Feeding Advice.

My son is 10 days old and I am not breastfeeding him. He is getting my breastmilk though, as I am expressing for every feed. I made this decision because I believe that feeding him from my breast is impossible. I am the only one that believes this as everyone else I talk to thinks that I need to get over it and persevere.

1) I have flat nipples
2) I have huge breasts that are bigger than my sons head
3) My son has a tiny little mouth
4) He is a very impatient and hungry little boy

Every nurse, every lactation consultant and every midwife I have come into contact with since Sam was born has tried to latch him onto my breast to no avail. It just does not work. Sam screams bloody murder, I start crying, his hands are everywhere, his mouth is desperately seeking something that can't get in his mouth far enough for him to latch on.

The only person that has managed to get him on to latch is my own midwife. She has done this a couple of times. It takes her at least half an hour of twisting Sam, squeezing my breast, re-adjusting things, pushing his head into me and the end result is that he CHOMPS down with his gum so hard that I nearly jump out of the chair. After this happens I am told to sit and wait it out for at least 30-40 seconds for the pain to subside as he sucks. This does not happen. It still hurts, and within two minutes he's angry again and becomes unlatched. Then it starts over.

I am fully aware that the pain goes away if you persevere, and that it takes weeks to get it right and that one week of trying isn't really trying at all.

I've had so much advice, and so many people have had their hands on my breasts trying to get it to work.

At the moment I am expressing. I have to keep it up or my supply will dwindle. I am finding this extremely hard as he always wants more and I am barely making enough to feed him. And even then, is it enough? Would he take more if I had it? Expressing hurts too. Especially when your breasts don't get a break from it.

My mother in law and her mother came over yesterday while my midwife was here. They treated me like I wasn't in the room and then went on and on and on to my midwife about contacting La Leche and getting someone out here to sort me out and teach me how to breastfeed properly, and could she please send me to the Mothercraft unit at the hospital because clearly I am hurting him by not feeding him directly from my breast.

I am so over all the pressure to breastfeed and the theory that I am not trying hard enough or that my reason for expressing only is just a silly excuse. It is my decision and I have made it very clear what it is I am going to do, but the comments, the unwanted advice and the guilt keeps coming from all angles.

Sounds awful but I don't actually want to put myself through all the agony and screaming at 3AM for hours just to get him onto the breast, when I could give him a bottle of EBM and have a happy baby and a sane me.

I know that sooner or later my supply will die as when I express all the time I don't even get enough for one feed, so I end up leaving it longer between expressing.

So, of all the people I talk to about motherhood and babies, I trust the opinion and advice of you lot more than I do the medical professionals, which is why I'm asking..

Should I keep expressing non-stop to try and get enough to feed my son? Should I listen to the critics and go through the pain of breastfeeding because breastfeeding is the ONLY way you should feed your child? Or should I cut back on the expressing so that I lose my supply and switch to formula so that I know he is getting enough?

Thanks in advance for any advice you have to offer.

I had similar problems after I had my first baby and I managed to express all of her feeds until she was 9 months old!
It wasn't ideal, and it certainly wasn't what everyone else thought I should be doing but I was much happier, she was much happier and my poor nipples got to heal.
I had a huuuuuge supply of milk, More than we needed, even after I started expressing 99% of her feeds on day 4. (I'd try breastfeeding first and switch to the bottle when we were both crying our eyes out)
What kind of pump are you using? I can recommend the Avent Isis IQ hand pump as that is what I used for Ella.
I found it much gentler on my sore boobies and nipples than the electric, although it did still hurt to varying degrees in the first few weeks.

Good luck chick, you and Sam will get there no matter which road you choose.
Don't let anyone make you feel like he's missing out by not being on the breast. My mum used to tell me (and any stranger that added their 2 cents when she was around) 'It's the same good stuff, just in a different vessel!'




Edited by caraMel

You need to do what's right for your sanity and for how you're feeling emotionally and what is comfortable for you. Your baby is getting your breastmilk and that's a great start for him and you can bond with him in other ways rather than breastfeeding.

I breastfed Ashlee for 6 weeks through pain and anxiety and I broke down every time it came to feeding time. It didn't get any easier for me like the professionals told me it would and it was making me despise my baby. I was heading down an unhealthy track. I truly wish I'd stopped earlier. It would have saved a whole lot of stress. The stress almost disappeared instantly as soon as I realised Ashlee (and myself!) was a lot happier on formula.

You do what makes you feel good... and I think it's super hard for you, because without all this pressure you wouldn't be nearly as anxious about it, which would mean that Sam wouldn't be as upset and that'd perhaps make it easier...?

I agree with Teresa in that if you are going to try breastfeeding you need someone there to help you... someone you like and trust.

And the more stressed you are about it, the more stressed out Sam will be. They sense anxiety and stress and start feeling it themselves.

So... I guess what I would do is to keep trying to breastfeed. Expressing is horrible (as I found it)... but it's not the end of the world if you end up switching to formula, and if you continue to express that's dandy too!

But relax as much as you can... take yourself off to a happy place or whatever when you are holding Sam and/or trying to breastfeed... otherwise he'll scream more

I so know how you feel!!! i had similar probs when trying to feed Bay and although i EBF until he was 4 months old it was sweet bugger all!! and he was pretty much living on formula anyway!!!
Im sooooo all for breastfeeding but also after going through it myself i say do what is best for you!! and in my case it was formula feeding!!
I let everyone around me get on my nerves and i didnt feel better until i did what was best for me and Bay regardless of everyone elses opinions!!
I hope you feel better soon and you settle into whatever suits you and Sam the most

Oh and by the way - Sam is absolutely beautiful!!!!!!!!

For various resons I express all of Gina's feeds and have found that my supply has not really decreased at all. She's nearly 4 months old now and I have managed to feed her EBM almost 100% - we only ever bought 1 can of formula and still have quite a bit of it. If you really want to, you can make expresing work although it has cost us quite a bit. I bought the Medela Advanced double pump, you'll need bottles, steriliser etc. On the other hand, I have found it to be easy and painless - what pump are you using? If you use the hospital grade ones and have been advised to put the setting on max just ignore them! I did that for the first week in hospital and my nipples were bleeding and hurt a LOT. I found that I expressed the same regardless the setting and since have been much gentler to my nipples. And giving formula is not the end of the World either if that's what's best for you. At the end of the day, only you can decide what's right for you and Sam. Best of luck.

PS - he's a gorgeous little man

Nic01 - While I was in hospital, on the first or second day they gave me a nipple shield to work with. He could latch on with that, although I still found it painful and uncomfortable. The thing would never stick properly, milk would leak out the bottom of it and it would lose it's grip, it would poke Sam in the eye and although it was pretty much the only way I could get him on the breast, I wasn't 100% happy with it. I would have continued to just use the nipple shield but my midwife mentioned to me that with the nipple shield, baby only really gets the foremilk as it doesn't stimulate the breast enough to get the hindmilk going. She could be wrong, I have no idea. So I eventually gave up the nipple shield. Also, while using the nipple shield, the rugby hold was pretty much the only way I could get it to work, it was good!

It's good to know that there are others who express all/most feeds because some rude people (MIL, a couple of nurses at the hospital) made me feed like that wasn't even good enough, even though it is breastmilk!

DP went out and bought a tin of formula a few nights ago as he could see I was in agony and stressing out about how I was going to express enough to feed Sam. I barely make enough to give him, so it's good to know I have something just in case. I've given him two feeds of formula so far as he doesn't even notice. Although with the last formula feed I gave him, he drank a heap less than usual.

You poor thing, it's hard enough being a new parent without people sticking their noses in and giving their two cents, whether you ask for it or not. Breastfeeding is such a personal decision. And everyone is different. I think the key is to find what works FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY, and do that.

In my own life, I sometimes think I've met them all -- my best friend breastfed for a few weeks, didn't get comfortable with it, and formula-fed her baby from then on. My SIL's baby didn't latch properly, so she expressed milk for 15 months to feed her. My other SIL's little one took ages to get the hang of it, and then weaned at 5 months. Another friend persevered for almost 6 months with breastfeeding, encountering the same kinds of problems you've had, and then ended up in hospital with a breast infection from all the stress and had to wean her daughter anyway. And my husband's cousin had such a hard time breastfeeding her first two babies, she decided to put the third on formula right from the start.

The point is, all of their babies are happy and healthy and their mums are looking back on their experiences with mixed feelings -- and definite ideas about how they want things to be with their next babies. Renee, it's hard to stick up for yourself when the truth is, you're new at this and it's hard to know what you're doing, and you feel huge pressure to "get it right" -- but you're going to do what's right no matter what. Trust your gut on this one. You need to be a happy, healthy mummy for your little boy. And whatever you do, you know we'll support you!

neeandsam wrote: 1) I have flat nipples 2) I have huge breasts that are bigger than my sons head 3) My son has a tiny little mouth 4) He is a very impatient and hungry little boy Should I keep expressing non-stop to try and get enough to feed my son? Should I listen to the critics and go through the pain of breastfeeding because breastfeeding is the ONLY way you should feed your child? Or should I cut back on the expressing so that I lose my supply and switch to formula so that I know he is getting enough? Thanks in advance for any advice you have to offer.

i dont have flat nipples, but i do have large breasts and my babies always looked dwarfed by them (my biggest fear was that i would suffocate them) and they had small mouths...and babies will be very impatient and greedy if they think they have waited too long.

I think that if you dont want to give up yet you should give yourself a deadline, say five weeks or two or whatever suits you and in that time spend lots of time just the two of you just hanging out and feeding, even when he doesnt appear hungry. cause it will be harder for him to latch on if he is impatient.

I used the rugby hold in the beginning with gabriel cause my boobs were so big and it was the most comfortable for both of us. i also kept him wrapped so i didnt have to fight his arms and hands while trying to latch him.

I also found that even if the day feeds were going well the 3 am was always the worst...for both us. so maybe give the EBM then. i remember with toby at the 3am feed it taking up to an hour or more for him to latch on...i would be sitting in bed bawling my eyes out with toby screaming that he was hungry but nothing working - till i gave him a dummy. i was very surprised that it worked too.   

what else...i dont know much about nipple shields but do wonder if they have diff styles you could try? and i would also second calling la leche league if you wanted to contine breastfeeding.

Now if you dont want to contine breastfeeding, dont. But make sure you get some good advice about the best formula to start with and that you are happy with your decision and it is your decision alone...if you want your supply to dry up put cabbage leaves in your bra. if they are left for longer than a couple of hours they will dry up your milk, they are also great to ease any pain if used sparingly tho, esp if kept in the fridge.

Well that ends my novel...oh and welcome back.       

Oh chick! How hard the last week must have been for you!
I had huge difficulties with BF so have been expressing for the last 6 weeks, although due to very low supply (even on med to increase!) I have had to supplement every feed with formula as I have only been able to get about a third of what my baby needs and am pretty sure that he is only getting fore milk anyway. If I was typing this 5 weeks ago I would have had tears streaming down my face and am only just ok with it now. It is totally exhausting expressing and especially when you are feeling the way you are at the moment - how dare anyone tell you what you should be doing!!
I guess my advice to you is this - stop listening to what everyone else is saying (get your partner to tell his mum to back off) and do what is right for you and Sam - he needs a happy, healthy mum above all else.
As my Auntie pointed out to me - in a couple of years time no one is going to know how Sam was fed and it won't matter one little bit - breast, expressed or formula!