Acceptable Mothers Love

Something is eating at me and am wanting some advice outside the square, so to speak. Was hoping I could get some other people's opinion's.
I'll start at the beginning...
I don't have any children. My older sister who is 30 in Feb has a just 4 year old boy.
When my nephew wasn't even 1, my sister and her husband separated. Ever since, I believe, hasn't been treating my nephew right. Examples:
Nephew was clingy, Sister had just worked 8+ hrs and hadn't seen nephew. He wanted a cuddle. She would not pick him up and in stead said to him "If you don't behave, i will put you in the rubbish bin"
Another example:
Nephew was pulling on sisters clothing, wanting attention, again after she had got home from work. She pushed him really hard on his forehead with the palm of her hand, and walked off. When my father told her to come back and get her son she said, in front of nephew "NAH! I don't want him!"
Also my nephew wakes between 5-6am every morning, always has. Sister hates this, I believe that she should make allowances for this, and go to bed earlier. But she believes that he should wake, when she wakes.
These are only 2 examples...
But to me it is as if she doesn't want to be a mother at all. She only acts this way in front of our family, never in front of her friend or co workers.
Can I ask what anyone else thinks?

I'd have to agree with Emz. I think she is probably crying out for help. I absolutely adore my daughter and LOVE being a Mum but it's not always easy. If I'm having a rough time of it, I will never let it show to my friends or co-workers, as I'd feel like a failure, but I know that at times, I have been guilty of being a bit 'dramatic' about situations when Isla is perhaps playing up while I'm around visiting Mum and Dad. Not towards Isla as such, but just me huffing about going 'oh for goodness sake, why do you have to get into everything!' to try and get a bit of attention

I might like to add, that my sister thinks that I believe that She should give up work. I don't. I think that if she put's in as much effort into her son, as she does her job, there wouldn't be an issue.

I am sad for your sisters son Hard situation especially as you have sought some help before and she has gone back on her word.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice other than keep trying to get your sister help don't give up for your nephews sake. Spend as much time as possible with your nephew so he has some positive people around him.

I think you are awesome for doing something about it and getting involved rather than letting this slide as some would do.

HoneybunsMa wrote: Could it be that she needs some space after work and not just have her son thrown at her (although I know he's not been its him thats wanting attention)

If I wasn't 6 months pregnant, I'd run up the 100-odd steps to creche to collect DD at the end of the day, I look forward to seeing her and greeting her with a big hug so much! But not everyone feels that way, and I know some days a bit of a post-work wind-down would be nice. Perhaps she could take a longer drive home or something so that she arrives home ready to see him?

Good on you for standing up for him. I know he needs his mum, but at least make sure he knows he's got aunties etc who love him dearly and will give him plenty of cuddles.

Do you think she could have unresolved PND?

Being a single mum is incredibly hard work sometimes and I must admit that sometimes I am a bit harsher with DD than I mean to be. All the responsibilities can get on top of you and dealing with a clingy badly behaved child at the end of a long working day can be overwhelming.

However....I don't believe she should be behaving towards your nephew like that. She is the adult and needs to be able to handle her own frustrations most of the time and make him feel wanted and loved.

I don't know what the solution is but I admire you for trying to sort it out. At least your nephew has you and your Mum who obviously love and care for him.

Edited by Shelt