Counselling referred by GP

Our past year has been pretty hellish. We have a 13 month old and a 3 year old both of whom have severe health problems (both get the Child disability allowance) and are a lot of work. My 1 year old barely sleeps and I have probably only averaged 3-4 hours sleep over the past year. She is still BF like a newborn as she can't eat food, only BM and as she is very active and walking etc I am finding myself completely exhausted.

My DH has been progressively getting less and less supportive. I am worried that he is depressed as I have barely heard him say anything positive over the past 6months. He doesn't like his job, his family, his friends - he moans about everything and is very critical of everything I do. He doesn't enjoy anything - not even the fun times with our kids. He is working longer and longer hours to avoid coming home. When he is home he does very little, and spends a lot of the day asleep on the weekends.   His lack of support and negativity has me in tears most days.

I am really struggling to cope with both the kids and him. I know he won't acknowledge or see anyone on his own, and I feel we need to see a marriage counsellor - but all our $s seem to go on medical bills - so we can't really afford it.

A friend mentioned a while back that she thought that your GP could refer you for publicly funded counselling - does anyone know anything about this - the criteria etc?

Our GP is not very supportive and often not very well informed - so I would like to do my homework before I go and see her.

You don't need a referral to a counsellor from a GP. If you are looking for somewhere where there is funding, you have two options.

First, there is Relationship Services. They provide free counselling through the courts where you can have 6 free counselling sessions. Once those are used, you can apply for another 6 free (almost always granted) and from then on 6 more per year as you need it. My husband and I have used these services and they are really good and I can recommend them.

The second option is to go to any counsellor that will help you and will accept a WINZ subsidy. WINZ will subsidise up to $50 of your counselling fee. To apply, you must have your GP fill in the forms - you, your GP and your counsellor need to complete Disability Allowance Counselling application forms. Ph WINZ for more information. You could apply through the fact that your child has a Disability. Or maybe your husband having depression. WINZ/the Counsellor will tell you.

It sounds like your husband is depressed, and you might be too - sounds like a really hard situation for you both. Often when mothers have PND they don't recognize it, and the father gets a type of PND as well.

It may be worth changing to another GP. If either of you have PND (as I said, men can get it too), you will need a GP that is knowledgeable on the subject and can give you good advice and treatment.

There is, by the way, a Post-Natal distress group in Auckland if you live there, whether you are diagnosed with it or not - to help offer support - they meet on Tuesdays at 10am at the Womens Centre in Henderson and there is a free creche.

If you are in Auckland - there's also another counselling option. If you join Waitakere Union Health as your GP (cheap but a walk-in service only), you can see a Psychologist for free if you are having mental health issues even if you do not have a diagnosis.

The free Family Court counselling doesn't have to be Relationship Services either, there are lots of individual providers that the Court uses. if you contact your local Family Court and ask to talk to the Family Court Co-ordinator they can talk to you about how it works and who you could see.

All the best.

Go to the court house fill in a form there, you get 6 free sessions and then the councillor can apply for 4 more sessions. They are free and very worth while.

If you are concerned your husband may be depressed you could contact the depression helpline (0800 111 757) they are really good to talk things through with & can send you some information which may help. They also have a website www.depression.org.nz