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BaAsKa 
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 Topic: Angry venting rambles thread...
Posted: 03 February 2007 at 7:54pm |
Well after having my angry ramble in the wrong thread! i thought i would start this up as others have wanted to join in (here we are Aleisha  ).
So anyway il cut and paste my ramble from the wrong thread and put it here...
my MIL inparticular treats my son like hes a stranger in her house!!! in comparrison to the other neices and nephew (grandkids to them) who they will die for!! they wont even put up a photo of Bay in between there hundreds of the other 3 grandkids!!! it makes me so mad because now Bay has started saying that he doesnt want to go to nanas now cos she doesnt like him!! its so upsetting and iv had enough so hes not allowed to see them anymore but the saddest thing is that they havnt seen him for over a month (we live in the same small town as them!) and they havnt even blinked an eye!! they havnt asked how he is or anything!! and hubby goes over there farely regularly too (i cant stop him but i can stop my son!!).
Im not sure if it was the right thing to do by taking him away but he seems alot happier and although he still asks about his grandpa (who he is allowed to see because he is not the problem) i think he is better off because i had to go through this as a child from my nana who would refuse to have me stay there because "I was too much like my mother!!!" but she would take my sister all the time then when she died she left my sister alot of valuable and meaningful things and i got a couple of odd earings!!! I was only 6 when she died and i still remember it clear as day so it makes me super angry to think that if i leave Bay in this situation then he might resent her or his cousins later on.
Il give you one example of how pathetic MIL is - when we were moving back from Tauranga we had a big 2 seater truck so couldnt take Bay with us so hubby asked his father if they could watch Bay for a few hours and he was happy as to have him then when we get there he had had a big fight with MIL because when she got back from the supermarket to find out they had Bay for a few hours she threw a hissy fit!!! telling FIL that he wasnt her responsibility (keep in mind that that is probably the 2nd time they have ever looked after him!!) and she wanted nothing to do with him for the day so FIL apparently told her where to shove it and she stormed up to her room while FIL looked after him for that time!! but she mustv come out at some point because when we picked him up all she could do was moan about how stroppy and strong minded he is (got that from me and we hate each other!!..whole other ramble there!!...).
So yeah anyone who is still reading this long novel!!!
please give me your opinion on whether im doing the right thing by keeping him away from her....*deep breath*...*let go of the anger!!*...
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Bizzy
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Posted: 03 February 2007 at 8:19pm |
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its a tough one - my grandad had my cousin as his favourite and made it obvious he liked him over me... so yeah why subject a kid to that.. have you perhaps had it out with your MIL? maybe let her know that it hurts bay and if she doesnt like you she shouldnt take it out on your son... but if she def doesnt want to change then stuff her - and what does your hubby think of this?
Edited by gsmum
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BaAsKa
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Posted: 03 February 2007 at 8:55pm |
Yeah iv had it out with her and now she is apparently sh*t scared of me because i can get very angry and intimidating "apparently"!!! so she avoids me as much as possible and will just agree with me when i hit her up so i dont yell at her.
Hubby is a bit of a lost cause when it comes to her and has been the whole 7 years iv been with him!! he just cant stand up to her and therefore that caused many of problems between MIL and i over the years because hubby would not give her the full story so i was left looking like a horid person!! and keep in mind that when i started going out with hubby and MIL was being the biggest bi**h to me i was only 16 yrs old!!! and had no idea why she hated me!! SIL has told me many of reasons why she heard that MIL didnt like me from - I was too old and impressionable on her darling boy!!, i was shy and therefore rude for not being able to express, i was the wrong colour!!, i was too independant!! yadayadayada!! and because Bay has my personality then hes not good enough!! even though he is freakily like an absolute little miniture of his father!! they have slighty different hair colour but when you put them together now littlelone a photo of hubby at that age you can not tell them apart!! he doesnt even look like my son!!!
I had a big talk with hubby a few weeks ago when i had come to the conclusion and he seemed to try and make up excuses for her and i thought he just doesnt understand because he was and still is on the other end of the stick! he is OBVIOUSLY! the favourate out of the 3 kids him being the middle and the one that looked and acted nothing like the other 2 so therefore made him special so MIL says!! If you go into their house its full of photos of hubby and only a few of his siblings, artwork he did and poems he wrote on the walls and trophies on the mantel but hardly a hint of the other 2 so really hubby doesnt get it!! but anyway when i told him i didnt want Bay to see her anymore he tried to get me to at least let her see him a few times but didnt push because i was already angry enough and crying!!
Anyway that was way off on a tangent!! and i think im blurting out too much but i cant tell anyone else and im hoping that she wont read this somehow!!. I just wanted to hear what everyone else thought - whether i was doing the right thing or not by not letting MIL see Bay.
Gosh that was a whole other novel!!
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caitlynsmygirl
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Posted: 03 February 2007 at 9:36pm |
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wow.seriously some people should only be limited to one kid and one grandkid if they dont have the mental capacity to share their love.
I was my grandmas favourite but she always made sure my cousins and siblings felt her love in huge amounts as well.
Maybe mine isnt the most mature answer but i think ur right in keeping bay from her,hes gonna have plenty of times to feel unwanted in his life as he gets older why subject him to it now?
im sorry but WHAT a WITCH with a capital B!
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lizzle
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Posted: 03 February 2007 at 9:39pm |
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I have a similar problem. My grandmother in law obviously favours my younger son over my older. Jake isn't old enough to undertsand, but we now keep both boys away as much as possible. It is sad, but I odn't want my child growing up feeling inferior. I think you are doing the right thing. When she wants to havea relationship with Bailey, she needs to acccept him and treat him the same as her other grandchildren. If she can't do this, it is your RIGHT to protest your child by doing what you are doing. I feel very strongly about this!
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busymum
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Posted: 03 February 2007 at 9:58pm |
A slightly different spin...
I grew up just around the corner from my grandparents but we didn't see them often. When we did visit, my grandad would always be watching some sport on TV and we were ordered to "shuddup" and basically ended up hanging out with Nana and leaving Grandad in peace.
We (us kids) ended up just figuring that was Grandad's normal behaviour so it didn't bother us all that much. And I'm just glad now that we did still visit from time to time so that I could get to know them if I wanted to. He actually mellowed as he got older and then died 14 months ago. And by then, whenever we visited he always turned the TV off. 
With that background, my suggestion would be that you still visit/have contact every now and then... enough that Bailey will be able to choose frequency as he gets older but not so much that you'll all end up frustrated. Maybe once every 10 weeks or something?
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Myamy
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Posted: 03 February 2007 at 10:03pm |
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I personally havent been put in such a horrid situation, but it sounds like your MIL has been picking favourites for a long time so isnt likely to change her tune anytime soon. I say good on you for protecting Bay and keepin him away from it. Id keep Mya away from any situation like that! Keep strong and remember your doing the best for your Bay.
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Bombshell
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Posted: 03 February 2007 at 10:19pm |
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do you get along with the other siblings who have bays cousins that she does like? Why not organise things to do at their house with them and invite her along...power is taken away from her outside of her home...and shows how the kids get along maybe too?
Is there also a race issue here? one of the things yu said...if so maybe you do need to have that out with her? and your hubby should be involved too - he needs to stick up for you and his SON!!!!
I can foresee my MIL being like this...Dhs brother has an adopted step daughter that MIl has doted on...and favoured til now...and goes whole hog in buying her things yet barely anything for bubs - her first natural grandchild!!! Im hoping once bubs is here it might change...if not then she wont be taken up there much at all...a 25 - 40 min drive from home...
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lizzle
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Posted: 04 February 2007 at 7:42am |
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hey bombshell - just clutching at straws here, but maybe because the stepo-daughter is adopted, your MIL feels like she is mopre disadvatanged so gets more stuff? Angelina Jolie syndrome or something.
Isn't your hubby hurt at her behaviour? I mean, if he's the fav. and she treats his son so terribly, doesn't that make him feel bad?
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Bombshell
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Posted: 04 February 2007 at 7:56am |
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I think in our scenario Dhs niece has just been the only "grandchild" on the scene at all...and now bubs is coming Im not sure any of them know how to cope...once she is here I hope they change their ways...and Dhs niece is still a "grandchild" no matter what...DHs granddad doesnt know her very well tho (lives in CHCH) so he is soooo excited about his first gt grandchild and we will be fostering that relationship as he and his wife in rest home are the only gt grandparents bubs will have now...
ALso meant to say you DH sounds like mine...he wont stand up to his mother...and we had some rip snorters at beginning of our relationship and around time of the wedding over that..and had a go at her finally at one point too...I now demand Dh stand up or tell MIL what is what...he knows I mean business when we get onto that now....thank goodness my MIL doesnt live too close by and thinks botany is a trip to another country almost!
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BaAsKa
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Posted: 04 February 2007 at 2:04pm |
Yeah i do get on with my BIL (whos only 17 so not hard to do) and SIL (its her 3 kids) shes my age (hubby is younger) and our kids have alot to do with each other BUT she is alot like her mother very manipulitive and will take anything i say back to her mother!!  but im not dumb so i pick and choose what i want her to take back and sure enough it gets there. Im keeping away from her at the moment cos her life is a bit of a screw up and everytime something happens she draggs my name into it with MIL and then its automatically my fault!!
MIL has seen all the kids together and she starts complaining that she is worried about my nephew who is unbeleivably tiny, getting picked on by Bay which makes me angry in itself!! cos Bay is more of a sook rather than a bully and when the older neice (who is Bays age) does something like bullys Bay or taked his toy and Bay crys, Bay gets in trouble for it and also Bay notices how they are with the others compared to him cos he is very observant and does understand he just doesnt get why hes getting left out!!.
I dont think Hubby is very upset over my worries about this because he thinks i am way over reacting and to him i probably am because hes been brought up around her strange behaviour so its normal to him.
I thought that she had gotten over her buz because she was very helpful with the wedding and contributed alot but nop shes still a so and so!!
Im not sure about racial issues because it has come from SIL who talks out her ass most of the time!! but i do know that they have had some problems along those lines and she has commented on Bay having my coloured skin etc (my mum is white and my dad is half Maori half Italian for all who are wondering what colour im talking about lol  )
But MIL has never met my dad and you cant really tell what i am when you look at me cos im a bit of everything! lol apparently she wanted a blonde little bimbo from a 2 parent partridge family for her son!! and i am not that! but ah well that doesnt bug me cos she can hate me till the cows come home but i draw the line when it comes to my son ( i even get teary as soon as i mention my son in this novel!!).
Hubby is also kind of withdrawing from her a bit as she is extremely nosey also and the other day she sent hubby a text asking why he was at N*****'s house (one of hubbys friends) cos she had driven past and seen his car so he replied "i was having a natter if thats ok with you so stop being so nosey and you know i havnt got much money left on my phone so stop texting it. GUDNITE" which i thought was pretty ballsy!! 
I can tell you this now though - when my kids bring home their partners im going to be the best MIL!!!! unless they have a criminal record ( a bad 1) or are horrible in that sense
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BaAsKa
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Posted: 04 February 2007 at 2:12pm |
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SMoody
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Posted: 04 February 2007 at 6:22pm |
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I dont know what I will do. But I will definately not ler he alone with my kid at all. I feel so much for you as I had the same with one of my grandparents.
She use to give my brother the most gorgeous gift and I was lucky if I even got one. Didnt bother me too much during the years as I had another grandma that was the best. Didnt get stuff or anything but just had a fun time.
I dont know what to say about keeping him away from them. As you say the grandpa likes his grandson and you want him to spent time together obviously. How about creating some time between him, your son and your hubby. Maybe make it a yearly thing. So grandma is not there with her negativity. Plus if she want to get mad tough as he is spending time with his own son as well.
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my2angels
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Posted: 04 February 2007 at 7:54pm |
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This may have been asked and answered already and Ive just missed it by why does your husband let her treat his son like that? Surely if its that bad, like with the whole FIL looking after him and her going nuts, its fairly obvious something is up, DH cant deny that isnt right surely. I dont know that i would be letting my children see someone who treated them like that. I would wait till they were older and could make up thier own minds but i wouldnt let Kobe or addison be in the situation where they would feel unwanted or unloved.
Edited by my2angels
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BaAsKa
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Posted: 04 February 2007 at 8:38pm |
I think hubby is in denial that his mother is a *******!!!! and he makes alot of excuses for her but in saying that he does kind of support me on my decision and when i say kind of i mean that he feels stink for taking Bay from her (he says im overreacting!!) but he knows that if i feel this way and he disagrees then he will feel my wrath!!
I cant really say much else about him because to be honest what iv told you is all i can make of what he thinks of the situation as he tends to keep quiet!!
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BaAsKa
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Posted: 21 September 2007 at 1:38pm |
BUMP!! for you buzimumto3boys
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buzimumto3boys
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Posted: 21 September 2007 at 2:16pm |
OMG.... sounds like our family!!!
cept I think MIL resents that my parents have done so much for us... brought us our house... and they only live up the Rd and see alot of our kids... we tried in the beginning but she was like "Oh we can only look after him until 10pm as I dont want to disturb my sleep" My first son was sleeping 11 hours a night from 2 weeks old!!! And by the time we asked her to babysit he was like 10 months....
They definately play favourites as well becauce BIL and SIL get the good treatment and they visit them 30 mins away almost every week but I can count on one 2 hands how many times they have visited us (10 mins down the Rd) in 5 years!! They also babysit BIL and SILs baby all the time.... GRRRRRRRRRRR
How is not seeing your in laws going??
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Helen21
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Posted: 21 September 2007 at 3:27pm |
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Warning this is a long story!
My FIL, MIL, 2 SIL's and BIL hate me and I mean hate me. They were okish to start with but thought I was a snob because I was didn't talk much because I was shy as well as not drinking much because I was looking after Chloe(FIL MIL BIL and step FIL are alcoholics to varying degrees). Anyway MIL and step FIL and 1 SIL moved to Aussie and didn't bother coming to our wedding. At our wedding the in laws meet my family for the first time and realised my family were reasonably well off, snobs in their eyes. So while we were on our honeymoon BIL stole our dog, when we were back we found FIL had opened a sky account in our name and wasn't paying it so we had to take the black box thingy into sky to close the account so we went to pick it up. When we got there DH was attacked by FIL and BIL(both drunk) FIL had DH in a headlock while BIL punched him. I was in the car with the kids, I stupidly jumped out to help but BIL started punching and strangling me until I passed out for few a seconds. I came too and DH was outside on the ground and BIL had a roasting folk to his neck, FIL tried to catch me but I ran and got in the car and called 111 while driving to a house nearby for safety for the kids sake. The police took half an hour to get there and found DH and then took statements. They said we went to attack them so they weren't charged but were issued with tresspass orders.
4days later BIL turned up at my house and started shouting threats of killing me and my animals, 3 police cars arrived pepper sprayed him twice and got him in the car. The police said he was drunk and thought he was on "P" they charged him with breach of trespass order(he got 40hrs community service, on top of the 280hrs he already has!). The police told me to get an emergency protection order so $1000 later I had one. A week after this he saw me in town shouted more threats to kill me then followed me through town but didn't do anything as I wasn't far from the police station so I went straight there and he ran away. He was charged with breach of protection order but still hasn't turned up to court so hasn't been sentenced. There's a warrent for his arrest but I haven't heard anything since.
Both SIL's emailed threats and treatening phone calls so we moved(but couldn't afford to leave Hawkes' Bay yet) sold both our cars and bought new one's changed cell phone numbers and email address and made sure everything is unlisted. We still don't feel safe because the police said BIL is still in the area as well as SIL and FIL so we are aways watching our backs.
However the other BIL is lovely and moved away from Hawkes bay years ago because of the family having similar problems with his wife. The whole family has either been in prison several times or have been in a lot of trouble with the law or left the country to avoid being charged with fraud. The lovely BIL and DH are the only one's that are respectable and have good jobs without criminal records.
Sorry to go on a bit but it does feel good to tell someone about this, I don't usually want to tell people of this ordeal because they might judge us in some way.
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buzimumto3boys
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Posted: 21 September 2007 at 4:32pm |
Wow that is shocking 
They sound like the inlaws from H3LL!!
It is always good to get these things off your chest!! I know I feel better being able to talk to some "neutral" people on here!!
I guess you are way better to not see them and it would be easy to cut those kinds of ppl from your lives! I hope you had them charged for using your name for the sky bill too?!?!
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james
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Posted: 21 September 2007 at 5:42pm |
what a cow your poor wee boy i think i would do the same but try to keep his grandad in the picture. relly this woman needs to grow up porr wee bay
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Angry venting rambles thread...
