My breastfeeding confession.

Ok, after all the guilt I went through and the negativity from family members and even strangers, I want to share with you how I feel now and how I felt back then too in the hope that if anybody else feels this way, they will know that they aren't alone.

I didn't like breastfeeding, I didn't get any fulfillment out of it in a bonding sense. I didn't even want to breastfeed. It gave me a horrible uncomfortable feeling that wasn't just physical. I could have tried harder, but I didn't because I didn't want to. I have no guilt anymore about this and I feel that putting Sam on formula was the best thing I did for him because I know that I would have resented him if I kept going.

Everybody said 'just keep trying, just persevere, it will get easier', but I know in my heart and in my head that it would never have gotten easier for me and I am happy that I trusted my gut instinct and stopped before I spiralled downwards too far.

I want to let other mums know that there is nothing wrong with bottle feeding and breastfeeding is not the only way as we are pushed into thinking by medical professionals, helpful family members and even strangers on the street.

And do you know what? Even though breastfeeding was ultimately impossible for me in a physical sense, because of flat nipples, I wouldn't have kept going even if it was possible.

There, I said it. I don't feel guilty and I shouldn't have to.

neeandsam wrote: I didn't like breastfeeding, I didn't get any fulfillment out of it in a bonding sense. I didn't even want to breastfeed. It gave me a horrible uncomfortable feeling that wasn't just physical. I could have tried harder, but I didn't because I didn't want to. I have no guilt anymore about this and I feel that putting Sam on formula was the best thing I did for him because I know that I would have resented him if I kept going.

Thank you for sharing this!This is exactly how I felt, esp first time around being a first time mum.  Second time around I was alot more confident in my decision.  Your little boy looks like he is thriving, you are doing a fantastic job!!

Great post. I feel exactly the same and have already made the decision not to breast feed but am gutted by how hard it is to get info on new born formula etc.

Well done!!!

Good on you for pointing out that breastfeeding isn't the slightest bit pleasant for some of us, and sometimes it just doesn't work out well for baby and mum! 

actually, that forum might be a google group - will try to find it and post the link for you

Thanks for sharing that, Renee. Its really good to hear when there are probably heaps of us out there (myself included) who feel that the whole 'natural' part of breastfeeding is a crock of s*&t, and that they only persevere because of pressure from other people. And I do feel guilty when I use formula (why is that?) but know there is no rhyme or reason to it. I feel that however it goes for me (whether I continue breastfeeding or not) it is my decision and I only ever have my baby's needs at heart.

Just to add a bit more:

When I was expressing full-time as that was the only way Sam was going to get breastmilk I found myself making so many excuses to people including 'I'm just having a break from breastfeeding as it hurts so much' and 'I'm going to keep trying, I really want to do it'. After thinking about things I really should have just said 'I don't want to do it' and to hell with what people thought of me. I couldn't believe how much pressure there was on me as a new mother to exclusively breastfeed. Anything even remotely connected with a bottle was deemed unacceptable including expressed breast milk. My experience at the hospital was just awful, if you can't breastfeed they go out of their way to make sure they make things so difficult for you like making you feed baby with a cup/syringe/feeding tube, all of which is painstaking and fiddly when you're in pain and you have a hungry little boy. They just cannot accept that you are unable to do it.

I feel that I am still bitter about my hospital stay and as a new mother I felt very very incompetent. Even changing Sams nappy, the nurse laughed and said 'Obviously your first baby'. I don't feel like I had enough support for my decision and that is what put me in denial for so long. Up until recently, I could never accept that I didn't want to do it. I always put it down to 'I couldn't do it, I really wanted to and I tried, but it wasn't possible' which in turn, made the guilt even worse.

I was given no information from anybody about bottle feeding. My midwife was supportive but made it very clear that breastfeeding was the only way to go no matter how much emotional and physical pain you were in. She very reluctantly accepted that I was express feeding but made me feel like it would be too hard to keep up and that I was wasting my time. I even kept it from her that I was bottle feeding and hid the formula tin incase she saw it. I wish I had have been stronger and said 'look, I don't want to breastfeed, it's my decision and no amount of pressure or guilt will get me to do it'.

I feel that women are condemned for giving up so soon, when they should be accepted and understood that they made a decision early for the sake of their mental health and the health of their baby.

Don't get me wrong, I know that breast is best, but in some cases formula is better. I feel more confident in my ability as a mother, I can have a glass of wine at night time without worrying that it will pass through my milk, I know exactly how much Sam is getting and I know in my heart that when he looks at me, he looks at me with the same love and affection as he would if I were feeding him from the breast.



Edited by neeandsam

Isn't is amazing that at a time when a woman is already under so much pressure - getting to know her baby, lack of sleep, huge influx of hormones and still we are pressured, even if you have given everything a go to make breast feeding work.
I am lucky to have a midwife who says to do what is right for me and baby - that we need to her enjoy her. As she said "do I know the difference between the bottle, formula feed or breast feed students I teach (at an intermediate)'. For some people breast feeding just doesn't happen, you do not need to feel guilt at all.
Good on you for speaking out - at the end of the day you need to be relaxed and enjoy the expereince of motherhood. I find the whole breastfeeding promotes bonding with your child" to be the worse comment. As if you won't bond with your child! I am the main person to feed my baby - bottle or breast. The bonding will be harder if you cannot or do not want to breastfeed as you are up tight and stressed by the whole experience.

GandT wrote: [QUOTE=neeandsam] Don't get me wrong, I know that breast is best, but in some cases formula is better.

i disagree that formula is better (in any cases) maybe its as good as or almost as good as but never better.
QUOTE]

So if the breastfeeding mother is an alcholic, on drugs up to her eyeballs her milk containing all those things would still be better than formula? I have to disagree there sorry.

Edited by my2angels

my2angels wrote: So if the breastfeeding mother is an alcholic, one drugs up to her eyeballs her milk containing all those things would still be better than formula. I have to disagree there sorry.

she's already passed it on to her baby while she was pregnant and chances are if she was that drugged she wouldnt make up the formula correctly anyway and would prob give cold milk out of the fridge, or not bother to feed the child or have given it up.