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AndysMummy 
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Joined: 02 May 2007
Location: Palmerston North
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 Topic: Getting fed up!
Posted: 20 May 2007 at 10:31pm |
Why does EVERYONE think that they know what is best for us and our baby??!!
Andy sleeps in a portacot by our bed. EVERYONE seems to have a problem with it and they have no problems telling me. I'm getting really fed up as they make me feel really stink. We are doing what works best for us yet they all think they know best!
We went to the in-laws today. On the way over I got my husband to pretend he was one of them and I spouted off all the stuff I'd read by Sears about why co sleeping is so good, so that I'd be 'ready'. When they ambushed me I of course just smiled and nodded  I also sit in the back seat of the car with Andy. They also feel it is their duty to comment on this too! WHY WHY can't they just leave me ALONE???!!! Any advice? Am starting to dread seeing them! 
Laura
P.S - Yes I know I have major attachment issues. lol
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yummymummy
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Location: Auckland
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Posted: 20 May 2007 at 10:40pm |
I don't really have any advice just 
Gina still sleeps in a basinette next to us and I dread the day she moves into her own room. I'm desperately trying to convince DH to move the cot into our bedroom  . And I too like riding at the back with her and holding her hand all the way. You know what's best for you and Andy - just stick to what feels right. Why would they have a problem with what you do anyways?
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AndysMummy
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Posted: 20 May 2007 at 10:47pm |
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Thank you Yummymummy. You've made me feel so much better. It is nice to know there are other 'softies' (as I've been called) out there.
I'm 'lucky' as my husband is deaf. Once he takes his hearing aids out he can't hear anything! So I can have Andy in with us as long as I want.
Out of desperation I tried Andy in his own room one night (everyone said it would solve what they seem to think is a sleeping problem!). I spent the whole three hours he was in there crying and going in and checking on him, even though he has a movement monitor. lol. I think he will be in our room forever! I love telling people that as it FREAKS them out! Just like when I tell him he's never having a bottle and is going to have boobies forever too! hehehe fun fun
Gina is soOOOO cute!
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yummymummy
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Posted: 20 May 2007 at 10:54pm |
LOL - I did read about someone that was b'feeding until her kids were 13 years old. Think it was David Bain's mum - you can mention that to freak them out further.
Honestly though, there is nothing wrong with having a close bond with your child and wanting them to be safe and near. Well, that's what I think anyways - maybe I'm odd too 
And thanks - she's a real cutie pie
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Bizzy
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Posted: 20 May 2007 at 11:10pm |
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i had both my boys in my room for as long as i could, till they got too big for the bassinette i think.
sometimes i think it is just best to smile and nod..cause at the end of the day you will do what is best and what you want...and sometimes its less stressful if they think you agree with them.
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AndysMummy
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Posted: 20 May 2007 at 11:29pm |
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Hehe Will have to mention David Bains mum. Have you read any of William and Martha Sears books? They are just so wonderful. I've decided that they are going to be my religion. Maybe I'll buy the in-laws (and anyone else who tries to take me on) a copy for Christmas! hehehe
I am so sick of just smiling and nodding. Have been doing it forever. So wish I had enough guts to stick up for myself. Not that I should have to as it's none of their business.
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Katherine
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Posted: 20 May 2007 at 11:31pm |
There's a good article on attachment parenting here: http://www.connectionparenting.com/parenting_articles/attachment_parenting.html
I'd print it out and leave it in a prominent place, or "accidentally" leave it behind when you visit!
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Bizzy
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Posted: 20 May 2007 at 11:38pm |
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maybe you could say - "isnt it wonderful how much parenting has changed since your day..." and smile at them and turn away and do something else...or change the subject.
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AndysMummy
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Posted: 20 May 2007 at 11:40pm |
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Hehe. Great idea! A Le Lache leader sent me a phamphlet to do the same with!
One of the people who was having a say today, told me last time that I saw her that apart from now when she has changed her daughters day care place which has really upset her, her 2 year old daughter has never been attached to her. Always goes to her dad! Should she really be telling me what to do??!! LOL! I think NOT!
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AndysMummy
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Posted: 20 May 2007 at 11:45pm |
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The funny thing is that it's my husbands father who has the biggest problem (he didn't even help my mother-in-law at all with their children) followed by a sister-in-law with no kids yet along with the sister-in-law above with the unattached daughter! How come they know best??
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Bombshell
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Posted: 21 May 2007 at 12:25am |
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I would use my excuse - i mean reason - I am NOT walking to the nursery every time she needs a feed and esp not in middle of winter just to feed her at her 3am feed and then go back to bed...it is SOOO much easier to lean over pick her up feed her and put her down and i stay warm!!! Tell them that....
I asked Dh about moving cot into our room the other day - there is heaps of room....forgot that he put cot togther in the nursery and would have to take it apart totally to get it out door and to our room...am thinking it will be a losing battle for me soon on that one and I am devastated cause Ella is nearly too big for her basinette and i am using the porta cot at work!!! argh! Im snookered!!!
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SuziE
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Posted: 21 May 2007 at 8:52am |
Thomas is in a porta cot beside our bed too. Ive got to get my act together and sand and paint his cot soon .... but no rush aye lol ....
On a good night he wakes up once ... but lately its every 2 hours ... he doesnt stay awake .. just has booby then back to sleep ... but im thinking that maybe if he had his own room he wouldnt wake so often? ... hmmmmm ... or maybe its teething ... Its far to easy to have him next to me and just plug him in .... not looking forward to having to make that half asleep traipse down the cold hall when he is in he room ....
so nice to just have him right beside me
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caraMel
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Posted: 21 May 2007 at 11:17am |
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My Ella slept in our room in her cot until she was 9 months old. We had no choice really as we were living in a 1 bedroom flat, but I wouldn't have changed it even if she'd had her own room.
When we moved into our big house, she was in a room off of ours and I missed her sooooo much!
It was a relief when we got her sleeping through and settling herself in her own bed, but I could happily have kept her in with us for a lot longer too!
It is so hard and annoying when everyone else has an opinion on what you're doing with your baby. Hang in there chick, and don't be afraid to tell them politely to shove it. Or, what I do when my MIL starts spouting her worries about Ella's bedtime "Thankyou for your opinion Eve"
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SMoody
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Posted: 21 May 2007 at 11:59am |
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Well I started off with the campcot next to our bed. She soon moved into the bed with us. Moved her back into the cot and that wasnt one for her so we still co-sleep. You must see the "crap" I have to put up with from family hearing this. I use to get angry. I use to make excuses of she gets night tremors and I dont want to get up to feed her and la da da da da.
I am luckily now at a place where I literally dont give a hoot. I still breastfeed (oh boy I get so many looks about that one.) I even think that I might freak out most moms on this forum about my views on extended BF.
Just do what you feel comfortable with. If you really cant take it anymore and you feel like hitting the wall or something I will pull them aside one day and just say that you are doing the best for your child and if they are not happy with it then so be it but it doesnt help them making comments about it as it makes you feel bad and it affects your relationship with your child. If they dont get it then I will just leave within 5 minutes of them starting to talk about it. Just make an excuse and leave. They soon will get the message.
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AndysMummy
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Posted: 21 May 2007 at 1:26pm |
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Thank you all so much for your support.I'm feeling heaps better. It is so nice to hear of other people who have their babies in their bedroom with them. It is hard being the odd one out all the time.
Has anyone used a cosleeper? I think I'd really like to get one when we have our next baby. Don't even know if you can get them in NZ.
I often bring Andy into bed with me too. I have kind of failed to tell family members! lol I love him sleeping with me but I just can't sleep. I'm slowly getting the hang of it though since finally seeing a photo of someone sleeping with their baby. I was doing it all wrong and my arm was going totally numb! Not fun! I just don't see the point in sitting up in the cold with a baby who is totally miserable when you can just cuddle up tog and they will go straight to sleep.
Have only just sussed breastfeeding laying down. I saw a photo in a book. I had been using the top boob!! Totally doesn't work! So, finally after 5 months of having to sit up in the middle of the night, Andy and I can now snuggle under the covers. It's so nice when he just falls asleep after.
Shirena I am so impressed with your breastfeeding. You are an inspiration. I'm not looking forward to when Andy is considered too big/old by society to be breastfed and all the comments start. But bugger them!
Maybe I'll invite you all around along with all of our family and get you to sort them out for me. hehehe
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Andie
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Posted: 21 May 2007 at 2:11pm |
Well I think Andy is thriving and if your sleeping arrangements work for you, him and your hubby, then they work! Each to their own, eh. Good luck with those in-laws... would you feel too uncomfortable just saying "well it works for Andy so we're happy with this"?
Hmmmm.... I'm appreciating my MIL right now!!
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Andie
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AndysMummy
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Posted: 21 May 2007 at 2:13pm |
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I want to say "BITE ME!!" lol
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james
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Posted: 21 May 2007 at 9:35pm |
james is a co-sleeper has been since he was six months old and no one buts there 2 cents in becauuse i tell them my baby my way i am the kind of person who don,sty care what people think of her or the way i raise my child hes happy and loved has everything he needs to survive and more so whats the proplem tell them that by the sounds of it you are a great mum so stuff them 
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 21 May 2007 at 9:41pm |
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Laura I could tell you stories about my in laws and how they tried to tell me how to raise my Andrew and what we did with him. Best thing to so is to say what Deb said and that things have changed since they had babies. I have had to use that one again since having Josh.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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emeldee
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Posted: 21 May 2007 at 9:48pm |
Connor's cot is still in our bedroom. Hubby calls him our roomie - and hubby is actually the one that isn't ready to move him yet. Andrew was in our room for around 7 months. It's really comforting for all involved, we have less rooms to heat at night (cost saving in winter) and it's perfectly natural. I agree - tell them about the wonderful advancements in parenting and then try and ignore the advice anytime they start up again...or go with Katherine's advice from a while back - get a book for them to write the advice in, thank them and then close the book. They may get sick of having to write everything out and get the idea.
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Getting fed up!
