Dads and their kids - please reply Dads!

hi there i,m a single mum so in a way i,m a dad too i think anything you do be it playing with the kids ,taking them out ( so mum can get a breck) arts and crafts,bathing feeding or just sitting with them and talking is bonding and all offf being a dad or mum id feeling silly hope this helps

I asked DH and although he's not a dad yet, he's a very involved uncle (different to being a dad I know, but it's a start).

He thinks that with girls, its a matter of doing things that they enjoy, together - making something together, like a necklace or a craft or something. And being silly - DH is a very fun uncle and is always giving the girls cuddles. Also having special time where he'd take them somewhere, like to the movies or the zoo or just out for "coffee".

He reckons that as a boy, he loved it when his dad would help him build stuff - that he loved working alongside his dad, and that would make him more motivated to make stuff himself. Building simple little boats out of wood, even digging in the garden, building a hut (or even a hut indoors with chairs and sheets).

And my 2 cents worth - I know it's not the same cos I'm not a man, but I am a daughter who has a dad! I used to love it when dad would take us fishing or let us paint or do the garden with him, and I used to build stuff out of wood as well. So my point is that so-called "manly" stuff isn't only for boys, girls like it too - well I did.

Ian Grant from Parents Inc has written some good stuff about Dads, his parenting seminars are really good at pointing out the role of Dads as well.

I'm in a slightly familiar situation in that I like to be able to have some 'me' time when I can do what I want rather than things that benefit the family as a whole. It's not that I'm selfish, I just believe it's important to take a little bit of time for yourself every now and then and do something only you enjoy. Otherwise I can imagine it would feel a little bit like your whole reason for being on this planet is to serve everyone else. Don't get me wrong - family duties are really important. But balance in life is the key in my opinion.

What age kids are we talking about here? Our first is due to turn up next month so personally I haven't really given much thought to anything beyond bathing, changing and the occasional feed from a bottle once he's been breastfeeding long enough to get the hang of that. Although the way I see it, the only thing dads can't do that mums can is breastfeed. Anything that sees you interacting with your kids has to be good for bonding. They'll remember every little thing you do for them. Not in the way that you or I would remember it, but they'll use it to formulate beliefs about you as a dad. If they can sense that you care enough about them to change them, bath them, feed them, talk to them, read to them etc then I am sure that will make a huge difference in the way they feel about you when they get older.

I don't know that I would get so hung up on distinguishing between what males and females should do. I would concentrate more on your respective strengths and weaknesses and choose tasks that are suited better to a particular individual. I like using my hands to soothe and massage etc, so bathing is probably going to be a 'dad' thing for us. It's also something we'll probably do at the end of the day when DW will be totally stuffed and need time out. Something like that is a good example of a task that is well suited to me as a dad. You might be able to think of a few things like that yourself.

"What does it mean to be a dad?". I wish I knew! The only thing I have managed to find as a unanimous point shared by all men is that part of being a dad is being constantly confused about your role as a dad! I see the role of fatherhood coming into it's own when the baby gets old enough to start getting excited by things that you do. Until that happens, I think that fatherhood is all about doing things that lighten the load off your partner's shoulders and strengthen the bond between you and child.

Just my thoughts anyway.

Richard

my hubby isnt joined up to the forums but he would prob tell you that he struggles with the role of a dad too. but i think all men do, there just isnt as much out there for dads as in info etc.... and the role of dads has changed so much, no longer are you just the sperm donor and the person who brings home the bacon and does the disciplining (sp?).
in our house hubbys role is the bath, and bed time. so he gets to read them stories and tuck them in most nights. this works for us tho cause he doenst see them during the day much and gets home right on dinner time. lately he has started involving the boys in his interests, they love gardening with him and are taking an interest in music now too.

sorry - i'm not a dad either but i certainly like what daddy2b said...good on you.

My DW asked me to come and post a reply here. So here I am reading through all the posts and pritty much everything that everyone has said here is correct. The most important thing I have found it showing a genuine interest in what they are doing. When you come home from work smile and great them. Ask them how there day has been. I have done that since my little one was born. Obviously she could not tell me but it gave me time just to talk and bond.

Bath times are great for dad's to bond with there kids. Give the mom time to relax and it has also been proven that kids that have bath time with the dad seem to make friends easier. Don't know if that is true because our little one is just really friendly with every kid she meets.

As my daughter has grown older I allow her to help me with things like when I am building my Jet model I gave her a bit of off cut foam to draw on. Made her a litle plane and let her crash it jump on it, main thing was she was enjoying her time with Dad.

Start small give them a smile, give them a hug and listen to them. They always have something of great interest and importance to say to you. You just have to be willing to listen.

Now that I have done my "Dr Phil, impression" I am going to watch my MotoGP and gareenteed my little girl will come jump onto my lap as soon as she hears the bikes start up. ;-)

Enjoy your kids they grow up really fast.

Ahhhh, that Thunderwolves post cracks me up!  I would ask my DH to do ya a reply on here, but he's not here, so maybe hit him up next time we all bump into each-other?  Obviously, being a mum I don't know a bean about your identity as a Dad!  But I just wanted to say that Thunderwolves's post about embracing the bear within rings so true to me!  Sure, our girl is a lot younger than 3 years, but she just loves the rougher play that she gets from her daddy as opposed to me.  Dad's can always be better tickle-monsters, they can fling you about more and for longer, and IMHO, a caring daddy is a real-life hero in the eyes of a young daughter. 

Would claiming a job or 2 help?  Shower-time is Ella's spesh time with her dad, and she is sooooo nowhere near as impressed when I try to shower her!  Oh and FYI - (I really wish I had the reference for this, 'cause it was interesting), a study showed that hanging on the computer either on the net, 'chatting', or playing games  tends to create a very real sense of timelessness... it's frighteningly common for people to accidentally spend hours longer on the computer than they'd planned to.  It's far worse than TV, where the show ends and that reminds you you've been there for an hour.   So don't beat yourself up about the computer thing - we could probably all do with a check about it every now and then!  Good on ya for getting it sorted. 

Daddy2b wrote: 3 years-old is getting to the age where they'll appreciate the finer things in life. Outings are always a good plan - take him/her (sorry I don't know if the 3 yo is a boy or a girl!)...blahblahblah If you can... think back to stuff you did at that age that you used to enjoy. I know it can be hard to remember but you might be surprised what you think of. Richard

All girls. All the stuff you've said so far is good.

I think that's part of my problem. I can hardly remember before 7. I have snippents here and there but my Dad had the same problems. Truckie and computers. So when he was away he wasn't here and when he was here he went "away".

That's not really being fair to him. I respect my Dad heaps, and I love him lots. He provided for our family, he's still married to his first wife (my mum) and he was there sometimes, just not enough.

I think I'm gonna try some of those things people have mentioned up there. I liked the making...well, all of the ideas really.

sorry - big edit there...

Edited by gandt

Wasnt it the best place in the world, sitting on Dads shoulders? Or being carried "asleep" to bed. i remember that.