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Peanut
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Topic: Biting ;-( Posted: 26 February 2010 at 7:02pm |
My oldest is 2 years 3 months and has just started biting.
I am soooo mortified as he bit 3 kids at DC today. I nearly cried when they told me.
He has never bitten at home or attempted to bite anyone. He was bitten about 2 weeks ago by a 3 year old at a work picnic and this I think made something click in his head.
How would you deal with it?
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lizzle
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Posted: 26 February 2010 at 7:15pm |
remove from the situation immediately. make a huge fuss over the bitee. And seriously - they get over it. i had two prolific biters and they don't now.
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peanut butter
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Posted: 26 February 2010 at 11:08pm |
I will watch this with interest. I have a biter. thankfully (or not) he only bites me or James but James is currently sporting 6!!!! bruises from the last 2 days...and when he cant bite he pinches!
I am at my wits end...I have tried
biting him
making him bite himself
smacking him
time out
ignoring him
taking James away
taking Tom away
telling him its not ok
growling
shouting
reasoning
cuddling and explaining
NOTHING WORKS!!!!! I am really hoping it will stop soon
I try to see it coming and intervene but often it happens the minute I leave the room. It is so hard. its the one behaviour I cant stand.
So Peanut....i guess I am not dealing with it well yet.
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emz
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Posted: 27 February 2010 at 8:52am |
Posted this in Dec too, so just a copy and paste
Peanut we had that a while back, but he gets bitten a lot too. It's just a social thing and unfortunately sometimes they have to grow out of it. All you can do is teach them better ways of communicating their frustrations.
Like others said, make a big deal about how it hurts others, focus more on the person hurt rather than the biter (as often kids don't mind the negative attention because it means they have been 'heard' so to speak).
At DC they said it's all about supporting them through it and just reminding them to 'use their words' when they get frustrated or too excited. Jack now says 'stop it (insert name), I don't like it!' Very cute but quite assertive which is good.
(He's also currently sporting a bruise on his nose from being chomped the other day... apparently he gave as good as he got though lol)
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jazzy
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Posted: 27 February 2010 at 10:23am |
My 3yr old started biting before he turned 3, my other two never did even though DS1 was bitten at day care & school.
When DS3 started it I put him in time out & said we do not bite. He stopped it after a few months & has not done it since.
I noticed he did it when frustrated so I watched for warning signs & tried to teach him other ways of dealing with things.
I would ask the day care to keep an eye on it & distract him if it looks like happening. He will stop it.
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peanut butter
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Posted: 27 February 2010 at 2:56pm |
Tom does it when they are playing. So they start the rough and tumble and he goes straight for the kill so to speak. He also does it if James is just sitting there.....the frustration is all mine.
I have tried fussing heaps over James but wonder if some of it is jealousy and me fussing so much is making it worse.
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X
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Posted: 01 March 2010 at 9:35am |
I know this will probably get a few people's backs up, but when I was little I went through a stage of biting other children & I distinctly remember my dad biting me on the hand one day after I bit my sister. It hurt like hell & I NEVER bit anyone again.
But of course we're not allowed to do stuff like that anymore in case someone calls SYFS. So instead we have to come up with other solutions, most of which probably aren't as effecive.
We are lucky-DS has never tried to bite anyone else (touch wood).
Good luck & if you find something that works please share!
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RBsMama
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Posted: 01 March 2010 at 10:49am |
I'm pleased this has been posted as my little one (14mths) had just started to bite me and DH, plus the leather furniture. I've been putting him in timeout in his bedroom for a minute and it seems to work for short periods of time, as he hates being by himself. I think it could be a teething issue with the furniture biting though. He has also been a victim of daycare biting and has a fabulous scar on the middle of his forehead, that he received when he was about 7 months old.
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Peanut
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Posted: 01 March 2010 at 12:09pm |
Hmm, Odette, you said exactly what my mum said. She remembers biting me for biting as that was what was recommended to her
Thanks for all the advice. I am really stuck as he hasn't done it at home so hard to discipline him for it. We played with lots of kids this weekend and have been to playgroup this morning where he had a wee scuffle with a boy over a toy and he didn't attempt to bite him.
I am guessing DC is going to have to deal with it as its impossible for me to if I am not there at the time.
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arohanui
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Posted: 01 March 2010 at 3:34pm |
 I feel for you, Harry went through this stage for quite a while on and off (still does occassionally but no-where near as often as he used to). It sucks as the mum doesn't it!! I was so close to tears so many times as I felt so bad and helpless, and actually I did cry about it one afternoon when it all felt too much!!!
That's really positive that he didn't bite the little boy when they were fighting over the toy.
What we did with Harry
- reacted straight away with "Ouch! No biting, that hurts"
- put him into the corner
- made him come and look at the person he bit, showed him the marks on their arm and talk about how Harry bit them and now they're sad because it hurt. He then had to say 'sorry' (didn't have the words but would stroke them and give a kiss). We'd talk about using gentle hands.
I'm sure many OB mum's remember the playdate at Julia's where Harry just kept biting and I had to just keep a real close eye on him and keep taking him to time out and then back to say sorry. I actually had a bit of a cry in the bathroom cos I felt so bad and helpless  I think often it's harder on the mum of the biter, so big hugs. Hopefully it was just a one day thing cos of copying the kid who bit him, and he's now got it out of his system!!
For us it was a long time but things are so much better now. He'll bite every so often, but usually only me or DH. It's flippin sore too. Now he does it to communicate, so we keep telling him to say "NO!" instead. He did bite another little boy at a kindy visit the other day (first time he's bitten a kid in AGES), cos Harry was playing with the chalkboard and the other kid pushed him away and wouldn't let him play. I did the whole time out and sorry thing, but I didn't feel as bad cos he didn't just do it randomly IYKWIM. Not that I want him to react in that way, and not that the other kid deserved it, but at least it didn't just seem like I had a mean nasty boy who randomly hurt other kids. Not that he was ever doing that, I guess it just felt like it sometimes when I was in the midst of dealing with it.
Ah sorry got a bit carried away, but I hope you get the gist of what I'm saying! When does he go back to daycare? Let us know how it goes
Oh and my MIL and SIL said to bite him back too, it doesn't make sense to me and I was furious when SIL said that if he bit her she'd bite him back.
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Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and...
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peanut butter
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Posted: 01 March 2010 at 9:09pm |
Liz, thats a great idea "no biting, it hurts" I might try that. Tom did a really bad bite on James' face last night. he got sent straight to bed no stories no cuddles...he was asleep in minutes.
At daycare today I was talking to them about it and one of the visiting teachers swears by putting them on their back when they do it. She says no eye contact, no talking just lay them down and walk away. Sounds weird but its the ONE thing I havent tried so cant hurt.
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bun_in_the_oven
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Posted: 01 March 2010 at 9:27pm |
in my experience being an early childhood teacher...
is it a VERY common issue with young children.. its completely normal behaviour.. Its important that you dont think its anything you have done etc...
You will probly find that your child is
a) hungry
b) tired
c) frustrated and cant express themself "i want THAT toy" etc
d) seeking attention - from adult, another child etc
I would suggest documenting WHEN it is happening.. and see if a pattern is happening...
is it before meal times... is it when wanting a toy... then you can be there and be prepared.. when you see your child 'lunge' in for a bite.. pick them up or move them away and firmly say "NO BITING - IT HURTS"
keep it short and sweet.. no lecture.. then give the victim lots of cuddles and reasurrance.. and attention.
and use LOTS and LOTS of praise when they are interacting kindly with friends or other siblings...
" thats lovely gentle touching.... i love how you can cuddle your sister.."
all that being said.. its usually a phase and they WILL grow out of it. I know it can be embarrasing, distressing to all parents... hang in there !!
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peanut butter
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Posted: 02 March 2010 at 8:05am |
thanks bun. ITs nice to have that reassurance. It does make me feel better to know others are having that problem too.
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Peanut
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Posted: 03 March 2010 at 9:22pm |
Thank you Liz for all the info and bunintheoven. Makes me feel so much better!
He went back to daycare today and attempted to bite a wee boy. Luckily the wee boys mum is a daycare teacher so intervened and timed out Mac. I was relieved that it was her and not another parent as at least she knows the reasons behind it happening etc and not just thinking I am a bad mummy.
After time out he didn't bite again so who would know.
I think with Mac it is def a frustration thing as his communication isn't crash hot. He always focussed on the physical side of things and easily keeps up with the 4 year olds but can't communicate with them as such.
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julz85
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Posted: 04 April 2011 at 11:49am |
it looks like i ahve a biter too.... sigh .
Amelia bit her one yr old cousin the other day on the finger and left a big mark . i told her off sternly but it doesnt seem to have made a difference because when i went to preschool today her teacher said thay had a complaint from one of the other childrenss parents as Amelia had bitten the poor boy so hard she had left bruises and more than one . i was so embarassed to hear this . at this stage its only one child at preschool she does it to and hes a wee boy that quite often hits and has hit her a number of times so it could be retaliation . still no excuse. i dont know what to do about it . shes 20months old and does not react to time out at all , she either tries to escape out the window or plays hapily with her toys . She does not take disiplin well at all really , she ussualy just laughs it off and nothing i do seems to have a effect at all . she is definatly a boundary pusher!
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