Comparing yourself

I know they say you shouldnt compare your kids and how they develop and what they do... but do you ever find yourself comparing your mothering to others?

I know i have made assumptions about how some people are with their kids and found myself comparing unfavourably, even though i may not really know the person.

I know quite often i see people on FB or message boards and wonder at how marvelous there children are and what fabulous parents they must be, but then i wonder how much is my perception and how much is just them putting out the positive or even making themselves sounds better?

wow 73 views and only one comment ... you make me feel jaded caliandjack lol!

I don't compare, as such, although I do observe how other mothers interact with their children and think - oooh, I might try that, or nah, that's really not for me. I see some women who come through work, and how they treat their children, and vow that I will never be like that. That's about the extent of "comparing" that I do.

I do compare my children though, not in a bad way, I just observe their differences.

Bizzy wrote: wow 73 views and only one comment ... you make me feel jaded caliandjack lol!

Lol Motherhood is all brand new for me and is still exciting and interesting. Give it a few years and toddler tantrums and I may not be quite so enthusiastic.

minik8e wrote: I do compare my children though, not in a bad way, I just observe their differences.

I compare them like this too.

It's the 'labeling' them aspect of comparing that I try not to do.

I've also found that my own baby knows how to push my buttons and get me upset and frustrated.

I don't feel like that with other peoples babies.

Guess 9 months inside of us they know us better than we know ourselves.

Children are interesting in that sometimes they excel in some areas and are way behind in others.
     Likewise with us parents - we're normally pretty good in some areas and completely useless at others. I know that some days I might look like I have it all together....but I also may have no clue what we're having for dinner at 6pm and my house is often a complete wreak until someone is due to visit.
     After many years of parenting I've learned not to judge other children - when you do, it often comes back to bite you in the butt.

Yes, most of the times I have judged another mother I have regretted it when I consider what is actually going on in their lives. The majority of mums I have met I've never thought was a "bad mum" - just that they might do something differently than I do something or that I would make a different decision based on what I think is best. But at the end of the day the majority of us even though we may make different decisions, do so out of our childrens' best interest and therefore, we are trying to care for them and raise them the best we can.

Like others have mentioned, I consider what others do and think "ooh I'd like to try that" or "I wouldn't do that with mine" but that is a bit different. I judge mothers a lot less now that I am a mother - because it is bl#*$y hard work!!! And some have it harder than others, eg. no family support, single mum, child's personality, colic/reflux/difficulty breastfeeding, PND etc etc.

We all have our bad days when we feel less able to cope and haven't had enough support or enough time out etc. so it's easy to find a mum having one of those days too... I went over to my friend's one evening because I was so sick to death of DS grizzling I felt close to screaming at him he was driving me crazy! And she gave me dinner and her son played with mine so you know...

I wouldn't say I compare myself to other mothers, but I love to hear how others handle situations, issues, feelings etc.

The only thing that ever concerns me is peoples perception of my parenting style. Which is odd, as I'm confident in the way I'm raising my child. I think it stems from the fear of someone getting the wrong opinion of me or my mothering skills. It's a totally silly thing to spend any time being concerned over, but I'm just one of those people who hates the thought of someone thinking ill of me

As for kidlets... I constantly compare my son with others his own age. I don't think it's a bad thing, just so amazing how they can be all so different and develop different skills at different rates.

Take heart lisajo - it's great when they first start walking but it's a whole lot more work lol. Nathan wears me out so much more now than he ever used to even if he does sleep through the night!!!

Anyway, you're not doing anything wrong - children just hit their milestones when they're ready. She's not slower than other children - milestones are not there to tell us how gifted our child is, but to alert us when something is wrong. People treat milestones in the wrong way. It's hard, but remember that in the bigger scheme of things when our children are walking, talking eating etc etc. none of it will matter whether they walked at 10mths or 13mths or 16mths etc.

Personally, though I'm not in a hurry for my little man to grow up, I'm also looking forward to the day he can get his own breakfast so I can sleep in, fix me a cup of tea, do some dishes and clean up after himself!!!


Edited by nathansmummy