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Newly Single and Pregnant

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EfexorBec View Drop Down
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    Posted: 22 November 2010 at 11:29pm
Hello all.

I have very recently split up with my partner, and I am 10 weeks pregnant.

He intends to be part of the baby's life, which I have no problems about, although he can be a little unreliable (but I suppose it is better to have a dad that is an hour late than none at all.)

What I would like to know is if he has any responsibility when it comes to helping purchase items for the (especially newborn) baby, such as clothing, nappies, etc. or if it is going to be left to me?

We have jointly bought a pram and a few items of clothes.

I am very lucky in having my mother insist I live with her until at least after the baby is born, but I don't want to be a financial burden on her when it comes to getting everything sorted to the wee one.

Cheers x
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Plushie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote Plushie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2010 at 9:29am
Hi

I was about 10 weeks pregnant when i split with my ex too. It was really rocky for us until a few weeks ago - sounds like you are keeping things friendly?

As a result i've purchased 99% of what bubs needs. He transfered me 1k earlier on in my pregnancy which helped but in the end basically only covered travel to appointments so i still maintain he hasnt brought a single thing for baby.

If he intends on being in babys life i would imagine he has a joint responsibility to purchasing things baby needs. Also do you intend on splitting care from a young age - if your child will live part time at both houses he might like to purchase his own cot, carseat, high-chair etc.

Perhaps you could sit down together and write a list of the basic things you will need - cot, carseat, changetable (if you want one), x amount of singlets x amount of pants and then go together to a place like farmers (during a sale, of course!) with your list, get all the items and simply split halfway when it gets to the checkout. That would seem to be the simplest way but may not work out the cheapest as you can get a lot of stuff through trademe or from web sites that are cheaper.

As for things that bubs will need constantly once born (nappies, bigger clothes, formula if you FF) then it comes out of child support.

btw - i see you're in Timaru - i am as well - so let me know if you need anything
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote Flutterby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2010 at 9:29am
Hugs Bec.

My partner of 3 years also decided that he didn't want to be together when I was 8wks preg. His argument was that we are different people with nothing in common. Though in my view he just wasn't ready to deal with all the responsiblities that being a farther has and didn't want to give up his single life.    

So DS and I moved in mums in Auckland in August and up until now DS has been going to his dads one weekend a month. (he lives 5hrs away). I have finally put my foot down this week and told him that I çán't justify spending the money on two tanks of petrol to drop DS at our halfway meeting point. Am hoping that makes him realise that he needs to help me out more finacially.

Sorry for my ramble, just wanted you to know my background.

In my view he should help out with supporting his child if he can. Setting up for a baby can cost a bit. You will also be able to get Working for Families once bubs is here and they give you a bit extra for the first 6 wks to help with costs. You will be able to apply for child support once bubs is here as well.

Hope I was able to answer some of your questions.
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Plushie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote Plushie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2010 at 9:36am
Oooh good point Flutterby, i think someone said in the Winz post a few down that Winz will give you a 1000 one off payment to help setting up - investigate that for sure. If you're not working you can go on sickness benefit from either 28 or 29 weeks. Your midwife will give you a form.
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Mintyfresh View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote Mintyfresh Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 September 2011 at 9:30am
If you are not working you can also apply for a grant which is the (almost) equivalent of the 14 weeks paid parental leave. I found out about it on the ird website.
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EfexorBec View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote EfexorBec Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 September 2011 at 10:37am
Darn, wish I knew about that a couple months ago!

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aers270191 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote aers270191 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 September 2011 at 9:49pm
Hi Bec! My partner left me at 16/17 weeks and Im still pregnant and relocating from chch to Auckland before baby gets here. Unfortunately except child support when baby gets here they dont have to do diddly squat. My babies Dad and I are finally on talking terms almost 2 months later, and although Ill be in a different city he wants to be involved too. I would say just ask if you need help financially with baby gear, if he still wants to be involved Im sure it wont be an issue for him
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EfexorBec View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote EfexorBec Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 September 2011 at 10:43am
It's too late for me, but on the family court website I found out that I could claim to get half of the set-up costs from his father.

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Babe View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote Babe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 September 2011 at 12:20pm
Maybe you guys should start a thread about whats available as a single parent or a single pregnant almost-parent? Ask admin to sticky it so other people don't miss out on what you know?
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Plushie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote Plushie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 September 2011 at 6:11pm
Play NAKED - love it!! Congrats babe :) Had heard through the OB grapevine but was waiting for the public ticker announcement lol.

Yeah - not a bad idea. Its awkward though - half of what we know is how to get stuff from winz and that sounds so dole-bludgery in a bad way to some.
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote Shelt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 September 2011 at 7:15pm
Originally posted by Mintyfresh Mintyfresh wrote:

If you are not working you can also apply for a grant which is the (almost) equivalent of the 14 weeks paid parental leave. I found out about it on the ird website.


I assume you are talking about the parental tax credit? You can only get it if during the eight weeks after the child's birth, you and/or your partner did not receive any of the following:

•an income-tested benefit from the Department of Work and Income
•New Zealand Superannuation or veteran's pension
•a student allowance
•weekly accident compensation (for more than three months).


But you have till your baby is 3 months old to apply for it. Not sure what your circumstances are Bec but if you're not on the benefit you could still apply for it?
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Shelt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote Shelt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 September 2011 at 7:16pm
Here's the link to the IRD website for it Parental tax credit
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Babe View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote Babe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 September 2011 at 7:58pm
Originally posted by Bowie Bowie wrote:

Play NAKED - love it!! Congrats babe :) Had heard through the OB grapevine but was waiting for the public ticker announcement lol.

Lol yeah I was nervous (still am) and wanted to pretend for abit but I had a scan this week and baby is still kicking and all the parentals know now so I figured I'd see how it looked on my normal handle

ETA Thanks chick

Originally posted by Bowie Bowie wrote:

Yeah - not a bad idea. Its awkward though - half of what we know is how to get stuff from winz and that sounds so dole-bludgery in a bad way to some.

It could just be titled Entitlements and you could just list what they are with links. Parenting is hard enough without being single and broke! And I don't mind slapping people into line for you if they're rude

Edited by Babe
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HuntersMama View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote HuntersMama Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 September 2011 at 8:33pm
Yay - congrats Babe

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Babe View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote Babe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 September 2011 at 9:19pm
Thanks
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farmgal72 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Like (0) Like(0)   Quote farmgal72 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 November 2012 at 4:12pm
Hi there,
 
I am so glad this group started and send hugs to you allHeart.
I left my hubby when I was about 8 weeks pregnant due to his emotional and verbal abuse....which got worse after I found out I was pregnant.
I am currently living with my Mother and are 4 months along now.
I am on the sickness benefit which my midwife put me on as soon as we seperated as I also had to deal with extreme vomiting/nausea then had bit of a breakdown through all the stress and now have depression, which the sicknes benefit covers also.
I am getting stronger each day and are looking for my own place which WINZ will pay for.....just to let you know in case anyone is in the same situation.
Hubby is in therapy for anger and other issues and we had one session together yesterday which I cried all the way through.
He wants to be a part of the baby's life and get back together but I am happier on my own currently....and healthier for baby I feel.
Hope you all are coping ok.....
 
39 yrs
TTC #1 since March 2012
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