Do *you* lie about Motherhood...

That's what I've been wondering, whether you're doing your childless friends a disservice, by coming across as perfect mothers who can manage anything that's thrown at them.

I've been fortunate in having very honest friends and as a result am under no illusions as to the challenges I will face once my baby is born. 

I know I'll be able to manage for the most part, and it I don't I know where to go and who to ask if I need any help.
I have found not having my own Mum around its not so easy to ask questions.
Having the women who raised us around I've had some of the best mothering advise.

 

 

caliandjack wrote: That's what I've been wondering, whether you're doing your childless friends a disservice, by coming across as perfect mothers who can manage anything that's thrown at them.

They may not believe you anyway, . I know I read all sorts of stories on how hard labour was and how painful it was and saw the videos about it at antenatal classes. And I STILL thought - "Surely it can't be THAT bad - surely 2 million years of evolution would have made getting a baby out of your body easier than that". So, I have to admit - labour was harder than I thought it was going to be even though I should have known the truth, it was in actual fact quite painful Even if I knew exactly how painful it was going to be - what good would that have done me anyway? You can't really plan for how you are going to react to that sort of pain. Even for this baby coming - I've sort of forgotten the pain of labour (the brain is good like that) so it will be as if I didn't know how painful it was going to be again.

And people did tell me how hard motherhood was going to be. I didn't believe them, I knew I could handle it. And turns out I was actually right about that one (speaking for me) - motherhood is not as hard as everyone warns you it will be. Breastfeeding also came easy for me even though I read lots of horror stories about that.

I tell people this if they ask. If they ask me if labour was really painful I say yes and if they want more I give them a brief decription - but I don't feel the need go into super intimate detail of exactly how painful it was (how can you describe that anyway?) And if they ask if motherhood is hard I tell them that no it isn't hard, perhaps time consuming - but definitely not as hard as everyone warned me it would be. So, I don't lie as such - I just don't see the point in telling all the nitty gritty details unless they really really want to know. Ignorance is bliss

This is a great thread!

I don't have kids yet, but when I do I'm in for a treat! MIL is always telling me how DH never slept through the night, (when he was a teenager, Doc finally concluded he couldn't 'switch his brain off' so to speak). And she frequently re-enacts the story of how when he was a toddler she took him to the neighbours and through gritted teeth instructed the neighbour to "take him. Take him, before I kill him." Hehehe! Oh, yeah, I'm laughing now, while I still can.

Good luck ladies!

(Oh, also, I lie about TTC all the time. A few people know we are, but even they don't know many of the details.)

I generally tell the truth. The only time I lie is to my mum or MIL when they ask about Toby's sleeping - they interrogate me every time they talk to me because he's never slept through and they are both convinced it's because I BF (they both FF so gang up on me!). I don't lie elaborately, I just say "it's fine" and change the subject.

re the other stuff:

TTC - I think we told people that it was on the cards if they asked but tbh we didn't really have a chance as I got pg within 2 weeks which was a bit of a shock! (although we didn't find out for another 3-4 weeks after that)

Pregnancy - I hated it and everyone who saw me knew it. I had terrible hyperemisis the whole way through and was on strong drugs until 34 weeks, in and out of hospital, lost 10kg in my first tri etc etc. I do think I will risk it again because I love my son so much and want to give him brothers and sisters but I def don't think of it as a positive experience.

Labour/birth - when people ask I tell them it was as horrendous as I thought it would be but I don't belabour the point (excuse the pun). I was a bit unusual in that I was in labour for nearly 6 days and by the time Toby was born he was 16 days overdue (this was overseas, I don't think it would happen that way here!), so it was a pretty horrid experience too.

BF - the hardest thing I have ever done and I always tell people that. I wish people had told me how hard it could be before I tried it. I was told over and over again how good it was and "if it hurts you're doing it wrong" which was so unhelpful. I was in agony for weeks, thinking it was all my fault, before I was diagnosed with ductal thrush (by my husband over the internet! My GP had never heard of it). Yes, BFing is natural but that doesn't mean it's easy. I didn't BF without pain until Toby was 13 or 14 weeks old - I am really glad I persevered and it is fab now, but it was really hard at the start.

Being a mummy - love it. Will have to go back to work soon and I hate the thought of it. I'm lucky that I love my job but whenever I think of leaving Toby with someone else I want to cry. In fact I can feel it starting now so better wrap this up!!

P :)

I lie about alot. I'm constantly second-guessing my decisions and guilt-tripping over my choices but I only talk to DP about it in RL. I constantly feel like I'm failing him and the boys but I won't share with other people mostly coz I worry they'll agree with me
Ditto on the part-time BFing too!