Blah blah family moan....

Sorry its another one of my 'am I seeing this like a normal person?' threads.

We made the decision to come over here for 4 years (1 1/2 down, 2 1/2 to go) so that we could earn enough money to come back and buy a house and have enough money behind us to not have to live pay cheque to pay cheque like we were. My Mum was really unhappy about us going and taking her grandchild (then) away- she never ever lets me forget it and drops at least a small comment in each time we talk- most times its a heated 30 minute lecture. Her current one she likes to use is that Kate is a stranger to her and she feels no bond with her because she doesn't know her.
One deal I made with DH was that we come back at least once a year to visit- we are coming back in March but have decided it will be our last visit as it is costing us over $32,000 in expenses and lost income. I asked Mum that instead of us coming how would she feel if we paid for her (and DHs Mum) to come to us for a few weeks for the next 2 trips until we come back. She was originally keen but is now backing out saying that she doesn't like the flight etc. I know that its alot to ask- its a horrible 27+ hour flight and she has to take time off work but if she doesn't come then I have to drag both the girls over there on my own (as DH won't come again) or she just won't get to see them for 2 years.
I know its a situation we have put overselves in and I know that we could do things to improve it I guess I'm just a little peeved that she is doing so little on her side. She moans about how she doesn't get to see them but we're offereing to pay for her so she can and shes turning her nose up at it. When we told DHs Mum she was over the moon and is so excited plus really thankful that we were paying for her to come over.

I guess I just thought that her wanting to see me and her grandkids would over ride her other reservations. Am I being unreasonable?

Nope, if it was my mum (and I'm fairly blunt with my mum). I'd tell her she can't moan about not seeing her grandkids if she won't take you up on that offer to fly her over.

ooh that would annoy me! that is a LOT of money to be giving up for a visit home. to be honest, if it is only for 4 years, i wouldnt even be coming home once in that time - i couldnt imagine dragging the girls that far regularly! i think it is an extremely generous thing you have offered to do by paying for them to come over, and she should be grateful for the chance to see your new life and how you life now.

dont ever feel bad for making a decision that puts your children first. you moved there for a very good reason IMO, and if she cant accept that it is your mums problem, not yours!

i will come and visit you if you want

Not being unreasonable at all. I think it's great that you've offered to pay for the flights.
I would try and portray to your mum that she has no real right to moan if she won't take you up on the flight offer.

I have weekly phone calls with my Mum in Ireland where every 3rd sentence starts with 'when you come home..'.
It used to be more subtle but as the due date gets closer the comments get more and more.
I've got her coming out in Feb for 6 weeks to help when the babies come. She would have preferred not to make the journey on her own but is doing so because I asked her to.

Sounds like your mum is being very manipulative and you shouldn't play into it. You have offered her a very generous offer to come over and she is pooping on it. I would tell her that that is the offer and she can take it or leave it, but you won't play into her guilt trips. You and your husband have made a decision for the good of your family and she needs to butt out.

IMO

I might also add from a childs perspective....My parents moved over to the middle east when I was 3 and we were overseas for 6 years. We came home most Xmases and I still had a really close bond with my grandparents. I knew who they were and I loved visiting them. Once we were back I would be shipped off tothere place every Xmas hols. I cant imagin having a stronger bond than I did.

so the girls will be fine!