| Author |
 Topic Search  Topic Options
|
arohanui 
Senior Member
Joined: 16 January 2007
Location: Auckland
Points: 4427
|
 Post Options
 Thanks(0)
 Quote  Reply
 Topic: Attention seeking behaviour - help!!
Posted: 01 June 2010 at 2:11pm |
|
So Mr 2 year old is going through a stage where he'll say "watch me Mummy" and hit, bite or kick his baby brother. Obviously for attention. Time out doesn't make a difference, he comes out and says "sorry Zachie". Tired mama tries to spend quality time with the said 2 year old, but he still randomly and purposefully hurts his brother. He can be so gentle and loving to him at other times!! What would you do??
--posted in general so it gets more views, I need all the help I can get!!!--
|
Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... 
|
 |
|
Sponsored Links
|
|
|
fire_engine
Senior Member
Joined: 03 November 2007
Points: 6260
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 01 June 2010 at 2:32pm |
|
What would happen if you completely ignored him (other than "Harry, don't do that") and then focused all your attention on the baby? I know if can work for some kids.
Does he have any other "currencies" - some kids love attention so time out works well cos they're removed from it - what about removing a toy or something?
Actually, I have very few ideas but will be in your shoes in 6 months time so will be interested in what others suggest.
|
|
Mum to two wee boys
|
|
sally belly
Senior Member
Joined: 01 February 2007
Location: North Shore, Auckland
Points: 3291
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 01 June 2010 at 3:09pm |
That's a shame that time out doesn't work for Harry. Liam has just started to push his brother over when he's sitting, he even owns up to it (if I'm out of the room) & gets put in his room!!
I think Flissty's suggestion is worth a try. I always try to focus all my attention on Oliver when Liam has done something to him in the hope that Liam will realise he's not getting any attention.
Hope it doesn't last long 
|
|
|
|
Peanut
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Christchurch
Points: 3649
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 01 June 2010 at 3:28pm |
|
Hmmm, no help here either but think it must be a stage as all I hear all day from my one is "watch me, Mummy" while he does so completely unimpressive thing like roll on the floor.
I have been lucky with my two boys sooo far but think it won't be long before the youngest starts attacking the oldest.
|
|
|
|
Bizzy
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 10974
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 01 June 2010 at 4:16pm |
|
my suggestion is to not fall into the whole watch me mummy trap. when he says that say "no i wont, come over here and tell me what you want".
if he does hurt the baby then i would ignore harry completely and pick up the baby and give him lots of cuddles and even put my back to harry. then after baby is calm put him back and carry on as normal with harry and baby. (according to diane levy parent withdrawal is also a form of time out).
|
|
|
|
xox6Girls1Boyxox
Senior Member
Joined: 11 May 2008
Location: Tauranga
Points: 1163
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 01 June 2010 at 5:33pm |
You need to be careful with how you treat DS2...DS2 still needs to be taught that hitting & or hurting baby is not acceptable... If your just gonna ignore him hurting baby thats not gonna teach him.....
Ignore Tantrums yes but not behaviour thats physical toward baby or anyone...You need to be consistant(sp) with DS2 time out...Im not saying your not but if he is coming out at his own free will it's not gonna work...
I know you must be tired as but if the behaviour is not nipped in the butt now it will only escalate and get worse...
|
|
|
|
SMoody
Senior Member
Joined: 09 January 2007
Location: New Zealand
Points: 1999
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 01 June 2010 at 7:19pm |
|
I think I might do a total different way of dealing with this. We had a bit of this with McKayla and Andrew at different stages now and each and everytime I can put it down to me not actually spending a lot of one on one time with her.
Now it is not okay for once second for him to hurt the baby and you need to make that clear to him. But at the same time the problem wont stop until you can get to the cause of it. (and it seems it is one on one time from the bit you written.)
They are use to you and having you all to himself and then this little baby that comes in and although they love their sibling a lot of rivalry will go along.
How about going tototally the opposite. When he is nice to the baby praise him completely. When you are busy feeding ask him to bring you a book and read stories. When you change a nappy let him help (if he wants too dont force the issue). And as hard on time as it is when bubs sleep take one of the naps and spent one on one time with him and just totally praise him and hugs and cuddles and kisses and tickles etc.
When your partner or anyone else is there make a point of handing bubs over and make a total deal about them.
Perhaps make playdough and let him play with it near you when you cook.
|
|
|
|
arohanui
Senior Member
Joined: 16 January 2007
Location: Auckland
Points: 4427
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 01 June 2010 at 11:00pm |
Thanks heaps everyone
This arvo I tried the ignoring thing -- every time he hurt Zac, I picked Zac up and made a big deal out of him, ignoring Harry. Harry didn't like this, and then after about a minute I gave him my attention again and we found another activity to do together.
I think the reason time out's not working is cos he doesn't stay in his room anymore so i have to keep putting him back and shutting the door and therefore he's getting the attention he wants IYKWIM, even though it is negative.
I think you're right that he's wanting more 1 on 1 time. You know the thing that perplexes me is that when I'm busy with Zac, feeding or settling, I talk to Harry and ask him to bring me books etc -- and he just wants to touch Zac all the time and then ends up hurting him! He always helps change nappies, choosing a nappy for Zac and singing incy wincy spider - though sometimes he can be too rough at this time too. We usually cook dinner together too, he's my little helper.
I think Harry must be finding it harder though cos Zac is pretty much always there. He only catnaps during the day, really short catnaps - not even close to 45 mins, unless DH or I are holding him. So although I'm not always giving Zac my full attention and play with Harry, he's pretty much always there too IYKWIM. He loves him to bits but must be confused with his feelings, cos he doesn't have his mama all to himself like he used to -- but he really does love his lil bro and can be so sweet to him at times.
Just hoping this stage doesn't last too long!!!
|
Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and...
|
|
JoJames
Senior Member
Joined: 11 August 2008
Location: Te Puke
Points: 1089
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 02 June 2010 at 1:50pm |
|
I know how you feel, Your DS1 is a lot older than mine, but we think that James is rough with the baby because that is how we are with him (obviously play and not all the time), so he equats love with roughness, and unfortunately James doesn't know his own strength, also he seems to love the baby so much that he just wants to be near him all the time and gets way too over excited. It drives me mad, and crazy.
One thing to try is to catch him being gentle with is brother and praising him, while ignoring the other bits, giving him attention for being good, rather than attention for being bad.
I also hope it ends soon, in the mean time we have a play pen for the baby, so he can have some time out and so I can leave the room without worry, and if James is really getting in the way I can put him in there.
|
|
|
|
Attention seeking behaviour - help!!
