How do you feel about & deal with......

....people telling you (when not asked) what you should and should not do while pregnant and how you should bring up your children?

for example:

- what you eat & drink while pregnant
- how you deal with pain during labour e.g. using pain relief
- how you feed your baby e.g. BF or FF
- how long you BF for?
- when you start solids
- what solids you feed your baby e.g. homemade, store bought organic
- having the TV on in your house while baby is awake
- immunisations
- the size of your baby/child (too small or big for their age)

I could go on & on but all of these things are things that I have had people with & without children give me (force) their opinion/advice on. It is usually because I am doing something or have done something that they don't agree with and so they tell me how I SHOULD be doing it.

I am very much someone who thinks "each to their own" and I would never try to force my opinion on someone and most definitely not tell someone else how they should parent their child as I think that they are doing it the WRONG way! But I have encountered this so much since being pregnant and having a baby, it really suprises me.

Is it just something that comes with the territory?

And if you are someone who tells people how they SHOULD do things as a parent, do you feel that you are doing the right thing by telling them?

Don't get me wrong I love to hear advice etc. when I have asked for it, I am constantly asking other parents how they deal with things, thats one of the reasons I love this forum so much, but I just don't understand why people tend to force their opinions on you when not asked! One stand out example of what I am talking about is having a friend ask me if I was BF'ing and I said yes but I also FF as well and she went on to tell me that I should not be doing that and she was still fully BF etc. within a couple of minutes of telling me this she lit a cigarette and continued to smoke for the rest of the day, even while holding her baby. I could have voiced my opinion about her smoking, but I did not as I did not feel it was my place.

Ya know what, it almost depends on how they do it...like if I was made to feel inferior then I would get pissed and would probably be like screw you and say something snarky (how mature of me).

If it was advice tho, given with the best of intentions then I would probably take it seriously and while I may not agree I would think about it!

But anything that would start with "Oh, I never' or "oh, I wouldn't' would just annoy me because it is SO SUPERIOR sounding IYKWIM.

Don't even get me started on what you should eat and not eat during pregnancy *rolls eyes*

I do sometimes find myself telling a friend how I do things as a suggestion, but then she does come to me first complaining of the issue. I do have to stop myself as I do worry I will come across as being a bossy know it all even though I am only trying to help.

I guess you get pretty good at ignoring it and just smiling politely, but then there are days I just want to sock them

Oh the joys of being a parent..

Edited by Daizy

ahhhh, you'll get this all through your childs life , mine is nearly 7 and people still give me "advice " ,some well meaning , some not , I just listen politely and continue to do things my way .

As for giving advice, yeah , I do , BUT , it is only given when asked for and never "you SHOULD do it this way " I usually say "one way that worked for me" or "maybe something you could try " ....even if in my head I don't agree with what they are doing at all .

Besides , most of my friends know things I believe in , eg making sure your child knows you are the boss from day one , not being afraid to tell your kids off if they need it etc,mainly because I said all this before any of them had kids ( i was the first in my group of friends ) , so I said it then , before they could get offended haha

Im a very firm believer in ff or bf , as long as the baby is fed, thats whats important


I had the tv on when C was sleeping as a newborn , I could also vaccuum her room while she was sleeping (when I remembered what the vaccum cleaner actually DID , was a rare occasion ) and people couldn't believe I would be so cruel , as to do that , but hey , I have a daughter who can sleep through anything .

Pain relief in labour , I feel is up to the individual , I do admit tho , and no offence to anyone , being slightly amused at those who don't know what it feels like and acting like they do , but thats just cockiness of having done it before

as for the rest , ha , I can't remember much of what I did ( 7 years is a long time , but either way , the joys of being a mum a? you'll get people criticising for a long long time, so you might want to perfect your "im listening but really im not " gaze ...it can come in very handy

Edited by caitlynsmygirl

When I went for Kyle's 20 week scan Spencer was about 15 months (I think, maybe 16) and still wasn't walking. He was crawling up and down the corridor and I was following him, trying to get Kyle to move so that they could scan his heart properly, well one of the staff there came out and asked how old Spencer was and then when I told her she said "oh he SHOULD be walking by now" I'll just force him somehow shall I. I also had a lady at playgroup who when she asked if Spencer was walking and I said no not yet turn to Spencer and say "is that because your mummy carries you all the time?" Which I didn't but even if I did what the feck has it got to do with her.

So yeah, I mostly smile politely and then I rant about it to DH later on. I normally don't think of any good come back until it's far too late, like 2 hours later when I'm at home....lol

Oh yeah, I had this one the other day. In the supermarket and out side it's pissing down with rain (it wasn't raining when I entered the store but it was a cold day). Some random old couple, "oh look at those poor littlies out in the cold and rain" erm 1. we were inside the heated and dry supermarket and 2. it wasn't raining when we came out and 3. we needed groceries.

I've become an expert at giving people the stink eye/cold sholder to strangers lol! If its someone I care about giving me unwanted advice I tend to just let them get it out of their system then I change the subject but if they were really bothering me I would just tell them that hey if that worked for you great! But I'm fine with what I'm doing for now. If I have a problem you'll be the first person I ask though. I guess with friends and family you want to get the point across without hurting anyones feelings.

Yep, it's bloody annoying, and I just nod and smile and carry on with what I want to do.

My ex MIL always tried to give me wine with dinner when I was pregnant and always had something to say about Sam when he was born. Like if we went to visit and I stood back and let her play with Sam and interact with him I would get "Oh you don't interact with him enough" even though I thought I was being nice by letting her spend time with him without me trying to do everything.   And of course all of the 'that bath water is too hot', 'Those clothes are too small'.

When Sam was a week old, I had ex MIL and her mother sitting in my lounge berating MY midwife about how I wasn't breastfeeding and clearly I wasn't coping and I should be put in some sort of home for young mothers who didn't know what they were doing!!!    

And yesterday I posted something on facebook about how Sam wouldn't have a sleep and crashed out on the cough at 4PM and this bloody woman who I hardly know who for some reason is on my friends list (not from Ohbaby) decided to message me and tell me how to get Sam into a good sleeping routine and to wake him up after 15 minutes if he falls asleep in the afternoon.   I don't know this woman from a bar of soap!     

I also lost a friend last year because all she did was criticise everything I did.    I have known her since I was 5 and we went all through school together and then worked together and were pregnant at the same time. Our kids are two weeks apart.   She only used flat cloth nappies with pins, made all her own baby food, toys and clothes, went to every playgroup, playcentre, dance thingy under the sun and ALWAYS made me feel inferior about the things I did with Sam.    When Sam had his little accident involving his toe and the heater she let rip at me asking where I was when it happened and why I didn't prevent it from happening.   So.. I cut her off. I texted her and said good luck for the future but this will be my last text and I haven't heard from her since. Good riddance too, I don't need people in my life who are going to bring me down and make me feel like I'm a bad mum.

ETA to add that of course there is nothing wrong with using flat cloth nappies or making your own baby food and stuff like that, but I didn't do those things and she made me feel like I was a horrible mum for not doing them. Oh and she used to go around to peoples houses that she hardly knew with spray from the chemist that helps with breastfeeding if she knew they weren't.    

Edited by neeandsam

Meh, I have four kids, people have stopped forcing their advice on me I'm a bit of a hardass about it tho - I pretty much tell them, hey, it works/doesn't work for me, end of story.

Oh, except my mum who insists the gremlins *should* be out of nappies already, and wants to know when I'm going to stop breastfeeding lil miss despite spending the first six months telling me how important it was to breastfeed.

In fact, I often find myself giving other people advice, but I'd like to think it's not in a pushy or overbearing way, and certainly only when it's asked for!

haha, 4 kids Emma, I think Id be more likely to ask advice from you !

cuppatea, or anyone whos criticised for their child not walking or talking "when they are supposed to " I never had that with C, but I was out with my friends daughter one day who was 16 months and not walking and some old biddy told me she should be walking by now , and I was clearly a lazy mum (she wasnt even mine !) and I just said "oh ! should she? well , what do you know, it appears she hasnt yet read the manual telling her when she was supposed to , ah well "
rude, yes , but ......rather satisfying

double post

Edited by caitlynsmygirl