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Helen80 
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 Topic: Identity Crisis 5 year old girl
Posted: 03 November 2010 at 7:26pm |
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Help!! My 5 year daughter is currently going through a phase (well hopefully a 'phase') where she is wanting to be like different girls in her class. Even down to how they have their hair cut and what type of shoes they wear with their uniform. Im sooo glad that it is a uniform school. What a nightmare it would be if it wasn't.
How do I let her know that she should just be herself and to stop trying to be like other girls. She even wants me to dress her 10month old baby sister the same as her - or the other way around. she will see what I have dressed my other daughter in and then try and dress the same.
I want her to be happy and confident in herself and who she is.
Does anyone have any advice please?!?!?
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MyLilSquishy
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Joined: 25 July 2009
Location: Dunedin
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Posted: 03 November 2010 at 7:39pm |
maybe find out why she wants to dress like the other girls and address that 'issue' (for lack of a better word... sorry!)
sorry i have no other ideas lol. hope whatever happens works 
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High9
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Posted: 03 November 2010 at 8:05pm |
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I remember wanting to have my hair cut like my friends, have shoes, etc like them! Not sure why though? I def think it's a phase, maybe just assure her you love her the way she is... She's special/unique because no one is like her...
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Helen80
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Posted: 03 November 2010 at 8:45pm |
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i keep telling her that I love her the way that she is and that she is so precious and special the way she is. and that she needs to be herself and to stop trying to be like other girls and just be herself. but it doesn't seem to impact her at all.
Maybe she is just trying to see where she fits in etc.
Hope it all ends soon and that she feels secure enough in who she already is.
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MrsMojo
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Location: Wellington
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Posted: 03 November 2010 at 8:53pm |
My daughter loves being the same as others too. She loves being told her long golden hair is just like Rapunzals, or that she looks like snow white when she's wearing her princess dress. Trying to look like IRL friends and family is probably just an extension of this and I think it's totally natural.
I often hear from DD a list of things that she and I both like (pink, sam wiggle, icecream, daddy, flowers etc) which is followed by the statement "that's why we're best friends right Mum". If I'm wearing a dress she will want to wear one too and she tries to colour coordinate or she'll get changed into something she wants to wear and bring me down something that matches for me to change into. It's not just with me either, yesterday my friend's daughter was wearing a PP skirt and my daughter changed into her matching one and found a top in a similar colour so she could be the same.
I think it's cute and personally I wouldn't over analyse it. It's a phase like any other. She's still just little and figuring out where she fits. Plus it sure makes a refreshing change from the toddler individualistic "I am the boss of me" stage.
eta: just wait till they're teenagers and we'd rather they dress like us or more conservative peers
Edited by MrsMojo
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TheKelly
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Posted: 03 November 2010 at 10:11pm |
I agree with Jo, its most likely a phase and if you bring too much attention to it, it could make the situation worse....my daughter (8) went through a phase of thinking only girls with blue eyes were pretty (her eyes are as so brown they are almost black)
Every day I tell her I love her, thats so important, they always need to hear that, no matter if they have been horrors that day, and I make a point every so often (so she doesn't just expect it ) to out of the blue look at her and say "man you are gorgeous, you are such a cool kid, im so so lucky that you are my child" ....its little things like that, that will build their self esteem ....it sounds like you are already doing that,so when she exits out of this phase, she will feel a lot more confident in herself 
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TheKelly
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Posted: 03 November 2010 at 10:13pm |
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Oh,and some kids like specifics, so instead of just saying that you love them and they are special and unique etc, say what exactly it IS that you like, eg with C I tell her how much I love her brown eyes, and tell her how I used to sing "brown eyed girl" when she was a baby to her
Or I tell her how much I love her drawings, I tell her how I like the detail etc that she puts in ...that sorta thing
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High9
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Posted: 03 November 2010 at 10:15pm |
Kelly, great advice! I do this everyday with Lily even though she's only 8.5 months, but I know it's important and it's something my mum never did... 
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TheKelly
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Posted: 03 November 2010 at 10:28pm |
I did it from the very start with Caitlyn too Nic , such a simple thing, but such an important part of parenting imo...and sometimes when you have had a tough day with them, it helps you as well
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Richie
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Posted: 04 November 2010 at 8:40am |
My neice has just turned 7 and she is going thru that 'phase' now but yea, I think it's totally normal. It's mainly things like her hairstyle and clothes and toys etc. I remember wanting to be like my friends when I was that age too.
BTW - Great advice Kelly
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jaycee
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Posted: 04 November 2010 at 11:58am |
Where is that *like* button ????
Kelly - *like a lot*
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flakesitchyfeet
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Posted: 04 November 2010 at 1:37pm |
I think it helps to look at it as less of an 'identity crisis' and more as a 'finding an identity phase'
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Identity Crisis 5 year old girl
