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Blankney94 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 27 November 2009 at 5:40pm

Hi - don't know where to start.  Guess I just wanted to share in a supportive environment how I am feeling.   Just a collection of rambling thoughts I guess.

I wasn't prepared for the changes that having a baby would make in my life - as much as I tried to prepare for them.  During my pregnancy I felt that serenity that some people describe. 

After Brooke arrived, I lost a lost of sleep - especially for the first five weeks - hit rock bottom at that point after trying to do it all.  I'm not good at handling stress, and I felt a huge amount of anxiety - heart racing, that sort of thing.  Brooke really is a very good baby, but I still find it all such hard work.  Saw a mental health worker a couple of months ago and she diagnosed anxiety.  I have to be careful with obtaining care, as a family member works in mental health. 

What I've also not been prepared for - and this is my main problem - is the amount of isolation I am feeling at the moment.  I used to work full-time (will return 15 hrs a week in Jan) and therefore used to have intelligent adult conversations all day and lots of fun that goes with a big workplace.  It seems once you go on maternity leave you are slowly forgotten about.  I've also given up my sport this year (after CS) but intend on returning in Feb.

We've just built a house, and I've spent most of my maternity leave with people coming and going from the site, having my Dad there everyday etc.  Now it is quiet.    I've also concentrated so hard on baby things and new house things that in a way I've forgotten to maintain contact with the outside world!

My friends - well my two main ones here - are single, so the more I move on with married and family life, the less I have in common with them.  One friend was married and we had great times going out as couples.  But she ended her marriage, lent heavily on me for support (when I was pregnant), and is now off chasing whatever man happens to be her flavour of the month.  All she wants to do when she sees me is tell me how she met *insert whichever guy's name*, show me the photos, and she forgets to even ask after Brooke.  Grr!

Hubby says join another coffee group etc to meet more people.  I already go to 2-3 baby related activities a week and I don't want to go to yet another outing where everything revolves around babies, because I already do enough things to do with babies.  Is that wrong? 

I know my problems aren't the biggest in the world, but yeah, I feel blue.  In some ways I can't wait to get back to work - back to the real world.  And then I feel that 'torn' feeling that mothers get.  At least writing this has been theraputic and helps put things in perspective.  Would be really interested in hearing your shared experiences - hearing if there are other people out there feeling the same way. 

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AandCsmum View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AandCsmum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 November 2009 at 8:04pm
Sarah!

Do you have gym down there that has a creche, then you get you time & Brooke gets looked after.

I'm lucky I have my dog showing where I get to ditch the kids & have adult gossip time. I never usually talk about myself or the kids but talk to others about our common interests.

Could you coach in your sport if they have a summer version?
Kel


A = 01.02.04   &   C = 16.01.09   &   G = 30.03.12
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Blankney94 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Blankney94 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 November 2009 at 9:27pm

Hi Kel - somehow I knew you'd be along - you must have eagle eyes LMAO!

Pity no gym with a creche here - used to be a gym freak before Brooke was conceived and I was sooo fit!   Still I try to get the pram out - but the lonely gravel roads around our house don't really do it for me.  That's when I miss suburbia with lots of neighbours to keep up with. 

Kel - badminton is my sport.  Hadn't thought of coaching it.  I'm not a very good player... just bumble along haha : )  Is a good sport - you meet all sorts - lots of variety of people. 

Unfortunately most of my new interests (poultry, beekeeping, small block farming) seem to be frequented by old men. 

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Blankney94 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Blankney94 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 November 2009 at 2:15pm

Gosh I'm going to have to keep an eye on things. 

Firstly feeling really flat and lethargic after a virus.  Now what's happened is my poor old puss cat of 10 yrs has passed away after an accident and I am grief stricken.  Just so devastated.

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AandCsmum View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AandCsmum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 November 2009 at 3:44pm
I select active topics, shows up all the threads. I like to share my love & support around.

I though I've never been depressed (unless you count that each day I drove home I thought about driving into a tree & also bursting into tears when I saw the petrol had risen), I've been in a relationship with someone severely depressed. The best book I read was Murray Decker's book where there is a chapter from his wife. If I hadn't read this book, I'd probably be a solo mum to one child. I learnt a lot & if I can make someones life a little easier I'll try.

Soooooo.....

about Taz!

Seeing you aren't BF (yay) then you can do so much for yourself. St Johns wort tea will help with anxiety & will help smooth some worries away. Nutricalm tablets help by boosting your seretonin levels. DH at one point was taking 9 tabs a day, far more than their dose on the pack but you can do a loading dose for a week or so & then drop the amount back down. Eat pineapples, bananas, kiwi fruit & tomatoes. Worthwhile googling seretonin foods.

Also might be an idea to see a nathuropath? They will help immensely.

disclaimer: I'm not a health person so I'm probably not 100% right, just offering my two cents on how some things may help others.
Kel


A = 01.02.04   &   C = 16.01.09   &   G = 30.03.12
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AandCsmum View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AandCsmum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 November 2009 at 3:46pm
You don't have to be the worlds best player to coach, you have to know the rules & how you should play...mostly the body isn't willing these days
Kel


A = 01.02.04   &   C = 16.01.09   &   G = 30.03.12
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Blankney94 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Blankney94 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 November 2009 at 6:28pm

Hi Kel - thanks for caring. 

I did already see a naturopath a couple of months ago, but not sure she hit the nail on the head.  Might choose a different one.  Those Nutricalm tablets sound like they are worth a try.  Already hitting the Rescue Remedy hard, and think it is helping.  Feeling very low physically, after this stupid virus, but hoping I will feel better emotionally once I get a bit of energy back.

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AandCsmum View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AandCsmum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 November 2009 at 8:56pm
If rescue remedy is working then the tea will definitely work & too boot it tastes nice It's the Happy Tea by healtheries.

I've only drunk it when I'm nervous about something happening & I need to sleep. It stops that churning in the bottom of your stomach.
Kel


A = 01.02.04   &   C = 16.01.09   &   G = 30.03.12
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LittleBug View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LittleBug Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 November 2009 at 9:05am
Hugs Sarah!

Is there anyone you could leave Brooke with for an afternoon, so that you can have a break and do something adult-ish?
Have you made any friends at the baby-related activities, maybe you could meet up with one of the mummies for coffee or a baby get-together, and you guys can have a chin wag about non-baby topics?

I bet your mood will pick up in Jan/Feb when you start back at work part-time and start your sports again. That helped me heaps, just getting some me-time to do non-baby-related stuff.

If you lived in Dunedin I could give you a break or you could come visit and chat about intelligent things (lol)... wish inver-vegas was a bit closer!



ETA: Give yourself a break for a bit if you are recovering from a virus! That always takes a toll. Hang in there hun!

Edited by LittleBug
Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years).
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peanut butter View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote peanut butter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 November 2009 at 11:27am
If only we lived closer! Its funny because I think of you as living close even though its what, 3 hours? but closer than the other Jan mums

I would not have survived without my awesome first antenatal group and I am so immensly grateful to them for all their support. I really miss them. I have a great coffee group here too (actually 2 now) and even though I dont think we ever actually talk about anything...it is nice to break the monotony.

Getting out to preschool/baby activities is way better than sitting at home with a baby that cant hold intelligent conversation...although sometimes you wonder if they are more intelligent than some adults.

I found going back to work part time when Tom was 9 months old was AMAZING!!! I only did 2 half days but I loved being among adults. I missed him like crazy but loved working. I am now working one day a week and I live for that day.

Having kids is rewarding blah blah blah but its still a bit like having a job with no end in sight and you live for the weekends....but you never get weekends. So you have to break it up with other things to get you through.

I second what Kel says about serotonin. Again, I am no expert but mum has just been diagnosed with depression and her symptoms were lack of appetite, always feeling tired (and I can add moody like you wouldnt believe....because she isnt reading this ). her doc explained that even though mum tried st johns wart for a short time she needed to be on it longer to build back her serotonin levels and that all the stresses she has had lately (building a new house) has depleted her levels to such a point where her body just couldnt cope anymore. So she has also been given happy pills to help but had she stuck with the natural stuff in the early days she may hve been able to get back on top.

I think we all teeter on the verge of depression when you have ltitle ones. Sleep deprivation is nasty and lets face it...often its damn well boring isnt it. But Iove my two to pieces....I just wish I didnt have to do it on my own. It is so much easier when DH is home.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote peanut butter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 November 2009 at 11:30am
that was a lot of dribble...I should have just done this

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cuppatea View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cuppatea Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 November 2009 at 9:52pm
I have no advice, just noticed who had started the post.

Huge hugs Shame all us Jan mum's don't live close by, we could meet up and then ban any baby talk

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Blankney94 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Blankney94 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 December 2009 at 11:58am

Hi - thanks guys for your hugs and caring. 

Still not over this stupid virus .  I feel dizzy and nauseas all the time and doc says inner ear complaint.  Really over it.  On the positive side, my Mum has really stepped up to the mark, taking time off work and taking Brooke whenever she can.  I've hardly had Brooke all week, which has meant being able to sleep and try to recover. 

Yes looking forward to getting back to work - will only be 15 hrs a week - wanted some 'balance' - not working too many hours. 

My coffee group isn't really that great I'm afraid.  eg Just before I was due to go to antenatal Xmas lunch, I found out my cat had died, and I was too upset to go.  Txted them and all I got back was "OK.  Talk later".  No "sorry to hear that" or anything.  At least one of them knows how unwell I've been and that I can't drive.  Not sure if she's passed it on to the rest of the group - but no one's been in contact.     Given up on them.

Oh well things must get better - hopefully before Xmas - really looking forward to Brooke's first Xmas and our first Xmas in our new house.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jano1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 December 2009 at 5:47pm
Hey

Another natural seratonin booster is seratonic by the brand Clinicians. I bought it at the local pharmacy- in the health section when I was very blue not long after bubs was born.

I've just started back at work too (when Ava was 8 1/2 months) and do 16 hours. It's great to get out of the house and has made me feel more like myself IYKWIM? I also find that working makes me enjoy parenting more.

Hang in there and it sounds like you know what your triggers are.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote peanut butter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 December 2009 at 7:50pm
Eeek Sarah, if you are feeling that crap with an inner ear problem, maybe we need to cut our kids some slack when they have ear problems
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