Up The Duff Again

I can't even describe how utterly terrified I am right now. I'm pregnant again after losing my little one in april.

5weeks and 4 days today. I've had doubling beta hcg tests and they are doubling every 37.32 hours. The nurse said it was perfectly normal rising time. So, WHY AM I STILL FREAKING OUT??? Sounds low, from 395 on the 5th to 1612 on the 9th. Sheesh.

I'm too scared to even join the Due In.. forums, just waiting for it all to end badly again. I'm even being completely unreasonable as I hd normal sore boobs, tummy 'stretchies' and MS last time so now my brain is telling me these normal feeling are BAD as I m/c last time No MS yet but def have the sore boobs (especially this COLD morning lol) and stretchy feeling tummy.

I feel so ANGRY still that my m/c took away my stressfree pregnancy, I was relaxed and happy the first time. Bullet proof, nothing could go wrong *snort*. Now every little thing is terrifying me!

I'm getting anearly scan at 7 weeks and another doubling hcg set next week at 6ish weeks. It helps but I am still frightened of everything.

I need a chill pill!!

*Reinforcing the fact I spend way too much time here - sorry to my employers*

I am so excited for you!! As hard as I can imagine it is to enjoy your pregnancy as much as you did first time, just do your best to celebrate the new little life growing inside your tummy and focus on your darling little bean.

There are thousands of people who miscarry first time who go on to have perfectly healthy bubs the next time. I remember my mw saying to me that it happens so much more commonly in first pregnancies. It won't be such a shock to your body getting pregnant this time.

This one is going to be a sticky bub - I've got a good feeling about this one

Congrats! I've got everything crossed for you.

I can't give you any advice on how to chill though. It's completely unfair that pregnancies after a m/c aren't all excitement and anticipation like we want them to be. I was a complete hysterical wreak until about 22 weeks then I relaxed a little. I stressed over every odd feeling, but was also worried when I felt normal. I checked my undies in terror every time I went to the loo and because I bled a lot I had lots of early scans and I cried at each one even though they showed me a healthy little bean. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is don't be hard on yourself feeling like this. I so hope this is your time.

Congrats MerlinFluff! Just take each day as it comes, thats all you can do. I dont think there is anything ou can do to take away the worry. As much as I am excited to become pregnant again, I also dread it. It will kind of be like 'ho hum....here we go again....' So take a deep breath, surround youself with supportive friends/family a midwife and or doctor and you will get through.
I wish you all the luck in the world - take care!

Thanks for all the kind words and well wishes everyone.

I am hating being pregnant this time around, I'm so ashamed to say, I should be excited and happy I could concieve so well. But I'm just stressed and anxious and worried about every symptom or lack there of.

I've just been referred by my GP for counselling, should hear from them next week. Very scary but it will do me good I think. I don't want to increase my medication any higher than it is and despite getting very little sleep I think more tablets are a no-go right now.

I'm getting a whole 3-5 hrs a night and waking up lathered in sweat with what reminds me strongly of flashbacks but related to the miscarriage, and waking nighmares. I feel like I'm losing my mind!!

I think it will be a relief just to talk to someone weekly and let it all out. Internalising things is never good for me. It's hard staying well this time around, it seems everything is triggering the already present ptsd and panic.

I've just had my ante natal bloods done again and have been referred back to OB. Should get an early scan in the next couple of weeks come through. Have another repeat hcg next week too.

I'm so very tired. It's hard to be excited and I'm now worried about PND and not bonding if I go to term as I refuse to even think of it being a baby. I'm just in this 'state' until it ends again or until I give birth.

Sorry about the probably incoherent rambling!

Oh no MerlinFluff, is there someone close you can ring to come and stay with you? Friends or family?

I see its been about an hour since you posted, so hopefully things have settled down but would be nice if you had someone there for you!!

Crossing my fingers for you that everything is OK!

Edited by ScaredyCat

I'm pacing the house on and off just kinda freaking out! DF has got a late flight home and will be here at midnight. Still bleeding heavily, will probably go to ER with him later. Not sure. Brain too scattered to think straight.

I have all my fingers and toes crossed for a positive outcome, Keep us posted.

We're all thinking of you

Oh dear :( fingers and toes crossed for you! Try and stay as calm as possible (I know that is basically impossible) but stress won't help love. can someone go to the ER with you sooner?

Oh that is good news, rest up heaps and stay safe little bean!