PND

WARNING: Long Rant!

Is it just me or does anyone else question this PND thing?

I suffered from it with my first two children, and now I am thinking that its happening again!

I have been doing some research online and all the info I have found links PND to changes in hormones etc. While reading I couldn't help but thinking that just like everything else PND is described as a problem that surrounds the mother. This really annoyed me. Does our society ever have to take responsibility for anything. In looking back over the depression I have felt with all my babies the common theme was the link to isolation and the feeling that I didn't get it right with my babies, or right according to external influences.

Is it ok to pretty much leaves mothers to it? Once all the visitors have oggled over the new baby and the newness fades we see less of them and when we do see them the questions are all around 'how good' the baby is!!!! Can't a baby just be a baby - they don't sleep, they can have trouble feeding, and they are generally bloody hard work.

This morning my husband got up, helped get the kids sorted, had a shower, did is hair, combed his mo, put on his aftershave and left the house looking really nice. In contrast there I was standing in the kitchen, desperately try to calm the baby, in my mismatched pj's, breast milk all over my top and grey sacks under my eyes. On the way out the door he asked me if I was going to be ok. I was about to answer honestly but the look on his face said 'God please be ok as I really need to get to work' so I just gave him the answer that would satisfy that notion.

Does anyone else feel like this. I love being with my baby so much, but can't shake this feeling of unfairness.

Yup, been there hun!
The isolation and expectation that I should be able to manage without complaining really messed up my head, and it was much worse the second time round.
People kept asking me if I were finding it easier the second time and I kept lying and saying yes!
To top it off, all this coincided with DH having a really busy, stressful period at work so I really didn't want to burden him with what was going on in my head.
Please don't feel like you have to go through it alone!
Maybe you could talk to your plunket nurse or GP about what you're going through?

I don't think I had PND but I do notice when I'm feeling down that I have a right go at DH about little things that aren't important. Luckily DH now understands that the main issue is that I'm feeling and looking like sh*t and that I'm having problems coping.

On a practical level, DH swings into action once a week and encourages me to get glammed up and go out by myself (or meet up with a coffee group friend) while he looks after bubba, does the washing etc. I look forward to this time and it helps to keep me a bit saner.

My coffeegroup ladies are good for venting to, as we're all going through the same thing. My plunket nurse perhaps is not so good (too busy).

Yes i also think you are right about society and the pressure that is put on women. We are suppose to have the perfect pain relief free birth followed by breastfeeding that comes naturally a baby that sleeps through the night and just "falls into a routine". Plus on top of all that we are suppose to look good, keep house, cook dinner and not neglect our partners. It is completely unrealistic and is no wonder so many woman are left feeling like they have failed.

I am lucky in that no one in my family has had a "perfect baby" and that my mum got agrophobia after having my brother and is aware of the feelings of isolation etc that can happen and did and still does check in with me to make sure I'm coping (especially as she is in the uk and can't just pop round to see). Also I go to an ante natal coffee group and am lucky in that everyone there is very open about the troubles they have, feelings etc which makes us all feel normal.


And emz you are totally right about people thinking you are mad if you want to stay home before having a baby. When I dropped down to three days work when pregnant everyone would say "what are you gonna do on them days?" no one thinks its odd that I'm at home 7 days a week now the baby is here.

3boys, I would talk to DH and your gp and maybe have a look around for a local PND support group or any coffee group. Could you also perhaps arrange to have a half day a week to yourself while DH or a relative or friend minds the children so that you can go and get a break, or maybe join a yoga class etc something that is just for you.

Thanks so much. I am going to try and talk to DH tonight and see if we can arrange so me time. I like the idea of getting dressed up

Thanks for all the hugs - I really needed them today.

Emma