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H8r8ford 
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 Topic: I am exhausted
Posted: 02 June 2010 at 1:20pm |
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I am due with my second baby in early august, and have a 17 month old toddler as well. I also have two live in S-kids of 10 & 11 and are working full time in the city which is a 1 1/2 hour each way commute.
My partner has gone from being a full time caregiver to our daughter and his sons to almost working full time on the farm we live on and so daughter has been placed in daycare four days a week. I am out of the house at 7am and do not return to the house until 7pm. I feel exhausted and like our family life is spiralling out of control its all just work and no time, we are constantly fighting and yelling and theres no time to sort anything out i.e. finances, squabbles etc.
I have only five more weeks left of work but it seems like a lifetime!
I HAVE to stay in my job otherwise I wont qualify for maternity leave payments which we will def need in the post baby months. During the weekends I have NO patience with anyone and feel like I spend all weekend cleaning the house and doing the washing (which is piling up sice we havent seen sun in the last 11 days and cant get anything dry). I take it out on the kids and have yelled and stormed away from my baby girl so often leaving her confused and upset. I feel trapped into work, tired exhausted and depressed and I just dont think I can last the next five weeks?? I dont know what to do.
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H8r8ford
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Joined: 02 June 2010
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 1:30pm |
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Oh I forgot to add that because I spend all week sitting on my a** in the office doing nothing that is actually important to me and nothing physical. I have become OC about cleaning my house during the weekends and so clean and clean and clean every weekend and lately my body cannot keep up and so now I am also getting frustrated with my physical inadequacies due to pregncy. People offer to help but they can never do it right so I often have to re-do it so I have just resorted to doing EVERYTHING myself that way I know its done properly. BUT I am opverdoing it like I mean I literally cannot walk by Sun night because the pain in my feet and my lower back is so bad, its so bad that when I finally lie down I cannot move even to turn over I am literally cast and then when i really have to get up I cannot stand for about 5 mins and have to perch on the edge of the bed and wait for my legs to start cooperating.
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SpecialK
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 2:03pm |
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Hugs H8r8ford, sounds like you are going through a very stressful time.
Can you take some annual leave prior to going on maternity leave? Or maybe call in sick? Sounds like you need to chill out and have some time to yourself and get the house/jobs to where you want them to be. Is it possible to take your maternity leave early?
Re people not doing it right - you need to let it go! Sorry if that's harsh, but I used to be the same and it's just creating extra stress for yourself. Also, I think it's symptomatic of other issues that are going on for you (perhaps you feel out of control with where things are and trying too hard to control the things you can, such as washing etc).
Good luck, hope you get this resolved and get some rest before baby is born.
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H8r8ford
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 2:20pm |
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The whole thing is about being at work I would be ten time happier if I didnt have to be at work anymore. I hate it so much it just feels like a waste of time but I HAVE to stay otherwise I wont get maternity leave payments
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H8r8ford
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 2:22pm |
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Everything would be better I wouldnt have to worry about not getting to spend enough time with my daughter I would have enough time during the week to clean properly and I would have enough time to sort out family matters.
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kebakat
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 2:35pm |
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Can you afford to pay someone a couple of hours a week to come clean the house and do the washing for you? Then its done. I agree with SpecialK, you need to let it go when people don't do it right.
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H8r8ford
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 2:39pm |
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How do other people do this working while pregnant thing? I just feel like I want to quit SO BAD but i feel like a failure cos thats what I did last time. How many weeks did other mothers work up till?
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H8r8ford
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 2:41pm |
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I am trying really hard not to get grumpy but I think I am depressed because I feel like I have no time due to work. I want to ask my boss if I can leave early but i've had lots of sick leave and still havent managed to find my replacement yet and all these things I havent finished so I think he will say no.
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fire_engine
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 2:45pm |
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YOu are entitled to 10 days of special leave (unpaid leave) for anything pregnancy related. If you have a letter from your MW,they can't actually say no.
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Mum to two wee boys
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monikah
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 2:53pm |
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i was working a quite physical job and left a couple months early with a docs cert saying emotionally and physically wasnt up to it. it was taken as unpaid leave but didnt affect my maternity leave. they worke the payments out based on the 12 months before my unpaid leave kicked into place.
I struggled being pg a bit more this time. I went back to uni a week after DS was born and was back at work at 10 weeks though only 3 nights a week. we also have 2 boarders so i was forever cleaning the house too so i ended up resigning at about 5 months and just worrying about home, uni and my young baby. but i totally feel where you are coming from. i would try cash in any sick leave, annual leave, unpaid leave etc.. and try and get out as soon as poss. even if its only 2 weeks earlier than palnned it wont affect your parental leave and it might help battle through the last fews weeks if you know there are less of them.
Bug hugs either way, its an exhausiting place to be in sometimes
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H8r8ford
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 2:53pm |
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?? Im not sick though?
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H8r8ford
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 2:55pm |
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But I feel loyal to my job to? I dont want to let people down I havent even recruited my replacement.
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H8r8ford
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 2:57pm |
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Actually today I do feel sick I have aches in my body and feel really run down and teary.
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H8r8ford
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 3:02pm |
 monikah wrote:
i was working a quite physical job and left a couple months early with a docs cert saying emotionally and physically wasnt up to it. it was taken as unpaid leave but didnt affect my maternity leave. they worke the payments out based on the 12 months before my unpaid leave kicked into place.
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Did you actually quit though or did you plan to go back?
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monikah
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 3:07pm |
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went back after #1 which is how i still got the maternity leave. i decided to quit later as i got pg when DS was only 3 months old and my body wasnt strong enough to keep up like the first time due to short recovery time between pg's.
my OB wrote me a medical certificate the day i walked into his office and burst into tears cos i was so tired and felt ick. it was more an emotional problem for me than physical so he wrote a note saying i should leave work before my planned date and didnt disclose why.
if you only leave a few weeks only then you'll still have a wee bit of time to get a little bit of stuff organised as far as a replacement goes
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monikah
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 3:08pm |
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i do think you should get checked up for pre-natal depression. its the same symptoms as PND and is possible to get it before baby is even born. (no offense)
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H8r8ford
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 3:20pm |
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I just booked an appointment at my GP tomorrow. Now I have to tell my boss that I will need half a day off to attend this. (I live an hour and a half away from my job and am restricted by the train timetable).
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rachaels
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 3:55pm |
This sounds like you are under a lot of stress and that is definitely a reason to be off work. You and baby will both be far better off if you have some rest time.Be completely honest with your GP when you see them tomorrow and tell them what you've told us, I'm guessing they will write you a note to say you need to take some time out - and USE it! I know the house is probably a mess but use the time off work to rest - it will be best for the both of you.
You've come this far and done well, there's no point in stressing over stuff you can't control, and at the moment you just can't control the limitations on your body and your emotions will be all over the place.
Perfectionism needs to be let go, especially about the cleaning - when baby arrives the house will be a tip all the time. Accepting that rather than resisting against it and needing things to be spotless will bring you to a place of peace. 
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amme_eilyk
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Posted: 02 June 2010 at 5:01pm |
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it is tough, I am struggling with work, uni, volunteer commitments and everything else at the moment. So far I have dropped everything that I could. The house is a mess and it is really getting me down.
All I can say is you definitely need to see your dr. Call in sick and have a couple of days, they may be unpaid but you will feel heaps better. Also coming up with a plan to get through the next few weeks will make you feel all in control. If there is anything that you dont need to do..then dont do it.
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Travelbug
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Posted: 03 June 2010 at 2:59pm |
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H8r8ford. Honey I feel for you!! I am due early august have a 17mth old and a 4 year old and other than running around after them I'm not working!!! I really don't know what to suggest except to say that you really do have to let go of the housework and accept help or accept the mess.
Even without working and the commute you have I too find myself worn out and snapping at the kids and my husband but the very best medicine always seems to be to try and forget the mess and get down on the floor and play with the kids. They are happier and I'm happier - at least until I try to get up again!!! If we have to have fish fingers for dinner so what.
I'm pretty sure you can get your maternity leave to start earlier if MW or GP advise so without it affecting your entitlements to the paid parental thing. I appreciate you feel loyal to your work but at the end of the day - your health and your family have to come first.
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I am exhausted
