Accidently on purpose pregnancies

I really do not get the whole "accidently on purpose pregnancy" I cannot for one fathom that anyone would actually go behind their partners back and fall pregnant on purpose when DH/DP has specifically said they are not ready/keen. To me how can you bring a child into a relationship that is not 100% open and honest about possibly the most important thing you will ever do in your lives???

Also I don't get the whole "Oh I am not actually late for my AF but I think I might be pregnant, we BD'd when I was OV'ing and did not use protection, I hope I am not UTD" then test test test and oh I am UTD, I am so suprised and now I am going to tell everyone on OB and FB and announce it to the world when I am 4 weeks UTD???? I mean seriously how can you blatantly know you are OV'ing and then go and BD unprotected and then say you hope you are not UTD???? and how can anyone go and tell 100's of people and not tell their DH/DP first??? Yes my hundreds of ??????? are me expressing my complete lack of understanding in these circumstances.

And also while I possible ruffle feathers and start a debate I am going to ask how does anyone possibly think that adding another baby into a situation where one is not coping with parenthood and all that goes with it, is going to make things better, maybe I am just way off the mark but to me if I cannot give my 100% all to my existing children how the heck am I going to give anything to them when I am then UTD and then struggling with another child?

Agree! I would love another but would never accidentally get pregnant on purpose just to fulfill that dream when DP has blatantly said no, not yet! I wanted a smaller age gap but looks like it'll be a 5-7 year gap! Boohoo for me but how could I live with myself if I got pregnant now when DP isn't ready for another and what say he left as a result? What then? I'd be stuck with 2 kiddies and tbh would probably have to go on the DPB to afford 2!

ETA: DD wasn't fully planned but had been discussed! And if DP hadn't been prepared to have been a father then I would have been able to do it alone but def. not now and not with 2!

Edited by High9

Oh and I wanted a 3rd (a while ago now) and I was waiting for hubby to say yes then we were going to try. I could of if I wanted to tricked him into the 3rd by keeping an eye on cycles etc but I didn't. That is selfish and not what a marriage is about in my eyes (and my marraige hasn't always been the best, I am the first to admit that).

 

That sounds like the kind of people who just want attention.

I always joked around with DH that I wouldn't mind getting pregnant on accident. But then we are still careful around the time of OV... if we were to 'accidentally' get pregnant, it would be a little bit of a surprise but not completely. We survived for 3 years without accidents so we have done pretty good.

The reason I would say I would love to 'accidentally' get pregnant, because thats all I have really known. You just carry on with life as it hits you. I think to actually make a solid decision freaks me out... what if everything just turns to custard and I have only myself to blame for the making the decision in the first place.

DH understands how I feel and I would never ever go behind his back and secretly get pregnant. It is definitely a decision we have to make together, weather we choose to fully plan it, or just wait and see if it 'accidentally' happens ;)

Daizy I totally get that, its the going behind DH/DP's back that really miffs me! I would of loved to experience "just" falling pregnant, but alas it was not the case.

100% agree!! I am always amazed when people rant on and on about how hard everything is, how they're not coping and then Oops I might be UTD! craziness...

mummy_becks wrote: I so totally agree. We had a one night wonder pregnancy but we were both mentally prepared to bring another child into our family at that time.

Same here. In no way, shape or form was Scarlett a planned 'accidental' pregnancy. It was a hell of a surprise (for DP anyway, I kind of expected it - Murphys' Law etc lol) but no way did either of us go into it blindly. We both VIVIDLY recall the conversation we shared beforehand...laughing how no way would we get pg etc lol famous last words! But we too were content to have another baby in our lives at that stage. [:)

Edited by Emmecat

yeah cos two babies is soooooooooooooo much easier than one *she said sarcastically*

whoa Bowie!!! thats disgusting,especially the one poking holes in the condoms,what an underhanded,selfish thing to do.
And meanwhile these poor kids are the ones that will bear the brunt of it.
Sounds like the girls you know,are the sort that give young mums a bad name and need to grow the hell up!

And Beloved,I agree 100% with you,especially on the part about people who struggle with one thinking another will fix things...a baby is not a bandaid,it wont fix things,it will make things harder.

Hey Bowie....my nephew's girlfriend did that, pierced all his condoms , they lost a baby initially & then she did this, they were also not talking at the time & plus he doesn't recall sleeping with her, yep she jumped him one night when he was drunk...guess what...she's still on the DPB & he left the country.

I had a truly accidental baby, I had vague ideas of how bodies cycled and we always used protection, except that one arvo & I seriously said she'll be right, didn't hang around afterwards & yep got pregnant. That was a quickie that went pear shaped! #2 was well & truly discussed & planned for, just took a while, same as #3 as much as I would have loved a baby a year ago we waited until we definitely wanted to have the 3rd. We didn't want to try this month, that was a joint decision, I thought I was past ov, which is why I'm in the what are the chances thread as well.

To have more than one or two children needs to be thought of from the POV when they are at school...when the costs of child rearing escalates! My friend who has 4 says don't do it, too expensive, we weighed that up with the fact that if anything happens to one of our children (god forbid) that the other one is not left alone. This has come about because the very thing happened to a family friend & this struck a cord with us.

Having more children can never mend a relationship, a baby takes you way from your DH so much, when I had my second, I made sure that I gave myself to both my baby & didn't forget about my DH, a cuddle was all that surficed, but I didn't do this after my first & our relationship went on the rocks...imagine If I'd had another child, I guarantee we wouldn't be here trying for a 3rd.