreciation to women who go through this.

I really hope that your wife gets all the support she needs and that over time she can gain a love and bond with your baby.

What the others say about not always bonding at first is so true. I didn't bond for a while and it grew slowly for me. There was no real moment.

To try and put a positive spin on it.. if they already had a rocky relationship perhaps her mum only spending a few hours at a time with you guys is actually a good thing as she might not get on her nerves that way. I had a very very average relationship with my mum but its improved. But having her in my home all the time would drive me nuts, as helpful as mums try to be being told you should do this, should do that, do it this way, do it that way gets old very fast

She doesn't have to sit around at home all day by herself just cause she has a baby either. Join coffee groups and things like mainly music where you can get out and about with other parents.

I've just come across this thread as I had a friend who had similar feelings. I'm dying for a follow up. How are things going, first time dad?