In defence of the "dreaded" MIL

Ok, time to put the cat among the pidgeons...
I don't have a MIL, so I have nothing to complain about, so I could guess you could say I am lucky. However, a few things have happened over the past 3 weeks which have made me feel really sad for MIL's.

My mother (and many of your mothers) is a MIL.
Now, as daughters, the natural shift of family things usually means that when you get married/partner up etc, you tend to spend family times or just time in general with your mum/family more than DH/Dp's etc. I never really thought much of it until both my brothers have bailed out on coming to see my mum when they have promised to. (one was coming on dad's birthday and one for mothers day) One, because his partner decided she didn't want to come (she hates us)so he "wasn't allowed" (grow some friken balls, I say) and the other, because his "shag buddy - no strings just casual fun" wants to spend mothers day with her family. I feel just gutted for my newly widowed mum, and was telling her so when she pointed out this was usual. In the 9 years my brother with the "shag buddy" was with his ex partner, they spent 2, yes 2, christmases with mum and dad, one was the chrsitmas before last, because we knew it would be dads last, and the other was the year his daughter was born, becasue her family was in oz. The other borther is just as bad.

So many older mums say they "lose" their sons when they marry/partner up etc and now I have seen just how upsetting it is for the mother. This was sort of compounded for me when I read that Celia Lashlie book "He'll be ok" we really lose our sons at about 14, and by the looks of it, never get them back, and that makes me SAD.
So ladies, no matter how much it hurts/pains/disgusts you, I'm asking you to suck it up for one day and make your men spend some time with their poor old mums who really miss their wee boys!

Well, I actually really like my MIL..

I must say that until recently we saw far more of DH's mum and dad than my own. It's only since getting further on in pregnancy that my mum comes to visit a lot more. Also, because MIL has had a leg problem she doesn't visit us so often now and doesn't invite us over for dinner as often because she doesn't wanna make me sit at the table hehe

I'm one of the few? who enjoys having a MIL. It was my MIL who helped out with housework etc after baby #1 and baby #3 cause even though she and my mum are quite busy, I feel that my MIL tries harder to be available when necessary. As for the FIL though.... boy I'm trying hard

Make it 3 others....I love my MIL...you guys all know she was in with me right through labour....we text each other heaps, get on great....I gotta admit...it's a mystery to me how others don't get on with their MIL's when thier MIL's are just mothers too.

I'm inclined to agree with nzpiper...maybe we make too much of it becuase that's what's expected?

Ok so I have a dreaded MIL aswell as FIL. I have seen then EVERY weekend since I was 6 weeks pregnant. they live in the same town so it is easy for them to visit. I have seen my own mom less than half of that as they live 2 hours away, I see my dad every day as I work with him and he commutes (SP?)every day.
I will make the effort as I always do! I know I will walk away from there feeling miserable and not capable of being a mum....sigh.

We see way too much of my in-laws, which is actually mostly what makes her 'dreaded' for me, but I do like her 85% of the time .
Totally see what you're saying though and will make sure Hubby gets in touch with her somehow this Sunday. (She's holidaying in China, WOOHOO!)

We have put our folks and in-laws on a rotation system: every year one of them gets Christmas and the other gets New Years. That's cause they're 15km away, and I know that's not a huge distance but when it comes to traipsing 3 preschoolers around everywhere we go, it's quite tiring. Most of them are ok with the rotation and we even managed to fit in with the rotation systems going on with DH's brother and my sister as well woot!!

My poor DH doesn't get to see his mum very often, she lives in Auckland us in Canterbury, so as much as we try to get up to her & she tries to get down, she also has a life up there & another son with 2 kiddies. She doesn't have any daughters & always wanted more children, she has said its not as easy to 'get along' with the other DIL but as she is still working & not looking at moving anytime soon then thats the way it has to be for now. I do feel sorry for her, she has only just in the last year been "allowed" to have the kids over for sleep overs (they are 5 & 3 1/2) & she misses all the little things while the girls grow up, & with work she can't take time off to have christmas with us & hubby is the same.
Have found a good way to let her see some of the little things that they do, we both have the same memory card in digitial camers so I have bought an extra one which am filling up with photos & small videos to send up to her & so hopefully we can keep the kids from both families in touch while they are younger

I have to say, as lovely as all your daughters are, and as much as I'm going to try NOT to be a dreaded mil, I just no No woman will ever be good enough for my son, and I guess thats how alot of MIL's feel. I'm sure its not personal!!

I get on really weel with my MIL, and I know she likes me. But I do know that my DP's brothers girlfriend (now preg...) has real issues with DP's Mum. I dont know why, but she seems to have a real complex about her.

MIL does try with her to get along, but it doesnt seem to help. No doubt when her bubs is born she will use every opportunity to dump it on MIL and go shopping. Shes just like that.

As for DP and my mother, they get on really well, in fact I sometimes think my parents like him more than me!