Do you give your toddler choice

when it comes to meals? The reason I ask is that a friend gives her son (20mths) alot of choice around meals, he selects his own breakfast combo from about 6 diff cereals, spreads for his toast etc. She mentioned the other day that breakafst is becoming difficult as he wants everything exactly how he wants it and gets upset if its not right such as if she puts the milk on the cereal too soon. I was wondering if it was due to him being given such a wide choice or growing independance.

With Jack he has little choice in what he eats. He is given weetbix and toast for breakfast. Lunch he is given a plate of various foods and he chooses what he eats and in what order. Dinner, he eats what he is given. There is sometimes choice when it comes to snacks if he asks for something in particular.

Am I mean in not giving him the chance to choose? It just seems easier for me and he doesn't seem to mind as I give him a variety

We give our girls choice - within reason... you still have to give them boundaires within that... ie, let them learn to make their own choices and decisions, but still following with what you would actually like to do.

ie breakfast, they have set days for cereal or weet-bix, and from cereal they can choose ricies or cornflakes with a sprinkle of cocoapops on them if wanted. I might also give them a choice on what fruit they get on their brekkie - but it's not a choice as to if they actually have fruit... they must choose something. so choices within boundaries works well.

Same with clothes, I will say what i want them to wear.. ie warm clothes, summer clothes, and within that they can choose what they want.. however they have only just started getting more free reign on this... when they were much littler - ie under 3yrs old, i would choose two outfits/sets of clothing and they had to choose within those two.

Sometimes too many choices can be very confusing for a smaller child as they haven't yet learnt so much about what they choose leading to consequences etc... it can also give them a bit of a feeling that yes they can have the final say over everything which is probably what your friend is finding.

but seriously - your little man sounds absolutely fine and at this age - it's that familiarity with routine etc that really helps them which is what you seem to be doing. If it works then stick with it... all too soon they get demanding and want things their way - so leave it till then to bring in the choices idea.. which at that point will help them know that you're willing to work with them and give them some say - but still not ALL of it.

hope that helps.

Yep I have been told by PAFT etc that not to offer more than 2 choices for anything at this age. Like Janine said- I let Isla choose from 2 options for clothes etc, giving her some independance and confidence, but not confusing her with too many options.
Isla chooses either weetbix or porridge for breakfast, when she wants a snack I offer her 2 choices, dinner she gets what shes given, but if she cant have what we are having for dinner (food intolerances) I sometimes ask her to choose what she wants- again only giving 2 options. Works well for us! If she protests at snack time wanting something that is not on offer, I repeat ' no, you can have this or this ", and if she persists I dont give in, I say again no, if youyr hungry you can have either (eg) an apple or a cracker. She either chooses one, or will just go play, so I know she wasnt really hungry.
Isla is a great eater tho and loves all sorts of different fruit/vege,...never has anything containing sugar , so no idea if this would work for others or not!

Edited by Kellz

Tom gets to choose "Jam or Vegemite" on his toast.  he ususally chooses "mite".  He always gets weetbix with fruit even though he sits there saying "No!, weetbix, nana".  Tough!!!

 

Lunch is whatever he is given but I normally put a few different things on a plate and let him eat what he wants.  Same with dinner.  I try to make sure he eats a bit of everything but he has his preferences to what will get eaten first (beetroot and tomato are the favs)

my 2 get the choice of cereal or toast for brekkie, then i give them a mix of flavours on toast (unless they ask for something specific)

for lunch, i usually ask them if they want what i'm planning on giving them. if they don't want that, i give them a 2nd option but no more than that.

for tea, they get what they are given.

if you give them too many choices, you're just making it difficult for yourself.

Maybe once he gets a bit older I will start introducing some choice. Plus his vocab is very limited at the moment so it can sometimes be hard to work out exactly what he wants. Just seems easier not to give him the choice at the moment and as he doesn't know any different it doesn't seem tobother him

No, when it comes to food she gets what she gets.

She does get choices over her clothes (like, you can wear one of these two outfits type choices) but thats about it

I'll let DD choose from 2 options as any more is too hard for them to decide and it only leads to tantrums, which isn't really fair as they don't no how to negotiate at such a young age.
Same with clothing, I'll ask DD which 2 t-shirts or tops she wants to wear, rather than saying what top do you want to wear, as it'll just end up in tears.

DD has no choice at meal times, she eats what she's given and if she doesn't like it, she goes without, lol. When she's a little older she can help plan the weekly menu or something, (not that we have one now, lol).