Am I expecting too much??

DS is seriously doing my head in. He is so disobedient and defiant. I tell him 100x not to do something and he does it anyway usually with a smirk on his face.
eg When I'm folding the washing he likes to come over and pull it off the table and strew it everywhere despite being told "don't touch". He knows he isn't allowed in the dishwasher but opens it and chucks the cutlery everywhere despite being told 100x a day not to do it.

I just feel like I'm constantly fighting an uphill battle with the housework as he just comes along behind me and undoes everything!! I try redirecting his attention to something else but he is not interested! It's like he is deliberately out to wind me up! and I'm finding my fuse it getting shorter and shorter and of course then DH cops it when he's home late because I'm so stressed and strung out by 6pm!

Should he be doing what he is told at 18mths old? None of the other toddlers in our circles are like him everywhere we go people comment "oh he's a very busy boy isn't he" "oh you must be exhausted by the end of the day" etc etc I blardy well am and I'm sick of it!!!!

I know that he understands when I say No so WHY doesn't he listen!! All the books say he's too young for time out but I find myself putting him in his room and shutting the door before I lose my rag completely!

18 months is a really hard age. They have this emergent awareness but really, their brains are still very little and they're quite stoopid. And they seem to have this innate ability to know what buttons to press to really get you stressed out!

At that age, I'd be aiming for distraction as the first plan and have alternate activities for him like EsmesMum suggested. But, from my memory of Dan at the same age, that didn't really work! Could you do things like fold the washing while he's sitting at the table having morning tea - so you're there together but you each have something to do? That said, I know we went through a long phase of me not doing housework stuff while Dan was up cos he just got too manic and it wasn't worth it. sadly, I no longer have that excuse BUT, he is now great at helping out - he can unload the dishwasher independently, likes dusting etc so it does change!

Re the time out thing - meh to the books. We were using it at 18 months and it did work quite well. Remember at that age, it might not be about discipline but it's about giving you both some time out from the situation. Dianne Levy's books are really good. That said, I know some kids where TO doesn't work at all, so you do have to sometimes try and see. Maybe putting him in his room with a toy while you go and walk to the letterbox while you clear your head. Sometimes TO is more for the parents!

it feels trite to say "it's just a phase" cos I know that when you're in that phase it feels like an eternity. It WILL get better. Sometimes you just need to decide which battles will you pick and which ones will you leave and maybe leaving the housework till the evening so you aren't so during the day is a wise decision.

He sounds a bit like Clodagh and yep it's a phase (I hope!) and yep it is VERY hard work. Can't offer any more suggestions sorry cos I am also often at my wits end, esp being hugely pg and trying to deal with it lol...but yeah I guess I alternate between diverting attention and if that doesn't work, getting cross and telling her off..depends what it is. It's a hard age to discipline. Sigh.

Hmmm - i think its the age!! Its such hard yakka!

Dani is doing much the same things, we let her unload the cutlery (also once sharps removed) - she pulls one out and gives it to me, then pulls another one out .................... it takes an age!!! And then we shut the dishwasher and I go and do it when she is either busy or sleeping!! Want to keep any of the plates the earthquake didnt destroy!!!
With the washing ............. is that supposed to be folded before going in the drawers    Its usually in a big pile for a while - sometimes never makes it to the drawers! Our house has that 'lived in' feeling about it!!!

Yep, I'm totally with you! I agree with what the others have said. I try to do most things when Campbell is asleep, but in saying that, not much actually gets done because I have 1 hour and a half of him sleeping during the day, during which I have a shower, get some washing out (hanging a load out with him under my feet takes forever otherwise!) and maybe sit down for a couple of minutes! And at night time, I really do not feel like doing anything!

However - I take the opportunity to try to get some things done, like washing some dirty dishes, when I notice he is busy playing by himself. And they definitely do not hear the "no" or "don't" at the start of the sentence! E.g. don't touch that means go ahead and touch that! You really do have to try and rephrase your sentences! And distraction, distraction, distraction - it is the key!

Agree with Dianne Levy being good - she says that a child is old enough for time out when he'she is old enough to give you "The Look" - which you sound like you're getting!

DD is very similar, we're currently on a screaming phase (loud, ear-splitting screams just for the heck of it) knowing full well it's unacceptable. It's hard to be consistent with the response, feels like she's in Time Out for 1/2 the day (even though it's not that long!). Here's hoping your DS starts getting the picture soon...

i agree with some of the others that 18 months is old enough for time out. I think it's important to teach your child that there are consequences for behaviour and the sooner the better.

I like what Nigel Latta says "uyou have to make it their problem'. At the moment it is all your problem, it doesn't bother your bub a hoot, in fact prob the opposite as he gets lots of attention doing it. The other thing he advises is to starve the bad and feed the good, so make a big fuss when he does as you ask, and when he doesn't remove yourself from him, totally ignore him and the behaviour. And to spend as much quality time as possible, so that he is getting lots of good attention. It's hard when you feel like you're battling all day - for both of you!

Distraction and avoiding situations as much as able is definitely your number one strategy at this age, so choose your battles and make time out for big time naughty things like hitting etc. I tend to avoid saying 'no' and 'don't touch' unless i mean it cos otherwise they just learn that what you say has no impact or consequences. That you aren't your word iykwim. At least then you'll stop feeling like you're nagging at them all day too - i hate those days.