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Disco
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Topic: Making new friends Posted: 30 June 2010 at 8:49am |
I feel like a right saddo writing this. Basically I moved here six years ago with dp and it took a while to make friends as we knew no one and as we were busy setting up our own company and working hard, it just took a little longer but we made friends and had lots of fun. But for me I stilled missed my best friend from home who I'd known since i was 13.
So then we had dd and i thought, great, an opportunity to make some new friends. So I have a great coffee group and doing some other outside activities but I still don't feel like I'm making any real friends. I can be shy at first but pretty chilled out and like to have a laugh.
I sometimes suggest doing things with other mum's and sometimes we do but I feel like there's a connection missing. Maybe I'm just not giving it long enough, I realize good friendships take time. It feels worse than dating to me? I don't know whether they are just being polite. The other thing I find hard is people already have enough friends in their life and don't seem to be interested in taking it further than a weekly coffee group meet up.
I just want to make a few friends to have a laugh with and sometimes go out without babies in tow. Anyway I don't know if it's just me but was wondering if anyone else finds it hard making new friends?
Disco
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Bizzy
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 9:02am |
i was saying something similar the other day to one of the other mums on here who i had recently met. i think that there does need to be some sort of connection between you. and there is a big difference to an acquaintance and a friend.
i have joined coffee groups and playgroups and tried plunket groups... and mostly there is no connection with one specific person but there are certainly other mothers i get along with and would spend my time with at that particular activity.
it is hard to make friends but i think you have to just keep trying and putting yourself in situations where you will meet people.
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kebakat
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 10:09am |
Thats one big reason I don't bother with coffee groups and playgroups etc is that I went to one and felt no connection with anyone, didn't gel with anyone and didn't think I'd end up doing anything with anyone outside of that set time.
I'm slow to make new friends I can be quiet but I can also be very outspoken and its not everyones cuppatea.
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High9
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 1:36pm |
kebakat wrote:
Thats one big reason I don't bother with coffee groups and playgroups etc is that I went to one and felt no connection with anyone, didn't gel with anyone and didn't think I'd end up doing anything with anyone outside of that set time.
I'm slow to make new friends I can be quiet but I can also be very outspoken and its not everyones cuppatea. |
I think I'm the same. I am rather quiet meeting people for the first time, but I can be very out spoken and am definitely not shy or afraid to hold back.
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Mum_mum
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 2:43pm |
Lol i was just thinking about this today - although I have met some great people along the way I haven't met someone who I just click with right away! I think I thought I would....
Also the other issue I see is that you make friends with someone but can't really imagine how DH would like them or their partner, would they click? Or do you just have seperate mummy friends and not couple friends?
Lol look at me sounding like a loser - I do have my best friend tho so for that I am lucky!
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phantom_1
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 3:09pm |
Hi Ladies
I know the feeling. Have been in Auckland for 5 or so years now & the only "friends" I have made are customers (I work in reatil) so they're not close or anything lol.
My other half also does not like meeting new people very much (I'm the opposite) so it can be difficult. I'm hoping now I'm pg I'll meet a wider range of people but you do need to connect.
My best friend is at the other end of the North Island.
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Emmi_
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 3:21pm |
Me three... Im quiet to start with but once you know me most people forget how shy I was and cant believe Im the same person!
I too feel like sometimes people agree to do things out of politeness and not friendship... it is tough!
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anon
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 3:57pm |
I am totally the same and I have lived in Auckland all my life! It might be an Auckland thing. I went away for a few years overseas and when I got back we'd all sort of moved on. The only stable friends I have remaining live ages away from me and are so busy with their lives it's hard to find time to catch up with them.
I think it's hard making friends in Auckland. And I think it takes time. I enjoy my SPACE group but there's only one person out of all of them that I really have clicked with.. likewise, one person from my coffee group that I've clicked with too and we're still not good friends yet. It's a lonely experience, but good to know I'm not alone!
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Jelly
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 4:20pm |
Hmm, sounds like coffee groups aren't really worth the bother then.
I know I'd love to have some other Mummy friends. Most of the time the only friends I see and DP's friends!
Oh and I'm in Auckland too. Maybe it is an Auckland thing, there's so many people here that no one bothers to stop and get to know anyone else!
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High9
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 4:36pm |
Everywhere in Auck seems to take a lot of planning to get to as well imo iykwim!
Jaime, try a coffe group, you never know until you try one! Our WGTN Dennys one is pretty great
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Disco
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 4:41pm |
Haha! sounds like I'm not the only billy no mates :)
makes me feel a little bit better :)
well, being shy to begin with, I'm going to do something I never do and that's if anyone fancies meeting up for lunch or a coffee in auckland let me know.
no pressure for second dates either :))
newlywed we're doing space too. love it! be sad when it finishes up.
disco:)
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mummyofprinces
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 4:57pm |
Oh I could have written that post...
Sometimes I regret travelling and moving away from my friends as they have all moved on and I am in another country searching for a connection with someone...
I have made friends but as I said to someone the other day, there is that one gal who I know I can call anytime anyday or just drop in because I was nearby and not have to call first.
I really miss having that close bond with someone and its taken a toll on my ability to socialise with strangers and my relationship with DH....
But as Bizzy said, you just gotta keep putting yourself out there and hope that one day you meet someone you click with... It really is worse than dating LOL
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High9
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 5:00pm |
I think even my mum feels the same, she is and was friendly with my friends parents but not to the point of where she would go in and have a drink on a fri night with them, more just a quick smoke and convo while she waited for me to hurry up.
She's really great friends with DPs parents though.
I think it's definitely important to keep trying.
Mel where are you originally from?
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Bizzy
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 5:01pm |
disco check out the no friends auckland thread... a few of the girls are meeting at sylvia park on weds next week....
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Chickoin
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 5:05pm |
Friendless over here too Seriously, not a single one.
Well done Disco for organising a coffee 'date' for any takers. If I was near you I would take you up on that and we can both be shy together.
I think the various mother's groups are more for the children than us grown ups, I feel like I am the only one with no friends at our group and I don't really want to force my friendship on any of the other mums as I presume they already have enough friends.
It is so much harder than dating!
I think there should be mother's groups where you leave the kids at home with dad and all meet up at the pub....
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Emmi_
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 6:15pm |
Chickoin wrote:
I think there should be mother's groups where you leave the kids at home with dad and all meet up at the pub.... |
Like!
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Rovic
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 6:38pm |
It's definitely not an Auckland thing. I have lived here for 5 1/2 years. There is one good frined here, but she has 3 kids and a really busy life so we don't catch up that often, but chat weekly. After working long hours and travelling lots back to the other end of the island, there was never much time or opportunity for making friends. Am also really shy which doesn't help. When an opportunity does arise to meet new people and make friends, I seem to have lost the ability ... But our coffee group is great and there are girls in there who are potentials (iygwim), so there is hope!
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sem
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 6:57pm |
I have lived in NZ for 10 years now and have still not got a best friend or any real close friends.
When I first arrived I most;y befriended other foreign au pairs who eventually moved back home. I found this really hard as I put a lot of effort into building these friendships which in the end lead nowhere.
Once I met DH he introduced me to some of his friends but I just could not find anything in common with any of them. I was also very shy and not very confident in the English lanuage. It also didn't help that he was going through a lot of change during this time and was moving away from these people (thank god!)
I believe to make friends as an adult is incredibly hard. I don't play sports and have no children yet (I always thought having a baby will help making friends but am now unsure after reading this thread) I often think to myself 'oh maybe I should ring such and such and catch up' but then don't do it as I think she is probably busy with one of her other friends. And who knows this person might be thinking the exact same thing about me!?
So, yes I also don't have any real friends here. A real friendship needs time to grow and be developed and maybe adults are just to busy to invest in this?
Maybe somebody needs to set up a 'find your best friend' website, similar to a dating website?
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Here we go again, another baby on it's way!
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High9
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 7:15pm |
Susy definitely ring an old friend, my mum got rung up by her old friend who happened to be her neighbour as a kid at the end of last year and they had a huge catch up although have nothing in common anymore!
I think what limits me is not being able to drive, and living with other people I can't have people over so gets a bit tricky for me
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MamaT
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Posted: 30 June 2010 at 7:37pm |
[QUOTE=Chickoin]Friendless over here too Seriously, not a single one. [QUOTE]
Me too
I had lots of friends while at school and uni and never had any problem meeting people, but they all moved away and our friendships fizzled. The ladies in my coffee group are fantastic and I get along with them really well, but like someone else said, I miss having that type of friendship where you can just rock up to their house uninvited and put the jug on IYKWIM
I actually wonder if I'll ever have this again
Edited by MamaT
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