Is it normal??

Your feelings are completely normal hun! I, and many other women I have spoken to, have felt and experienced exactly what you have described above. It is hard and I am so sorry for your loss xoxo.

It is also natural to be worried about future pregnancies. The reality of losing a baby often makes mothers feel like it may or will happen again. Many women go on to have a successful pregnancy on their next try but there is a sense of lost innocence after experiencing a miscarriage. Don't be too hard on yourself about this, it is natural to want to protect yourself from getting hurt again. From my experience, I have found that I have worried more during my current pregnancy than I did with my first (that resulted in miscarriage). All I can say is that, for me, a) it has gotten easier with time and b) the further along I have gotten with a subsequent pregnancy has helped me relax more and more and has healed my aching heart somewhat.

I wish you all the best with TCC and hope you have a sticky one the next time around. Feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to. Big hugs.

PS: Try not to take it personally that your partner's family seem to be avoiding you. Some people don't know how to deal with another person's grief or loss and can fear saying the wrong thing. In addition, some people don't know how to relate or could be trying to give you space to process everything. My partner responded to our miscarriage similarly to your partner and I think it boils down to men a) not being as attached to the growing baby at such an early stage as you are and b) masking pain or emotions they may be feeling for their loss. As there is no way to "fix" what happened, I find some guys seem to prefer to bury their feelings and move on rather than analyse them and go through all the motions of experiencing them. I hope this helps *hugs*.

Hi Lisa,
I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there, twice. It is not easy. I had all these feelings intensely the first time I miscarried. It is a very lonely time, with a myriad of emotions. It must be so hard for you being so far away from your friends and family. All I can say is just feel the feelings you feel, be real, cry, get mad, and do what you need to do to acknowledge this baby, your loss and your grief. It takes about 6 months to heal from a miscarriage, so if you keep that in mind, it might help you to go a little easier on yourself.

My husband has Aspergers and would often say the same things to me that your partner is saying to you. Men can be very matter-of-fact about these things and sometimes, if they don't feel a connection to the baby, they find it hard to experience the grief that you feel. If you can, without being emotional, tell him what you need him to do to help you feel better, and try to be patient. When he says things, tell him patiently how it is for you. Men find it hard when we speak with our emotions so if we really want them to listen, we need to speak with facts and no emotion. Hopefully he will begin to 'get it'. It worked for me.

I agree with Rachie about his family. They may feel uncomfortable with grief and not know how to deal with it. In my experience, most people have no idea what to say and, really, there is nothing they can say. Again, there may be a chance for you to talk about it with them once some time has passed. I only just talked with my brother and his partner yesterday about my last m/c and it's been 5 weeks! I let them bring it up and they apologised and said they just didn't know what to say. Sometimes a bit of time helps people to feel more comfortable talking about it - when emotions might not be so raw.

After the first miscarriage, I was so scared I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again, but I did so fairly easily. Unfortunately, it did end in miscarriage again, but most don't and I do have my age against me - nearly 40! Now, I am scared that next time will end in miscarriage, but I know that, given time, I will feel like trying again. As someone else has said to me. When I am holding that baby in my arms, every single bit of pain will be worth it. And I have to agree.

It is an extremely lonely thing to go through so there are great support groups and forums out there. This website is fantastically supportive. Also, if you are on Facebook, there are some groups on there too. I have put the links for the 2 I am on, below. The SANDS one is a bit more uplifting and positive, but the other one is more international. I do find it a bit draining and negative sometimes though - but each to their own.

All the best, and please, feel free to PM me on here if you need to vent. xxx

https://www.facebook.com/groups/SandsNewZealand.Bereaved.Parents/?bookmark_t=group

https://www.facebook.com/groups/300663919990538/?bookmark_t=group