Unsure about midwife

My partner is currently pregnant, 3 weeks ago on a Tuesday we went for a scan and were told the NT measurement was 2.4mm and the radiographer could not get another accurate reading and because 2.5mm was on the higher side of normal, they asked us to come back the following day so they could try again. The next morning (Thursday) my partner went on her own they done an internal scan and my partner was told the reading was 2.9mm.

On Friday afternoon the midwife phones us and said the reading was 4mm! and she would book us into Auckland hospital for an amnio, I spoke to her and said surely thats not right as we were told 2.4 and 2.9mm I had read what 4mm could mean and we were in a bit of shock, I asked if she could check the results, she said she wasnt back in the office (10 minutes drive from where she lives) till Monday. She went on to tell me once we had the amnio we had to decide whether or not we wanted to keep the baby. I asked if we could get a second opinion on Monday at Insite, she replied there was no point it would only complicate things, they couldnt get anymore complicated we were being told different results. I was dissapointed she wouldnt go to her office and check for us to put our mind at ease or to atleast confirm the results were accurate so we knew where we stood.

That weekend had to be the worst weekend of our lives all we could hope was there was some mistake, we ended up going against her advice and went to Insite, the measurement was 3.2mm, we were told there were huge descrepancies in the previous results. We opted for a private Amnio the following week as we wanted to be sure. The initial tests came back good, Insite were very good about it and contacted us straight away, but we had to wait another 10-14 days for the complete results.

It had been almost 2 weeks so my partner asked the midwife if she had heard anything, she replied she opened the results yesterday but then had to deliver a baby, everything was 100% ok. We are very relieved but I am unsure about this midwife. We paid alot of money for the tests and she knows we were under alot of stress, but couldnt be bothered to tell us the results straight away we had to ask. When I asked her why the delay and why did we have to ask for the results she replied it was her night off? is this normal practice for midwives? btw the same midwife wasnt at the birth for our last baby either she told us she didnt have to be there for the birth as it was a cesarean!..... I have lost all faith in this midwife, but my partner likes her so its hard, I dont know what to do. I just want to know whats going on and know that everything is being done properly, especially with all the stories you hear about midwives in the news. But at the same time I dont want to upset my partner. What do I do?





Edited by FosterCashew

My question is do you trust this person to clearly and effectively communicate with you at a time of stress (e.g. labour, or while undergoing medical procedures), and from everything you've said, they've done a pretty crap job at that. It also sounds like it's really dented your confidence and trust in her and your ability to have a strong therapeutic relationship with her.

But, it also sounds complicated b/c your wife likes her! Does your wife trust her - skill, communication etc? Does she know your concerns and how the process of (mis)communication has been for you?

It doesn't sound like a brilliant job of communicating with you. I don't know what's normal in those circumstances, but as a health professional, I don't do 'bad news' over the phone. I also respond to people who are stressed as soon as I possibly can and even if I don't have answers, I keep in touch while I'm waiting.

Speaking with the woman's hat on, I do tend to think it's my call who my LMC is (and DH is happy with it that way). But if I knew my DH was really uncomfortable and didn't trust them that would make me question how that would affect his ability to support me through the process, and at the end of the day, for me, it's really important that my DH is 100% comfortable so he can be supportive, and because it's his baby as well - he needs to be able to trust his baby is being cared for well. If you're asking for advice, I'd say make sure your wife knows how you feel and talk about whether this MW is the best LMC for you. I would also raise your concerns with the MW and let her know how the process made you feel and see what her response is.

I personally would be going elsewhere. I would be so disappointed that she left you waiting on such an important and stressful thing for an entire weekend, surely she would have known what that would have done to you.

I too would be going elsewhere that MW sounds like
a- she doesn't give a crap about anyone but herself or
b - she doesn't enjoy her job anymore

Anyway both those things are not right for a MW and I would go to another MW and would also consider going to the midwifery council about her as if she has done this to you she will do it to someone else. When you are pregnant you don't need any more stress than normal and what she has done is put unwanted stress on you and your partner for letting you wait for the results and having to ask for them too.

My MW was so good if she hadn't received results from a scan or blood test she would ask if I have been and when I said yes she would follow it up with the place where we went.

i would talk to your partner about it. Have a real heart to heart and lay on your concerns on the table.
Has anyone you know had this midwife before? does she have a good delivery record?

Communication is a big thing as as the preganancy progresses you need to feel confident and happy with her. She's not giving you and your wife 100%.

Talk to your partner and hopefully find a new midwife. Good luck

I agree with everything the others have said and recommend changing. Could you line up a couple for your partner to meet and talk to then make a decision? Ask the ladies in here for a midwife recommendation for your area. I wish I had.

I had a dreadful midwife experience yet I am a health professional that works in hospitals. I knew she was a bit wishy washy but felt confident in myself and so thought it wouldn't matter. Wrong wrong wrong!

When in labour and early motherhood you're so vulnerable in regards to being able to make clear, educated, rational decisions so you want to know that the midwife is completely in tune with your wishes. If you're not happy at this stage I doubt you're going to be happy with her later when things are even more stressful. Maybe it'll be fine if things go smoothly but is this someone you want making decisions if delivery or early motherhood don't quite go to plan?

Incidentally, I heard that they don't get paid if you deliver by c-section so some are reluctant to get involved if that is likely.

So sorry to hear about what you had to go through - very stressful & so avoidable on your MW's part.

There has been some fantastic advice given already, but just wanted to add that I know how you feel about her not being there for c-section of your first baby. As I went into labour with a breech baby, my MW met me at the hospital at 6am and stayed until 7am when I went in for my c-section. She didn't stay for the surgery as she had to run her clinic that day and as she had said, she doesn't actually get paid for being there for the c-section. Although I completely understood the reasoning, it would still have been nice to have one face we knew in theatre - but everyone was very nice and we felt in good hands so it was fine in the end.   It would be great if the health system could pay for them to be there, but maybe that is asking too much!

I feel your MW plays such an important part of your pregnancy and of course your delivery (well unless it is a c-section as we've both discovered!) and it has to be someone that you fully & completely trust.

All the very best

agree with Monkey - it is true..

Thought I'd add- if you weren't already aware- as your partner has already had a c-section you are entitled to free obstetric care too, whether by themselves or in shared care with a midwife. Her gp can write a referral.

I so so wish I'd trusted my instincts and changed midwifes. I didn't trust mine at all, and when it really comes down to it, it does matter. But it really matters if your partner trusts her, and if she still has full confidence in her then you might need to take the back-seat on the issue.