Strategy Needed

Need a plan...:

At least twice a day, Elle will have a total meltdown over something very small. Generally, it is because she wants to be carried all day and if you are unable to pick her up when she wants it, she yells. The thing is that she has very little self-regulation ability and the tears are intense and last a very long time. She just can't rein herself in. Today she had a wobbly at me as she wanted me to pick her up and pace (she won't tolerate being held if we are sitting. She screams like she is being tortured! LOL). I had been really busy and wanted to sit on the floor so sat with her. She screamed and screamed and screamed for 25mins. She was not tired, hungry, bored. I just sat quietly with an arm around her until she finally stopped. There was nothing at all wrong...she just wanted me to stand up and carry her and was determined.

Now I know that picking her up and pacing isn't a big deal, BUT I feel we need to help her learn how to wind down from these outbursts without us pacing the hallways.

Would you walk away? Pace? Or just sit quietly with a reassuring arm around her? Something else? I'd like to do something consistently.

TIA...you're fab!

Okay was wondering about you and your gorgeous girl after reading the daily routine ect and actually thought about something.

You said she was like this since birth right? Now I might be asking some personal questions and if you rather answer in pm I dont mind at all or even if you tell me to bugger off or if you answer it to yourself.

She was like this since birth?

Do you co-sleep or not?

Did you carry her a lot when she was really small?

Did she have loads of time of just left in the cot to settle herself or somewhere else?

Is she like this when you are not around?

Like say you leave her with your partner and leave for a bit is she like this with him as well?

Reason why I am asking is that some babies actually has a high need for physical contact with their primary caregiver. McKayla started turning like this after we moved with her at 7 weeks but she was also like this since birth. Will only go to sleep if on your shoulder and if you put your pillowcase on her cot she will go gladly asleep then. She needed our smell ect.

Now some of these kids need this right up and until they are ready to let go. Might mean age 2 or age 4 or whatever. The more we try and let them go to be independant the more they will grizzle ect as they themselves are not ready to let go.

What sometimes help if when they are small is to let them in your bed. ( I know for some families this is a big no no and that is fine)

Others put their kids in a sling and carry them part of the day.

Or let them have their day nap either on your bed or in the lounge near you.

Let Dad take over part of the care. Like say take over the bath routine totally so you get a bit of time totally for yourself and they get use to it slowly that other people can take care of you too.

I hope you dont take offence and I can perhaps be totally wrong here as I dont know you or your girl that well. But maybe this will be food for thought.

I know it is a bit more difficult as she is a bit more older. I do have a sling for you that is for newborn to toddlers of 3 if you want to borrow it and perhaps see if she settles a bit better if you do housework with her in it. Maybe give it a go?

What I do when McKayla has a raging fit is to hold her if she lets me. If she kicks and hit out of frustration I put her on the bed or the couch and just sit close to her and wait until she is calm and then she usually wants a huge hug.

However if she throws a tantrum because I reprimanded her for something she knows she is not allowed to do and she starts I just leave her where she is and continue with what I was doing. I dont pay attention to a tantrum like that. When she is calm she usually comes to me and I tell her why I said no ect and she just hug me.

Caitlin has only just started to throw tantrums, which I think that is what Elle has done for a very long time, too clever that one!
Don't we have demanding Little Princess'!

The ONLY thing that works for us is to ignore her! Harsh I know but they need to know that you're not going to jump for every demand (unless it's a necessary like food, drink, change nappy etc).
With any behaviour that is not acceptable (she's also started screatching (sp?) and biting!) I turn my back on her (and if I'm honest, it absolutely breaks my heart every time ) but it is starting to work.

Give that a go for a bit, you might end up with hour long tanties at first but if she doesn't get her desired effect (you doing what she wants, when she wants) she'll get bored with it (hopefully).

It's harsh but not as harsh as time out (never works for us) so it's a happy medium.
Hope that helps you Fiona

big big hug hun this is in no way your falut james is a high needs (big cuddley type) and i did what you are doing hopefully she will grow out of this i had to send james to daycare as he was sooo clingly he would goto any one but me at 8 months and hes gotta better as the time has past and now loves going again bigt hugs and your doing a great job

Rescue remedy?? You can give that to kiddos right??

Sorry I havn't read all the replies so I hope I don't repeat

***CONGRATULATIONS AND WELL DONE***

The hardest part is to leave them to it, I went thru and are going thru the 'same sort of thing' with the girls and the only way we got thru it was by being consistant in what we did & not giving in - unless there was a reason or they are going to hurt themselves which hasn't happend yet (touch wood).

Be brave, be strong you are doing a great job!!

I totally agree with Shirena! I think we both have a couple of very independant young ladies on our hands! Caitlin knows what she wants to do (like putting on shoes & feeding herslef) and she does try really hard and for ages I'll leave her to it, but sometimes the frustration just gets a bit much for them to deal with which starts the tantrum then I read that they can then scare themselves with their own rage and the tantrum escalates because they don't know how to snap out of it Poor babies!

She has been so tired lately, needing sleep after only 1 hour up each awake time and she just wants to be carried ALLLLLLLLLLL the time when we are at home. If I don't pick her up she cries like the world is ending and follows me around and shakes the legs of my trousers.

We are going for an iron test tomorrow as she is pale with dark circles around her eyes too (doesn't eat much of anything either).

She does manage to stretch out to 2 hours up but not more...and then sleeps 2 to 3 hours. Don't think she is coming down with something, she's been this way for weeks.

Good luck for tomorrow Fiona, I hope you find something out that will help