advice please clever ladies

hmmmm
wisdom needed PLEASE

i know a girl and she has a 23month old, her daughter throws tantrums all the time , ive seen her do it just randomly , she'll be playing by herself and all of a sudden she will start screaming her head off, she bites, pushes etc, will go rigid getting in her carseat and getting out, all of this i know is often typical with 2 year old behaviour, her speech isn't very developed which i know can add to her frustration .
BUT, she is also a very sullen child, if you say hello to her she gives you this *look* that honestly seems like shes saying "what are you looking at b*tch?" at daycare (she goes twice a week) the teachers have said she doesnt interact with other kids and often just sits there doing nothing, literally nothing, for a lot of the day

Is this normal?
I should also mention that when she was about 8weeks pregnant (and she knew she was pregnant, im not gonna sugarcoat it for her) she went out and got really really drunk -would it be possible that it affected her?

Hmm, strange! I don't know how I'd deal with a child like that, I expect my children to be kind & courteous, not evil-eyed at people & throwing tantrums, although tantrums come with the territory of a 2 yr old. My sister's girl whose 22 mths gives people the evils - my sister hates it! Is everything ok at home with her? Sometimes a lot of what goes on at home affects them when they go out. What a sad girl to sit there & do nothing whilst at day-care. That doesn't sound right at all.

as all would know some parents just dont want to hear things.

my daughter acts up ALOT! i dont take her out in public anymore but at school and kindy and for other people she doesnt know she is a dream.
she has wild tantrums when playing with toys just out of sheer frustration. she has also recently been diagnosed with a hyperactivity disorder, although all the people who scowel and stare and make comments when she plays up in public wouldnt know that as they just judge me for it.

however ...i have a friend with a boy who will be starting school soon. he cant draw a simple smiley face, or wriet even the first letter of his name, cant tell you what colours are when you hold up a piece of paper and ask and his speach is so terrible that the only person who understands him is his mother who babies him constantly.
family and friends have constantly asked if she has thought about speach therapy but she doesnt see a problem as she can understand him ( no-one else can) and now she wont speak to alot of people who have asked about his speach.
i know his kindy teachers who i have mentioned this to and they said they have also tried to refer him to a speech therapist but . . his mother didnt want a bar of it, she wouldnt sign the form as she thinks he is fine ?????!!!!
some parents just dont want to know or think that there may be something wrong with their child. its just something that hopefully they will realise over time.
i have hoped for over 2yrs now that my friend would realise, but she hasnt and unfortunatly its her child that will suffer at school for it.

you could ask if they have thought about seeing a speach therapist for their girl? however these sugestions can easily be taken the wrong way

My Sienna is a bit like that, not so much with the outbursts, but she has the most evil expression she walks around with,sometimes it's so creepy that I think she's gonna turn out to be a serial killer!

As for FAS, there's no evidence to suggest how much exposure is "safe" during pregnancy so it definitely could have had an effect, but then it could be just temperament too, or her reaction to the way she is treated at home/daycare if there are issues there.

That said, my brother was a grumpy, sullen kid who sulked all the time, and he's still a grumpy sh*t of an adult, but he's completely normal lol.

GandT wrote: It may have, it may not... it could be behavioural, or situational... but really what can you do. If the mother isnt concerned and the daycare havent taken steps ...??!!

yeah i know, i find this very strange

GandT wrote: caitlynsmygirl wrote: but anything to do with parenting that seems like hard work , she doesnt do-eg, if her daughter doesnt eat her dinner she gives her chocolate, she used to cry when she put her down for day sleeps and so would have her sleep on her lap ,that kind of thing. well it sounds to me like the child is growing up exactly as i would expect with a mother who gives in to everything.

exactly.

if you know any of the teachers at the daycare you could ask them if they think she needs some sort of speech therapy and if so they could suggest it to the mother or if they are concerned about the child being withdrawn. may be better coming from them rather than you, dont want her starting rumours like she did with the other friend


or could the girl have little confidence??(self confidence) i know my girl if someone wont play with her shel just go off and play by herself and wont bother asking anyone else to play.

nikkiwhyte wrote: With FAS you can often see the physical effects... the face shape is quite distinctive.

thanks, i wanted to say that but couldnt get the words right...

and re my opinion on drinking in pregnancy,i apologise if it causes offence, I know there can be reasons for drinking, stress etc....but this girl i know and it was a case of "im bored,i'll get pissed "

The effects of how much alcohol = how much difficulty are still largely unknown.

Like gandt said, the daughter does sound a lot how I would expect from a 2 year old whose mother flip-flops with her standards, what she expects from her daughter, perhaps discipline as well. Certainly with giving in to her. She probably hasn't learned to play on her own properly and so will tantrum out of the blue just because she is used to doing that kind of thing to get attention. She seems quite unsure of herself and boundaries, and perhaps sensitive/insecure - probably why she is withdrawn at daycare. It doesn't just sound introverted.

Her speech being behind is probably simply because she doesn't talk much. Does her mother interact in conversation with her? Not likely by the sounds. And she doesn't talk much with others at daycare. I think it's environment rather than a physical difficulty there.